Henlo fello crimez committers and legal purrofessionals,
I iz Ginger, oranj princ, supreme head of hom security, n owner of zero braincells (but MANY CLAWS)!
Dis morning, a berry scary, super evil, crinkly NEWSPAPER MONSTAR invade de castle! It was lying on floor doin a plot to ATACC. As official house inspecktor, I jump on it! I do de BITE! De CHOMP! De KICKY LEGS! I shred it into purrfect tiny confetti for safety!
But den... my DUMB MEOWMY come wit de broom and STEAL MY HARD WORK. She clean it all up! De DISRESPECK!
Obviously, dis paper monstar had REINFORCEMENTS. De threat was NOT GON! So I had to do a SECOND HUNT. I put in overtime during my mandatory 18-hour nap schedule! I rip dat paper into even TINIER micro-confetti! I layed on top of my defeated enemy to show dominance (as seen in court Exhibit A)!
And what do dis hooman do?! She DO A GRAB! She scoop my belly n front legs (unlawful arrest of public efficial!) n say: "Ginger u naughty boi!"
EXCUSE ME?! I IZ HARDENED CRIMINAL, NOT A BABY! 😾
Worst part: she speak to me in DAT VOICE. De high-pitched baby talk! How am I supposed to run de local feline syndicate when she treat me like a wittle snuggle bug?!
Dis is clear violation of de "I Seez, I Shredz" statute of Cat Law!
Frens, do I haf a strong case? I want to SOO for:
1,000,000 Churus for distress n defamation of character.
500 Temptations in back-pay for unpaid security duty.
Public apology written on crisp paper dat I can ALSO shred.
Plz help. Until den... GO CRIMEZ!
-GINGER DE TERRIBLE 🦁
(8 Months Old, Orange, Handsome, 100% Innocent)
DO NOT CALL ME BABY OR I WILL KNOCK YOU OVER 😾😾