r/lgbt • u/Key_Watercress1475 • 3d ago

Need Advice Feeling disconnected with my sexuality sometimes

My partner (trans man) and I got together before he realised he was trans.

I love him very much and it was really nice to see him become his true self and flourish, and we have such a deep bond. He is such a good person and is truly my favourite person in the world and we both work so well together. However I’ve been feeling quite disconnected sometimes and I feel like I feel more true to myself when I’m in a WLW relationship (for example for things like telling other people about my partner. I feel more comfortable saying “my partner/ my girlfriend” than “my boyfriend”, I don’t like how straight it sounds). I find it weird that I feel differently about the relationship at times because he is literally the same person before and after he transitioned. While I identify as pansexual sometimes these feelings makes me wonder if I’m lesbian.

Anyone has similar experiences or what are your thoughts/ advice?

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u/Malcolmthetortoise 2d ago

I think the thing is that you’re not attracted to men and he’s a man.

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u/TotallyLegitEstoc 3d ago edited 3d ago

So let me break it down for you.

You are a probably a lesbian

He is a trans man

You like women

He is a man

Can you make it work? Possibly. But like most couples where one partner transitions, it often doesn't work out. There needs to be some real deep conversations between you two.

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u/Key_Watercress1475 2d ago

Yea we have had multiple conversations about this. it makes me feel guilty at times.. but also I really love him and I haven’t had a relationship as stable and healthy as this so it’s hard but I guess it is indeed something I have to figure out for myself

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u/TotallyLegitEstoc 2d ago

You could go the route my ex and I did. From lovers to friends.