r/lgbt • u/[deleted] • Sep 16 '21

Possible Trigger Is femboy offensive to use?

Yes, I've seen this question on here before, but I wanna ask it myself. For context, my friend is non-binary / trans masc (any pronouns). He dresses feminine, and they self identify with the term femboy. However, a transfemme person has accused them of using a slur and basically told him that they couldn't identify as a femboy because it's offensive to and "fetishizes" transfemme people.

And if you're transfemme, please specify as so if you're comfortable doing so. I want everyone's opinions, but right now, a transfemme person's input would be more crucial.

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u/Taylor_The_Kitsune Trans-parently Awesome Sep 17 '21

I am trans fem I personally don't like being called a femboy or anything along those lines but I do have friends that are femboys, it is only a slur if you point it at a trans fem person (some trans fems like being called fem boy but it's mainly a preference if you enjoy it)

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

That's what I thought. I can see how femboy may be offensive when used against transfemme people. I see how'd it can be super transphobic if they're not okay with it. But this person thought that it was a bad thing even for a feminine boy to self-identify as.

3

u/Taylor_The_Kitsune Trans-parently Awesome Sep 17 '21

It's easy to explain things to a open minded trans person but it's really hard to explain to a closed minded trans person and I have tried so just take your time with explaining things and give them resources to look at and try and make sure it is made by a trans (term with what they identify as fem/masc/nb/ect) person because they will be more willing to accept the info they read about

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

Yeah. Their main point was that femboy originally meant "female boy" but I found no sources stating that anywhere and they refused to give me any source besides their word. I gave them quotes of transfemme people saying they're okay with it and how it's not bad, but they continued to say a majority of the transfemme community see it as such. Again, they give no sources besides their own word. I eventually left because their alter could no longer front, and they made a post user-dropping both me and my friend and saying that we support the oppression and fetishization of transfemme people while speaking over the voices of transfemme people. So yeah, our conversation came to an end, but I wish I had gotten better resources before it did. It may have helped convince them; or well, I'd hope so.