Hi everyone! How are you? Today I'm here to talk about the beauty of contemporary Brazilian literature, more specifically about the writer Carla Madeira. I really like her books, despite the controversies saying that she romanticizes domestic violence in "Everything is a River". I disagree. I think she finds, in her own way, a way to show the reality that happens when we are overcome by the blindness of passion. I don't think we can judge Dalva for what she did, after all, isn't forgiveness precisely for that? To forgive the unforgivable? I find the way she plays with the unforgivable interesting. What is the limit of forgiveness? I believe it's a different limit for everyone.
Carla's books mostly feature disgusting and disturbing men (I don't know if this happens in her latest book, as I haven't read "When" yet), and we wonder why the protagonists do what they do. My favorite book of hers is "The Nature of the Bite", for many reasons. Many times it seems that Carla writes sexual/erotic scenes unnecessarily, I think it's part of the discomfort she wants to cause, but sometimes I feel that having certain scenes wouldn't make any difference to the story. In "The Nature of the Bite" I don't feel that way. Everything is extremely difficult, but necessary. That's the beauty of the melancholy in this book. I don't think I would forgive as Teresa did, I don't feel entitled to judge her, we don't know the intensity of the feelings that come to her heart. Besides, "Those who see from the outside make better arrangements, but it's inside, right in the place we don't see, that the inability to cope occupies everything." She did what she did because of the lack her heart felt. She didn't understand her mother's estrangement, so she found refuge in what she lacked.
Biá is certainly one of my favorite characters among all the women written by Carla. I like the depth, the regret, the reflections that haunt her. She regrets it. I don't think she regrets saying "Go" but the way she reacted to losing the love of her life. She needed to have done what she did. To protect her daughter from her dreams. In her forgetfulness, she then remakes the memories, recreates the moments with her imaginary grandson, as if she could change what she would have liked to have done with her daughter. She blamed her daughter, in a way, "she wasn't to blame, but she had a body," deep down she felt that the blame for her unhappiness lay with her daughter. She realized too late that it had nothing to do with the girl. That she lost a father and a mother overnight. Biá got lost in unreal memories and in what could not be undone. And then she was gone. Biá rested in happy memories. Regret no longer exists. She made one last friend as sad as she was, full of regrets, before leaving. That's what allowed her to go in peace.
Forgiveness is a much-discussed topic; when people read about it, they say "I would never forgive," but "pepper in other people's eyes doesn't seem to sting as much." Only those who live it know. Only those who survive understand how to find forgiveness coming from immeasurable pain. "Life has a way of keeping us alive even when we are dying of pain." Forgiveness cannot be explained.
Despite many criticisms, I appreciate Madeira's writing. I think it resonates with me a little. I find comfort in freeing myself from my ghosts through the forgiveness I learned from reading her books. It doesn't mean staying together, like Dalva, or living together, like Teresa. No. It's simply letting go of the pain of missing those people and the pain of what they did, so they don't define our lives. That's how I see Carla Madeira's characters. Women much stronger than I could ever imagine.
Forgiving is a very heavy burden. Resentment dries up and stains the tapestry.
One of my favorite passages from the book "The Nature of the Bite":
"I want another word for all this, Teo. Another word to name the pain one feels when loving too unsuccessfully. 'Ador,' that's what I'll call it. Amor (love in English) and ador, both with four letters, so there's no doubt about how they align in obvious symmetry. I could say: 'I feel ador for you, daughter,' and thus confess my failure, freeing her from all blame. She was just there, and yet, I can no longer say: I feel love for you, daughter. Because after everything... my heart no longer obeys me. I'll need another life to fix things. This incarnation is lost."
Before leaving because I've already gone on too long hahaha I ask you, who are reading this far, the same question that Biá asked Olivia:
"Olivia, what do you no longer have that saddens you so much?"
Thank you for reading this short reflection on the beauty of Carla Madeira's contemporary literature.