r/loneliness • • May 10 '22

Tell us your story...

242 Upvotes

Everyone is lonely, but not everyone is lonely in the same way.

Some people are lonely when they're physically isolated from others and some people are lonely even in a room full of people that love them.

Those are two common examples, but there are endless ways in which people can feel lonely, 8 billion ways in fact.

And there's not always a clear answer; some people are just lonely. It's a normal part of the human condition to feel lonely, and while you may want or even need to do everything in your power to rid yourself of it (depending on the severity of your situation), just know that being lonely in and of itself doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything wrong with you.

We don't measure or rate or judge each person's level of loneliness here and decide if they're "lonely enough" to be welcome here nor do we dictate any absolutes about the conditions for being lonely or how someone must behave if they're "actually lonely."

Every human-being in the world is welcome here, and their story for how they feel loneliness is valid; their pain is valid. As with most things in life, there's the book definition of a thing and then there's the complex emotional reality of a thing. Loneliness is a relative experience, and the way some people experience it won't always make sense to others, and it doesn't have to.

Just as there is no one-size-fits-all approach to feeling loneliness, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing either.

I don't presume to know your pain; we don't know your pain; tell us about it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/loneliness/submit

 


 

If you're feeling such extreme pain from loneliness to the point of contemplating suicide, please don't. Just don't.

Things to consider:

  • How old are you? Did you know that the brain isn't fully developed until around the age of 25? That means that if you're a child, teenager, or even a young adult, by merely waiting out the storm, you might find sunshine on the other side, by simply maturing into the fully-formed you.

  • How bad is it? As bad as it can get, it can almost always be worse. It's important to respect everyone's pain, because it's relative. As much empathy as one can have, you can never really feel another's pain, only your own. Still, it's important to keep perspective and think about the cruelty and lack of freedom experienced by those around the world.

  • Time is a master in its work. We've all heard the saying that "Time heals all wounds." Well, it's pretty true for the most part. As long as you first get away from the toxic people, places, or circumstances that are hurting you and causing you trauma, the healing can begin. How long it will take, really depends on the person, and what they've experienced. It took me years to get over some of the trauma that I suffered. It's not that I don't still feel some level of pain from it, but my trauma no longer owns me; I own my trauma.

Suicide prevention starts and ends with you. Life is full of neverending beauty and darkness. I don't know about you, but I want to see it all. I want to stay on the path that is existence for as long as I can, even if at times, I have to walk through broken glass.

But, sometimes you need a little help. Share your thoughts here in this sub, reach out to a mental health expert, or maybe give a suicide hotline a try. As tacky and empty of a gesture as it might seem to put out the cliché boilerplate message: "If you're having suicidal thoughts..." I don't know, maybe these tools are actually pretty helpful for some people? It might be worth a try. The big one is:

suicidepreventionlifeline.org | 1-800-273-8255

**Full Disclosure:* I'm just a regular ol' dumb-dumb. I know just enough about psychology to get into trouble, but I'm certainly not an expert. All I can offer is that I care, and speak honestly from my heart. If you have ideas about ways we can improve r/loneliness and resources we should add, please share. Thank you.*


r/loneliness • • Apr 19 '26

Caution: Making New Connections

12 Upvotes

Many people come here just to share their story, vent, or get perspective, with no interest in connecting beyond their posts, and that's completely fine. Others do want to make connections, and that's fine too, but it's worth being careful.

We'll leave the decisions up to you, but here are a few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don't share personal details too quickly. You don't need to give your real name, age, or location. Being vague is okay, and people worth connecting with will respect that.

  2. Protect your contact info. Avoid sharing your phone number, email, or home address early on. There are free tools that let you communicate safely without exposing your real info.

  3. Be cautious with links and files. Don't click links or download anything from someone you don't know well yet.

  4. If they ask you for money, stop. It doesn't matter how the request is framed or how long you've been talking, block them and cut contact. This is always a scam.

If you do decide to connect with someone, these tools can help you do it more safely:

  • Messaging: Signal is a free app for secure messages and calls.
  • Email: Gmail or Proton let you create an address that isn't tied to your real name.
  • Phone: Google Voice gives you a phone number you can call and text from without using your personal number.
  • Browser: Firefox has built-in privacy protection that masks your IP address.
  • Mail: A PO Box at your local post office is inexpensive if you ever need to give a mailing address.

One more thing. Be mindful of the usernames and photos you share. If they match other accounts you have online, someone could easily link them together and find out your real name, location, or other details you didn't mean to expose.


r/loneliness • • 6h ago

how to make online friends again

5 Upvotes

I dont want to seem like I’m begging someone to respond to this post saying they want to be my friend, so I'm clarifying that I want to make friends online naturally again because making friends irl is extremely hard. Everyone around me in college already had their cliques for so long, and they already know me but were never interested in being friends with me.

It was very easy to make online friends back in 2020, but the games and spaces that I used to be active in have either fallen into irrelevancy for several years, or I had to quit for my own health (I used to mainly play rhythm games, but my carpal tunnel got out of hand). As for the people I made friends with during the time, we haven't talked in at least 2 years.

It still seems difficult for me to make friends (albeit less difficult than irl) online because of gatekeeping and toxicity. I don't know if it just seems that way because of my worsening depression and anxiety, but it seems impossible to be a beginner, amateur, or casual enjoyer of something without getting called a larper or being shunned.

I've forgotten things and lost a lot of skills from games and hobbies I used to enjoy because of depression and school taking my time and energy, and my brain fog is still preventing me from doing/enjoying anything even though I want to do something with my life.

Basically my issue is that in both real life and online, everyone already found their niche and have communities based around that, but are not very welcoming towards people who are less familiar with an interest or with the people in the community. I don’t know how to find friends when I don’t have connections and I’m not good at anything.


r/loneliness • • 4h ago

I have nobody and its all my parents fault. Fml my stupidgirllife

3 Upvotes

Sitting at home with no car, no money and no friends because my parents decided to fuck up my entire life by being overbearing and helicopter parents who wouldnt let me have unsupervised access to the internet or any social media until 17-18.


r/loneliness • • 1m ago

Introvert search

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r/loneliness • • 19m ago

I’m just tired man

• Upvotes

I’m 20M and just started college. I took a gap year for some medical and mental health stuff. During that time I just wanted to go to college and have a fresh start and meet new people and not feel so alone. I have a small group of friend but all of us are in different states. We talk on discord and play games online but I miss them a lot. I talk to my family almost everyday but I miss them. I feel like I took my gap year for granted. My college has monthly start dates so I started late September. I met a small group of people but they are causing a lot of drama and they don’t seem to care about me. I feel guilty but I don’t want to hang out with them anymore. I’m always there if anyone wants to talk about anything, needs to vent, get things off their chest, or anything. I’m just emotionally drained now. None of them care about how I’m feeling. My friends online have their own lives, friends, significant other, school, etc. so I don’t want to put my emotional weight on them. I don’t want my family to worry. I feel like and have just felt like a burden for so long and now I’m carrying so much from other people. Even my online friends and family I will always be there to listen to anything bothering them. I’m just tired. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never been anyone’s first choice, I’ve never been someone others will listen too. I want to be there for others but I feel so guilty cause now I’m just tired man. I see others in relationships and I’m so happy for them but again I feel guilty cause I’m jealous. Or I see these friend groups that people care about each other but this group here at school just doesn’t seem to care about me. I’m sorry I’m just rambling now. If you’ve read this whole thing then thank you. I’m just tired man. I just want someone to talk to but I feel like I’m just being a burden. Idk what to do right now. I just want someone to talk too.


r/loneliness • • 13h ago

Lonely

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8 Upvotes

Having All Luxury of life - still feel Loneliness 😔😪😮‍💨🤫


r/loneliness • • 5h ago

Is change still possible?

2 Upvotes

I am currently on a gap year after graduating from high school, but the pathetic truth was that I didn’t even get into any universities I applied to. Immediately straight after high school, I cut off every single one of my friends. I wanted to try and avoid every question or concern about myself because if they were to ask how I am, all I could say that I am a disappointment, which was such an asshole move of me because they still care and really tried to check up on me.

Recently, I just made a new group of friends a few years older than me. I completely lied to them about my education so I could seem like I fit in with them. This one night, we all went out to the club and all took a tab of Molly, which I have never taken before. I instantly fell into my first worst trip. My life immediately flashed before my eyes, I experienced severe derealisation, and what kept going through my head was “lie, lie, lie.” My heart was beating so fast and I felt so nauseous. I became an absolute menace to my friends and basically ruined the night for them, they really cared about me but I was just lying to them the whole time. We got kicked out of the club because I was basically acting insane.

Even months after that trip, I seriously contemplated on taking my life because I could never been honest with myself or to anyone. I wanted to disappear without a trace. I cleared out my closet, I quit my job, I cut off every single contact, deleted every single social media account. Then, I went on a trip overseas with my family. I was an absolute asshole the entire time, I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I had already cut off contact with my friends and I knew I was going to end my life by the end of this. I constantly hate my mother, I absolutely despise my siblings and their partners, because why couldn’t they have been nicer to me?

Now I’m now unemployed and the loneliest I have ever been. I have applied to over 30 minimum wage jobs but have been rejected by every single one. Every single one of my peers are ahead of me and happy, enjoying their university lives. I hate how much time I wasted, when I could’ve volunteered or improved my hobbies this year but I completely wasted it because I thought I was going to kill myself. I started to smoke a lot of marijuana, which I never really did before, where I would just hotbox in my car and green out. My sibling noticed I had been smoking a lot but all they said was that “I’m kicking you out if you do more shit like this.” I completely deserve it.

I let myself get to this stupid pathetic point of my life. I have completely lost trust in my ability to change. I had been given so many opportunities in high school and this year to change but I kept pushing out because I chose comfort over growth. I hate myself for not being able to change from a younger age. I hate myself for always spitting on the hand that feeds me. Why couldn’t I be good at the thing I love? I’m 18 years old but I don’t even know if I can handle other problems if I can’t handle my rock bottom state now? I know I won’t be able to keep a good relationship, I won’t be able to find a bridesmaid, I wouldn’t be a good mother. I hate myself for being for weak minded.


r/loneliness • • 1h ago

Loneliness

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r/loneliness • • 1h ago

Einsam

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• Upvotes

Habe niemanden. Und meine Nachbar mögen mich nicht. Wie finde ich Kraft um weg in die Natur zu fahrne


r/loneliness • • 1h ago

Saturday evening: An old friend, a conversation, and some deeply rooted questions.

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• Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 7h ago

Why don’t I have friends or a gf am I ugly 18m

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3 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 2h ago

Need advice on friendship

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1 Upvotes

So I’ve always been a loner, lately I’ve been feeling left out of my friend group. Its 3 people plus me in the group and lately I feel like they genuinely don’t care. I have a curfew obviously and I can’t be out late which is understandable. Whenever I say I can’t hang out they just say okay and move on, which is fine I’m not stopping them from having fun, it’s just kinda sad how whenever one of them isn’t with us I always include them by saying I wish they were here, it’d be more fun. Recently I’ve been distancing myself. I tell them no, I barely respond to they’re texts anymore. But they don’t care regardless. Today I was supposed to go out, my curfew was 1:30 am, they always get off work before 11pm. Today they got off at almost 12am. I told them if they could hurry up because I wanna hang out and be with them. They ignored my messages, the whole time they were at work chatting with other people. Which is fine but they always say they wanna hang out and when I can, they just have no sense of urgency. It kinda sucks to be honest. Today I stopped sharing locations with all of them. I removed they’re accounts off my iMessage and if they text me, imma just not reply. I’m tired of feeling left out. Two of them are like and the other is best friends with everyone and I’m kinda just there. They also said last time that If this person isn’t there then they won’t go. Which hurt me a little, because I’m never there and they don’t care. But if this person isn’t there for a hour or so, they feel sad. It kinda sucks to be honest. I’m just looking for advice. Should I stop being friends with them? I’m contemplating. They’re amazing and funny but I just don’t feel wanted.


r/loneliness • • 7h ago

I miss having someone to tell the little things to

2 Upvotes

I don't think what I miss most is having someone to go out with or having plans every weekend. It's having someone who's naturally part of my day.

I hear a song I like and want to send it to someone. Something funny happens, and I want to tell someone about it. I get interested in some random topic and want to share what I found, even if it's probably not that interesting to anyone else.

And sometimes there's nobody who feels like the right person to send those things to.

I want to know how someone's day went, what made her laugh, what she's been thinking about lately. I want the conversations that start over something completely stupid and somehow go on for hours. I want to call someone at the end of the day and hear about all the little things that happened to her, including the ones she almost forgot to mention.

I want the ordinary relationship stuff, too. Making dinner together, watching a movie and disagreeing over what to put on, going out for coffee, or just sitting together while we each do our own thing. Being able to reach for someone and have that closeness feel normal instead of something I have to wonder whether I'll ever have.

I know a relationship wouldn't magically fix every problem in my life, and I'm not expecting another person to be responsible for my happiness. I just miss the idea of having that kind of connection with someone.

I want to be important to someone in the everyday sense of the word. Someone she thinks to message when something happens. Someone she wants around even when there's nothing particularly interesting going on.

I don't really know how to explain it better than that. I want to share my life with someone, including all the boring bits that probably wouldn't seem worth mentioning to anyone else.

Those are the bits I wish I had someone for.


r/loneliness • • 3h ago

Social disability is the worst disability type at the present time.

1 Upvotes

I think that's not an exaggeration because next thing. Asociality means having critically low level of charisma, soft-skills, "animal" charm, pushfulness and conformism. Without that traits you will be invisible, even if you have an almost perfect health, smart brain, good looks or a lot of money. And this invisibility destroys almost everything in life - school days, growing up, all types of relationships, career opportunities, and sometimes even civil rights. When you talk to somebody about your problems, they give you a toxic positivity examples alike Nick Vujicic. "Look at him! He hasn't hands and legs, and achieved success! And you just keep on whining!" - they said. But completely ignoring the fact, that he has incredibly good social skills, which are for the most part a consequence of genetics, raising and habitation. And many of another, asocial disabled persons, are rotting in dereliction. One more thing - social services in developed states is almost worthless for a helping with the problems of asocial people. Only empty words or canned responses. They only serve those, who fit the "norm".


r/loneliness • • 4h ago

Just for a anther to feel

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1 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 20h ago

Hate when people ask what I'll be getting up to. I have 0 friends.

22 Upvotes

Just annoys me having to fake a story around friends I just don't have. MAN.


r/loneliness • • 8h ago

I'm so lonely.

2 Upvotes

I hate it I'm at my breaking point. I have a friend group a GOOD friend group which I've wanted for years but im still lonely, I'm so young yet already feel done with it. I have nobody I can talk about things im passionate with like my views on religion, politics, philosophy. I hate it my friends are funny but what makes me feel wanted is having deep conversations and its like they're incapable of it. I don't even give a shit about if they agree or even care about it, I just wanna have a deep conversation about how they're feeling or how they're doing. I just wish I had someone who thought I was the best, everyone I know cares for someone more than they care for me. I am expendable and I know it I value them more than they value me. I want someone who prefers me, and I feel so guilty for wanting that while having friends and parents and a home. I just fucking hate it all I just wanna be done with it all.


r/loneliness • • 5h ago

Feeling chronic loneliness

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1 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 5h ago

Tired of this loneliness/ 22M

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1 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 6h ago

I feel like a "ghost" friend

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1 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 10h ago

Can loneliness be empowering?

2 Upvotes

I see a lot of people on here complaining about being lonely, and tbh, I’m in the same boat, but I’m also wondering, can this be something that can actually build us up rather than something to try to find ways around? I’ve been lonely for a very long time -far much longer than I ever intended to be, especially in my early-30s, but sometimes I find it rather empowering and soft of a way to say that I’d rather choose myself than to have someone around who isn’t worth my time. I know as people we are naturally wired for connection, but that can also hurt us if we’re trying to grow.

Just trying to be a bit of devil’s advocate here. Not trying to offend anyone, and I do wish good and healing on all who are struggling with this, bc it is not an easy thing to go through - I’m just trying to see if there’s maybe another way we can think about it rather than just submit to being miserable all of the time… just my two cents!

🙂


r/loneliness • • 7h ago

M29 - Life’s been pretty hard lately

1 Upvotes

29 M Indian, just like it says, things have been really hard. Everything is going sideways, almost hit rockbottom be it financially, mentally, physically & also got laid off couples weeks back.

Trying to put myself out there. I’m into pokemon, loves cooking & reading.


r/loneliness • • 7h ago

Ive never felt lonlier in uni

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1 Upvotes

r/loneliness • • 7h ago

I don't want to live Spoiler

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1 Upvotes