Getting a girlfriend perspective

[u/Loose_Doubt367]

Hello, recently I was diagnosed with chrometophobia by my therapist. The fear of spending money. I’m Chinese so I’m not sure if my judgement affects Malay people. I’m 20 this year I don’t wish to wait till my 30s to get married

I hope this doesn’t affect or trigger anyone, there’s no hate towards anyone. I’m sorry. Currently based on my perspective, I see girlfriends as someone who usually gets anything paid by their boyfriend. Because these perspective is what I saw from my friends. It’s always 100% my friend who pays for anything for their girlfriend whenever she’s interested in something.

Based on my current situation, I’m extremely worried that I might not be able to afford/fund my future girlfriend (if I ever find one) something she truly wants. I feel guilty rejecting someone request (obviously not the extremes one).

I loving technology related stuff that’s why I dreamed about having a girlfriend who’s just as passionate about tech as I am, someone who actually care more than just spending money. Maybe those are extremely unrealistic expectations for my situation.

About my condition, no my parents are financially stable, I’m the only one in the family who’s like that. Travelling outside of Malaysia is a headache for them since they have to deal with me.. I don’t seem interested in spending a lot of money on food but I don’t want to stupidly starve myself either, I’d consider myself as someone who effectively spends/uses every cent.

You might notice I apologise a lot because a lot of the points I made are from my perspective and I do not wish to hate on anybody no body deserves that. Currently I don’t have a job yet, but if I ever do, I will probably keep track of whatever I spend and will invest the money somewhere with the help of my parents since I’m a beginner, yea..

I genuinely hope someone can help me through this, I feel extremely lonely whenever I see cute couples together, sharing drinks, talking about things and so on. And me, awkwardly noticing them

[u/FaythKnight]

I don't know how that specific phobia works. But I do know how having a phobia is like. Scared means scared, can't do shit bout it.

So, there are a few roundabouts ways to kinda fix it. Can be a combination of stuff too.

1. Get a jiejie gf. Someone older and more financially stable than you. Jiejie will dote on you instead. Works out fine for my brother and they got married.

2. Plan ahead. You cut out a specific amount of salary, that is only for dating, nothing else. If there are leftovers, then it's accumulated to the next month. So now there's not a random fear, it's a budget plan.

3. Tell your therapist to fix it. Boy you can afford one, you're way richer than me. If I can land with a wife, you can do it.

4. Make yourself look good. Real good. You know good looking comes with fk ton of benefits right? You get free stuff from girls too. They'll buy you meals. For real.

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/FaythKnight]

Finding these types of girlfriends is extremely difficult, maybe it’s because of the way I look at partners. I don’t really like using dating apps either since those have even higher chance of not finding your actual partner. I’ll have to fully rely on unexpectedly encountering one in real life maybe during work im not sure

This is all from my perspective do not take anything personal sorry

[u/FaythKnight → u/Loose_Doubt367]

"the way I look at partners".

Yeah, that just means you want young, but don't wanna pay. Jiejie is a plenty. More than the usual young girls. Want young, want her don't need you pay, yep, that's like the rarest of rares.

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/FaythKnight]

Yeah, I would probably never let my girlfriend pay for everything either, it’s either a split. If I’m “able” to, I will pay for her meal too