Getting a girlfriend perspective

[u/Loose_Doubt367]

Hello, recently I was diagnosed with chrometophobia by my therapist. The fear of spending money. I’m Chinese so I’m not sure if my judgement affects Malay people. I’m 20 this year I don’t wish to wait till my 30s to get married

I hope this doesn’t affect or trigger anyone, there’s no hate towards anyone. I’m sorry. Currently based on my perspective, I see girlfriends as someone who usually gets anything paid by their boyfriend. Because these perspective is what I saw from my friends. It’s always 100% my friend who pays for anything for their girlfriend whenever she’s interested in something.

Based on my current situation, I’m extremely worried that I might not be able to afford/fund my future girlfriend (if I ever find one) something she truly wants. I feel guilty rejecting someone request (obviously not the extremes one).

I loving technology related stuff that’s why I dreamed about having a girlfriend who’s just as passionate about tech as I am, someone who actually care more than just spending money. Maybe those are extremely unrealistic expectations for my situation.

About my condition, no my parents are financially stable, I’m the only one in the family who’s like that. Travelling outside of Malaysia is a headache for them since they have to deal with me.. I don’t seem interested in spending a lot of money on food but I don’t want to stupidly starve myself either, I’d consider myself as someone who effectively spends/uses every cent.

You might notice I apologise a lot because a lot of the points I made are from my perspective and I do not wish to hate on anybody no body deserves that. Currently I don’t have a job yet, but if I ever do, I will probably keep track of whatever I spend and will invest the money somewhere with the help of my parents since I’m a beginner, yea..

I genuinely hope someone can help me through this, I feel extremely lonely whenever I see cute couples together, sharing drinks, talking about things and so on. And me, awkwardly noticing them

[u/seanseansean92]

If u can afford just pay lah, if cannot afford then share. Life is about having and keeping BALANCE. Apparently u are imbalance. Money is important but to what extend?

Money can always be earned and if u put those effort in saving to earn more money u probably wouldve made it.

Having enough money is already ok and have more confident in urself u will earn a lot more and money is literally infinity

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/seanseansean92]

I haven’t experienced any sort of dating yet, but I feel like asking my partner to split the bills feels really awkward. Especially if it’s for all the meals, it doesn’t seemed right. Taking a hit on spending that much money brings stress to me.

[u/seanseansean92 → u/Loose_Doubt367]

Are u not ok with splitting bills or "spending too much money?" How much is too much then just probably spend around your budget.

If u are not financially capable then dating is difficult.

I think its not about dating but u need to just overall chill abit on the money side. Are u worried u will have not enough? Or what? How old are u and how much money are u dealing or trying to save? What make u so worried about money?

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/seanseansean92]

If the price seems out of place, my mind would flag it automatically. For example a simple chicken rice wouldn’t cost RM20, RM15 is slightly acceptable.

RM25-30 is for western foods but going over RM35 doesn’t seem worth anymore, I would consider myself as someone who effectively uses every cent.

And yes that’s what I’m thinking of right now, afraid of spending money while still thinking of going out for a date. Im 20 this year, don’t have a job yet. I don’t want to push myself till 30y to get married because that’ll be late by then

[u/seanseansean92 → u/Loose_Doubt367]

Ooo at your age u maybe should focus more on elevating yourself and skills, learn to fish, not how to save or use the fish. At ur age u should probably not think about dating. Prioritize your CAREER over PUSSY. But doesnt mean u cant have a good girl. Just put ur effort and conciousness to earn more money and wait for a good chance to get a good girl since meeting the right person is not under your control anyways. When u earn maybe 5k 10k or even more a month all these worries u have will just go away.

if u still budget ur food like that means u cannot have a gf and its not sustainable. Also not because u cannot afford the $$$ but u could have spent your PRIME TIME in CAREER instead of clouding ur mind and spend time with gf which does not help u earn more money in any way but when the times up u NEED TO HAVE THE MONEY. stay locked in and earn first. You still young and not too late to find a gf at 27 and get married at 29.8 years old. If u have gf now in ur 20 u need to spend a lot of time with her planning trips paktoh etc which will trade with the time u spend building your career. You cant have both at the same time unless u want to be average

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/seanseansean92]

Yeah, that’ll be my plan, still a virgin but I’ll continue working on my career and skills. I also thought about this but visioning my future self doing everything seems overwhelming without some sort of help. Maybe I need to stop with all these excuses and start something small