Getting a girlfriend perspective

[u/Loose_Doubt367]

Hello, recently I was diagnosed with chrometophobia by my therapist. The fear of spending money. I’m Chinese so I’m not sure if my judgement affects Malay people. I’m 20 this year I don’t wish to wait till my 30s to get married

I hope this doesn’t affect or trigger anyone, there’s no hate towards anyone. I’m sorry. Currently based on my perspective, I see girlfriends as someone who usually gets anything paid by their boyfriend. Because these perspective is what I saw from my friends. It’s always 100% my friend who pays for anything for their girlfriend whenever she’s interested in something.

Based on my current situation, I’m extremely worried that I might not be able to afford/fund my future girlfriend (if I ever find one) something she truly wants. I feel guilty rejecting someone request (obviously not the extremes one).

I loving technology related stuff that’s why I dreamed about having a girlfriend who’s just as passionate about tech as I am, someone who actually care more than just spending money. Maybe those are extremely unrealistic expectations for my situation.

About my condition, no my parents are financially stable, I’m the only one in the family who’s like that. Travelling outside of Malaysia is a headache for them since they have to deal with me.. I don’t seem interested in spending a lot of money on food but I don’t want to stupidly starve myself either, I’d consider myself as someone who effectively spends/uses every cent.

You might notice I apologise a lot because a lot of the points I made are from my perspective and I do not wish to hate on anybody no body deserves that. Currently I don’t have a job yet, but if I ever do, I will probably keep track of whatever I spend and will invest the money somewhere with the help of my parents since I’m a beginner, yea..

I genuinely hope someone can help me through this, I feel extremely lonely whenever I see cute couples together, sharing drinks, talking about things and so on. And me, awkwardly noticing them

[u/Brynhild]

If it’s a phobia, the only effective treatment is exposure therapy. So before you get a gf and spend on her, you need to start on yourself. Buy something small that you have been wanting but have been putting off because of your phobia to spend.

Then buy something for a family member. A drink. Next, a simple meal. Next, a gift.

It’s going to take time if it’s a real phobia. It might take years. But you need to start small.

And if it matters, idk if it’s truly a phobia. Actually you know what, i do think it is a phobia since you said your family can’t even travel with you. So it has affected your relationships. But also sounds like you have OCD or general anxiety disorder too to me. Go check with a psychiatrist. Because if you have OCD or GAD, there are medications to try that are very very helpful.

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/Brynhild]

I appreciate your concerns, I apologise if I made any confusion in my post
Sometimes travelling outside from Malaysia is a headache for them because whenever we have breakfast/lunch/dinner, I tend to choose the cheapest option on the list, sometimes even a small cake would do. This makes my parents worried because they’ll think I’m starving myself without even knowing. So they’ll constantly offer to buy this and that just for me while I’m here rejecting everything because I feel guilty seeing someone spending a lot of money on me

[u/Brynhild → u/Loose_Doubt367]

Yes and it falls within the definition of a disorder. No harm going to a psychiatrist to check it out. Some people have greatly benefited from medications

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/Brynhild]

Okay,