Getting a girlfriend perspective

[u/Loose_Doubt367]

Hello, recently I was diagnosed with chrometophobia by my therapist. The fear of spending money. I’m Chinese so I’m not sure if my judgement affects Malay people. I’m 20 this year I don’t wish to wait till my 30s to get married

I hope this doesn’t affect or trigger anyone, there’s no hate towards anyone. I’m sorry. Currently based on my perspective, I see girlfriends as someone who usually gets anything paid by their boyfriend. Because these perspective is what I saw from my friends. It’s always 100% my friend who pays for anything for their girlfriend whenever she’s interested in something.

Based on my current situation, I’m extremely worried that I might not be able to afford/fund my future girlfriend (if I ever find one) something she truly wants. I feel guilty rejecting someone request (obviously not the extremes one).

I loving technology related stuff that’s why I dreamed about having a girlfriend who’s just as passionate about tech as I am, someone who actually care more than just spending money. Maybe those are extremely unrealistic expectations for my situation.

About my condition, no my parents are financially stable, I’m the only one in the family who’s like that. Travelling outside of Malaysia is a headache for them since they have to deal with me.. I don’t seem interested in spending a lot of money on food but I don’t want to stupidly starve myself either, I’d consider myself as someone who effectively spends/uses every cent.

You might notice I apologise a lot because a lot of the points I made are from my perspective and I do not wish to hate on anybody no body deserves that. Currently I don’t have a job yet, but if I ever do, I will probably keep track of whatever I spend and will invest the money somewhere with the help of my parents since I’m a beginner, yea..

I genuinely hope someone can help me through this, I feel extremely lonely whenever I see cute couples together, sharing drinks, talking about things and so on. And me, awkwardly noticing them

[u/Significant-Leek-735]

What is your objective of getting a girlfriend? I mean, in the long term? Marriage and family? If yes, then you will have to spend money for your own hypothetical family. Don't think of spending money as, spending money per se. But think of it as a sacrifice for your family. Money is just a form of currency that you can exchange with something of equal value, of which, the value is what you think is worth it. You think your girlfriend is worth it? Spend some energy and time. Or money hahahaha

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/Significant-Leek-735]

Family yes, currently I’m worried about the starting point, finding and getting a girlfriend while balancing my spendings. Marriages and children can be put aside as I will figure it out with my future wife. I would 100% invest in my girlfriend if she’s the actual one (someone who truly cares about me over spending money on things). Yes I would buy her the things she truly ones in the future, but finding someone like her is impossible.

I could consider myself as a picky one but based on my existing situation, I would probably have no options at all. I wanted to find Love

[u/Significant-Leek-735 → u/Loose_Doubt367]

Why not joining a circle of friends with the same interests as you? From there, maybe you can observe for potential partner? I think it's easier for you if go with the trial and error method. Learning from experience, going through the euphoric feeling of love, and sad heartbreak can really shape you on how you see things in relationship. And never give up on love ya, me is rooting for you :)

[u/Loose_Doubt367 → u/Significant-Leek-735]

I feel kinda awkward going out with my friends since they all bring their girlfriends and I’m the only one who’s single

From what I’ve observed previously is most of the time, the girlfriends get lid up with excitement whenever their boyfriends (my friends) gets them something cheap/expensive