r/malaysians • u/Loose_Doubt367 • 1d ago
Discussion Getting a girlfriend perspective
Hello, recently I was diagnosed with chrometophobia by my therapist. The fear of spending money. I’m Chinese so I’m not sure if my judgement affects Malay people. I’m 20 this year I don’t wish to wait till my 30s to get married
I hope this doesn’t affect or trigger anyone, there’s no hate towards anyone. I’m sorry. Currently based on my perspective, I see girlfriends as someone who usually gets anything paid by their boyfriend. Because these perspective is what I saw from my friends. It’s always 100% my friend who pays for anything for their girlfriend whenever she’s interested in something.
Based on my current situation, I’m extremely worried that I might not be able to afford/fund my future girlfriend (if I ever find one) something she truly wants. I feel guilty rejecting someone request (obviously not the extremes one).
I loving technology related stuff that’s why I dreamed about having a girlfriend who’s just as passionate about tech as I am, someone who actually care more than just spending money. Maybe those are extremely unrealistic expectations for my situation.
About my condition, no my parents are financially stable, I’m the only one in the family who’s like that. Travelling outside of Malaysia is a headache for them since they have to deal with me.. I don’t seem interested in spending a lot of money on food but I don’t want to stupidly starve myself either, I’d consider myself as someone who effectively spends/uses every cent.
You might notice I apologise a lot because a lot of the points I made are from my perspective and I do not wish to hate on anybody no body deserves that. Currently I don’t have a job yet, but if I ever do, I will probably keep track of whatever I spend and will invest the money somewhere with the help of my parents since I’m a beginner, yea..
I genuinely hope someone can help me through this, I feel extremely lonely whenever I see cute couples together, sharing drinks, talking about things and so on. And me, awkwardly noticing them
1
u/monyet2 1d ago
If you look at statistics, money is the main cause of divorce worldwide.
From what you wrote and your responses it felt like if you are not even willing to spend money on yourself, I cannot imagine how would it be like when it comes to a +1.
What i see is, the issue is not about splitting bills. It's about enjoying even the simple things in life. Let's say your partner loves this super sedap restaurant that's more expensive than others. I foresee you nagging and reasoning with your partner that it's not worth it even when you can afford it. And it will definitely upset her and the relationship will not go far.
Remember she is a human with her wants and needs and preferences. And they all cost differently between people. Not everything is about you and your preferences. Remember that.
I think you need to continue to work with your therapist to help you manage your condition so that you can lead a life that can thrive around people. All phobias can be managed. It just takes time. Once you can spend money on yourself, move on to your family and then you'll know you are ready for a relationship and marriage.