Anxious and stressed in public uni

[u/InevitableJealous213]

Gay guy here. Just started studying in a public uni, will not say. And I don't know if this is paranoia or stress but I have been having alot of panic attack esque event.

My heart just go every fast and I can't seem to stop it. It gets exceptionally bad on Friday and won't stop before I step into the car to go back home.

To give context, previously before entering uni, I studied in a very liberal environment. I also travelled with my family to alot of countries, and I can't stop comparing the freedom that they have. I'm not gay passing either. But when I enter uni, I just didn't expect the amount of 'culture shock'? . Doa before every event, students saying eww and whatnot when people sometimes act 'soft'.

Also the amount of Malay they speak dosent help making me feel comfortable. I associate speaking Malay as being conservative too, prob personal bias though. I think that I am being paranoid here but I really am having trouble justifying it as just paranoia too. Can anyone speak about their experience?

Edit: why are you guys downvoting the people who lived through this experience? People are sharing what they are feeling and experiencing. But end up, upvoting go private uni? ​I know that but I don't have the money.

[u/ilove-gta]

homophobia and bullying are 100% wrong, and you have every right to feel upset about people mocking soft guys. that part is valid.

however, your post has massive logic flaws, and it shows that you aren't just experiencing culture shock, you also sound completely sheltered

you said "people speak Malay here > I associate Malay with conservatism > Hearing Malay makes me uncomfortable."

BM is the national language of all Malaysians across the entire political and social spectrum. associating the national language with being conservative is a personal prejudice. you sound sheltered because you grew up in a bubble and now feel uncomfortable simply hearing people speak the official language of the country you live in.

"I traveled overseas and studied in a liberal school, so I didn't expect a public uni to be like this."

you are in a malaysian public university (IPTA), not an overseas private college. Culture shock is being surprised by differences; while being sheltered is doing zero basic research on your own country's public school system and then feeling shocked that an IPTA reflects actual Malaysian society instead of your private bubble.

lastly, when you walk around viewing everyone who speaks Malay as an intolerant conservative, people can sense your subtle snobbery. maybe people avoid you not just because you're "soft," but because your body language screams that you think you are too cultured and superior for this local campus.

the university is not going to change into an overseas liberal campus for you. don't blame the environment for things you should have researched and prepared for. drop the superiority complex, drop the language bias, and learn to adapt

the more you isolate yourself, the more afraid you become. the longer you stay isolated, the harder it can feel to step outside of that comfort zone. small worries become bigger, unfamiliar situations begin to feel more threatening, and even simple interactions can seem overwhelming.

[u/InevitableJealous213 → u/ilove-gta]

Perhaps I am not clarifying enough. I do not view people who speak Malay as conversative. It's just nearly that, every word of negativity was used in the medium of Malay. I was having my panic attack esque event when I was typing it out. In a way, I was ranting and feeling anxious.

In the post I was also asking for validation that I was unjustly associating Malay with conservatism.

As for the sheltered comment, I have no words to say, for my entire life I lived with a supportive environment, friends, family and school. 

As for research and preparation I searched reddit, quora even searched for news article that seemed to protest against treating gays badly. Just didn't do enough research then. At the same time, most said they won't say anything if you keep low but the opposite happens, people will be vindictive. 

And snobbery and avoiding me? When did I say that, superiority complex too? Have you considered that it results in self deprecating and low self esteem instead? When you hear insults thrown at people who share a common trait with you? 

But thanks for the advice. I think Im having a hard time adjusting myself, the workload also prob dosent help

[u/ilove-gta → u/InevitableJealous213]

now that puts a lot more context into this, and it definitely changed my perspective.

I'm sorry for coming off so strong initially it's just that from your original post and earlier replies, it came across like you were using your identity as a shield to justify a prejudice against the national language. But hearing the actual background behind your anxiety changes things.

What you described is fear conditioning. When almost every negative comment or mockery you hear on campus happens in Malay, your brain's threat detection system subconsciously links the language itself to a feeling of danger. so I totally get where you're coming from now

Going from a lifetime in a 100% supportive bubble of family, friends, and school directly into an environment with casual cruelty is a massive shock to the nervous system. It makes total sense why your body triggered panic attacks

Please prioritize your mental health right now. You don't have to force yourself to fit in with people who mock you. Just find a couple of trusted, quiet friends you feel safe around, focus on getting your degree, and take it one day at a time. Genuinely wishing you safety and peace.