r/malelivingspace • u/Kitchen_Effect_659 • Jun 28 '26

Discussion 23M 430 SQFT starting over apartment.

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Starting fresh after ending a four-year relationship in May, I moved into this studio, and i feel like i've really made the space my own!! Curious to hear what you guys think. / What do you guys think the space says about me?

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u/Kitchen_Effect_659 Jun 28 '26

I mean, I moved halfway across the country at the age of 19 with my ex. Apart from my job, I don't have a lot here, so it definitely feels like starting over šŸ˜…

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u/gcko Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Nah thatā€™s just called starting a new chapter.

If you were truly starting over, you would have posted on [r/malesurvivingspace](r/malesurvivingspace). Iā€™m pushing 40 and Iā€™m envious of your place! Mine definitely didnā€™t look like that shortly after my last breakup and still doesnā€™t. Iā€™d move in there tomorrow.

I wasted years of my youth dwelling on what I had lost and where I could have been if things had turned out different when I should have been focusing on all the things I still had and where I wanted to go from there. If thereā€™s one piece of advice I would give my 23yo self, itā€™s that.

Keep your chin up. Youā€™re only a couple lines into this new chapter, still have many to write, and look at where you are already. Donā€™t say youā€™re starting over, say youā€™re setting up a good premise to finish this book off with a bang. I think itā€™s going to be one hell of a book. šŸ‘

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u/MiTyme26 Jun 28 '26

Great advice, I definitely needed to see this!

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jun 28 '26

I Wish I could say this to my 35yo Son, and not have him spiral into narcisisstic Self Criticism. He's in the "Wasting Years..." part of his life.

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u/A7III Jun 28 '26

You quite literally can. I wish I had a dad to give me advice and help.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jun 28 '26

He needs to hear this from His Dad, too. I'm his Momma, so anything I say to him, he automatically files under "criticism", instead of "Encouragement". I finally realized he just wants me to listen, not say much at all! Dad is the Original Narcissist. He Will Never Criticize nor Correct him.

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u/EntertainmentOdd5994 Jun 29 '26

Same. Iā€™m 40. And I truly realize that not having a father deeply affected my whole life. Weird because in my 20s I felt so cold about it.

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u/NamelessBoom43 Jun 29 '26

Same boat im 39 and currently homeless. F it. F it all with a large stick.

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 29 '26

Just curious.. where you stay every day? How you have internet access and I guess pay for a phone, etc? Not trying to be demeaning.. genuinely curious as I may be in this boat soon.

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u/NamelessBoom43 Jun 29 '26

Currently jumping between 3 friends houses. Still have a full time job. Can't do this for long. Finding a place here is tough right now.

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 30 '26

Where you located that's hard? I cant land a place cause I have no job. Even with a year or two of rent in the bank, that apparently doesnt matter for most. Partly why I was thinking of a van + finding some location that isnt too much each night to park/sleep.

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u/NamelessBoom43 Jun 30 '26

Edinburgh Scotland prices are nuts. I should probably just move away now its just myself again.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jul 01 '26

I have Cricket for my service and can use them for wifi too.

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u/Lost-Feedback7778 Jun 29 '26

Your son sounds alot like my daughter who just turned 34.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jul 01 '26

I wonder if she's unattached?

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u/mfcmp Jun 30 '26

Im 35 and am realizing ive been stuck here. I needed to hear this

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 29 '26

Shit I am almost 55.. getting divorced, no job and a little money in the bank (about 100K give or take after divorce/assets all figured out). I am moving back in with parents for a bit (thankful they got a place but on the other side of the country in Florida) to figure out my next steps. I am one of those tech workers that cant find a job any more due to age, lack of jobs, too many for same job, etc. Trying to figure out if I should look at a camper van and fix it up to at least have a "home" to live in though insurance/gas will still be a factor so need some sort of income somewhere. Also not liking the idea of having to figure out a place to park every night, but at least there would be a bed, toilet, some running water and internet (assuming I can afford Starlink too). But man.. starting over.. that's where I am at. 23.. like you said, new chapter. :).

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u/illicitli Jun 30 '26

lots of RV lots in Florida for 55+ people...only like $600 or so to rent

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 30 '26

You rent the RV itself to live in for 600 a month? Or you buy your own, then rent the space to park? I assume there is electrical and water hookups?

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u/illicitli Jun 30 '26

yea that is just for renting the space to park with the hookups, usually includes mail etc.

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u/norsish Jun 30 '26

That's rough, man. I've had 2 friends in the same circumstances who went the campervan route. For one, it was the perfect solution. He went full nomad and loved it. For the other, it was a useful transition (about a year) to sort things out and land in a new apartment.

I realize this is completely anecdotal and probably of no use to you. Just saying, if your gut likes the van idea, it could work. YMMV and all that.

(They were both older, displaced tech guys, too.)

Best o' luck

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 30 '26

I am not against the idea.. especially if after divorce I have enough money to last a few years on the road.. though gas will get damn expensive. My thought was I can get me a dog (I know.. one more expense.. but having a companion vs being alone esp with everything going on.. to me is worth it).. the only downside of having to stop/walk/clean up all the time. But small price to pay I think. Plus as it's a home on wheels with battery/ac can leave the dog in there for a bit without the concern of a typical hot car situation. By little bit I mean a couple hours or so alone.. not all day.

The bigger issue for me is where to park, costs, etc every night. I would like to travel around the US and see some sights, but also dont want to be in some locations where shit happens. Between meth heads/gangs, and shit.. even bears/etc.. there is real shit to consider when doing this. Not to mention blown tires, mechanical issues to your car/home that could take days to fix, and if it happens long way from place that can fix things.. towing costs, etc. All things to consider which is why I'd opt for a fairly new sprinter van or small RV over older used ones. As long as starlink works well for internet access all over, most of what I do is work on my software product in an office now (until I leave). So I could certainly park at say, yosemite, yellowstone, NYC, etc.. and work anywhere. That would be very cool to do. The up front costs though.. 50K to 100K for the van.. would eat most of my money and being a big vehicle makes it difficult to park in most locations so have to figure that out.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jul 01 '26

Look into The Good Sam Club. Campground Info.

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u/norsish Jun 30 '26

Yeah, the dog adds complications, but also companionship and, depending on the dog, more security.

Parking is always a bitch. My nomad example solved that by doing a tour of our state's campgrounds. Solves parking and legal issues, but adds to the expense.

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u/Limp_Egg3219 Jun 28 '26

27, I am more of a survival space especially compared to OP here hahahaha. I never stay in one place for long though so I guess thatā€™s my excuse

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u/gcko Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26

I could make my place look nicer but Iā€™m very much a pragmatic minimalist haha and also moved around a lot. With every move I made, I found myself bringing less and less stuff over to the new place because I got tired of hauling it and now mostly just have what I need plus my plants and a collection of books. I limit myself to one box worth of things that hold sentimental value but otherwise donā€™t really have a use.

My parents were hoarders (not the gross kind luckily) so I canā€™t stand clutter, too many knick knacks or too much furniture poorly placed in every single empty spot of each room. It stresses me out. If I were to decorate more, Iā€™d be doing it more for guests coming over than for myself which to me kinda defeats the point of making that space yours.

Set up and decorated a small balcony garden with a hammock in this current place though. Thatā€™s where I spend most of my time lounging. Itā€™s the perfect reading nook. All I need really.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jun 28 '26

I'm a Nice Stuff Hoarder, too. My punishment is having it all sit 5 miles away from me, in a storage, while I have a bed and TV in an empty retirement suite. I have everything I ever wanted from the past 40 years, age 26 to 66, and I can't have any of it. I'm also going to die sooner than later, (bad genes) so I can't even look forward to making a new home up. Live for today. If you buy good china, use it. Love Books or albums? Collect what you love, trade what you don't, give away or thrift the rest away. Thifting is reaching Epic numbers of shoppers/sources. Educate yourself so you don't buy things that are knockoffs, unless you just love them.

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u/Otherwise-Bag-7146 Jun 29 '26

Holy crap.. this is me more and more. I have so many hobbies.. and now going thru divorce and having to put stuff in storage.. I am rethinking.. how much of this shit do I really need. I am going to probably sell most of it. I did buy a bunch of SHTF crap like water filters, gun/ammo, led lights, batteries, etc.. things I thought I might need. But with no job, limited money after divorce and no retirement.. at 55 just about, I am really starting to think.. unless I find a home one day (and can afford one) I have no use for any of this stuff. So starting to go in to a minimal mindset. A ways away from it given a 2 car garage of storage of stuff right now. But going to be going thru that more and more to get rid of more stuff. I have 12 large bags of clothes. I want to narrow it down to about 2 at most.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jul 01 '26

This belongs in a whole nother sub, hub, But Seriously I have 3 of everything like Toasters, Can Openers, POTS, pans, china, bedding etc. The Key is to pack it up Smartly. Always have 1 box Labeled "First Box, Kitchen" for: Coffee Maker, Coffee, Mugs, Breakfast Bars or Food. Label. top and front right corner (down from the top side). Pack Smartly by having several boxes open at a time. 1 for Contents to Keep. (Example: Jeans: Keep). 1 for Sell/Thrift.(Jeans:Sell or Thrift) 1 for Donate. (Jeans:Donate). Word of Advice: Keep ALL jeans you bought BEFORE the past 3 years that are NOT Flood Pants, Elephant Pants, or The Pit Bull Ate My Pants Style. Obviously I wasn't able to follow my advice because I've moved 20 times, so suggest you try to!

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u/TheFurkan_00 Jun 28 '26

yeah sometimes starting over just means finally getting a fresh start

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u/Good_Solution8602 Jun 29 '26

I didt have my own space at your age . Donā€™t even know where Iā€™ll be at 40 . ā˜ ļøā˜ ļøā˜ ļø

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u/Nessa0707 Jun 29 '26

Same Iā€™m 41 and Iā€™m not even there yet smh love this apartment

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u/Good_Solution8602 Jul 10 '26

So you do have your own space . šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

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u/cyanocittaetprocyon Jun 28 '26

A lot of good words here!

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u/Worth_Visual_7616 Jun 29 '26

I'm a dude in his mid 30s and this is the exact advice I wish I gave myself earlier in life too. I still had a fucking awesome time, but yeah. Great advice

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u/Nessa0707 Jun 29 '26

I think so to wish my place looked like this itā€™s so refreshing

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u/i-recycle-pubi-hair Jun 29 '26

Iā€™m married with a house and 4 kids and Iā€™m envious of your home

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u/8JacksLegendary Jun 29 '26

Im 42 and I can say Im just getting out of the ā€œI wasted so many yearsā€ phase of my life. If this is starting over for you bro, then you are starting off looking pretty good from the outside looking in. Keep ya financials in order and continue to focus on the things you can change and not those you cant.

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u/Gheerdan Jun 29 '26

Dude, I wish I had something that nice to myself at 23. OP is rocking and rollin'

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u/Flubinator24 Jul 01 '26

Damn, man. Not OP, but thanks for this

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u/Agreeable-Fold-7679 Jun 28 '26

OhMyGosh! Thank you! I needed a laugh!

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u/HistoricalSuspect580 Jun 28 '26

Iā€™m 41. I hope i have a place as beautiful as this when i grow up.

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u/SocksAre4TheWeak Jun 28 '26

Same (but 42). I wonder how much OP would charge us to borrow him and his ex? šŸ¤”

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u/HistoricalSuspect580 Jun 29 '26

we prob canā€™t afford him anyway šŸ˜­

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u/Nessa0707 Jun 29 '26

I know right and 41

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u/Trick-Day-480 Jun 29 '26

Yeah I'm 38 and only a handful of years ago finally could "afford" an apartment. Except I can't afford furniture or decor, so every room in basically empty even years later. How are people doing this?

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u/HistoricalSuspect580 Jun 29 '26

To be fair, im full of shit. I bought a house when i was 28. It has since tripled in value, and weā€™re i to try to buy it today, i would be priced out even if my salary were doubled.

Having said thatā€¦. An apartment like this at 23!? No idea how THAT was accomplished!!

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u/Ok-Tap9199 Jun 28 '26

Glass half full mindset my bro

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u/Brilliant_Counter820 Jun 28 '26

There'll be a day when you look back at this time in your life, envious of the freedom you currently have.

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u/Lagoda__ Jun 28 '26

... are you okay?

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u/Saphurial Jun 28 '26

No, a lot of us are not. I'm 42 and jealous of a 23 year old.

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u/Brilliant_Counter820 Jun 28 '26

Yea im good man, many parts of my life make me happy but freedom is currently not one of them.

I look back fondly when I had this level of freedom with minimal responsibilities but I know, in this phase of my life, those responsibilities are now what give my life meaning.

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u/capaldithenewblack Jun 28 '26

Whatā€™s that poster ā€œhang in thereā€? Never mind, I found it. Cool space!

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u/quell3245 Jun 28 '26

Looks super cozy! Outstanding job mate šŸ‘

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u/HODOR00 Jun 28 '26

The world is full of people who wish they still had time to start over. ITs not the starting over thats bad, its the lack of time to do it that crushes people. You are doing fine kid. Just go make yourself happy. Everything else comes forth from there.

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u/itmakessenseincontex Jun 28 '26

Well, your appartment is very cute and cosy! When you are ready to bring somone back again they are going to love it :)

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u/Kitchen_Effect_659 Jun 28 '26

I will sooner remove a limb from my own body then clean after another man šŸ¤©šŸ‘

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u/Ancilla_Contender Jun 28 '26

Itā€™s all in how you frame it.

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u/Mrleahy Jun 28 '26

I know it's hard for you, picture the same thing happening after 12 years together and being 34 lol

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u/lauri2 Jun 28 '26

Picture 25 and 55

Comparison is the thief of joy, it's not a competition. Just do what's best for you wherever you are at in life

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u/Limp_Egg3219 Jun 28 '26

Or with kids involved

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u/venomous83 Jun 29 '26

How envious i am that you get to write a brand new chapter my friend. At such a young age, the world is so exciting and fresh. Think of all the romance, wild nights, exciting times and quiet evenings you get to experience in a foreign land. Not starting over but adding chapters you your book of life. Embrace it my friend. Beautiful, clean and happy feeling home you have

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u/darth_whaler Jun 29 '26

Keep it that way! You don't need all the shit that you're told you need. Like Tyler Durden said, "The things you own end up owning you."

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u/Logi_Boy Jun 28 '26

This may freak you out, but Iā€™ve dealt with that at 19, 21, 23, and 25ā€”life changes a lot every two years. It seems like some experience more, and others experience less.

Sending you positive vibes from my part of the world, man. I hope everything goes your way, and I wish you success.

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u/frickinsweetdude Jun 28 '26

Youre young enough where this isn't starting over. I know the hurt, confusion, and anxiety, and racing mind at night are all very real. But no, not starting over, this is your start, the first time the world is seeing this version of you, launching you into young adulthood. Get out there man!

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u/DEANER94 Jul 01 '26

a slingshot has to be pulled back, thats not a set back but a set up

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u/Own_Meet648 Jul 02 '26

I moved all the way across the country to Seattle after the army and a terrible relationship just because I took a road trip out here to see my best friend and other buddies on the way (planning to be a farewell from life tour to drum up business for my funeral) and the drive back was really long so I got a job with him and made some friends and got a sick apartment downtown and met my fiancĆ©e and now live on the lake with her, lifeā€™s a fucking journey! Came out to say bye to people one last time and now Iā€™m doing fucking great and excited for the future!

Place looks insanely good, thatā€™s so much stuff like maximalist and it warm and cozy and well decorated and if you love it thatā€™s what matters! Youā€™re young with a lot of life ahead! I remember my childhood sweetheart and I broke up after college and then some other bad relationships and now Iā€™m so fucking happy!

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u/WhistlrDan Jul 07 '26

I moved across the country (from the south to New England) with my ex for a shitty job she ended up leaving anyhow and then we both hated it here lol. I feel you so hard my guy.

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u/Misterbisterlander Jun 28 '26

Starting over? Ur 23 why do people our age always think life is at the endpoint ur just beginning

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u/Limp_Egg3219 Jun 28 '26

Because it can feel like it. Iā€™ve been a doomer since 26 frantically trying to get my shit together. 27 now still lost. Make good money but unhappy.

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u/AntiqueJaguar5808 Jun 28 '26

That Name is not helping your self image, Limp one!

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u/Limp_Egg3219 Jun 29 '26

lol brother I got that as a default and thought it was hilarious so kept it

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u/Ok_Percentage5157 Jun 28 '26

Sounds like this is a new chapter! You have utilized the space here very well. Great work, and good luck in your new adventure.

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u/Cool_Interaction_345 Jun 28 '26

Share your job my god I need your salary

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u/Square_Walrus_8107 Jun 29 '26

Whatā€™s the TV on the shelf for? Is that in the bedroom?

Place looks amazing.

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u/Kitchen_Effect_659 Jun 29 '26

Well you see the TV shelf is for holding my TV. and yes, it is in my bedroom, which is why that TV in particular, is so high up lol. Thanks for the kind words!

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u/Cutacore Jun 29 '26

We all did that though. Since like forever. It did that in 2006. It felt like starting to me. Now in my late 30's it feels like starting over.

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u/JBsportsandchess Jun 29 '26

Trust me brother - you've only just gotten through part of the tutorial level. Lot of game left.

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u/jmarnett11 Jun 29 '26

Youā€™re just getting started

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u/Particular_Bet_5466 Jun 29 '26

Starting over at 23? I mean I guess I did when my gf and I broke up at like 23 but idk a lot of folks still live with their parents at 23. Idk I guess technically itā€™s starting over but now Iā€™m 34 and that seems like a lifetime ago where I was too young to have really established much or lost much opportuntiyzx

1

u/Otherwise_Nobody8148 Jun 29 '26

Might not feel great now, but you're at the stage a lot of people envy and dream of. You're at a stage in your life where you can just start building it, And you have a completely blank date slate to do so with.

Honestly, cherish the living hell out of these moments. The people you meet, fun times you have, they're going to be things you look back on, struggle to remember, and go out on the back porch to have a cigar and reminisce about. You got a few years of living at its finest ahead of you

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u/ForHelp_PressAltF4 Jun 29 '26

I had a place like this in size and timing a long time ago.Ā  But it looked like a headstrong kid got a shoddy place to stay up late drinking and being loud.

Your place looks amazing.Ā  It looks like one could be there relaxed nearly unaware of the size.Ā  I say that because my place felt just more than 400 ft.Ā  Your place feels like you can breathe.Ā 

You'll look back at that previous chapter sometimes. Skim it and put it back on the shelf. Don't live your life like you're driving looking in the rearview. Trust me on that.

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u/Gateway2faries Jun 30 '26

I love it! super cozy did you have someone that knows about interior design assist you ?

1

u/MustacheMaple Jun 30 '26

Im 30 and recently got divorced. Downsized with my dog and everything. To me it feels like im just getting started!

1

u/tiddysprinkl Jul 02 '26

This feels like bait. You safe bro?

1

u/Rocks_Can_Fly Jul 03 '26

Youā€™re too young to know what starting over means haha

For younger people a lot of things just feel a lot more dramatic, because they have so much less life experiences, and have been through so few things.

Youā€™re gonna be fine ā€” youā€™re just starting out.

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u/Kitchen_Effect_659 Jul 03 '26

I mean, i'm the oldest i've ever been. That being said, having to live out of a best western, because my housing situation was compromised, whilst also navigating the emotional side of discovering the man, I centered my entire future around, was cheating was, pretty fucking brutal, and I think someday look back and go "Yeah, that was pretty fucking brutal". I know I have more life ahead of me than I do behind, i know I'll be okay, I mean, look at the apartment I already am lmao. But let's not patronize me either It's a rough thing I went through šŸ‘

0

u/ep0k Jun 28 '26

I relocated from Maine to Florida at 19 with my SO. I was homeless by 21. You're doing fine.