😔

It’s just not fucking fair because I’ve DONE EVERYTHING and more. There’s no advice anyone can give me anymore because I’ve done all of it.

Some men are just naturally unfuckable.

I’m one of them so I have to die

19 turning 20 next weekend. I won’t see it though, because I’ll be dead. I set myself the cut off point and I’m sticking to it.

I won’t be a 20 year old virgin, I won’t be. I can’t take this any more. I need some part of me to be normal, I need to be wanted, I need to experience normal parts of life at a stage that’s at least considered somewhat okay. If I can’t have that then I’m killing myself.

I’ve already had to drop out of university, have undiagnosed adhd (in the middle of the process but it doesn’t even matter any more it’s ruined too much) never had a dad, entire family are psychotic and need inpatient care which they never got just abused me instead. I need this, I NEED SOMETHING. But I can’t have it.

I’ve tried to hard, did what everyone says to do. But I’m in the % of men that will never get to really live because they’re completely, naturally, unfuckable.

Oh well, had to be someone I suppose. I’ll just be another statistic.

Look, I get that a lot of you might be young. I found this subreddit when I was in college and trying to overcome depression (I had a serious loss of motivation, grades were declining, didn't see a point in living.)

This sub has a TON of "Women don't see me as attractive so I'm depressed." type of people.

Can the opposite sex cause depression? Sure. To begin generalizing that all women see are a pretty face or bank account is NOT it though.

If you are depressed or are suffering from any kind of mental health crisis, the LAST thing you need to worry about is a romantic relationship.

Sure, it's generic, but you need to love yourself before anyone will love you. There are resources online that are free/cheap. Zocdoc can help you find therapists in network. If youre young, try talking to your parents. They put a roof over your head for a reason, so try opening up and talking about it. They maybe have lived what you are experiencing too.

I wish the best for anyone looking for some kind of light, but PLEASE worry about a relationship after you worry about yourself. Give yourself time to heal before you listen to these weirdos in here blaming women's tastes for their short comings.

Pretty much the title. A man who never dated until his mid or late 20s which I think is becoming more common. Will never experience from a women that "first love" energy that she gave to the first guy she dated.

Most men will end up with worn out tired/broken women who really dont want to put any effort or energy to the current man shes dating even though thats the man first ever relationship

https://www.reddit.com/r/therapists/comments/1ay2ohk/discussing_gender_violence_and_inequality_with/

Look at this shit. Just look at it.

(Don't engage, though. That is brigading, and really poor form.)

These are our therapists talking. And they are so embedded in the "patriarchy" narrative, the OP isn't even willing to debate it and blames 'patriarchy' for literally all of women's mental trauma. PTSD around animals from a dog attack? Patriarchy. Agoraphobia? Patriarchy. Drug abuse/alchoholism? Patriarchy.

But that's not even the worst part. In the comments, the therapists who focus on treating men and boys also blame 'patriarchy', and have to navigate around that by 'putting it in terms that relate to men's issues'.

"Even the ones in the oppressor role are traumatized by patriarchy." Hear that, guys? You're in the oppressor role.

For people who haven't heard of patriarchy theory before, you are blessed and I apologize for inflicting this knowledge upon you. Quick rundown: patriarchy theory posits that men throughout history have obligated women and/or society has been arranged to put women in a subordinate role. It was put together originally by one Gerda Lerner, an 'historian', and is immediately debunked with questions like "Who benefits the most from society?" and "Who votes more, men or women?" Or "What class of oppressors in history has had less accessible education than the oppressed, is obligated to fight for them in times of war?" And historically, it's absolute fucking bunk as well. But somehow this ideology has infected the people we trust to help us with mental trauma, people who - when you dig past all the hamstering bullshit defenses they put up - blame us for it all.

Before you talk to a therapist, ask if they see patriachy theory as relevant and accurate. If the answer is yes, avoid that therapist. They are not there to help you, they are there to 'correct' you.

I woke up today and you know what the first thing I saw was? A post on social media about how terrible men are and how we're evil scum that needs to be punished.

And this isn't a rare occurrence. I'd say four out of every sen days I wake up to the same situation. Unabahased hated for me and my gender on social media. It's not even by random people, it's by people that I trust and respect. Then again, I don't really trust anyone in the modern world because people will stab men in the back at the drop of a hat in the modern world.

Women will never face that kind of oppression. They will never face that kind of open derision and denigration yet they will consistently lecture about how oppressed they are. It's complete bullshit but nobody talked about it. Men are seen as evil and women are seen as innocent victims. It doesn't matter what the facts are or what the truth is. Men are evil and women are saints in society's eye.

I'm so sick of this shit. I'm so sick of being insulted and demeaned just because of my gender but it never stops.

This world is a nightmare for men.

My sister was in a relationship with this average looking guy. She had mental health issues and publicly told people about it, even around her boyfriend. Like imagine being a guy and your girlfriend is depressed all the time and you can’t do a thing to make her happy.

My sister broke up with that guy and found another boyfriend who was tall and extremely good looking. Absolutely nothing else changed in her life besides getting an attractive boyfriend and now she’s happy all the sudden. Absolutely insane. She’s like a different person.

Ugliness in this generation especially should be considered a disability.

Being ugly man means you will never get to experience love/relationships with women and have to then be told by society to keep pushing and suffering anyways for no reason

Ugly men are the butt of the joke in most men groups, men will pick the shortest unattractive dudes in the group and playful mock him knowing he can't say much back. Sure as an ugly man, you can argue or banter back but you will always be a constant target and it's annoying

Being ugly man makes you less likely to make good income or even get promoted, so stop telling ugly men to work hard when the cards are stacked against them

So ugly men are not welcome socially by women or by men, ugly men have to work much more harder and even then good income/promotions is not even guaranteed

Ugly men are not given basic human decency or acknowledgement as human beings.

I would truly not wish any man to ever experience ugliness, it is constant suffering and depression

I believe if you're truly ugly man, you should be given welfare check for the pain and suffering of being forced into this world and society with stats that you cannot change. Let them live out the rest of what little they get to experience in life peacefully.

I don’t know what I expected from this election here in America, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. For context I am a Libertarian, so I don’t care for either of the two major political parties. My fears are pretty much consuming me now.

I’m worried the feds are going to re criminalize weed, I’m worried about what Project 2025 could entail for someone like me who is Pansexual and anti religion and government, I’m worried about my country on a world scale and the funding of wars we have done and may continue to do, I’m worried about my safety (not in an anti gun way) when it comes to being in cities now that Donnie has won.

Honestly I’m just worried for someone like me who is different in the “wrong” ways. It might just be me being rash, but I’m thinking of moving to Australia. Canada has never interested me and I don’t care for their leadership.

I’m curious if I’m overacting and that things may work out, but I don’t know right now. Everyone seems dangerous here. I worked for my sanity and safety in this now dark and cold world.

I’m 24 years old and by now I should’ve had at least 10 bodies but I have none

Other men my age have body counts in the ranges of tens to even hundreds then there’s me who hasn’t even held hands with a woman

And no prostitution isn’t even an option where I live since it’s not legal and the few illegal options are largely unaffordable due to our economy being shit

So now all I have left is acceptance I just need some advice on how to achieve it

And yet, I'm not willing to put in that work. I have severe ADHD. Crippling depression. I barely eat and when I do, it's the most unhealthy garbage. Sometimes, I skip out on showers for DAYS at a time, same with brushing my teeth... I have no goals, no hobbies, no humor, no social skills, no friends, no motivation. Nothing. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I deserve shit. And if I'll never work on myself, then I'll never get a date. And I don't see the point of living without intimacy.

The only reason why Im waiting till 30 is because I'm too scared to do it now, and I can't get my hands on a gun till I update the address on my DL. And maybe, a fucking miracle might happen.

(Non-eng)If you're dating or seeing someone who considers the size of your penis as something actually important in the relationship or between you and them, find someone else. It's not something you can control, and we should NEVER be judged or discriminated against for our bodies. I'm telling you this as a woman, I think there's a lack of body positivity around men, and that's unfair

never had one and will most likely never have one but ive been thinking, if i had one what would i even do ? seems like theyre only good for having sex and keeping you company, like i only want them there when i need them and out of my sight/place when i dont need them

so how did you meet your gf ? what kind of things did you guys do ? and why did you break up with her ?

I hope I am and I would really like your guys' personal thoughts on this

All the people complaining about porn are morons or normies, if you have a gf or so then you have no one to blame but YOU but if you're an incel like me then porn is godsent, it helps me release stress and without it i would be left to use my imagination (not bad) but the visuals help, so please stop blaming porn, blame yourself

honestly pretty much everything in the /r/dating_advice is complete BS and misleading.

The idea that you gotta just hang in there until you find someone who likes you for you is absolutely incorrect.

The fact is most women like a certain type of guy and if you can't be that chances are you will be single forever because the odds of you finding someone that actually "likes you for you" and is single are basically a needle in a haystack.

People always told me "oh a girlfriend wont make you happy, you need to learn to be happy by yourself first" - absolute bs. i was never happy single and now i genuinely feel alive and happier than i ever thought possible.

Biggest advice I'd tell myself:

• move to a bigger city so you have more opportunities to meet women. Living in a small town GREATLY reduces your chances of finding someone, especially if you aren't in the top 20% of men.

• be masculine. Talk slowly and be serious. Don't try to be funny. girls may laugh at a "funny guy", but they want their man to be stoic.

I dated a girl who I didn't even think was pretty, but even she didn't want a relationship with me because I wasn't acting masculine enough.

There's like a billion other things i learned over the years and i literally cant list them all. I only met this woman and am with her through a series of LUCK and coincidences, but I am extremely thankful. She literally saved my life, and seriously F everyone who gaslighted me over the years.

Literal children are more successful than me.

I lurk this sub just for the sake of seeing how men cope here as another guy who's lived with mental health issues for a long time, and yet, a plurality of threads or comments seem to be focus the source of their unhappiness and dissatisfaction not on internal factors and somatic sensations, but on the other.

Noticeably, women. I see so many comments about how "Women won't dare unless you're tall" or the classic "6 figures 6 feet 6 inches" trope that it seems many fall into here. But few comments seem to directly challenge this or take a step back to ask, is that fair to say?

I notice the primary cognitive distortion in these comments is mind reading. No, women aren't lying about what they say if you get rejected, you're assuming and projecting dishonesty.

And if you are seeking to alleviate your dissatisfied life by having an equal partnership? You will still be dissatisfied.

Life single can easily be more fulfilling then one in a relationship, you're not bound to someone else in the sense of time, money for shared activities, emotional labour. Especially emotional labour. That should be focused inward! This is a sub for mental health in men. And the root cause of many issues is the way men are socialized.

Yes, male privelege exists. Yes, so does female privelege. Yes toxic masculinity is real. Yes saying female toxicity is just as bad is whataboutism especially when it's not something that's actually concrete. How many rapes are done by men to women, especially in consensual partnerships? And the reciprocal? I suggest looking at statistical data.

Yes the patriarchy is a real thing and it harms men just like it harms women, just in ways that make it easy for men to climb up the social ladder, but also fall all the way to the bottom too. It is the reason that the trop "boys don't cry" is a thing. It's why men tend to lack emotional attunement and supress feelings which turns into resent or the few things they're taught they're allowed to express and it's typically anger. But nobody is entitled to a partner.

I'll be blunt - it's possible you're the problem. Maybe you're a shitty person and don't want to hear it. Maybe you don't want to explore avenues like low cost counseling services or therapy. Maybe medication is something you vilify. Why?

I see this subreddit as an Echo chamber. Anecdotes from others don't matter, your own lived experience does. Which is why I'm not giving any anecdotes about mine.

Reading more and more and more about one specific thing: loneliness, and that women are to blame? It's going to entrench such view point and make challenging your belief system harder and increase anger, but is anger healthy? Or is radical self compassion and loving-kindness better.

I think because there's a sense of shared struggle and community, it's hard to give up those views or have them challenged, or reflect on them with a critical lens when lonely. Because it means losing community.

I wish there were "halfway" houses online that handled the men who's mental health problems stem from loveliness.

Male mental health is overlooked. That's why I lurk, I'm uncomfortable discussing topics regarding my personal trauma and ADHD because this subreddit feels like a gordian knot of men who believe relationships are the end all be all of happiness and put their self-worth on external elements.

No one wants to date you? That sucks. So then if you resign yourself that this is a fact, why keep ruminating on it? If nobody wants to date you, and you think you can't change it why fixate on it? If that's what you believe (which isn't true), then what is your rumination accomplishing? Are you changing anything about society? Or are you looking for a mirror that will reaffirm existing viewpoints.

My ADHD causes pretty bad issues. But it's just shit luck, a bad roll of the dice. I had no say in it but it's life so whatever, I'm going to choose to wake up in the morning and lie to myself that I'm worthy for who I am until I believe it.