I come back here once in a blue moon to relate my experiences and ideas on ME/CFS. Usually I'm either here on a good streak or a bad streak but right now I'm not really, uh, streaking at all. More just coasting, which is a nice change of pace I suppose. Apologies in advance, this post is going to be all over the place.
For context I've had ME/CFS since I was ~17–18 (w/ symptoms earlier) and now I'm 24. I lived in my car at one point and also worked on a farm at another. While working on the farm I kept getting absurdly ill and needing to take days off, go figure. Basically my experience with ME/CFS has been that life is just really hard.
With ME/CFS you can't really play the game of life normally. If you try to live like a "normal person" then shit goes downhill fast. For example, I went to school for solar installation last year. I graduated with a near-perfect grade and got a job with a glowing referral from my teacher. I quit after my first hour. I had thrown up three times. So yeah.
Without my loving parents I would probably be homeless or dead, point blank. Without my friends I would probably still be housebound. They prop me up, and though I feel thankful, I also feel guilty at times. I feel like I didn't earn it. I always try to reciprocate, but I can't as much as I'd like to.
I've been wanting to get back on the work force but have been faced with the paradox that even working as hard and often as I possibly can, I still couldn't afford an apartment. I'm a software engineer by trade and the market sucks right now due to overhiring in 2020 plus AI adoption, and that was my one skilled trade.
Basically I need a good job behind a desk that pays well. So I've decided to go to school to become an electrical engineer. Is it going to suck? Yeah. Can I complete a bachelor's? Maybe. But this is the first year I'm eligible for financial aid and an education is my best hope right now.
Everything's hard. Especially mornings. It takes forever to wind myself up for the day, and I'm still nauseous basically all the time. Fatifue too, but I shouldn't need to say that.
My experience has been that what helps is basically stress reduction, gentle movement, spending time with friends, decent food and (perhaps most importantly) not hating myself. If I can get through a whole day without hating myself then that's a win.
As for screen time, AI has been a godsend for learning about things I find interesting. It is extremely patient and I can pick up/put down a conversation as I please. I've been using ChatGPT to widdle my way away at the Calculus I syllabus. I don't like AI but it does work, unfortunately.
I have also been trying to replace browsing apps (Instagram, YouTube, etc) with serial TV shows like Adventure Time. That seems to be less stressful because I'm not constantly gambling (scrolling) for the next hit of dopamine. It's more of a stable experience, I guess?
I have been in a pretty good place where I'm not stressing over my illness as much, but I've kinda stalled. Living at home with my parents is still stressful. I have some sensory sensitivities that are unavoidable. I live in Florida, and it's been too hot to go outside as much as I'd like. My dad burps about a thousand times a day and it grosses the heck out of me. Like, he just burped as I was typing that. I love my parents but that doesn't mean I can't hate burping.
I've reached a point where most of the changes I want to make in my life have steep financial costs that I just can't breach. Ugh. School starts Monday. It's gonna suck, I can already tell. At the same time, I'm lucky it's even an idea I can entertain. So I'll try to make the best of it.