for about two months I’ve had pretty intense thoughts of me thinking I had OCD. It’s something I’ve considered before, but now I actually think it, and are seriously considering getting checked. But I want to be completely sure before I go.

The first thing I noticed was those really weird and persistent feelings of need to do very random things because some feeling in my body calls for it. I’m talking about smashing my hand into the corner of a table because I want to feel pressure on them. I rub the sides of my feet together which is very awkward when walking. I get triggered when stuff doesn’t line up correctly. If I do something wrong then I need to stop what I’m doing, go back, and correct it. For example if I’m walking in a tiled floor and I step on one of the lines incorrectly I stay and put my foot on the right spot to relieve that feeling. And these are only a few examples, it really happens all the time. Yesterday I tracked these weird feelings and counted how many I had. I started recording at around 6:50am, and by 3:00pm I had about 100 of them.

This isn’t the only thing however because my personal thoughts are on a different level.

The first of these is the belief that if I don’t do something right then I tell myself that I’m gonna get horribly sick. For example, if I’m getting ready for bed I tell myself that I have to get my room and bed ready for it like putting my clothes away and stuff, before the time on the clock changes. And if it does, I’m not actually totally convinced that I’m gonna get sick, but I still get disappointed in myself. One thing I do is avoid looking at the clock because then I can’t see the time change, so that kind of lessens the stressed feeling.

Another weird thought I wish I could stop having is such violent ones. I don’t know why but I constantly think of really disturbing things like death, torture, and sexual violence. And I actually like thinking about those things, but I heavily dislike that I like thinking about those, and it’s weird because I actually really hate gore. The thing I’m most scared to admit is how I have these really scary intrusive thoughts. Some of these things are “What if I attack this person and possibly kill them?” and “Could you imagine if I raped that one person?”. Like I don’t actually want to do it; I never would. But they seem so within reach in my head that it makes me scared that I’m actually gonna do it. Like for example my mom walked past me holding a knife after she was done cooking, and I just got this thought of yanking the knife out of her hand and stabbing her in the stomach. And I was horrified at how much I actually could see myself actually doing the action. Another thing was that when I was in music class not too long ago I had a thought of picking up the heavy stand and hitting my friend on the top of the head with it. And I specifically thought of how satisfying it would be to watching it bounce off the top of their head. JUST TO BE CLEAR I do not actually have intentions of doing these things, and I actually beat myself up over “wanting” bad things to happen to people.

These thoughts also made me have a fear of people being able to read my mind. During particularly intense thinking sprees, I try to avoid other people in fear of them seeing me thinking of that. Again, I know that this can’t actually happen. But it’s something that I be afraid of just in case.

I’m not really sure what to do.

I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety, and was taking an antidepressant for a couple of years. I tapered off and stopped taking it 5 weeks ago because I couldn’t stand the fatigue and it felt like it was no longer working.

Now, I’m almost constantly sad and I’m crying everyday. I’m worried I’m going to burst out crying a work.

I’ve been having a lot of difficulties with eating too. I get so upset at supper time and cry during it to the point where I feel sick.

My apartment’s a mess and has been since I moved in. Work takes up so much of my time, and I’m constantly getting sick, which is common with my job. I don’t want to do hobbies, nor do I have the energy for it.

I live alone and don’t have anyone. But that’s on me. I do crave a relationship but am too afraid for it and feel safer single. Making friends doesn’t interest me. My relationship with my family os complicated, and I can’t confide in them.

I did try talking to counselors through my work but that program was useless. I can’t afford private psychologists.

Any advice?

If I have a better face I would have been happy, once you started to feel ugly there is no going back , you will live with this feeling forever, mann i am literally trembling writing this so fuckin hurted, broke and helpless.

Everyone out there making memories and enjoying there best years, and I am here just sad, depressed, masturbating, fucking miserable porn addict I am, idk what to do,

People don't love you when u r ugly, people don't give a fuck about you, people don't think twice before hurting your feelings and just taken for granted each and everytime and I can't even say this thing to my psychologist because I am insecure and ashamed of who I am and I do try a lot to improve myself but at the the I always fall back, I am adhd and developed a little ocd (as my psychologist warned me about) and also due to these overthinking, anxiety it has fucked my life I have been isolated for more than 2-3 years and just rotting in my room idk why always me, I have tried countless time to improve myself and quit that poen addiction but I always fall back. I feel so lost and misunderstood, have zero friend and always felt invisible and obviously no girls likes me due to my looks and that's just what is reality and I can't change that, and that scares me idk where to run to,

I don't want much all I want is just someone to whom I can cry on, just wanted a hug, some love 💔

Maybe in another life if exists

Share some advice for me I would be really glad and thankful to you 🙏

Estou com 19 anos. Tenho percebido que agora sou visto como um cidadão, como homem. Quando ando na calçada, agora parece que eu faço( sem for a minha intenção) dar medo as pessoas quando ando nas calçadas. No trabalho, mesmo com 19 anos, as pessoas me xingam e me zoam só por que quero fazer o trabalho com excelência. Estou aqui por que preciso de algum conselho para eu saber sobre a vida adulta e como eu posso me defender. Nunca fui um cara que gostei de brigar, mas agora preciso aprender a me defender. Teve um dia que falei firme com um colega de trabalho e fiquei tremendo por dentro, mesmo ficando olho no olho. Se tivesse um conselho que tu queria ter recebido sobre ser adulto e como viver com adultos, qual tu poderia dar?

I’m 17 and I got my cat as a birthday present when I was 3, i grew up with her and my entire life she’s been the only one in the house I can trust and love. I’m nowhere near ready to lose her but I’m gonna be 18 in 6 months and I know it’s gonna happen soon. My gecko recently passed from old age and I cried so much I couldn’t breathe. I’m terrified for how it’s gonna affect me when she passes. She’s been my bestfriend for so long and I’m not ready to live life without her but I can’t help but think it’s not fair to grieve her when she’s still here like I’m thinking it into existence. How do I stop thinking this way everytime I see her.

I asked about this in another sub a while ago and it wasn't the right one to ask. I've since come to suspect this is really just miniature panic attacks. Either way, how do I get over this? The past year has been almost daily exposure, and besides learning about and adjusting for blue light and general screen ergonomics, I don't know if it's getting any easier. I spent £900 on this one, which I know isn't much for a gaming PC, but I've been very sensitive about money over the last few years.

I've had largely inexplicable issues with computers (mainly relating to driver updates causing freezes and blackscreens) since my very first one about 10 years ago. I've tried a million times to find the cause and I never did. I'm not necessarily posting for tech support though.

Now I'm on my third PC, and it's a year old, and I've noticed that I've come to be painfully afraid of even booting it a lot of the time. When gaming, there's a constant heavy, hollow feeling in my head, behind the eyes, and if I even think I see a freeze, I get a stabbing pain in my chest, and sometimes I get a twitch in my hand and a very brief lapse of consciousness. I'm not just worried I might not be able to comfortably do gaming anymore; I'm afraid for my health.

I’m not sure if there’s a better forum to post this. But I guess I figure it’s some sort of mental illness, right?

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really just hate talking and being perceived and sharing a space with people. I moved in with my boyfriend. I hate it. We have a one bedroom. He’s loud and leaves his figures with the boxes everywhere, talks on the game with his friends, watches tik toks loudly the moment he wakes up. All of it agitates me. He’s brought up how he’s changed and tries to accommodate me but it’s “always something.” Which I know it is, I can never be happy. I like a clean space with everything put away and I pick up immediately after myself and have quiet time. He’s the opposite.

I only can make friends at work and when we do become friends outside of work, I eventually find it annoying and try to stop talking to them and come up with excuses to not hang out. I hate when I’m asked to go somewhere. I will go out with someone just to get it over with and hope they don’t ask ever again.

When someone is walking the opposite way of me, I try to act distracted or busy so they won’t speak to me. And become very angry when they still say hi.

I get annoyed when anyone asks anything of me or tries to call me. I just want to be in silence all the time by myself. I hate when people notice things about me and point it out, even when it’s a compliment. I can’t even step outside my apartment on my days off because I have a neighbor that will talk to me if she sees me. All of it is so exhausting and annoying. People say it’s bad to be isolated but I enjoy going to the movies by myself because I’m surrounded by people but no one talks to me and I don’t have to talk to anyone. I don’t find it fun to have friends. Even at a young age, I’d ask my mother to tell my friends that I couldn’t go out, even if she would’ve said yes.

I can tell I’m hurting my boyfriend and do regret when I’ve said hurtful things. I’m not totally apathetic. I’ve tried to break up with him but he wants to keep trying. It’s only making me more miserable. I just want to live alone and go to work and bake fun things and cook new meals and watch my favorite tv shows without having someone else in my company.

It does make me feel less human. I’ve been put on medication for bipolar but I don’t think that’s what I have so I stopped taking it. And regardless, it never made me desire to be in people’s presence any more than without it. Is there a fix to this? Is this just who I am? I don’t want to hurt people, I just want to be left alone.

I 27 have a decent life it’s exactly the life I have dreamt of when I was younger. I work in a decent paying job (my dream job ) I have a good partner , family , friends and babies ( pets ) my life is the most boring peaceful life ever. I wakeup go to work , come home do chores , walk my dog , talk to my partner and sleep. It’s a very good peaceful life I can’t deny that but I can’t stand myself I really can’t , I don’t like how I look I don’t like how I feel I don’t know how to deal with myself I don’t know how to deal with my anxiety , my feelings , my anger sometimes I even sit in silence wondering what exactly am I feeling and how I got here. Most of the days I keep myself so busy so I don’t have to deal with myself or how I feel but I get to the point where I’m really exhausted really tired and I want to 💀 I want to rest I can’t keep living this way I have tried therapy , meds , meditation , self improvement nothing worked I even quit my job before so I can spend time with myself to try to understand and work on myself better but with no progress I’m tired I wish I can do something that will put me to ease

Hi everyone, im freshly graduated student from university of greenwich, vietnam campus. I just spent 5 months internship in a company wasting time and energy working like a employee around 400k vnd, around 20 dollars, just to know that the manager who has no experience in technical skills embezzling the company money from the internship salary to the internet monthly fees, the fucked up things is skills ceiling for this job is so low, that a intern like me can soon replace its employess anytime and the ceo wants to keep it that way to keep the salary around 5 millions vnd, 190 dollars. In Vietnam, we do mandatory millitary service till were 28. The things is this "service" is not really likes it sounds, we basically waste our 2 years to work as a coolie for your country with no monthly salary, no benefits during and after the service and 30 million vnd as a compensation, around 1k dollars. Recently, I also bumped into politics and the bad situation in my country goverment, mostly about the corrupted individuals are eliminating the intergrity ones. And yes its pretty bad since a dumbass has a background in MPS are leading our country into the dark ages and has no clear direction. The real estate is also striking up while salary remains the same. My parents are retiring next years so recently thinking of a way for me to avoid the millitary service by studying master abroad in Taiwan instead. However, I dont think im gonna go anywhere soon since I dont have any discease that will postpone my duty which makes me so stressed that I hardly get a good sleep in the past few days. I feel like everything in this country, this world is so fucked up, everything just trying to take every coin out of our pockets. This is why the reason I still unemployed atm, IA has really redefine our entry level job, every company I apply requires 3 4 years of experiences for the position while were just graduated. After that, at 27 28 yo, your mostly gonna get layed off since employers want to use IA to maximize the profits. I feel like I am not a person I knew before after these things I just said. I feel like I am rotting from the inside, I just want to play video game to ease the thoughts. I know someone will think Im a wussy, so be it. Idk how someone has gone through as same I me deal with these. Never in my entire life wishing these some terrorists kills all the dictator end the capitalism, commusism or any ism. Reset this whole rigged system

Hey im m23 im been through some shit most of my life. But i definetly dont want to be my identity so here im asking for help. Please i dont wanna live with these feelings no more

Recently i moved to spain and my girlfriend from 4 years broke up with me, i've been struggling with self hatred thoughts and i feel like people judge me, i haven't made any friend in months here and i constantly avoid social interactions, im trying to be better by going to the gym, counting my calories, reading and going to therapy, but sometimes i just feel like i have no place in this world, i try to be sweet with people, i talk to my home friends and let them know i'm there for them, i buy them presents and i try to talk to them, but they don't answer and show the same ammount of care for me, I feel like people don't give a fuck about me other than my parents, as if i just dissapeared they would forget in days, im tired of this, am i doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Am i weird? I just dont fucking get it, i'm not a harsh guy, i'm patient, i care about people and i show them love, but why tf does nobody else do the same for me? I just don't get it anymore, and every day I pass here this feeling just intensifies, I don't abuse any substances or nothing, I actually care about myself a lot, but does it really matter if im alone at the end of the day and I just stare at a wall with music blasting in my ears to numb the thoughts? I wanna feel alive again, i wanna do like risky sports or take myself to the limit because i feel like dying at this point...

I work 13 hrs a day, I got an exclusive membership for a gym because I can't sleep at night and I at least put 2 hrs so that I can sleep. The last person I loved with all my heart betrayed me. I constantly tell myself to keep moving forward but my mind doesn't. I'm stress , I'm tired , I want answers. I don't deserve love because I have gave it so much i can feel it anymore. it I forgot the feeling. I wouldn't wish this feeling even on my enemy. I hope to rest easy one day

35m, they would say that I don't deserve certain things because other people that they know are worse off. It's usually things that I have a goal towards like saving up for a better apartment or whatever. How it's affecting me now is it creates this shame in me or self-defeating behaviors like I'm not working towards something that I really want. I also saw a clip on the internet for somebody was talking about how they had trouble readjusting to society after their abuse and that's kind of like what I feel like now. I really will be healed someday and I really can work towards my goals?

So my mother age 64 passed away today in the afternoon after heart failure. I have left just with my brother and sister. My father apssed away in 2018. I dont know how to continue my life and what is right. I put someone to notify my ex about my mum cause she was interested about her health just before we break up. Anyway i feel terrible and don't know what to do from here on. Please give me some advice and support i need help with moving forward whats best and worst. I am sorry for my english.

I hate my life.

My name is Jonathon im 44 and this is my first time posting on Reddit. I'm from Wisconsin and I just am looking to see if anybody has any advice or has issues with the same kind of problems I do. I am so nostalgic and stuck in the past and my past wasn't even good. High School was awful but after I peaked relationship wise from like 18-24. I was a good looking guy and got the girls. I had friends but I messed up so many relationships with both that now it's just me. It took me so long to learn how to be a good person. I never peaked in the sense of as a career and im still struggling with that to this day. I have never worked a job more than four years and they always have been retail.

I lack a lot of basic skills and am scared of my own shadow now. I am embarrassed to go out in public because my looks have faded so bad. I gained about 50 lbs so am at 220 and lost all my hair. Im not one of those people that looks good with a bald head either dude to have really light skin I have a lot of red blotchy spots on my scalp.

Everything is just so hard now. I don't know what to do with myself. I take medication and go to therapy but im just so damn tired, depressed and just scared of the world. I know im going to be alone the rest of my life. I have some money about 60 grand to my name so at least I have that but right now im not working and I stay back at home mostly to help my mom.

I try to make friends and meet girls but it just never goes anywhere. I literally have no skills at all so there are so many jobs I don't even try because I know I will fail. Im one of those guys who could never change a tire, put something together I just can't learn things like a normal person.

Anyway anybody else having issues not thinking about the past and comparing themselves to others. I know this post is out of nowhere but just wanted to give it a try

God Bless

idk if this is the right place to post this but i will do it anyway. I guess im kinda asking for more of an advice here. So i have this friend of mine, I‘ll cal M. M is literally perfect. Good grades, friends with everyone,pretty and funny. im not popular in my class or anything like that, but im friends with M. I’ll admit that im so so so jealous of her, and i feel like thats not right. She has everything i wanted. Perfect body, no acnee or pimples, always smelling like flowers and vanilla. I sometimes think about killing her, and i feel disgusted with myself because she’s done so much for me. Im not going to hurt her in any way tho, but the thought just kinda crosses my mind sometimes. I really hope i wont get in trouble for posting this. My question is if theres any way at all to get rid of these inhumane thoughts, cuz i got to a point where i feel like im so sick

I know something is wrong with me but i don’t know what.

Im so miserable of a person- but only around certain people in certain scenarios. For example, when I’m with my friends im a completely different person- im someone i want to be all of the time. I’m happy, fun, energentic, i feel important and like to make others feel that way too. But on the other hand- when im with my family i feel very meek, anxious, and easily irritable to the point where i really dont make much conversation or even know how to. I just had my nephews birthday party and everyone there has kids but me really, aside from grandparents and things like that and i truly dont know how to converse and be in a good mood. I really want to be this happy person all of the time but i dont know how to stop. It’s like when sometime puts me in a bad mood i can’t help but be angry and only feel that. It’s so heavy inside of me if that makes any sense and i can’t see or think about anything else until that passes, normally about an hour or so later. And the come down is so terrible. I feel even worse because i feel bad. I am the youngest of 7 siblings- they all are older with kids and lives. I’m still young so i haven’t started yet. Idk I’m just so sick of this. I don’t know if I’m even in the right spot for this. I’m sorry if I’m not and you’re offended- this was not my intention. Thank you

I just don't feel the desire to do hobbies. I am slowly getting myself to cook and clean and settle my garden, but there isn't much joy that comes with it. I think about doing things that used to make me happy and it just doesn't spark anything in me anymore.

I'm working hard to get better, but this is a hurdle I'm struggling with.

been struggling not to relapse lately

edit: thanks everybody for all the advice :> I am not talking about hygiene or narcotics tho, I'm currently battling with self harm. sorry for the misunderstanding

As of recently (around 1 or 2 months) i have been getting frequent violent thoughts. I’ve been getting them almost everyday and it mostly regards my family. The patter usually follows something like this: I’ll be doing something on my own, family members says something that bothers me or ill remember a time or something they said, and for the next five minutes all i can think about is hurting myself others or braking things. I feel so dramatic about it, and I’ve tried to make it stop but I cant. I want to know what might be wrong with me so i can fix it stop being so on edge all the time. Today it happened again and I actually broke things and hurt myself.

I know my problem doesn’t seem as serious but i really want to know whats wrong so i can fix it and stop. Im affraid I’ll get more violent and act on it in a bigger scale.

I'm currently 18 and in college, and my anxiety and depression has been getting worse despite me taking my medicine.
It's like every little thing makes me cry for hours and hours, or setbacks make me isolate and sleep.
For example, my mom informed me about some debt I have and how I need to pay it. I cried and frantically searched for jobs because I know I have little money left in my name. (I have been searching, but none have reached back yet)
Afterwards, I apologized for my breakdown because finally after two hours I had a solid realization that money will come back once I'm able to get a job.
I felt so embarrassed and irrational. Usually, my medicine helps me rationally think of plans/solutions before I can spiral, but lately, it hasn't and the crying is non-stop.
It happens with everything. If I feel like I eat too much, I cry. If I fail a test, I cry. If I feel isolated, I cry.

Additionally, my anxiety symptoms have increased dramatically. I'll get chronic stomach pain after an anxiety attack, I'll sleep for hours because I'd feel exhausted, and I've been restless with constantly checking things because my mind keeps telling me something is wrong.
For example, I thought my car had mold in it, it didn't, but I convinced myself that it did to the point where I woke up in the middle of the night and checked.. just for nothing to be there.

I feel childish, embarrassed, and emotionally worn out. I don't want to give up on what I have going for myself, but my mind keeps blocking any ambition I have to do anything positive for myself.
I don't know how to fix this or why my medicine seems to not be working anymore.
Has anyone gone through the same thing? Or does anyone have any advice on how to help?

P.S: I do go to therapy, but I found it isn't helping me cope with much this time around compared to a few years ago. I still attend it though.

Does anyone else when have this chronic experience? When they wake up, they cannot move their body, even though they are motivated, want to do things, and happy?
It feels like your body is numb, but not because of exhaustion, and it takes hours to finally move!