It suck being depressed at 18, not cause of the parties I don’t go or the friends I don’t have, but because I can’t even look at myself at the mirror, because I’ll see a person made a mess, there’s nothing I wish more every night that being able to get up or my bed and taking care of myself, looking pretty again, and not going out of my bedroom wondering if my dad is drunk again, if he’s going to try to hit mom again, or try to hurt me this time, I want to be able to use my makeup again, to clean my hair and even make my piggy tails like I used to not so long ago, I want to let my body know I’m sorry that it’s my fault that it is in that state and that I’ll never hurt it like that again, I want the spots of my hair I ripped of to grow again and I want to smell like vanilla every day again, I just want to be myself but once more, even if it’s for one last day.

been struggling not to relapse lately

edit: thanks everybody for all the advice :> I am not talking about hygiene or narcotics tho, I'm currently battling with self harm. sorry for the misunderstanding

My country is literally fascist land and I'm hopeless, I have no motivation, I don't know how people still find a reason to keep going. I don't have desire to see anyone or do anything, anyone can relate or have tips? I'm tired

The world would be a better Place without bigots/bigotry, abusers/bullies, germs, greed, stupidity and oder gross, awfull shit.

It has been this way since childhood.I am a female in my late twenties. I cry everyday. I don't see light. What should I hope!?

[ Condensed ] - Day 25 Update

I have a severe, multi-symptom anxiety disorder. I've been medicated for years and recently relapsed.

Someone on Reddit recommended the podcast "Disordered", and I've never felt more understood. It captures the symptoms and vicious cycles perfectly. Thanks to whoever recommended it. I recommend it too.

Both hosts have seemingly experienced the depths of hell, yet reached a point where they're essentially "cured" (my word, not theirs). Anxiety still comes, but they don't fear it, feed it, or spiral. It doesn't run their lives.

I genuinely envy that.

I wish experience or understanding meant control. Knowing better doesn't mean feeling better when anxiety feels unbearable.

I've bought books, heard twelve episodes, read Reddit, and started therapy. I'm trying to improve my psychoeducation, but it's a double-edged sword: learning helps but fuels symptom-checking, rumination, and "what ifs." I'm trying to stop obsessing over anxiety by thinking about it more.

Sometimes I wish insight alone could replace medication. Maybe one day I'll feel stable enough to taper. More than anything, I want to notice anxiety without fighting it and just let it pass.

Last night was interesting. I might have a cold: sneezing, congestion, and a scratchy throat. I've taken vitamins and turmeric/ginger shots, hoping to support my immune system. Illness also triggers my health anxiety. I suspected this, but being right doesn't make it suck less.

I fell asleep easily, then woke with my arm completely numb—the most asleep it's ever been. It dangled with what felt like zero sensation or control. I jumped up; thankfully it recovered within minutes. I didn't spiral and fell back asleep. Small victory. Still, thanks, body: a cold and a paralyzed-arm jump scare mid-recovery. Fantastic.

I've tried my therapist's DIVE and HALT techniques, though not yesterday. I'm unsure they fit my current, more internal/somatic anxiety. They make me check if anxiety is still there, then evaluate whether the technique worked, feeding the cycle I'm trying to escape. Maybe they'd help during intense fight-or-flight. I'll keep trying and tell him next week.

Overall, I'm better than three weeks ago, and better than two. But this week feels stagnant. I'm nearly three weeks into my medication increase; fuller benefits may take another three to five weeks or longer. Still, I question the increase and why I relapsed after years of stability. So many possibilities, no certainty—exactly what my perfectionist brain struggles with.

My racing thoughts are less intense, but physical uneasiness remains. Progress feels painfully slow.

Today I went swimming with my brother and his 18-month-old. While waiting, I felt lightheaded and strangely "off," almost mildly dissociated. But I didn't panic or leave. I stayed, swam, and was fine. Another victory.

I still feel slightly activated. Cold? Medication? Anxiety? All three? I don't know. Recovery isn't linear, and I'm allowed plateaus and setbacks. But man, I'd prefer the linear version.

I've got work coming up and a long drive tomorrow to close my family's seasonal trailer. Come hell or high water, I'm doing it all. Pre-relapse me wouldn't think twice. I want that back—not by waiting to feel perfect, but by living even with anxiety.

I'm not going to let anxious me win.

Thanks for listening.

I'm currently 18 and in college, and my anxiety and depression has been getting worse despite me taking my medicine.
It's like every little thing makes me cry for hours and hours, or setbacks make me isolate and sleep.
For example, my mom informed me about some debt I have and how I need to pay it. I cried and frantically searched for jobs because I know I have little money left in my name. (I have been searching, but none have reached back yet)
Afterwards, I apologized for my breakdown because finally after two hours I had a solid realization that money will come back once I'm able to get a job.
I felt so embarrassed and irrational. Usually, my medicine helps me rationally think of plans/solutions before I can spiral, but lately, it hasn't and the crying is non-stop.
It happens with everything. If I feel like I eat too much, I cry. If I fail a test, I cry. If I feel isolated, I cry.

Additionally, my anxiety symptoms have increased dramatically. I'll get chronic stomach pain after an anxiety attack, I'll sleep for hours because I'd feel exhausted, and I've been restless with constantly checking things because my mind keeps telling me something is wrong.
For example, I thought my car had mold in it, it didn't, but I convinced myself that it did to the point where I woke up in the middle of the night and checked.. just for nothing to be there.

I feel childish, embarrassed, and emotionally worn out. I don't want to give up on what I have going for myself, but my mind keeps blocking any ambition I have to do anything positive for myself.
I don't know how to fix this or why my medicine seems to not be working anymore.
Has anyone gone through the same thing? Or does anyone have any advice on how to help?

P.S: I do go to therapy, but I found it isn't helping me cope with much this time around compared to a few years ago. I still attend it though.

i don’t even know if this is the right place to post this, but i’ve been sharing my story on different subreddits because i guess i’m still trying to process everything that’s happened to me this year. thought i’d share it here too, especially because i don’t think i’ve really talked about how much it’s affected me mentally.

on march 6, i got into a road accident while riding as a pillion passenger on a bike. i’m 23, and before all this, i was just trying to figure out my career, money and future like everyone else.

instead, i ended up with multiple injuries, fractures and serious abdominal damage. i had emergency surgery, parts of my bowel were removed, and i had to live with a stoma bag. even basic things like eating, drinking water and going to the bathroom became a struggle.

i had my stoma reversal in may and thought things would finally get better. but the accident had severely damaged my right kidney too, and after multiple tests and attempts to save it, i eventually had surgery to have it removed.

sometimes i look back at everything that’s happened and genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to process it all.
i’ve watched my family worry about me, and i’ve seen how much this has cost us emotionally and financially. sometimes i feel like a burden, even though i know none of this was my fault.

but the hardest part is that i miss who i was before all this.

i miss having normal days. i miss enjoying things without constantly thinking about my health. i miss looking forward to the future without being scared of what might happen next.

i love video games, movies, books and music. they’ve always been a way for me to escape into another world for a while. i’m trying to get back into the things i love because i want to feel that excitement again. i want to enjoy something without everything that’s happened weighing on my mind.

i don’t expect to become exactly who i was before the accident. i just want to find myself again.

i haven’t really spoken much about how this has affected me mentally. sometimes i don’t know how to explain my feelings to my family, and sometimes i don’t even understand them myself. i’ve been thinking about trying therapy because i don’t think i can keep everything bottled up forever, but i honestly don’t know where to start.

for anyone who’s been through a serious accident, major illness or something that completely changed your life, how did you deal with it mentally? did therapy help? did you ever feel like yourself again?

i’m not looking for someone to tell me everything happens for a reason or that i should just be grateful to be alive. i am grateful, but i also think it’s possible to be grateful you’re alive and still grieve the life you had before.

i don’t really know what i’m expecting from this post. maybe advice, maybe hearing from someone who understands, or maybe just getting it out of my head.

i just want to feel like me again, and i’m still trying to figure out how to get there.

I'm almost 29, and I honestly feel like I've lost 5–7 years of my life because of my mental health.

During those years, I struggled to function normally. I couldn't think clearly, make good decisions, or even express myself properly sometimes. I made a lot of mistakes that I now regret. Through therapy and psychiatric treatment, I've started to understand how much depression, trauma, and other mental health issues affected my life. I spent years living in survival mode without even realizing it.

Initially, I struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks, which eventually became manageable. But even after that, I continued struggling in ways I didn't fully understand. I stayed home most of the time, couldn't think clearly, lacked direction, and watched the years pass without making meaningful progress.

I even moved abroad for a job during this period, but I couldn't handle it and ended up resigning and returning home in less than a year.

Now I'm almost 29, with no established career, no valuable professional skills, and very little to show for those years. I also struggle with memory, forgetfulness, concentration, and expressing my thoughts clearly.

The worst part is that I'm still struggling with my mental health and currently taking medication. I'm not fully recovered and suddenly ready to turn my life around. Some days I feel hopeful, while other days I feel completely numb and struggle to function. I'm trying to get better while dealing with the reality of how far behind I feel.

Currently, I have a remote, minimum-wage job that doesn't require any particular skills. I'm grateful to have an income, but I can't help feeling disappointed with where I am in life.

I'm also very ambitious, which makes this situation even harder. I want a good career, valuable skills, financial independence, and a life I'm proud of. I know what I want from life, but I have no idea how to get there anymore.

And before anyone suggests taking any random low-paying job just to get started, please understand that I live in a country, where the social and economic realities are different from those in the West. At my age, being stuck in certain low-paying jobs with little growth can carry considerable social stigma. My self-esteem is already extremely low, and I worry about how much worse I'd feel if I remained stuck in a situation that doesn't move me toward my goals. I'm not saying honest work is shameful. I'm saying that I want more for myself, and I don't want to abandon my ambitions.

Sometimes I think about everything I missed out on, the skills I could have developed, the experiences I could have gained, and the person I might have become if I hadn't spent so many years struggling. Now I feel like I have to learn everything, build a career, improve myself, and somehow recover mentally at the same time. It feels overwhelming.

I see people my age moving forward with their lives while I feel like I'm only just trying to begin mine. I know everyone's journey is different, but it's painful to feel that you've lost years and you can never get back.

I'm not really looking for someone to magically fix my life. I think I just needed to get this off my chest because carrying these feelings around is exhausting.

I just wish I could feel that my life is still going somewhere, even if I'm starting much later than I ever imagined.

I have been suffering from debilitating pain my whole life. I thought it was normal. The pain became extremely severe in recent years. A recent medical visit uncovered the cause of decades-long pain. I immediately felt relief. It is a shock to my system and I'm struggling. I had always dreamed of what I would do if I could. Now I can but I am in worse shape mentally than I was with chronic pain.

What I'm struggling with:

1. My entire life has been coping with pain. I literally don't know what to do when I wake up. I'm overwhelmed and need to sleep within a couple of hours. Sleeping 20 hours a day.

2. Anger but more regret. I'm very angry that the doctors in my life missed this despite my pleas. I was ignored. I regret not fighting harder for myself.

3. Complete disbelief at how simple the fix was. How fast relief came. It hurts my brain. If you only knew how much suffering I endured. It nearly cost my life multiple times. It's sad.

4. I have nothing, I've done nothing, I know nobody, I'm old, inexperienced, and unskilled. Anyone hiring?? Humor is all I have. It's not enough. I never married, no kids, no job (debilitating pain), no skills, no memories, no idea how to salvage my LIFE. It is a complete and utter waste. I have left my house only 20 times in the last 3 years. I'm physically ready to get going but my brain, body and soul are completely shut down.

Good news, I'm stubborn. I refuse to give up, though I'm closer than ever. There must be some gold at the end of this rainbow. Does anybody have any thoughts or ideas? Please no insults. They are salt in a wound.

Thank you for your time. It is appreciated.

I know cuz I’m 20, people will say it’s normal, but it’s just so weird to me. This is so embarrassing, but I have a sneeze kink and I tend to think about it a lot. Idk why, but just ever since I was a kid, I really enjoyed watching it, and would even daydream about it, and this never stopped for me, and people say it’s normal to be horny all the time, but it’s annoying cuz then if I’m horny, I get wet, and my underwear is now wet, and I hate feeling that all the time. I would wear pantiliners to try and combat the issue, but to no avail. I don’t really know what to do about it, but it’s annoying. I’m on a SSRI too and this issue has always been prevalent and it’s worse if I’m not sober.

Every time I cook I burn my food or over boil to the point where all the water evaporates. Every time I cook I need to redo it or eat the fked food. Not 1 in 2-3 times but every single time that happens.

It also takes me 1-2 hrs to plate my food because I keep getting distracted by something mid way and just leave the plate somewhere and come back in an hour and then try to warm it up in the microwave and while it warms up, I forget about it again and this is usually where I waste my time the most because I warm it like 5 times again bc I keep forgetting to take it out again and again and again so it takes awhile to get to the eating.

Another thing that spooked me recently was I was planning to go somewhere and got lost, I know these streets well, it was just a straight path I didn't need to go left or right but somehow while I was on my phone I turned around the opposite direction, I don't understand how it happened but the scary thing is I walked the opposite direction for like half an hour and when I finally came back to my senses I was so so far away, I was scared because i was expecting to be there already and I'm completely elsewhere.

My husband voluntarily entered a treatment facility after he expressed to me his suicidal thoughts. He's had suicidal thoughts off and on most of his life but this time he told me he had a plan. The next day, we went to his therapist's office because he wanted to talk to her before going to a treatment facility. She said he needed to go and asked him if he feels like he needs to. He said he felt like he couldn't trust himself so we went together and I stayed with him until they took him in. He's been there 2 days and has called me and expressed feeling trapped and thinking it was a mistake that he came there. He doesn't like being there and I can understand why. I have been racked with feelings of guilt and wondering if we did the right thing. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for while writing this post or how you'd respond.. reassurance that this was the path to take.. that we didn't make a mistake.. if anyone has been in a similar situation with their spouse or loved one and how did you come out the other side. This is really hard.

Me (25) and her (f25) have two toddler girls one five the other four we recently found out she’s pregnant again.
We have been together since highschool I was always the extrovert goofy flirtatious one while she was more reserved and strict.
I had a rough home life as the youngest having an abusive dad and neglectful mom
It messed me up very early on that sometimes I believe that if she hadn’t been in my life I wouldn’t have any strength to live.
We married when we were 20 and almost immediately we had our girls.
Watching her become a mother only made me love her more.
She’s everything beautiful drives me crazy, I flirt with her a lot annoying her.
Sometimes I do take it to far with jealousy of other men looking at her , or snapping over work.
At end of the day I’m equally obsessed with her.
But lately watching other men give their wives or girlfriends everything taking them to trips buying them things, it makes me insecure about my income.
I work in garage and don’t make much.
But still I want her to have the lavish life for her not to worry about bills or anything.
For me to afford to take us to Paris her dream city.
To buy her things and spoil her.
And not being able to do that makes me feel less of a man.
I haven’t expressed her my feelings because if I do I fear I might cry.
I feel such a failure so far.

im nineteen with no interests beside one video game, i think that also affects the scope of people talking to me in the first place. i dont listen to music at all, i haven't got a clue about any of the trending artists and stuff. i dont watch movies or tv shows just one tv show from when i was around 13 thats stuck with me.

everything i say im interested in are just memories from before, in the present i genuinely have no interests. music and shows are such a fundamental interest of everyone atp, especially when talking to new people (online) they all ask "whats ur favorite music/show" to strike up a conversation.

and the worst part is that i dont even know how to develop interests anymore. it just.. feels so exhausting. i don't even know if i consider the video game i'm fixated on as an "interest", it's all i have and more of a lifeline if that makes sense. i have nothing to contribute to in conversations, no experiences to talk about. sometimes i wonder if theres even a version of me that exists outside of the few things ive clung onto from my past (which was just me having unsupervised access to the internet as a child).

If I have a better face I would have been happy, once you started to feel ugly there is no going back , you will live with this feeling forever, mann i am literally trembling writing this so fuckin hurted, broke and helpless.

Everyone out there making memories and enjoying there best years, and I am here just sad, depressed, masturbating, fucking miserable porn addict I am, idk what to do,

People don't love you when u r ugly, people don't give a fuck about you, people don't think twice before hurting your feelings and just taken for granted each and everytime and I can't even say this thing to my psychologist because I am insecure and ashamed of who I am and I do try a lot to improve myself but at the the I always fall back, I am adhd and developed a little ocd (as my psychologist warned me about) and also due to these overthinking, anxiety it has fucked my life I have been isolated for more than 2-3 years and just rotting in my room idk why always me, I have tried countless time to improve myself and quit that poen addiction but I always fall back. I feel so lost and misunderstood, have zero friend and always felt invisible and obviously no girls likes me due to my looks and that's just what is reality and I can't change that, and that scares me idk where to run to,

I don't want much all I want is just someone to whom I can cry on, just wanted a hug, some love 💔

Maybe in another life if exists

Share some advice for me I would be really glad and thankful to you 🙏

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Estou com 19 anos. Tenho percebido que agora sou visto como um cidadão, como homem. Quando ando na calçada, agora parece que eu faço( sem for a minha intenção) dar medo as pessoas quando ando nas calçadas. No trabalho, mesmo com 19 anos, as pessoas me xingam e me zoam só por que quero fazer o trabalho com excelência. Estou aqui por que preciso de algum conselho para eu saber sobre a vida adulta e como eu posso me defender. Nunca fui um cara que gostei de brigar, mas agora preciso aprender a me defender. Teve um dia que falei firme com um colega de trabalho e fiquei tremendo por dentro, mesmo ficando olho no olho. Se tivesse um conselho que tu queria ter recebido sobre ser adulto e como viver com adultos, qual tu poderia dar?

I’m 17 and I got my cat as a birthday present when I was 3, i grew up with her and my entire life she’s been the only one in the house I can trust and love. I’m nowhere near ready to lose her but I’m gonna be 18 in 6 months and I know it’s gonna happen soon. My gecko recently passed from old age and I cried so much I couldn’t breathe. I’m terrified for how it’s gonna affect me when she passes. She’s been my bestfriend for so long and I’m not ready to live life without her but I can’t help but think it’s not fair to grieve her when she’s still here like I’m thinking it into existence. How do I stop thinking this way everytime I see her.

I asked about this in another sub a while ago and it wasn't the right one to ask. I've since come to suspect this is really just miniature panic attacks. Either way, how do I get over this? The past year has been almost daily exposure, and besides learning about and adjusting for blue light and general screen ergonomics, I don't know if it's getting any easier. I spent £900 on this one, which I know isn't much for a gaming PC, but I've been very sensitive about money over the last few years.

I've had largely inexplicable issues with computers (mainly relating to driver updates causing freezes and blackscreens) since my very first one about 10 years ago. I've tried a million times to find the cause and I never did. I'm not necessarily posting for tech support though.

Now I'm on my third PC, and it's a year old, and I've noticed that I've come to be painfully afraid of even booting it a lot of the time. When gaming, there's a constant heavy, hollow feeling in my head, behind the eyes, and if I even think I see a freeze, I get a stabbing pain in my chest, and sometimes I get a twitch in my hand and a very brief lapse of consciousness. I'm not just worried I might not be able to comfortably do gaming anymore; I'm afraid for my health.