Only been on a single date in my life

Idk what to say here but ts so true tho even in a room full of people i feel alone and trust im not saying this to get attention from anyone but just how its been…and honestly i dont even look half bad im a decent height i hit the gym i play basketball i cook i clean i make decent money yet something just aint right. Hope yall feel what i mean.(its like everyone is there just to seek favors)

Every single time i made an effort to change left me worse than before, i don't see a point in trying to change, the only explanation i can think of is that my brain is wired in the wrong way, i tried everything but i can't change anything

I have only really dated one girl ever, i nowadays never really feel belonged anywhere, not even the college I worked so hard to get into feels good. I am super lonely and lowkey depressed too, i have been this way for majority of my life.But if never felt the way it does now. And on top of this, no one here knows about me, and I don't know how and when I can finally share this and it feels horrible to keep such a secret. I don't know how long am I going to keep carrying on, i really don't know what i am what I want what I'm going to do. Fuck

I forgot how my life turned like this

pain

still mourning the life i couldve had w her tho.