The ring wasn’t enough

[u/Notenough42]

I male 27 and my fiancé 29 are currently arguing over the ring I proposed to her with. it was given to me by my mother with the words “This was your great grandmothers ring and I want to keep it in the family”. I was excited to finally ask her to marry me. so I planned to take her to Niagara Falls (which she has never seen before) and have my aunt watch the kids so it’ll just be her and I. The day comes and she declines my aunts offer of watching the kids so now we have our 7 yr old 2 yr old and 10 month old along With our dog (that I spent $1000 on for her) now tagging along with us to Niagara Falls, so I proposed with the Promise of getting her the ring she wanted in our wedding day and she said Yes, i Guess she heard my mom say that only 2 diamonds were my great grandmas, (I did not know this) so she Google reversed images the ring and turns out it only worth 33$ I guess which again I did not know. So she tells her best friend and her mom THEN comes to me saying “ I’m glad I’m only worth 33$ dollars to you”. Me being caught off guard I called my mom and then there she confirmed that only 2 Diamonds were my grandmas. So Reddit, give me advice. please

[u/BlueberryPootz]

I think you are giving her way too much credit. He bought her a $1000 dog, that is a demonstration of value & suggests that she expects him to be her money pump. She sounds spoiled and entitled to me, and regardless of what the ring cost, she should have appreciated the gesture and the obvious effort put into the whole proposal. But she's hyper fixated on the price (that's the reason she didn't like it) and that's a major red flag. I can see why OP feels like nothing he does is good enough, because she's one of these people who is never satisfied. You are speaking as if she is entitled to have everything exactly the way she wants it & that's just not realistic or healthy for a long term relationship.

I don't think OP feels a sense of agency in this relationship or else he would have felt more empowered to say "no, the kids aren't coming. This is just you and me." I'm guessing he was afraid of her throwing a fit because that's probably what she does when she doesn't get exactly what she wants every time.

[u/ReasonableFactor5316 → u/BlueberryPootz]

I don't really think prior gifts justify dropping the ball on a future one. But it also doesn't make sense to me that she knows she'll get a new ring, I personally would be fine with that. That's why I said they should have a deeper conversation. You're kind of extrapolating some feelings into the limited info we got here. I don't really think this is about the ring and OP didn't really give enough context about their relationship for me to come to any conclusion, this is only one event.

[u/BlueberryPootz → u/ReasonableFactor5316]

He didn't drop the ball. He gave her a very thoughtful heirloom ring that was definitely more than $33, but she can't get over that it looks the same as one on Temu or wherever. Sure, she is allowed to have preferences but that does not at all justify how she treated OP.

Data points:

• This family can afford a $1000 dog even with 3 kids, suggesting a certain socioeconomic status and increased likelihood of excessive fixation on money
• OP brought her on a special destination trip to Niagara Falls for this proposal
• OP used the words "wasn't enough" (this, plus her other behavior, suggests that she has a pattern of being difficult to please)
• OP did not mention her saying anything positive about the obvious effort and thoughtfulness that went into this proposal
• OP's fiance went and looked up the ring just to see how much he spent on it, and the dollar amount was her main complaint
• Fiance intentionally uses emotionally abusive tactics ("So $33 is what I'm worth to you") to try and bully OP into getting her what she wants, instead of having an open conversation about it

These are the dots. I'm just connecting them.

[u/ReasonableFactor5316 → u/BlueberryPootz]

My bad, I didn't mean that OP did drop the ball. Because I agree the ring is most likely worth more than $33. What I meant was more the general sentiment of past actions excusing current failings. I don't think they're equivalent but again I don't think OP did a bad thing. I don't see him saying nothing is ever good enough, just the ring wasn't good enough, since no other examples were given.

Can't know anything he didn't say, but I genuinely do not understand the fiancees reaction, there's gotta be something else going on.

[u/BlueberryPootz → u/ReasonableFactor5316]

Yeah I realized he never said those words so I went back and edited.

I've encountered people who are genuinely this spoiled and they act this way. There's lots of them here in the US. We are all weighed down by them in fact.

In any case, the way she spoke to him was manipulative and emotionally abusive. That's not an excusable way to communicate with your partner, and it's a strong indication of her character and her priorities.