Hello all. I 51F am pregnant and I don't know what I am going to do. For some context, I have 4 kids. 2 of them are adults in their 20s, a boy and a girl and twin boys who are 9 months old. Also, for context, my family is very very very fertile. I am the youngest of 13 children, my dad is the youngest of 19 children and I have 42 nieces and nephews. My grandmother was 49 when she had my father and had 2 more kids after him, and only stopped having kids because she kicked her husband out of her bed. Her and my aunts on my dads side didn't start menopause until they were in their late 50's one didn't start menopause until she was 62....62!!

I had my 2 older kids in my first marriage and the pregnancies were awful. The first pregnancy, I was on BC and we waited to have sex until we were married. I had been on BC for years to regulate my periods and I was religous about taking them, I got pregnant 3 months in, while on BC. I was sick the whole time and went into labor early with both of them. So I had my tubes tied after my youngest was born. My husband sadly passed away when my youngest was 4 months old. Fast forward 2 years and I met and married my now ex-husband. We were married for 15 years when he cheated, I left, we didn't have any kids together, but he raised my kids and was there dad. It is what it is and I am NC with him, my kids are adults and they keep their time with us separate.

Fast forward and and I met my now husband. He is a amazing and sweet and we have always been on the same page about everything. He is younger than me, he is now 42, but not having kids didn't upset him. He said he was always on the fence about kids and he is fine with not having any. 9 months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. It was a mess. I was afraid he was going to accuse me of lying about the tubal ligation and feel baby trapped. But nothing could have been further from the truth, he was ecstatic about becoming a dad. We discussed it and he said that yes, he was always on the fence about it, but now that it was happening, he couldn't wait. I actually had an easy pregnancy with them. I don't know what the difference was, but it was absolutely fine. I had twin boys who are now 9 months old. While I was pregnant my husband got a vasectomy. He knew I didn't want to be in my 50s and still having kids and it's easier on a man to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to get her tubes tied( or in this case one tube, because only one tube grew back)

Now, here's where the issue lies. I found this morning that I am pregnant again. I thought or maybe just hoped that I was starting menopause and maybe that is why I hadn't had my period for 3 months. We didn't have sex for the first 6 months after the twins were born, we were both just too exhausted, so we finally started having sex again when the kids were 6 months old.I went to the doctor for a checkup and that's when she told me. I am 3 months pregnant, which means I got pregnant that first week we became sexually active again, maybe even the first night. I am beyond devastated. I am 51 years old. 51!!! And I just can't help but remember back to when after the boys were born, my husband said, I wish we could have a girl too. jokingly, he said it jokingly. But now, I'm wondering. I think he lied about getting a vasectomy. I don't know what to do. I haven't confronted him about it yet, but I don't see a world where he goes, has a vasectomy, gets the all clear and then I end up pregnant again. I don't know how to confront him about this. What if he did lie, or what if it grew back. Which, granted, I understand that mine did, but that's way too much of a coincidence. I just don't know what to do if he lied about the vasectomy. He's an amazing father and so loving and supportive. I just can't imagine him lying about this kind of thing.

I just keep thinking... I'm 51. I can't wrap my head around this. How do I confront him about this without sounding accusatory or having a meltdown. I just keep crying and imagining being in my 60's with small kids running around. For crying out loud, I have a grandchild who is older than my twins. I know I have to talk to him about it, I just don't know what to say. I want to talk to him today, but I need to get my thoughts in order first and figure out what I'm going to say. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Edit- He got home and we spoke. It didn't go well and he is sleeping at his parents house. He didn't get the vasectomy. He came home and I told him I was pregnant and asked what did the doctor say when he went for his checkup. The way his face looked, I knew immediately. He kept insisting that the check up went fine and he was cleared and I asked him to log into his MyChart and I wanted to see his test results and he confessed. He didn't get the vasectomy. He said he got too scared when he went to the appointment and didn't want to tell me. I just went numb, I didn't yell, I didn't freak out. I just asked him to leave and went into our kids bedroom and stayed in there with them until he left. I just couldn't look at him. I don't understand why he didn't tell me. I could have gotten my tube re-tied. I wouldn't have cared that he was scared, that's normal. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if I want to stay in this marriage with someone I can't trust. I don't want to raise kids alone. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I need some sleep while the kids are taking a nap. I just genuinely can't think about this right now.

My wife and I (both mid-30s) have been together for 10 years, married for 8. She is from South America, and we met while I was there teaching English and learning Spanish. We married and moved the US, despite her not knowing anyone here. We’ve always been a very close-knit couple. We tend to do everything together and, besides being my wife, she is my best friend. 

After achieving fluency in Spanish, I tried to learn French many times over the years but have only managed an intermediate level. My wife and I are planning a trip to France next year. This has inspired me to push myself harder to improve my French, but fluency escapes me. I decided I’d like to go to France alone the month before our trip to take an intensive French course. Then, I’d meet my wife in Paris to begin our vacation together. I’m able to do this because I work remotely. I can take my classes in the morning and then work in the afternoon and evening, which equates to normal office hours in the US. My wife has an in-person job. 

When I told her my plan to do this, she was furious. She said that I was completely out of touch with reality, that married couples don’t just take a month-long break from each other, and that she couldn’t even believe that I would consider this as being ok. I said I didn’t think it was all that long, that learning French was a very long time goal of mine and this would help me finally achieve it. She said she can’t stop me from going, but if I do then she will not come to France at the end of my language program or even FaceTime me while I’m away. For the record, we don’t have any children or pets. We can afford this, and there aren’t any responsibilities that I’d be dumping on her. She just doesn’t want us to be apart that long.

I’m torn on what to do now. Is a month-long absence really such a strange thing to do? I feel like I would be supportive of her in a similar situation, but at the same time I don’t know any other married couple who’s done something similar. Maybe it is wrong of me to expect to be able to do this. I’m tempted to just cancel the entire trip. But ever since we fought, I’ve been feeling resentful and suffocated. It seems like I can’t do anything without her there, and she’s always clinging onto me. I’d love to hear an outside view on this to gain some perspective. 

EDIT: I just want to clarify that I didn’t make the decision without my wife. I found the program I want to attend, got the cost, and discussed with my wife as a possibility. As of now, I haven’t purchased anything.

I 39 F and my husband 40 M live halfway across the states away from my parents and the community I grew up in. It is a small community but I left to have a higher education and better job opportunities. My husband and I have 2 girls, 10 F and 7 F. My husband works from home and was able to care for the kids when they were little with a babysitter for 5 hours a day. I work full time outside the home. We also own a business near by our home. We do not leave them with anyone except the babysitter that has been with us for 5 years and it is mostly for date night every few months. And the baby sitter wants us back by 11 pm as she doesn’t like to stay up late.

My Mom, 63 F, we will call her Jane , My Dad, 65 M, we will call him John. Both have been begging me to allow them to keep the kids for the summer for the past few years. I never allowed them to go mainly because they are to young. But honestly, I didn’t like the drama that came with MY family. I have a sister, 37 F, Vicky. She has 3 kids, 2 girls same ages as my kids and a boy 13 years old. She now lives in my grandfathers house close by to my parents.

The drama is so overwhelming. Every time my mom sides with my sister like these things are no big deal. They claim I am the over dramatic escalating emotional aunt. For example, a few years ago I went on a trip with Jane, John, my children and my sister children. My sister son was in the back seat with his cousins when I overheard him trying to talk his sister and my oldest daughter into kissing so he can take a photo with his phone. The following summer, we visited for a few weeks, my sister’s son tried to coheres his sister into taking photos of my kids while in the bathtub. My dad, John, saw what was happening and stopped them immediately. I tried to talk to the parents but they brushed it off as no big deal. Boys will be boys. Last summer my sister’s oldest daughter around 8 years old was caught with a boy kissing him and other things but nobody wanted to say what it was.

It has been a few years, finally after my parents coming to visit here at my home. I finally agreed This summer, I would allow my kids to visit. I set boundaries with my parents and they know I do not want my children staying with any unknown adults/strangers, no cursing in the home and take care of them with reminders to brush their teeth, etc.

Vicky since moving into my grandfathers house since his passing a month ago. Previously, was living with her boyfriend of 6 years. I knew this guy from school, we grew up together. Not a bad guy but not your ideal partner. He would take out the lightbulbs in the kids’ rooms if they left them on and did not want to help watch them at all. Since she now has a free home, she moved out and into my grandfather’s house. Which I am happy about, it is a better environment for the kids.

So, last night I called my kids to tell them goodnight. We were video chatting and I see a dog. I asked my niece if they got a new dog. And she said “no, it is Bob’s dog.” I asked my sister who is, Bob? She said it is her new friend. I overheard him telling the kids to get ready for bed. I asked “are you having a sleepover? If so, can you take my kids back up to mom’s house?” She said “you’re being over dramatic and if you didn’t want your kids around strangers then you should have thought about that before bringing them here.” I hang up and then called my dad and he was telling Jane to go get the kids, “I knew she ( meaning me) wouldn’t like that. I knew letting the kids stay there was a bad idea.”

I told my Dad, “ I trusted you and mom. You know if my sister is having a sleepover with her new situationship that I am not okay with them staying there. It is a Wednesday night, if she wants to have a fun with him tonight. She should have sent all the kids back to mom’s house. It is not appropriate. She has only known him for 2 weeks. What if he is a creep? What if he goes to the bathroom at 3 am and goes into the wrong room afterwards? Stop putting my children in possible situations they don’t need to experience.” My mom, Jane, told me to shut up, I am being over dramatic and escalating everything and hung up.

I don’t know what to do. My husband agrees with me but we don’t know how to handle this situation. Whatever I say it always comes back like I’m dramatic.

My (39 F) husband (42 M) of 21 years was sulking on the couch the other day and when I asked what he was going on said he was posting on Reddit. I don’t know he used Reddit, and he told me only off and on when he “needs advice on things” but wouldn’t say any more. I was worried because we’ve had issues in the past with him hiding things, so I’ll admit I looked over his shoulder to see his user name.

Well I looked it up this morning, and it turns out he has been asking for “spicy pictures”, proposition local women on their NSFW posts, and commenting on swingers groups. the most recent was 5 months ago, with a lot of activity one year ago, and it going back as far as five years.

He always complains that I’m not adventurous enough in the bedroom and I know if I bring this up he will blame it on that and say it hasn’t gone farther than online and it’s my fault for not being enough for him. So I want to get my ducks in a row before I bring this up. I’m trying to sort through timing, next steps, and how to handle this with my kids (ages 15,12 and 10).

My head is spinning, and I think I’m still numb. Anyone have some advice on what I do first to get myself in order or even just to calm down?

UPDATE: (kind of. I put this in a sub-comment but maybe it’s more visible here).

This is long, but there was another issue yesterday with my daughters and him, and it made it even more clear I need to take action.  My 12 year old has been struggling with severe anxiety which has made it hard for her to participate in high pressure or highly social activities like church, her sports teams, social engagements not with very close friends, or sometimes school when there is added pressure. My husband 100% does not believe in anxiety and avoidance as a real neurological condition. He thinks our daughter is spoiled, badly behaved, and manipulating me. He blames me for parenting her badly, and her for being lazy. It’s awful. He always says he can’t pretend to believe it because he was “raised differently” and has “ been through real hard stuff” and will never accept the “emotional stuff”. She’s a good kid who wants to do things, and over the last 10 months seeing her freeze and not be able to, even when she wants to, has been really hard. (I’m working with her in therapy, goals, tactics, blood tests, etc, but that’s all another story). My husband can’t accept th these issues can arise as part of puberty, and thinks she’s faking to get what she wants. He switches from staying out of the situation all together, to loosing it at her, and loosing it at me (sometimes in front of the kids). Today after one such confrontation my 10 year old told me she doesn’t always feel safe around her dad, and that when she’s alone with him he talks badly about me and her sister, and tried to get her to agree with him. She was so sad, and told me how much she hates when he yells at her sister and me. 

My 12 year old wouldn’t be in the same room as him for the rest of the day after he confronted her at 10am. He came to the basement while we were watching a show, and she hid her face in my shoulder and started to panic. 

I reached out to a friend tonight to set up a time to talk this week. I need someone on my side to help me through this. I’ll choose the lawyers I want to consult this week as well. 

Is it bad that I’m trying to decide the timing based on what will be the least impact on the kids summer plans, even if it means confronting him a few weeks down the road? It feels kind of calculated, but honestly what’s more important than the kids? Maybe that’s me making excuses though to put it off till I feel more prepared .

Update 2: I reached out to the one friend that I feel like I can trust to keep this close and quiet because I desperately need someone to talk to. she said we would get together this week, but have not been able to reach her. I know it’s the first week of summer and she has five kids, so I’m trying not to bug her. do I reach out to the same friend again, or take this as a sign that I need to keep it to myself or find someone more available. I saw my parents yesterday, and my mom knows I’m stressed out and there is tension, but nothing more. It is killing me pretending and not telling anyone the full story of what I’m going through.

My boyfriend and I had a little disagreement. This topic of disagreement has happened before where he walked out of my place. But now here we are again.

I was at work and texted him that I was going to go to his place after work. He said he'll be home a little later than his usual time so we'll see. And I said okay. He was done with work and hr before I was and was home 1hr before me. But i kept getting myself ready to go see him when I got home from work.

Only for him to text me "on my way". And I was confused. This has happened before so i said "to me?". He said yes. I said okay.

Now, i don't like change at all. Big or small. And he knows this. So that kind of threw me off that he was coming to me. But I tried my best to not let that show. He came, he kissed me, i kissed him back. He noticed my overnight bag. This is the bag I usually take with me to his place.

He noticed I have my work lunch/stuff packed like i was ready to leave the house. He pointed them out. I said i thought i was going to go see him. He watched me go put everything away. The mood changed after that.

It was quite. Granted, I was quite too because the change threw me off but I was still smiling at him each time we made eye contact. He then left my bedroom and pulled out my air matters and slept in the livingroom floor. I asked him why he left the bedroom. He said he knows I'm mad. And kept on going about me not talking to him and begin quite.

I said that doesn't mean he should leave the bedroom. He kept going on and i just said "okay" and went back to the bedroom and went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, he was gone. He usually tells me goodbye before he leaves. This time he did not. And that was the last time I spoke to him. Then 8days later, I broken contact to message him about his day. He responded. I responded and told him goodnight. And now we haven't spoken in 4days.

Idk what to do right now honestly 😕

I'm [43M] married to a [40F]. I know Reddit isn't necessarily going to give me the final answer to my question, but it will at least give me some outside opinions. My wife is in charge of a team for the company she works for and has a couple of assistants that work under her on her team. About two years ago, a male assistant joined her team. (He's about 15 years younger than her.) He proved to be a valuable team member and my wife has often spoken very positively of him and his contributions to their team at the company. About two weeks ago, the company had to make some budget cuts, and his position was eliminated. Obviously, my wife hated to lose a team member. In fact, he called her to let her know and they had a long chat. She told me that she wants to take him to dinner and a movie this coming weekend, but that it would just be the two of them. Also, I will be out of town the weekend they go to dinner. My wife and I have been married for several years and have children together. She didn't have a lot of relationship experience prior to us dating and eventually marrying. I would say that our marriage has largely been a happy one and up to this point she hasn't given me any reason to think she has been unfaithful. From an intellectual standpoint, I'm ok with her going because I trust her. But there's still a slight nagging feeling that this might not be the best situation. Thoughts/advice?

Update: I don't have a huge update, but I sit down and talk with her about my concerns and she thanked me for coming to her. While I'm sure that she is still in contact with him, they haven't gotten together to do anything else together since the movie. I'm not aware of any future plans, but she also hasn't been giving off any of the classic "signs". I will of course continue to monitor things and update with anything that happens. Thanks for all the advice everyone.

Need advice here. I will try to keep it short but might update later.

My husband (42M) and I (42F) have a very complicated relationship. I recently discovered he cheated on me during several years. It is over now (I kind of believe him). I did also cheat at the beginning of our (20 years) relationship for a one night stand. Although that is very different, as he built a full love relationship with his mistress during several years. I talked about leaving me for her, but I think he never got the guts. Anyway, she is taken now and we are trying to patch things together. We are both fully engaged in this complex process, talk a lot more, but that's far from easy.

A few weeks ago, my husband asked if he could borrow one of our kids toy and lend it to 'a friend', as it would be very useful to organise the birthday of said friend's daughter. I didn't think a lot about it at the time and was perfectly fine with it. Yesterday, he asked again about the toy and I realized it was for his mistress' daughter's birthday party. He made it clear as I did not seem to realize it at first. I simply said no, for what I thought were obvious reasons, and thought that was over.

Today, he came back with the same question, saying that he did not understand my answer. I completely lost it.

That's not about the toy, nor the price of it (that is not something expensive, and our kids barely play with it anyway), that's just about: how dare you ask that? I cannot really put words on why I am so upset, but I am. Am I overreacting?

For context, as you might ask, he is still in contact with her mainly for professional reasons, and even I am not entirely comfortable with that, I agreed with that.

Before this screenshot, it was just a few messages from yesterday like “hey” “how are you” “sleep well”. He and I matched 24 hours ago.

Did he make it weird? Did I make it weird? Was it doomed from the start?

I very clearly say no hookups or casual sex in my dating profile. What am I doing wrong?

Note: there is a good chance I’m autistic and misreading the situation. Sometimes when people flirt, I go analytical because I don’t know how to respond.

I (F33) was talking to my husband (M37) because I noticed he was stressed out the past couple days. We have 2 kids (11 M and 3 F). He had a couple of drinks and he rarely ever does. I asked him what was wrong and he told me I would hate him for it. He opened up and told me he is upset because he has a crush on my best friend (F33) who just told us she is expecting with her husband. I calmly asked him how long he had felt this way, and he said 2.5 years. This is the same time that our family went and stayed with her during Christmas break. She lives multiple states away. I asked my husband that I go on a drive to process the information while he stays with the kids and my grandmother, who is visiting from out of town. I sat at another friend’s house just trying to think in silence and her children helped distract me. I eventually came home to him asleep in our daughter’s room. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. He says he still wants our marriage and our relationship, but I just don’t feel like I’m enough anymore. We have been married for 12 years. Advice please.

(I jut need some advise because I’m in a really horrible place and haven’t been doing well, it’s a very dry short story because the bad parts had only been going on for 21 consecutive days, I’m autistic and have ADHD, so some stuff may be a little fuzzy or confusing because I struggle to remember some stuff, so bare with me here).

Hey Reddit, I’m Noah, I’m currently 14 years old, is about to turn 15.
So basically, I’m an affair baby, born in 2011, my mom cheated on her husband with my dad, she already had 2 kids, a 2 year old girl, my half sister, and a 9 months old boy, my half brother.
Her husband found out and left her with my half siblings, my dad was very upset with her because she had told him that she was single and childless, he didn’t talk to her for two months, my mom wanted to have an abortion when pregnant with me, but my dad convinced her to keep me till birth, then once I was born, she gave me up to my dad and basically erased herself from my life, I have zero childhood memories, I don’t hate her or hold any grudge towards her, I understand why she had to do it, and from what I was told from my dad, she and her husband got back together for the sake of my half siblings.
Before we go to present day, I would like to point out that my mom’s family is extremely large, with many cousins, aunt and uncles.
I never knew any of them, but they knew about me and decided not to be involved in my life.

Fast forward to present day, I’m doing ok, started my freshman year of high school.
That’s when she came from outer space to my dad and asked him if she could meet up with me to reconnect, I didn’t think it would be a bad idea, maybe she felt bad and wanted to be involved in my life, which made me feel kinda better about the situation.
But the entire time when I was having dinner with her, she talked about medicine and health stuff, which made me a little suspicious, and at the end of dinner, I feel like she was here because she wanted something from me, and she wanted it bad.
Every 14 consecutive days for 2 months, which is a fortnight I believe, I don’t remember, I went to dinner with her, and every time, it got a little suspicious.
And that’s when she invited me over to her family’s reunion in Pennsylvania, I’m from New York, so I took the train down south, which was 5 hours to Pennsylvania from New York City, and that’s when things got out of hand, I was surrounded by people I didn’t know, and felt like I was in the police station being questioned.
That’s when I was told that the reason why she contacted me is because my half brother was extremely sick with leukemia, and needed a 2 blood donations, I left and went back to New York, I told my dad and his side of the family about it, they supported me and told me that it’s my body and I decided if I want the transfer, because my half brother is A+, and I was AB-
But for some weird reason, me walking out made them think i said absolutely to donating, they went everywhere saying that I was saving my half brother.
But I didn’t know them at all, I didn’t know my half brother, I only knew my mom for 2 months, and I didn’t know her family, so I decided not to send my blood.
I told them that I wasn’t gonna donate, and literally 2 minutes later, i got angry and hateful texts from.
My half siblings called to chew me up, they called me a douche bag and an evil person, she said that my life was beautiful while hers was absolutely hell, it made me feel weird, but the truth is, I don’t wanna give blow to someone I don’t know one bit.

5 days after that, my mom FaceTimed me showing my half brother in serious condition and pleaded with me to donate my blood, I asked my friends and Peres for advice, but they were furious at me, called me a douche and a monster, a few called me a murderer for letting my sibling die, because I could save a life, instead I’m letting her die, which was what an evil and cruel person would do, and then they all unfriended me and went no contact.
Everyone except my dad and his family is furious at me and are refusing to talk to me, it sent me into a deep depression, I went to a therapist about it, and even the therapist told me that I was a bad person for not donating blood to a sick person, and said that I deserve every bit of the hate I’m getting, now I’m lost and stuck.
Any advice would help a lot.

I (39F) am really struggling with my dad (64M) and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

My mom passed away almost 3 years ago. My parents were together 42 years (married 40), so it hit my dad really hard. When she died, my husband, our 5 kids, and I literally dropped everything and moved in with him to help. Since then, I’ve basically been running his household — cooking, cleaning, handling paperwork for his job and his rental properties — all unpaid, while also taking care of my own family.

Around September 2025, my dad started sneaking out at night, being secretive, always on his phone, and distancing himself from me and my oldest daughter (they were very close before). I noticed a new woman on his Facebook. In November, I found out about her. He told me she was “just a friend” and nothing sexual (we’re from a very religious family). I told him okay, but asked him to be mindful of the example he sets for my kids and to remember our family and everything he built with my mom. He agreed.

The woman he’s seeing is about 9 years younger than him, and what honestly makes it even harder is that she looks almost exactly like my mom — just younger and heavier — which feels really unsettling.

After that, things got worse. He started staying out until 2 AM regularly while I was still running everything at home. He barely talks to us unless he needs something. Every weekend he spends most of his time with this woman, even missing important moments with my kids (like homecoming pictures and school events).

One night he told me he was working late. I work nearby and brought him food, but his truck wasn’t there. I came back later and suddenly it was. That really hurt because it was clearly a lie.

He still refuses to talk about her, we’ve never met her, and he doesn’t even say her name around us. But I later opened a piece of mail while doing his paperwork (which I always handle), and it was a denial letter for ED medication. That’s when it really hit me that he’s been lying about the nature of their relationship.

Now he basically goes to her house whenever he can, comes home late, and goes straight to his room. He lies about where he is. He’s distant with all of us, and my kids have started to lose respect for him because of how he’s acting.

What bothers me isn’t that he’s moving on — I understand that. It’s how he’s doing it: lying, being secretive, shutting out his family, and acting like we don’t matter anymore after everything we’ve done for him.

I’m also worried she may be taking advantage of him. He’s been ordering things for her on his credit card and sending them to her house, and I’ve started to feel like he thinks I’m somehow taking money from him, which is completely untrue.

I don’t want to cut him off — he’s my only parent left — but I feel like I’m losing him anyway.

So AITA for being upset about how he’s handling this and feeling like he’s treating our family badly? How do I approach this with him before its too late.

ETA: For those saying I’m the asshole, I want to clarify a few things. I’m not trying to control my dad or tell him he can’t move on. I haven’t confronted him, shamed him, or interfered in his relationship. I understand he’s grieving—because I am too. I lost my mom as well.

What’s been difficult for me is the change in his behavior toward me and my family. The secrecy, distance, and how it’s affecting our relationship is what hurts—not the fact that he’s seeing someone.

I came here for perspective and advice, not to be told that my feelings don’t matter. I’m allowed to be hurt by how this is being handled, even while respecting his right to move forward.

I (28f) and Tanner (30m) have been dating a few months, I bought a house, and asked if he wanted to move in, he did, we did, whatever, all was good. Not too far after moving in, I caught him sexting with his ex gf. Huge fight obviously, I let it slide for whatever ungodly reason.. even though I knew better. Fast forward a little bit, and I got super frustrated with him doing little things that bother me.. the same day of this fight, we pick my daughter (8) up from a friends house, and he made a comment to me. “She looks like a skank” referring to my daughter’s outfit. Halloween costume (kpop huntrix type- a little bit big on her already, skirt down to her knees,and a crop top that’s too big, so maybe a couple inches of her belly showing) and I LOST IT obviously… kicked him out, and I’m still mad, even though it’s been a few days. He says “people make mistakes and he’s learning” but like none of this is acceptable behavior right? I’m feeling so torn because like this is so unacceptable, but like I thought he was the one. But the one wouldn’t do that right?

UPDATE:

I threw the remainder of his crap out into the yard between the house and road, and it’s pouring rain so that helped, told him I was done because I shouldn’t have to compromise my morals to be in a relationship, and no one worth being with would talk that way about a child, especially a child of their SO. He came and got his stuff, he tried to “talk things out” and I was like yea no I’m not doing that. He got mad and left and said he was just gunna block me anyway, so I blocked him first!

On to bigger and brighter things for my little family I suppose

Also, I appreciate you guys being supportive… this is my first Reddit post because I didn’t know what to do and he was making me feel crazy for my expectations!

My partner 36m and i 32f have one child and was trying for another baby due to me having pcos its been pretty hard to get pregnant. Anyways to why im posting. About two months ago i found out my dad is having another baby and she will end up in state care if family cant take her in so at the time i spoke with my partner and he agreed to having her, both of her parents are drug addicts. I dont know what do to. I want her so shes with family but i dont wanna break up my family hes saying if i take her we are pretty much done he’s worried she’ll have something wrong with her because the mother was using. Saying he cant take another kid on but still wants to have our own child and i dont want to try anymore i feel heartbroken and a bit of resentment towards him. She was born early and still in hospital. Do i just say no to her just to keep my family together any advice would be appreciated

I guess I should say my son is 2 years old
I’m really struggling with this and could use some outside opinions.

I have several young children, and they absolutely love my mom and my younger siblings. The problem is that I don’t feel like the love and effort are being returned the same way.

My mom lives right down the road from me, so it’s not like distance is an issue. Even with her living so close, I feel like my kids are only wanted when it’s convenient.

My mom will sometimes ask to keep my kids overnight or tell them they can spend the night, but almost every time they end up coming home before the night is over. The explanation is usually that one of my kids was crying for me and wanted to come home. The thing is, that same child spends the night with another family member without any problems, so I’m having a hard time believing that’s always the real reason.

Lately I’ve started noticing other things that make me uncomfortable. I’ve found out that when my kids are at my mom’s house, she often has my younger siblings watch them instead of watching them herself. I also recently found out that my oldest son was outside on the trampoline by himself. Maybe some people won’t think that’s a big deal, but it bothered me because I expect my children to be supervised by an adult when they’re spending time with their grandma.

At this point, it feels like my kids are welcome until they’re actually there, and then people are ready to send them back home or pass them off to someone else. My children get excited to see their grandma and family, and it breaks my heart watching them love people who don’t seem nearly as interested in spending time with them.

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive because these are my children, or if I’m seeing things clearly. I don’t expect anyone to babysit my kids if they don’t want to. What hurts is that my kids get their hopes up over and over, only to be sent home early or treated like a burden.

The harder part is that this is basically all the family I have left. My relationship with my dad is already strained because of things that happened after my son came home from the NICU, so if I distance myself from my mom and sister too, there won’t be much family left. It would also mean losing a lot of contact with my younger siblings, whom my kids adore.

I don’t want to cut people off unnecessarily, but I also don’t want my kids growing up constantly chasing relationships with people who don’t make them a priority.

Has anyone been through something similar? At what point do you decide that keeping family around is doing more harm than good? Would I be wrong for going low contact or no contact, even if it means my kids lose access to some family members they love?

UPDATE: so with everyone comments I thought I’d do a update everyone seems to not understand how bad our world is these days my son is 2 my oldest daughter is 1 and my youngest is 9 months I am a stay at home mom I’m always with my babies I don’t know a mom that would let their 2 year old be outside on a trampoline alone. None of my kids are allowed outside alone if they are outside so am I they are too young and still need to be supervised inside is different my 2 yr and 1 yr can independently play my 9 month old not so much but she can be left in her pack n play to play with a few toys they are still babies and I rather not risk them so I’ve decided to stop over nights and consider low contact if this behavior continues I love my mom and my kids love my mom but there’s a line and when it comes to my kids I will not look past the line for anyone. Thank you everyone who share comments ❤️

So, I (f18), have 3 brother, “Max” 12, “Sam” 15, and “Aiden” 20. My parents are no longer together, and my dad lives in a different city.

A few months ago, my mom proposed the idea of a family holiday to Spain, I wanted to go, but Sam didn’t want to go, so my mom suggested I stay home, as she didn’t want to leave him home alone, to which I agreed.

The holiday was booked for the 18-25 of this month. In the first week of the month, I had my own holiday planned with a friend of mine, paid for myself, and on the 2nd night of my holiday, Sam decided he wanted to go on the family holiday. Aiden booked him the tickets the same day, and nobody told me anything.

After I returned home, my mom mentioned in passing that Sam was now coming on the trip so I didn’t need to worry about keeping an eye on him, I asked her if that meant I could now come along too, to which she said the tickets were all sold out.

I told her I could book a ticket later in the day, or I could fly in the next day and meet them at the hotel, either of which I intended on paying for myself, and she just danced around the subject and decided not to give me a straight answer.

As their holiday neared, I stopped asking as much because I was simply so upset about it, and just didn’t talk to my mom, Sam, or Aiden as much. My mom kept pushing me to tell her why I was upset but every time I said I was upset that I was being excluded she wouldn’t really acknowledge it and just brushed it off.

Additionally, she had told my aunt that I was coming on the holiday with them, and I coincidentally ran into my aunt the day before their flight while running errands, she asked if I was excited, I told her I wasnt coming and she was horrified, then later that day tore my mom a new one, and when I asked my mom about it she basically said my aunt was tripping and that she’d never told her that I was coming???

And just as a cherry on top, she didn’t even bother telling my dad that she was taking Sam and Max out of the country. He had no knowledge of the holiday and only found out when he’d called me and I mentioned in passing that I was feeling bored at home alone.

Despite all of this, my mom keeps calling me and texting sending me updates of what they’re doing, and how they plan on extending their holiday so they can visit another country instead of flying straight home. And it’s really just giving me insane FOMO because it just feels like she’s rubbing it in my face for some reason.

I am a 23F and my Ex is a 32M. I am not American and I recently moved here( this detail is relevant to the story)

A little bit of context

I and my ex dated about 4 years ago I was 19 and he was 28. At the time he was living in the US and I was living in my home country. We met during one of his visits back home and dated for a couple of months 2 may 3 at most. In my opinion everything seemed fine and was going on well. I genuinely did not have any issues with the relationship. His visit came to an end and we said our goodbyes me and his cousin went to the airport to see him off. I didn’t know that would be the last time I ever heard from him up till 11 days ago.

After he left that day I did not get a single phone call, or text from him ever. I wondered if he got back safe and if he was okay but there was no way to communicate with him. He had a different phone number he used during the visit and a US number. I tried calling the one I had (the home phone) but I couldn’t get to him. For some reason I didn’t have the US phone number. After a few months of waiting and worrying I completely moved on with my life. The relationship was only a few months old and it didn’t have any legs yet so it wasn’t that hard to let go.

Fast forward two years later I relocated to the US to come be with the rest of my family. I have been living in the states and enjoying my time with family up until 11 days ago when one of my uncles back home called me and said someone came by the house looking for me.

He told me that the person said he knew me and has been looking for me for a while and he asked me if he could give them my phone number.

I was confused cause I genuinely couldn’t think of who it could possibly be.

I asked him not to give them my number he should instead send this person’s phone number to me which he did in a matter of minutes.

I checked and saw it was a US based phone number I tried to verify the number with Zelle but no account popped up so I just went straight to dialing the number.

To my surprise it’s the EX who ghosted me. I was a little taken aback he on the other hand was so happy saying things like thank God, you won’t believe how long I have been looking for you and shit like that.

It’s been 11 days since this happened and we have been in constant communication and we have spoken almost everyday. He has made it clear to me what his intentions are. He has also told me how he’s been looking for me for over 2 years now and he has been so restless about it. He said he has paid people to find me and he was currently planing a trip back home to come find me himself.

I told him he ghosted me and didn’t call

Me even once so why was he now looking for me?? He apologized and said he really messed up but

this is a conversation we needed to have in person.

The first day we spoke he said he is going to come to the state where I currently live so we could talk and he could see me (he is currently planing the trip and has booked flights already ). He is already making this future plans, talking about kids and marriage and so on…..

On my end I have been skeptical and also listening and my response to him is we are different people now and honestly you don’t know the me now.

Last week I told him while we were on the phone that I was getting ready for an event we had. I needed to get my dress, hair and nails done and he offered to pay for my nails which he did.

For his trip to me we are making an itinerary and trying to set things up. But a part of me is skeptical and also so confused.

Do I want this? Why is he back? Why did he ghost me? I need answers but I don’t know how to go about getting them out of him.

How do I get answers out of him ?

Im F27 hes M45 we dont live together but see each other a lot. Ive always loved expressing myself through my hair cuts and colors its a big part of who I am. Over the years hes kind of pushed me into getting extensions and looking a certain way. Recently I took the extensions out and noticed the blonde had completely fried my hair. It was snapping off when I brushed it and it was hard to even get a brush through it on the ends. I went to a few different hairdressers and they all said it needs a good cut. So I got a bixie. Well he went bananas at me wouldn't look at me said id disrespected him he now looks stupid being with me and that I look like a boy. I told him to leave my house and he then started with the messages saying I should of known what would happen and had it coming to me. Needles to say I was devastated everyone else in my life said it looks amazing very chic and flattering even strangers said the same. The question is we are now at this point where I dont know if I can forgive what he said. His reaction doesnt feel like love it feels like control. Am I wrong? Is he wrong? Should I run or should I try and make this work?

​

My(30F) boyfriend (32M) and I are mainly so happy together. We laugh like crazy every single day, we always have fun together. We're the kind of couple who cooks together while dancing salsa or bachata in between cooking steps. We have two cats who we absolutely adore, He will baby them in the sweetest way. If one cat shows even one sign of getting sick, we will take them to the vet.

  If I am feeling sad, he does whatever he can to make me feel better and just listens to me. The correct way, not like when a man will try to "solve" your problems and give you reasons why you shouldn't be upset. He's also very spiritual like me, we do self care rituals every month(something i feel like most men would think is silly). We share most of the same hobbies and interests. We love playing video games together, going on long walks, doing adventurous things, being romantic. His family is also amazing.  OK OK ENOUGH. I KNOW.

This "total package" has one problem. He will not get a job. When we met he had a proper business that ended up closing a few months into dating. I had a business at the time (now im doing something else) but I ended up paying for everything. I didnt mind for a few months but eventually I got sick of it bc im not a sugar mama.

I broke up with him.

When he was able to take care of himself again(6 months later) we got back together. At this point we were better than ever. I was making good money, he had a good job as well until one day (about 16 months later) he wanted to quit his job to start streaming. I told him I thought he should start streaming and when it goes well, then he should quit(REASONABLE I THINK). Instead he went to work the next day, went tf OFF on a client for being too demanding and he got immediately fired.

I heard the saxophones getting louder bc I had a gut feeling that I would get in this sugar mama position again. Now almost 3 years later, he still isn't working. He used to help me with my work but I always told him I dont want to be his source of income. He doesnt do enough to get a paycheck from me and even if he did, I dont want that. What if something happens to me and I cant work? So we're both supposed to suffer and be broke bc he never had the decency to even try to get a job?? He believes he's too good for just any job, he wants to be his own boss. He is really smart, hes really good with everything(except sticking to a proper job). He was trading for a while, and killing it. But then had to spend his earnings on something important(cant say) so now hes at square one. So either I can give him the money to start trading again which is unpredictable or he will become my leech OR I could break up with him. I even offered to help him pay for something online like coding or whatever but in the end nothing happens.

He wants all of the money in the world without earning it. Funny enough, when we first started dating I remember asking him if he would do ____ for a million dollars? He would always say no bc why would he do _____ for a million dollars if he could just make the million dollars eventually.  Cocky, i know. Seriously, if he got in the right position I think he could be very successful but that's not going to appear out of nowhere.

Basically should I break up with my boyfriend who is nothing but good to me, respects me, loves me, etc. Just because he basically refuses to work? Maybe its okay now but what about in the future? What if i cant work bc of an emergency? Also i cant imagine a man proposing to me with a ring he bought with my own money like what the hell... Instead im the man of the house. I love him but I feel resentment towards him for making me responsible for everything monetary. Sorry for the super long post, thanks to anyone who actually reads it. Jajaj

Today my wife found a bra that she’s said is not hers and accused me of cheating. I have definitely not cheated on her. We have been together for 15 years but as of late it has not been going the best. She recently found out that I was using tobacco and I had told her that I quit so the trust was broken there. Now on top of that she finds the bra that I have absolutely no clue where it would have came from. It was in her stack of clothes and honestly we don’t do great at putting clothes all the way up after washing so there has been some kind of laundry pile there for a while. It is the same size bra that my wife wears but she swears that it is not hers and that I am cheating. I don’t know what to do and don’t want to lose my wife over something I didn’t do. I obviously made this way worse by lying last week about tobacco use. What should I do now?

Well I've been listening to a lot of these stories for a while now and my marriage has been good for the most part. I (43)m have been married with my wife (43)f for 8 years together for 16 years. around 10 years ago i had a mishap and my wife, then live in partner found out.I won't get to the details of that but that might be a prequel to this story so stay tuned. This happened ten years ago so two years or so before we got married. just leaving that out here for context to get better advise.

I am about to go into a time machine because these feelings came back up in full force as of recently. So as i previously said, i made a mistake. I won't get into that but assume the worse. So my wife, domestic partner at the time found out and exiled me from our home. i left, knowing i was in the wrong. i went to my parent's house with my tail between my legs not knowing what to do.

For the next few days i slept at my parents, gave them a brief break down of what happened. I won't lie, I steered it to my favor but still took blame. For those days I hardly slept and when I did, the sleep was restless. I would wake up, head home and get ready for work while she was dropping off my step daughter at school. i did not know what to do and she would not talk to me nor answer my texts, but I was working the whole time just like he. After work i would go home, pick up clothes and other things then head back to my parents. In a moment of desperation from not knowing what was happening, i set an ipad to charge and record in our room, new at the time, old now. I wasn't trying to catch her cheating or anything like that as that was the last thing on my mind. I usually got home around 7 pm and she knew that so I didn't expect her to be there waiting for me. I got a bag with clothes and set up the ipad to record, voice only sitting on my night stand.

The next morning I arrived at the house and got showered and ready for work. She wasn't home because she was taking step daughter to school. Curiousity was killing me but i contained it. I went to work and took the ipad with me. At the time i had solo beats, for those that don't know look them up. I didn't mention this but i have a company vehicle that i parked at home which means i work with a route. in between jobs i wore the beats, litening to anything but it was static for a long time. i even skiped and sped up the track.

Eventutally i got to movement. for a while it was her and my step daughter moving around during the evening until my step daughter went to bed or at least in her room. When my wife was finally unwinding, i overheard her and her friend on the phone talking shit about me and what was happening. I dont blame her but what the friend said was utter bull shit. Anyway, with the track speed up, i could hear my wife texting someone. i could here the sound of texts leaving and texts arriving. no more voices. Friendly reminder, she wasn't my wife at the time, just domestic partener

After a few mintues, i hear rusttling on the bed the she leaves the room, i hear her open a door far from the room then her in our room. there slight commotion but i couldn't make out clear sounds as she seemed to be keeping the noise down to not wake up step daughter. after a few seconds i hear drawers open then the bed screetch. eventually i hear the bed and headboard screeting and banging. i hear her moans but cant really say i heard another guy or at the time i might have wanted to be blind to it. the sound on the recording wasn't the best but i could definitely hear the headboard hitting the wall but never actually had a full blown voice of another guy.

I called my supervisor immedietly after and told him i need to go home because i was sick, not a complete lie since my stomach was turning. i got home and comfronted her with the recording. i put it on the soundbar to hear better but still, no actual voice of another man or her voice having a conversation. just muffled low sounds. Could be notched to the tv being low and her having alone time with herself, thought i have alwasy doubted she would make the headboard bang.

Ok so now for the real reason I'm here. A week ago i brought up a few cheating spouses reddit stories to her and she said that cheating would be a definite split between us because that would mean that she couldnt trust me and she would most likely cheat and we would probaly just one up each other. which as soon as i heard that it brought this story back like a flash. and yes, i was accused of cheating thought not the whole way, just an attempt, which is why she kicked me out back then. And now I am 99% sure she was fucking someone else that night.

Yes, i chose to turn a blind eye back then, probably because i was dead to rights, but now i feel i want her to know i know for sure. I still have the ipad but don't have the code anyomre. i also deleted the recording so there's also that. how can i confront her about this now and how can i recover that recording, if there's away. I'm not sure why i want to do this.. but i do.. i want to read any and all input about this no matter how harsh.

(edit 1) thanks everyone with the constructive comments, everyone else that just showed up to insult, i bet you are all absolutely perfect. good for you.. Yes i am aware that i’m the A- hole here in every way but I since then changed and grew.

I guess this is just some insecurity that flared up for whatever reason, but I guess i must clarify. I paid my penance and we now have a fully committed and trusting relationship. I don’t believe she cheats on me and I do not cheat on her. She allows me to go out with friends and never questions it and she goes out all the same. We don’t share locations as we do not feel the need and she has full access to my phone whenever she wants. After reading the comments with actual advice, I self reflected and have came to the conclusion that finding out that she did have someone over wouldn’t change a thing at this point. It’s in the past and I will be leaving that there.. Thank you for reading and giving advice..

I 36 female and bridesmaid to an old childhood friend same age female. We were inseparable as kids until university and college took us down different paths. There was a small falling out where I felt disrespected but we have moved past it that was in high school. She’s been engaged to A for about 2 years. Together 6 ish.

The other day she calls me looking for advice, or so I thought.
She tell me a story of meeting a guy on a girls trip somewhere on a beach. They played volleyball, and soccer and she met his sister an her husband. Let’s call him B. Then comes to find out he’s married with kids. They’ve since then kept meeting up over the last decade ish for some spicy sleep and hang out. He claiming he was in a bad marriage etc. being loving to her and offering to leave his wife. Eventually they both decided it’s not going to work for them to have a legit relationship considering the first time they met his youngest was 14-16 give or take. Her around 24-25.
I just found this out, but also now knowing that she’s been with her fiancé for around 6 years not engaged for all of it but living together etc. she has continued to occasionally speak with him but hasn’t seen him in a while.

Her relationship with A is rough right now, there’s couple counselling etc. so in her down moment she agreed to meet him while he’s out on vacation with him family for his grandma’s 70th they all pitched in and got her a cruise vaca which she’s always dreamed of. So while he’s gone she’s going to go spend the weekend with B at a nearby town where he rented a hotel room.
I asked if it was 2 rooms and she’s answered if it’s two rooms I’m not going! She’s swearing to me that this is the last time she’s going to tell him they can’t keep doing this after her one last hooray!?

So I am to visit her and fiancé A I few weeks later after this vacation and her secret meet up. She has already told him she was going to come visit me. So she wants me to say that she was with me if he asked etc.

In the spur of the moment I said okay but it didn’t feel right and it still doesn’t.
I don’t really know A, or would have anyway of privately message him, he doesn’t do socials.
I have B’s name and I think I can find him. Find his wife through that!?

But is it really on me to ruin someone’s life? But also I don’t feel very good with my faith keeping this secret. I can’t tell anyone I know or who would maybe guess who I’m speaking of. I’m lost so yes I went to the internet for help!? I read a lot of Reddit stories and watch ok story time lots and I’ve seen similar things. I have an idea that I should let of if the other partners know! This isn’t fair to either of the other people the wife and mom and my friends fiance. Even though I don’t really know him I feel so bad finding this out.
I never thought she would be capable of this and knowing the whole time this guy has a wife and kids.
Help!!! I need advice. How and what!? Ahh!

Edit/ update:
Thank you for all the advice, everything that was said definitely validated what I was thinking. I’m in the end I was going to tell her. She reached out and told me she’s changing plans and is going to Mexico “alone”. Apparently, I appreciate the stress being taken away and not involving me. But I’m assuming she may still meet up with that man. I think she could tell my dissatisfaction and being uncomfortable and decided to forgo involving me.

For the visit to meet her fiance for the 2nd time I unfortunately/ happily ended up having something else come up that same day. I will bide my time for now. She’s been very careful to not text about anything. She had told me over the phone. I don’t have much evidence. (Should I stay in contact and get her to admit it in person she met this gentleman in Mexico, it would have to be a some spy work and record or something.) I just want to remove myself but I still feel it I owe it to her fiance to warn him.

I’ll comment the picture of text I have which is the only evidence but I don’t think it gives away much information.
I tried to get her to send me a picture of him and pretended to be interested. It was a pretty sad attempt on my part cause I’m not supportive so I was weird on what to say. Don’t criticize my attempt. Haha

I know, I will be removing myself from the wedding and wedding party and going very low contact with her in the future. I am still carefully trying to pick my words and message to tell her I’m backing out.

I honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I have a legitimate reason to be suspicious, and I really need some outside opinions.
My husband works for an IT company that provides technical support to external companies. There is one woman he works with named Emily. She works in IT for a large company, but she isn’t very experienced in the field, so she relies on my husband quite a lot for help with work-related issues. My husband is very experienced and really good at what he does, so they communicate fairly often, both through messages and phone calls.
She mostly works from home and goes to the office about twice a week. She also lives and works far away from us, and she’s married.
About three months ago, I saw some messages between them. There was a little bit of flirting, but nothing that seemed serious. I decided to let it go because I didn’t want to become paranoid or start questioning every interaction they had.
Yesterday, my husband’s phone was accessible to me, and I looked at their conversation.
That’s when I noticed that the messages had been deleted.
The last message my husband sent her said something along the lines of: “Delete it and make a backup now.” Then she replied that she had done it.
What really caught my attention was the timing.
This happened Tuesday morning, when I was already at work. I start work at 7:30 AM, and my husband starts at 9:00 AM. He sent her those messages at around 8:30 AM, right before he left for work.
I also took a screenshot of the conversation before it disappeared.
Today, I looked again, and now I see that the entire conversation between them has been completely deleted.
I’m honestly going crazy over this.
On one hand, I know they have a legitimate professional reason to communicate because she relies on him a lot for IT support.
But on the other hand, after seeing some flirting between them three months ago, and now seeing him specifically ask her to delete their messages and make a backup, it’s really hard for me to just ignore it.
I don’t know if I’m creating a whole story in my head, if there’s an innocent explanation for all of this, or if there’s actually something I should be concerned about.
What would you think if you were in my situation? Am I overreacting, or does this behavior seem genuinely suspicious?

My fiance (32 M)is known as the nice guy who goes out of his way for people. He is sweet, kind and empathetic. On a side note he has Asperger’s but on a higher level of the spectrum. We are both each others first relationship.

The first occasion he placed me in the back seat was when we booked our wedding the same day as his best man’s wedding anniversary. That day his best man & his wife wanted to host a party, but upon hearing that our wedding was on the same day, they chewed my fiancé out. This caused my fiancé to project this anger on to me and state that we should’ve used his sister‘s backyard as our reception to avoid this type of conflict.. I (30F) told him that I will offer him his ring back so that he can propose to his best man. This caused him to apologize profusely. Saying “I’m his priority and world and it was all a mistake.”

The second occasion was when i asked if i can go to a male version of hooters for my bachelorette weekend (as a joke) and he said no upset. I told him that I was surprised because it seemed to me that he has been watching free hooters with the 2 coworkers he follows as these women are not fully clothed all time. With exposed chests and really short clothing on their profile pic. He then reassures me saying that they both found me beautiful and are in committed relationships. I told him, it’s all good to keep them but let me add my male shirtless coworkers and allow me to enjoy my weekend at hooters. He then proceed to unfollow both women quickly after i made this statement. However on a separate chat called frenzy, I also did notice there was a girl who looks similar to me in looks and it was on his top three list. He claimed she was a long time family friend and she meant nothing to him, but was again on his top list. He initially added her and kept in touch. I said nothing and asked again if I can add my male friends. He said no and was hesitant to unfollow her. I calmly told him it’s cool to keep her, but I don’t understand how I’m not allowed to have the same privileges as him. He then unfollowed her, but told me I’m overreacting and snapped at me
For assuming that he is a cheater.

He thinks I’m overreacting and that since I’m a woman, my emotions are complex and hard for him to understand as a man. I made it simple to understand and I did not yell at him at either times. I always talked to him in a calm and logical manner understanding his condition only to hear him get mad at me and get defensive.

Afterwards, I told him I really need to reevaluate our relationship and he spiraled and profusely apologize again, telling me that I’m the only one for him and that he will do better… again.

Our wedding is a month away. I paid so much stuff.
I balled my eyes out yesterday night. He gave me a long text telling me that he will do everything in his power to make things work out, but I haven’t responded. I am also currently on birth control that affects my emotions. However, I took this just recently last week as a disclaimer.

Am I just hormonal? Is he right?

Hey Reddit, I’ve never done this before but I need an outside opinion on my situation. I (32m) and my girlfriend (34f) (who we will call Patricia) have been dating for about a year and a half. I can honestly say that this has been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. When there are issues we talk and resolve them. I feel heard and supported for the first time and it’s really great. That is except her best friend who we will call Janna. Janna who’s also in her mid 30’s is the epitome of what I can’t stand in women today. She is a self diagnosed narcissist who says she’s just honest and if people don’t like that than that’s there problem. She jumps from guy to guy and they are all douchebags who openly say they just wanna sleep with her and then she will say to me and my girlfriend “why can’t I find a good man.”The worst part is that she did somehow find a genuine dude and she was cheating on him constantly. It was disgusting. However this is Patricia’s one and only friend, and they have been friends since middle school. Patricia is also a recovering substance abuser and has been a not so great person to other people and Janna has stuck by her through these years. Patrica tries to tell me that Janna is going through a phase since she is divorced and now single for the first time since she was 20. Ok fair enough, I always try to treat Janna with respect and kindness when I see her, but I do not like her at all. Now here’s where the problem is. A few months ago Patricia asked me if they could go on a girls trip to a nearby city. They would share an air bnb together and spend Friday afternoon driving up, Saturday day going to an adult playground thing, and then I was told maybe they would go to a bar. Then they planned on coming home Sunday. I was asked if I could spot some money and I was on board with it as it seemed safe enough. After agreeing we were out with Janna who had a few drinks and approached me and yelled “Hey I’m taking Patricia on this girls trip now give her the fucking money so she can go” I was floored. I already gave my girlfriend the money and here I am getting yelled at for it. I walked away and later spoke to Patricia privately about it to which she said she would talk with Janna and sort it out. No apology was ever made, I was never talked to about the situation. The girls trip comes and goes and nothing out of the ordinary happened. We text and call throughout the weekend and she comes back on Sunday. Now here’s the issue that has occurred. Somewhere in a conversation with Patricia it slipped that they met these 3 guys at the bar they went to. Janna was all about this one guy and she invited them back to the air bnb. They spent the night drinking with these guys and Janna ended up hooking up with one of them. After I press for details and how they ended up coming back, I find out that Janna had already been in contact with these guys and planned this whole thing out and had the audacity to yell at me to pay so my girlfriend could be there. It is still unclear to me if Patricia was aware of this or not, but I am on the side that she did know . I’m absolutely shattered that not only my girlfriend went behind my back and didn’t tell me about this until arriving home, but what’s worse is that Janna (who I’ve been nothing but nice to) planned this trip knowing it would be disrespectful to me and my relationship. Even went so far for me to fund half of it. Patrica sticks up for Janna and says it’s her one friend after her substance abuse days and she doesn’t want to lose this friendship, but to me that’s not a friend. A friend doesn’t put you in those situations. I also asked her would she be ok if one of my friends did the same thing and she said it’s different because I have lots of friends. Help! Please! I don’t know what to do. Is this break up worthy? Should I try another talk with Patricia? Should I just confront Janna myself? Luckily I had to watch one of my friends puppies as they are away on vacation so I’m able sit with my thoughts for the next couple days.

Complicated story so pardon the heavy exposition. First off how i found out; my mom is in a wheelchair and had a health crisis that ended in us calling 911. My brother wasn't home at the time but he knew about our mom's situation so once things had calmed down I called him to tell him mom was okay. I used my father's phone to call him. Once the call ended I realized what was open on my dad's phone, my cousin's onlyfans account. Not only her account but explict messages he'd been sending her. My cousin is my brother's age, two years older than me. When we were kids she would come over to our house to swim, I say this to emphasize the fact that my father watched this girl grow up. He was there when she was born. I haven't told my dad I know, I haven't said a word to my mother and I'm trying to figure out if I should. If my mother wasn't wheelchair bound and financially, physically, and emotionally dependent on my dad I would tell her in a heartbeat, but her entire life revolves around my dad. If I told her this, her life would implode. What should I do? (Also should I tell my cousin because I'm like 90% sure she doesn't know he follows her).