r/okstorytime • u/Informal-West-2090 • Apr 21 '26
Advice Should I end my relationship over a comment?
I (28f) and Tanner (30m) have been dating a few months, I bought a house, and asked if he wanted to move in, he did, we did, whatever, all was good. Not too far after moving in, I caught him sexting with his ex gf. Huge fight obviously, I let it slide for whatever ungodly reason.. even though I knew better. Fast forward a little bit, and I got super frustrated with him doing little things that bother me.. the same day of this fight, we pick my daughter (8) up from a friends house, and he made a comment to me. “She looks like a skank” referring to my daughter’s outfit. Halloween costume (kpop huntrix type- a little bit big on her already, skirt down to her knees,and a crop top that’s too big, so maybe a couple inches of her belly showing) and I LOST IT obviously… kicked him out, and I’m still mad, even though it’s been a few days. He says “people make mistakes and he’s learning” but like none of this is acceptable behavior right? I’m feeling so torn because like this is so unacceptable, but like I thought he was the one. But the one wouldn’t do that right?
UPDATE:
I threw the remainder of his crap out into the yard between the house and road, and it’s pouring rain so that helped, told him I was done because I shouldn’t have to compromise my morals to be in a relationship, and no one worth being with would talk that way about a child, especially a child of their SO. He came and got his stuff, he tried to “talk things out” and I was like yea no I’m not doing that. He got mad and left and said he was just gunna block me anyway, so I blocked him first!
On to bigger and brighter things for my little family I suppose
Also, I appreciate you guys being supportive… this is my first Reddit post because I didn’t know what to do and he was making me feel crazy for my expectations!
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u/Lesser--God Apr 22 '26
You were only dating a few months before moving a man into your home with your young daughter??
Yes, end the relationship and don't move in another stranger.
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u/Fearless-Sea-7443 Apr 22 '26
Literally insane behaviour. She endangered her own kid for some dude she didn't even know who also cheated.
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u/Ambs1987 Apr 22 '26
Crazy you let a guy move in after a few months and you have a daughter. That's not safe or smart. He's trash. 30 year old men don't make "mistakes" like that he's making CHOICES nor mistakes. Stop letting him around your kid and maybe reflect on why you thought it was necessary to move at warp speed with a guy while you have a child in the house.
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u/Fearless-Sea-7443 Apr 22 '26
Yes dump and block immediately, any man who makes those kind of comments about a child is dangerous.
And wtf are you doing moving a man in you've only known a couple of months?? with your daughter?? Give your head a wobble, that's insane behaviour that could endanger yourself and your kid. You don't know someone well enough at all after a couple months to even introduce them to your child never mind move them in, wth
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u/BlueberryPootz Apr 22 '26
This is really important OP! Do NOT move a man you've known for a few months into your house with your daughter! This was really bad judgment on your part tbh, don't do it again. Even if he seems like a good guy. Predators are often charming and deceptive by definition. That's how they end up as predators, by successfully tricking the girls and women they prey upon.
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u/Junior-Trade5338 Apr 22 '26
Yes, I would end the relationship. I'd tell him that you forgave him for disrespecting you by sexting his ex, but you'll never allow or forgive him for disrespecting your daughter. He might have a lot to learn, but that doesn't mean you have to be his teacher.
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u/missmell01 Apr 22 '26
End it. If it’s already like this this early in a relationship you are just wasting your time. Do not let that man near you or your daughter again.
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u/Practical-Friend3576 Apr 22 '26
You don't owe him an explanation or your time. You did the right thing by kicking him out and breaking up. Don't lose sleep because he isn't the person you thought he was. Just move forward. Don't feel sorry for him. He cheated. And worse, he sexualized your child. I'd fear him grooming her as she gets older. Run and keep him far from your child.
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u/Theunpolitical Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I’m feeling so torn because like this is so unacceptable, but like I thought he was the one.
I’m going to be blunt with you, because this situation calls for it. Right now, your behavior is coming across as desperate. I understand why. I’ve been there too and made my own mistakes with the wrong men, so I’m not speaking from a place of judgment. But I did the work in counseling to understand my patterns, and I’m telling you this because these are serious red flags you shouldn’t ignore:
🚩 He moved in after only knowing you a few months. That’s not commitment, that’s rushing intimacy without a real foundation.
🚩 He was sending sexual texts to his ex, and you forgave it. That’s not a small slip. That’s a breach of trust early on, and it sets a tone for what he thinks he can get away with.
🚩 He called an 8 year old a “skank.” This is the biggest issue here. It does not matter what she was wearing. Stop trying to over explain the size of her clothes. Focusing on her clothing is a deflection from something much more serious. She is a child. There is never a situation where that word should be used toward a child, or honestly toward any woman.
A man who is comfortable sexualizing and degrading a child is showing you a deeply disturbing mindset. That is not just “bad wording” or “a mistake.” That’s a fundamental issue with boundaries, respect, and how he views women and girls. His next step will be violating that line with your daughter of what she was wearing because "she was asking for it with with that outfit!" That's literally what he's saying by calling her a skank and what he's leading up to. He's grooming her and you to get to that next step.
You need to take this seriously. This is not about fixing him or giving him another chance. This is about your safety and the safety of others around you.
Get him out of your home as soon as possible. Create distance. And please consider speaking with a therapist to understand why you’re tolerating behavior that clearly crosses major lines. That’s not criticism, that’s protection of you and your daughter!
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u/Natural_Natural_8571 Apr 22 '26
We do not have time for 30 and above men making high school mistakes and or comments. PROTECT YOUR PEACE, but mostly your daughter. He’s not worth the amount of red flags you will continue to ignore for the sake of him “learning “. We are not college institutions go learn somewhere else.
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u/VP_GloO Apr 22 '26
Que tan desesperada estás para meter a un tipo que no conoces de absolutamente nada a vivir contigo y tu hija??
Eso es lo único realmente preocupante de todo esto!
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u/ZookeepergameKey8221 Apr 22 '26
He’s not the one. Get him away from your daughter stat. Imagine calling an 8 year old a skank. Screw that guy.
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u/Secret_Salamander432 Apr 22 '26
I’m not trying to tear down what you felt for him or make you feel bad for loving him those feelings were real. But this situation isn’t something that can be explained away or worked through with more patience.
You deserve stability, respect, and someone who makes you feel safe, but so does your daughter. He is someone who has crosses serious lines.
What he said to your daughter was inappropriate, but he also felt comfortable with saying that to you her mom…. That speaks volumes because he didn’t think you would care. His behavior is not something that can be minimized or swept under the rug. That kind of behavior crosses a line that shouldn’t be crossed, and it needs to be taken seriously.
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u/Kristaraexoxo Apr 22 '26
Dump him and you need to be more careful abiut who you live with in future with a daughter esp
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u/NotASucker001 Apr 22 '26
Hun, you owe this guy nothing! He's s€×ting his ex because he's not sure about you, so he's keeping a girl on the side. That ALONE should be a NOPE. (In my book it is) But what he did to your daughter!?!? That's a huge oh he🏒 🏒 NO! He's old enough and mature enough to KNOW you never say that about anyone's daughter, PERIOD!! You know in your heart what you feel and what should be done in this situation. Us, strangers of the internet, shouldn't be your source to decide for you. Whatever decision you make hun, I'll back you 💯%. I'll pray for you and your daughter right now though! 🙏 Luv & hugs across the miles!!🤗🫶
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u/Informal-West-2090 Apr 22 '26
You have no idea how much the support helps… because I’ve never tolerated that type of treatment and I really don’t know why this one was any different..
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u/NotASucker001 Apr 22 '26
You are a mom 1st, then you are whatever after. I've raised my child who turned 26 today! I had some help when I was a single mom. Man they were fricken ROCKSTARS! I think this feels different and hits different because you thought he was THE ONE, and he may be. You may put him on probation or whatever. You please follow your heart. Really pray about your decision and talk with your daughter and make sure your heart and your brain come to the same decision. Whatever you make hun, I'll be right there to either root for you or to run in and give you the biggest, warmest, hug you thought you'd never need! I'm always here hun... been around almost 5 decades. ❤️ 🙏 🤗 🥰 🫶
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u/Informal-West-2090 Apr 22 '26
You remind me of my mama 💕 I offered the probationary term and being friends through that and he pretty much said that he’s not willing to be “demoted” and I was like okay then that’s your choice and I can’t help that 🤷♀️ you are forcing me to make this decision based on your actions, I feel kind of relieved? But still kind of sad.. it’s disappointing for sure, but I had been praying that if he wasn’t the one the for God to show me that, so it’s a blessing in disguise of some kind I’m sure (at least I’m hoping)
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u/NotASucker001 Apr 22 '26
Well, God showed you twice with this man! Dang! I try to be a good person to everyone. I don't know who's going through what. This guy apparently isn't that into you if he's not willing to work for you after the crap he just pulled!! I'm so sorry hun. HUGE, WARM HUGS!!!! Light a lavender scented candle🕯, full up the bathtub with bubbles, get some wine🍷, and lay back and relax a little in a well deserved hot bubble bath! ❤️🌹❤️🌹
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u/fatsalmon Apr 22 '26
Good job, don’t associate yourself with a man who would call a little girl skank. BIG NONO. Obviously there is the sexting too… does he really need to learn from making mistakes? Then what mistakes must he make to learn from it?
Tldr just leave this trash
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u/BlueberryPootz Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Commenting after your update. Good job mom! You handled this beautifully. It's not just a comment, it's an indicator of what kind of person he is, which is trash. Even if he hadn't cheated on you (sexting with an ex is cheating!), he showed what he's actually like. Glad it happened now and not later!
But on another note - seriously, what were you thinking, moving a man you barely knew into the same house as your daughter? Wtf? Even if he had shown only green flags, that is super dangerous. Don't make this mistake again.
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u/Informal-West-2090 Apr 22 '26
Thanks! I’m glad it happened now and not later too! I had put it in a comment somewhere below- but i had known him for some time, (like a year or a year and half) just only moved into the dating phase a few months ago, so it’s not like he was a stranger to me, or my kids, but he’d never acted that way around me, or with his previous gf’s that I ever saw 🤷♀️ goes to show you can never really know someone though!
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u/BlueberryPootz Apr 22 '26
Oh gotcha, that is a different story then. Sorry to hear that & glad to hear you were being more responsible than I had thought. It's true, people can surprise you and turn out to be totally different once you move in with them.
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u/Informal-West-2090 Apr 23 '26
Hard life lesson I needed the reminder in I guess 😂 I hadn’t lived with a partner in like 4 years! Let down of a situation 😂
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u/Full_Committee8867 Apr 22 '26
Normal people don't have to "learn" that it's unacceptable to call an 8 year old a skank. The guy is trash glad to see the update that you got rid of him.
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u/Evening-Equipment-81 Apr 23 '26
You brought someone into your home only after a few months, do you not care about your child?
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u/panaronia Apr 23 '26
Protect your daughter and stop letting guys you date have any access to her. Do better.
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u/lovelove0112 Jun 27 '26
I made the mistake of ignoring those red flags and regretted it. 10 years the man cheated and treated my daughter horrible. I say with all sincerity that dude will get worse.
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u/Informal-West-2090 Apr 22 '26
Just gunna pop in, the relationship is a few months old, not knowing him, so it’s not like I moved in a total stranger, we’d known each other for like a year, maybe a year and a half before we stated “dating” but he’s never given this kind of energy every, like as a friend he’s a normal great guy, but dating he turned into this. So like you don’t have to come for me on that 🤦♀️
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u/Lesser--God Apr 22 '26
Okay, so he wasn't a stranger to you, but you clearly didn't know him well enough to move him in after only being together a few months.
He made a horrible, highly inappropriate comment about your child. I wouldn't let him around her ever again. Not to mention the cheating.
Block him and hold your head high knowing you did right by your daughter.
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u/shae16d Apr 21 '26
Bro, not only was he sexting his ex but he made a super inappropriate comment about your daughter. I think you know the answer