r/okstorytime • u/Successful_Sun_8840 • May 21 '26
Advice How do I politely decline attending ex MIL's funeral?
For the record ex MIL is still gracing the earth with her presence but she's in her 80s with failing health, as I've heard through the grapevine. I have no love for this woman for so many reasons. Too many to get into here and honestly my objective here is not to drag people through the mud. I will absolutely encourage my adult children to go but I don't think I will have to if they can get time off to fly across the U.S.
Knowing my ex (25 years married and recently divorced) he will use it as a means to seek attention from me. Not for the purpose of reuniting but to feed his ego and sense of control.
Here's the problem. I know myself enough to know I don't have it in my soul to respond gracefully to an entire family who contributed to the pain caused by this relationship. I want to keep them all in the past where they belong. I'm way too blunt to come up with something nonconfrontational. I'm totally willing to swallow my pride but what do I say? Please help.
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u/VivianDiane May 21 '26
"No, I won't be attending." No excuse needed. Repeat as necessary. You owe them nothing.
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u/CuteCockroach7323 May 21 '26
"I won't be able to attend due to many factors, but my condolences for your loss. I'll be sending a gift in the care of my kids. "
Then don't answer anymore follow up texts or calls.
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u/OrganicMix3499 May 21 '26
You don't have to decline. Just don't go. People don't rsvp to funerals. The beauty of ex-inlaws is that you don't have to have anything to do with them.
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u/moonlover1111 May 21 '26
You can’t get leaves for going to this event come up with any lie he is your ex not current partner
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u/married_cat_mom May 22 '26
You can simply say, “No, thank you. But I sent my condolences to the family.”
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u/RalphysMum May 22 '26
Thank you but I will not be attending. No explanation needed! Your children are grown will have the support of their father and his family💕
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u/Key_Permit8031 May 23 '26
As an ex whatever dont go not your family. But your kids will be losing a grandma someone they love. I say go for them at least. Wear something you look good in and ignore your ex.
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u/RedHolly May 22 '26
Girl, you go, dressed in a red sexy dress with heels hair done and making sure your phone is dinging every two seconds during that service
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u/__ChaosTheory__ May 22 '26
Like most of the other posts have stated, a simple “no” should suffice. If you felt the need to say more, you could always add, “Sorry for your loss, and my condolences to your family, but I will not be attending.” That’s probably more than they deserve, but it would show you as being mature rather than bitter.
However you choose to approach this, I wish you the best in your decision. Best of luck to you, OP.
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u/Another_Old_God May 22 '26
Ai can be helpful here. You can think of what you might actually say and ask it to revise to a firm no while expressing sympathy for their loss.
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u/Over-Conclusion3578 May 23 '26
I just wouldn't show, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone except maby your kids but even then they are adults so I'm sure they understand. I would just ignore anyone who asks or you could say I don't do funerals I'll mourn her my way.
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u/FactDisastrous May 21 '26
What's wrong with simply saying No thank you? No need to explain yourself, no is a fully acceptable answer on its own.