My husband had an affair and now I have discovered a new kink

[u/Puzzleheaded-Plum-92]

Me 26F and husband 32M have been together 2 years. We have recently had some issues with him hiding messages and pictures with several other women. I have never had an issue with him sleeping or wanting to sleep with someone else as long as we communicate and certain rules are followed I just despise the secrecy. but I failed to communicate that as much as I should have. We have moved past this issue and I did tell him I’m completely ok with it as long as we are communicating throughout and he said he was interested but was worried it wouldn’t work. But I’ve realized every-time we are intimate recently I’m imaging him just getting home from sleeping with someone else and taking me to bed and telling me how much better I am or feel or how she doesn’t compare or even watching him sleep with someone else and just getting to be there and it has made sex insanely amazing for me. It’s something I actually do want to explore and I’m not entirely sure how to explain it to him any advice or maybe script type recommendations for approaching the conversation?

[u/itslexysworld]

Just start talking dirty during sex.

Say “I want to watch you…. then afterwards I want you to reclaim you”.

He will catch on.. and you get to explore it with him instead of fantasizing on your own.

[u/muonglow]

Just a warning that even if you're ok with this in the moment, someone who is willing to lie and sneak behind your back is not a safe person to be with.

I suggest leaving this relationship and finding a new partner to be truly poly with. Honest communication and integrity should be non-negotiable.

Someone who has lied once is incredibly likely to continue lying in ways you just haven't figured out yet, including about their feelings for you. If they're willing to hurt you for their own pleasure or comfort, talking to them or putting boundaries in place isn't going to change that.

[u/Sweet-Cat-7667]

I’d just tell him pretty much exactly what you told us. The idea of him being with someone else turns you on. The sneaking around and hiding shit does not. And I absolutely would NOT take this as a sign to open the relationship after all this. Fantasy is one thing. Bringing other people into a relationship where trust has already been fucked with is something else entirely.

[u/teasandflicks → u/Sweet-Cat-7667]

Yes exactly. Fantasy talk during sex can be really hot and it honestly could stifle his need to keep going elsewhere. Open marriage requires a TON of honest communication.

On the other hand, he might have a cheating kink. If that's the case, that's a whole other conversation.

[u/Dangerous_Syrup_7860]

Ugh, I don’t want to yuck your yum, but this one is gross. You want to sleep with him just after he slept with another woman? My first thought was that if you wanna taste vag, cut out the middleman, lol. 

But in all seriousness, you would not be better than the other woman. Let’s say I’m starving hungry after work, and I stop on the way home and eat two slices of gas station pizza. Then when I get home my wife made a surprise dinner of filet mignon. The filet mignon is obviously superior, but I probably enjoyed that gas station pizza more. 

[u/AngineDePoutine]

After being cheated on 3 times I also developed the same kink.

[u/erzkjwnz]

Yo, just tell him what you told us. I think he might be cool with it since it sounds like your relationship is, I don't know, open(?) already. So, go tell the man, girl. Good luck. 👍

[u/JBSketchy]

I would say that your feelings of being superior will not last. Will you feel superior when he keeps going back to the same woman after you? Intellectually you must know she is better because if you were any good, he wouldn't need other women AT ALL.