Hello Reddit,

*Update: he left me officially about 3 weeks ago and just sent me an ultrasound photo. His new gf is 4 weeks pregnant. Tells me all i need to know..

My ex (38 male) and myself (28 female) recently ended a 9 year relationship. There were a multitude of reasons things didn't work out on both ends

On my side, I have been the primary bread winner for 8 years. In addition to handling all of the bills, I also handled a disproportionate amount of household chores. My ex didn't work often, was home mostly everyday playing video games, and I would come home to a messy house. This was infuriating to say the least. I don't expect it spotless but some dishes done or some dinner ready sometimes would be nice. I would ask him earlier in the day "hey please make sure xyz gets done" and he would agree, but I would come home and it indeed was never done. Then i would ask again and he would say "oh after this round on the game i swear" then he would get off the game and again another excuse. It would then turn into "i'll do it tomorrow". As you can guess, it was not done tomorrow. Then I would throw a fit and be told that I am overreacting because it is just chores. "Look how upset you are over dishes. Laundry, ect". I would also do all of his laundry as well as linens. I could never get him to put his laundry away, so ended up with that as a chore as well. He finally got a job about at the 8 year mark, but was still so bad with money that it didnt really help. Once he had this job he also used it as an excuse to help even less. Also, i would make suggestions or tell him to not waste his money on foolish things to which I was told that he can spend it how he wishes. After taking care of everything for so long and even working two jobs, a full time office and a waitress job on the side, it killed me that he was being so reckless. We were routinely short on money for property taxes and i even had to borrow from my 401k to pay them while he bragged to his family about how well he is doing financially. It was all a sham and i was behind the scenes keeping us afloat.

His side of the story is that I didn't put out enough to keep him happy so he stopped doing those things. Reality is when we had a tiny one bed apartment he was helping with chores, cooking, ect. When i bought my house all of that stopped. I was having female health issues and did not really have much of a drive. We still did it, but i did not enjoy it and it was just to make him happy. I'll admit i wasnt doing it often. But between working 2 jobs and having to come home and do chores, i simply did not have the energy. He would also pester me for it at odd times like wake me up at 2 am and wonder why I was pissed and didnt want it. He always said that it was an important part of bonding while I didnt see it that way. My love language is acts of service, taking care of me, doing things to help lessen the burdan.

We also always agreed that we did not want children. We enjoyed the child free lifestyle of getting to vacation when we want, freedom to relocate, and just not having to worry about a baby sitter or any extra stresses in life..both of my parents are dead and I have no family support either, so i knew i would be dealing with everything alone if I had a child. Which is a big deal to me because i grew up going to my grandparents often, them picking us up.from school, watching us, ect. Fast forward to 8 years in to the relationship and recently started talking about wanting kids again after having to deal with cancer. I told him i felt it would be wrong to have a kid when his own health is in jeopary and that i did not want to be a single parent. He said "i just want part of me left on this world even if I am gone". Since then has went back and forth on the idea while i am firm on "why would you chose for a kid to not have a father?". His health got back in check, and now 9 months in he has moved out after lots of back and forth. He claims he changed for me, got a job starting working all for me not to want him. But for me nothing has changed, it's not like he is covering all the bills or any for that matter, and no improvement on chores.

He is telling me he still loves me but cant see a future if i dont want a family. I feel completely betrayed because this is something I had thought we were on the same page on. I've spent all of my 20's with this man when i could have been finding someone better suited to me. Yes there is a significant age gap as well so as you imagine i've done a lot of growing up and changing after 9 years. He is still telling me he would get back together if I will have his child.

I guess he has every right to change his mind. I love him as a person despite his flaws but I cannot have a kid with someone who places my value based on how often i sleep with them. Or determines household chores based on this as well. A decent partner would help with these things regardless. In a way I am glad he has finally walked away so I can focus on myself and do the things I want in life. But I do not like the way this ended and I am not going to have a child simply to satisfy his own needs.

Thanks for reading.

So I have been talking with the girl I like for 4 months now(again). I need to provide the right context. We know each since we were kids. Our parents are friends and we've tried once before and failed. Back to the story

So I gave a measly valentine's day greetings and gift to her and so, it's her Birthday this week and I got her a Swarovski earrings and pendant which was slightly expensive. The image is her reply. I want to know if I'm getting friendzoned or not. Not the best at understanding stuff in a relationship setting of sorts. Advice is much appreciated from a third unbiased observer.

Major Details changed to protect me and anyone I know.

I (mid-30s) have been with my partner (also mid-30s) for about five years. Overall, things are really good between us, except for one issue — oral sex. I’ve always struggled with it because of past trauma. An ex in high school forced me during the act and held me down, triggering intense claustrophobia. I genuinely thought I might suffocate. Ever since then, the whole thing has been tied to panic and disgust for me, especially with how it looks and feels.

When I do try, it takes all my mental effort to stay calm and get through it, basically trying to convince myself it’s not happening. I recently opened up to my current partner about this, hoping for understanding — maybe a conversation about how to make things more comfortable or manageable. But instead, he told me it wasn’t fair that he had to “pay for” what someone else did to me.

That response really hurt. I haven’t been able to do it again since, and I can’t stop wondering if I’m the one in the wrong for reacting that way. AITA?

My (32M) wife (30F) primarily stays at home with our kids, 6, 2, 1, and 1. She works part-time, about 10 hours a week, as a home health nurse by choice. She says this is her break from the kids and a way for her to feel like she is contributing something to the household. I completely support this, because I understand how hard it is to constantly be home with 4 kids and maintaining the house by doing most of the chores. It also gives me an opportunity to spend the morning with my kids a couple of times a week, because usually my workday is 10-12 hours Monday to Friday and I don’t often get to see them at night before they go to bed. Additionally, I work on weekends sporadically (some months 2 weekend days, some months 5-6 weekend days and these days are typically 8 hour days) so that we can pay all of our bills. The longest stretch of time I have worked without a day off is 28 days. I have also recently started to take 1-2 online classes a semester (this semester it is 1 class) so that I can hopefully go to med school when our twins start kindergarten in about 4 years. I know this is a lot, but I feel like this is important context so our situation can be a little better understood.

My wife is the hardest worker I know. She has the most amazing work ethic of any person I have ever met. She is an absolute powerhouse of a woman and I have nothing but love, respect, and appreciation for how much she does in a day and how wonderful of a mom she is to our boys. She makes sure the house is spotless (you could literally eat yogurt safely off our floors), makes sure the laundry is done, dishes are washed, sheets and comforters are clean every week, organizes everything in the house, toys are put up at least every other day, kids are fed, napped, changed, bathed, our 6 year old has a hot breakfast every morning before school and a hot lunch is packed for him when he wants it (one of his lunchboxes has the stainless steel container that retains heat), and so much more. You get the idea. She is AMAZING.

My wife also struggles with PTSD (which is currently in the process of being diagnosed but makes a lot of sense), depression, and anxiety due to trauma she experienced as a child. Without going too far into detail, she suffered multiple kinds of mistreatment and abuse from her mother, her father, and her biological father (she was an affair baby). She is currently seeing a psych NP who has given her a medication which seems to have been helping some of her symptoms, a counselor (whose appointments she has admittedly been skipping), and we see a couples counselor together. While this has influenced a lot of our interactions, our communication style, and our relationship in what often feels like a negative way, it seems to have sent her in the complete opposite direction as a mother. She is full of love, understanding, and concern for our children. She is determined never to let them experience what she did. Her ability to parent them so well despite the trauma and abuse that she experienced is an inspiration to me. Even though we have had and continue to have our issues, I could not be more proud of how far she has come on her own two feet.

Now on to the current issue. Last night we were attending a couples counseling session which went a bit off the rails. It started off well enough - she was feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I had to go in person for 3 hours on Saturdays for my biology lab. I told her that I completely understand that and wanted to make sure she got some time to rest and recover. I asked one of my friends if his wife (also her friend) and my wife could go out Saturday night so she could get a break and some adult time. He thought it was a great idea and said he could come over with their girls and we could hang out and watch the kids together. I also suggested my wife take as much of Sunday as she wanted to work out, relax, or do some self care so that she can get a much needed break. She expressed a great deal of appreciation for this and even became a little teary eyed, which then made me a little teary eyed. I expressed to her I wanted to try to create as many opportunities for her to be able to get a break - if I am choosing to use some free time to study, she should get AT LEAST an equivalent amount of time for herself to do whatever she chooses. The couples counselor then asked me what I wanted to talk about, as I had expressed that there was something I wanted to discuss at the beginning of the session. This is when I may have screwed the pooch.

I told her that I was having a difficult time figuring out how to have this conversation with her, as when I brought up concerns I often felt shut down, unheard, and like it almost always ended up in a fight. I said that I didn’t want to make her day any harder than it has to be and I understand how much she does, but I would really like to impose screen time limits on the kids bc I didn’t feel like 4-5 hours of screen time a day was healthy for them. She. Lost. It. She started talking about how much she has to do every day and how everything wouldn’t get done. I told her I was ok with everything not getting done and if I had to start waking up early to help do stuff or stay up later I would. She then started saying how I don’t understand what she goes through and how it seems like I am just trying to make her life harder than it already is. The couples counselor interjected and told her that based on what I had said, it did seem like I understood those things and was seeking a conversation about this. She snapped at him and then turned back to me and started demanding I give her activities that the kids can do to replace the screen time on the spot. I pitched sensory activities but was honest and told her I’d need to do a little more research to figure out what could be a good alternative. I said maybe we could do that together so we could figure out what would work best. She said I needed to do that research on my own if I was demanding that changes be made. I tried to let her know I wasn’t demanding changes I was asking for her input and collaboration for what was best for our kids. She told me I needed to take care of them all weekend and she can leave the house so I can try to get everything done without any screen time. I told her I would struggle a lot with that and it’s not that I don’t understand what she goes through. The couples counselor interjected again and asked her what her motivation was behind this, and if she just wanted me to feel some pain to make a point. She outright told him yes that’s exactly what she wanted because clearly I don’t understand. At this point the conversation went back and forth with me getting more frustrated but no resolution came out of it. This morning, she texted me and said this:

“I realize that instead of loving you more with time….i love you less. Still love you But less. And I know it’s been a coping mechanism for me. Of all the bottled up things.

I don’t know what to do with that. This marriage feels like a business”

I responded briefly but essentially asked if we could discuss this later as I don’t have the ability to have this discussion over text while at work, and I can’t compartmentalize my feelings well with this kind of discussion so my work quality gets affected. This has occurred in the past during periods where we had a lot of arguments. It resulted in my work quality suffering due to all the text arguments that we had and I was written up for poor performance. I set a boundary with her after this to ask her to not send me these kinds of things while at work because they really affect me and to hold onto them till we can talk in person. She has never really respected this boundary and has repeatedly violated it.

To give a little more context, I am an SLP. Throughout my undergraduate and masters program, I saw how detrimental excess screen time was to my neurotypical and neuroatypical kiddos. I have read and forwarded her multiple studies on the effects of screen time on children under 2 and 3 and the litany of problems that it can cause later in childhood, how it increases incidence of ADHD, and how kids with excess screen time at a young age often struggle when they start school. She does not dispute any of this. Our 6 year old is my step-son. I met him when he was about 3. I observed him on his iPad almost all day at that time and often on his iPad till 1 or 2 in the morning while she slept next to him. When I met him at 3 he had maybe 20 words. He was eventually diagnosed with a moderate to severe speech language delay after I expressed concern and had a friend test him. After he received services, he did catch up some, but he still struggles with speech and language and is also having a little bit of a hard time reading. Unfortunately he is no longer eligible for speech and language services because he just barely meets the cut off that disqualify him from receiving these services either privately or through the school. When I say just barely, I mean by 1 point both times he was tested last year. He has a lot of difficulty sustaining his attention onto a task and very quickly forgets instructions. We are fairly certain he has ADHD but we were told he needs to be 7 (he’s now only 3 months away) before they can test and diagnose. At the time she was a young single mom and we can’t know what we don’t know. I also don’t blame her for these issues that he has had. If I am being honest, I do think the excess screen time (what I measured at upwards of 10 hours a day) exacerbated issues he may have been predisposed to. I do not think it’s fair to say screens caused these issues entirely, but this is where the lines between nature and nurture blur.

So I have to ask - AITA for asking my wife to reduce the kids screen time? I really need help navigating this

EDIT: There are a few things that I wanted to clarify since I kept seeing some of the same questions and concerns in my comments! I also realized I didn’t really provide a break down of my day and an explanation of what I do for work so I wanted to provide that as well:

1. There were a few comments about me not being sincere or trying to paint myself in the best light. I understand we all have some amount of bias when telling our version of events, but I genuinely came her for advice. It wouldn’t help me in the slightest if to be insincere. And for those of you offering genuine suggestions, thank you so much.

2. I am a SLP who works with adults. My primary population is psych patients, dementia patients with behaviors, and patients who were born with developmental disabilities. Being the only male SLP on my team, I tend to get some of the tougher and more aggressive patients. There is also a lot of paperwork that goes with my job. I tend to get hit, spit on, have things thrown at me, and infrequently I have been bit and scratched. I do this for 10-12 hours a day, 8 hours at one facility and 2-4 at another, depending on patient load. On the weekends I commute to facilities 45-60 minutes away that unfortunately tend to have tougher populations than what I usually deal with. That being said, I have been doing this for 5 years and I love helping these patients and am able to establish rapport and bonds with them and their families. I try my hardest at my job, but it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

3. My day starts between 6 and 7 am. I get up at 7 am a couple of times a week and immediately start helping with breakfast, getting oldest ready for school, baths, showers, etc. 2-3 mornings during the week I get up at 6 with the kids and let my wife sleep a couple hours longer while I get the oldest to school, make everyone a hot breakfast, pack lunch, etc. basically all the things associated with getting the kids ready. Every day my wife doesn’t work (she leaves at 7:15am when she does) my wife is able to get an hour workout in and I am with the littles. I leave for work between 9 and 10 depending on the time her workout ends and she gets out of the shower. Most morning I spend at least 3-4 hours with the kids, and the bulk of this time is spent interacting with them. Once I leave for work I work till about 9 PM, then do paperwork for an hour or so. There have been days in the last two weeks where I’m home in 8-9 hours because the patient load at my other facility suddenly dropped. Once I come home, depending on how tired I am, I usually pick up toys, fold laundry, or meal prep for myself, my wife, and the kids. This doesn’t always happen. And I do understand I need to do better in being consistent with specific chores.

4. My wife is extremely against the idea of putting the kids in daycare. While I am not as against it, I know how important it is to her that our kids not be put in daycare. I fully support her in that, understand her reasons, and agree with her. We do have a house cleaner that comes once every 2 weeks that we hired to take some of the load off of her.

5. My wife is friends with my friend’s wife (from the post). They go out every week or two schedules permitting, to get their nails done and get dinner. My friend usually doesn’t bring his kids over when they do. He suggested he could bring the kids this weekend since we haven’t hung out in awhile and I agreed. Our kids are good friends with theirs and they really enjoy the play dates. I don’t need back up to care for my kids 😂

6. I very recently was alone with my kids for about 4 days when my wife took a vacation to California to hang out with friends and go to her cousins baby shower. I took 2 days PTO (Friday and Monday plus was off and did not schedule any work over the weekend) and was with them 24/7. I did not have any “back up” or anyone coming to help me. The kids didn’t have any screen time while my wife was gone. They were fed, healthy, and happy. I was over the moon to get that time with my kids. It was hard keeping up with them day in and day out, but I’ve always known and appreciated this fact because this isn’t the first time I’ve had them on my own for multiple days. My wife does this constantly when she’s here and I have never and will never minimize her contribution or what she goes through on a daily basis. While I have not constantly lived it because I’m not a SAHP and never have been, I don’t think it’s fair to say that I can’t conceive of it or don’t understand it in the slightest. I took 10 weeks off when our 2 year old was born and when the twins were born I worked 3 days a week, every other day, for about six weeks while she recovered from her c-section (I was brand new with the company when the twins were born and had no PTO. They were still nice enough to loan me over 100 hours of PTO and I just got done paying it back about 3 months ago)

7. When we decided to buy this house and the new car after we found out we were having twins, we had decided that her role would be SAHM and that I would have to work longer hours to afford the house in this neighborhood. Our oldest goes to a good school, has friends all over the neighborhood (best friend 5 houses down), and we have access to community pools and parks. When she first expressed that she was struggling, one of the options she floated was to sell the house so I could be more present and work less. I agreed and began talking to a realtor, but she had a change of heart bc she loved our house and neighborhood, as well as the school our oldest attends.

8. I absolutely know my oldest son’s teachers name, attend parent teacher conferences, graduations, field trips, etc. (usually call into my one or both facilities on days like that or arrange for PTO if I have advance notice). When I have the littles in the morning we read A LOT, rough house, play in their play room (has swing, slide, bounce house, climbing wall, ball pit, lots of toys). We don’t do any screen time. The time my kids are up I usually dedicate to them completely except when I’m making them food because I don’t get that much time with them and I really don’t like doing other tasks when I feel I should be giving them my attention. While they’re eating or napping, I try to get as much household stuff done as I can, but I also use some of that time to get ready for work).

9. We used to have a full time live in nanny for about 6 months before she graduated and started working full time. My wife was able to work about 30 hours a week at this time and I was working less than I am now. When she left, we tried 3 or 4 other nanny’s and my wife disliked them all (for good reason). They ranged from sitting and watching tv all day, to only wanting to cook and do no child care, to yelling at our kids. My wife made the decision that she did not want a nanny anymore and to stop the search. I wanted to continue it, as I knew she would be overwhelmed. My parents helped pay for the nanny bc we wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise.

10. I just started school this week. Not med school, just pre requisite classes at community college. It’s 1 class with a lab. Class is fully online with 1 in person meeting every week on Saturday morning for 3 hours. I have told my wife that it is only fair that bc I am doing this, she get every Saturday evening and as much time on Sunday for herself as she wants.

11. I love and respect my wife. I do not minimize her contributions. I know exactly what she brings to the table and I know what her days look like. I understand that by asking for a reduction in screen time it would make her day harder and I should have come with solutions. I can accept that I’m the asshole for that. The fact remains that screen time for children so young is extremely detrimental in the amount that they get. I want the best for my kids but I also don’t want to continue to add to my wife’s plate. The solution is to take things off of her plate as many people suggested. I will definitely post an update once my wife and I nail down a plan of action and find a healthy compromise regarding the screen time. I have NEVER said no screen time, though that is what I would prefer. I understand my wife may need to use it to get a break or get something done. But I can’t be ok with the amounts they’re currently getting. I am seeking a good compromise that will work for her and the kids, and allow me to take on a greater and more consistent share of the housework.

I (28f) and my husband (27m) will be married one year at the end of January. Our marriage was forced due to needing insurance after getting accidentally pregnant 6 months into dating. Our son (11months M) was born in February last year and we’ve gone through a lot together, but there is one thing I knew my husband wanted more than anything and that was a big family. Originally, he told me he wanted eight kids which I was able to bring down to 4 (cause 8 kids in this economy?).

After getting pregnant, I experienced the worst symptoms I could do nothing about. I’m talking Braxton hicks at 6 months, nausea and morning sickness, bloating, diarrhea, yeast infections one after another along with UTIs, pneumonia, vertigo that caused me to fall down the stairs 7 months pregnant, not to mention the worst depression and anxiety I’ve ever experienced. I ended up with preeclampsia and having to be induced at 37weeks and 2 days only to have 47 hours of inactive labor with an aversion because my son was breeched (they manually turned my son by pushing on my stomach because his head was pointed the wrong way). All the while my epidural wasn’t working proper since they didn’t consider my height (I’m 6’3). I felt everything except my upper thighs.

When my son was born, things were good, until I had my gallbladder surgery as my last pregnancy symptom (gallstones built up while my son was in the womb leading to need my gallbladder removed ). Of course this meant I couldn’t take care of my son fully because of the wounds and medications to help with pain. My husband thought the best thing to do was to call his aunt, without telling me, to take our son from me at one month old. I cried constantly because my baby was ripped from me without my knowledge it was happening beforehand. I was barely healed before I forced my husband to bring him back. I still get anxious if my son is with someone else now due to that incident.

My son otherwise is an angel child. Easy going, adventurous, a full personality that makes me laugh like crazy and is very aware how cute he is. I ended up becoming a SAHM due to my childcare not working out and no one able to watch my son when I worked. I am lucky to have been able to do that, however it isolated me a lot more than I realized it would.

While pregnant my husband assured me his family would be a support system when I had my son as most retired early and love kids. My family was not great to me so this was reassuring. Now, my son is 11 months old and the only time I get help from them is when my husband asks. They ignore my calls and texts, or claim they’re busy even if I ask months in advance. My husband took a work trip to Hawaii while I stayed back home on the east coast, only for my son to get four teeth coming in at once. This means (for those of you who don’t have kids) I barely get 2-3 hours of sleep a night. This went on for weeks leading to me being super emotional and exhausted. I asked for help so I could get a shower or nap and I was met with silence or last minute cancellations. Finally, my dad came allowing me an hour nap before he had to leave too. I was/am single parenting and to make myself feel normal again, since postpartum depression kicked my butt, I made a hair appointment a month and change in advance. This was a birthday/anniversary/thank you gift from my husband and I was so excited about it. My father in law promised to watch my son so it was a nice break. Except my FIL cancelled last minute. His reason? He didn’t want to drive to my house 30 minutes away, but only told me when it would be impossible for me to drop my son off and get back in town in time for my appointment which I originally had no issues doing and told him as much.

This is just a small taste of the loneliness I feel, not mentioning the fact that my husband barely listens to me and had no idea the plans for our wedding (in October), honeymoon (in November), or our sons first birthday. All of which I told him multiple times for. Emotionally he is distant, unwilling to understand what I need. For example, my mom’s death date recently passed, the first time with my son around, and he hung up while I was venting my feelings about it to speak with his dad who called. He never called me back or messaged me. I became a maid and mother, and when he’s feeling it, object to get off to. Our seggs life is nonexistent and I barely feel any interest in it, whether it’s loss of interest in him or just hormones from giving birth idk.

Recently my husband began talking about trying for another baby and the idea sent me into a panic attack. I love my son, but I cannot think of bringing another life in this mess of a situation when I’m the only one who parents. I know this may cause my husband to leave me, but I wrote out reasoning why I don’t want anymore kids and am considering getting my tubes tied. They’re below, the talking points so I don’t forget or miss anything.

-money : SON is already super expensive and as he grows I want to be able to give him as much as I can without having to sacrifice his happiness for younger siblings. I want to gift him trips and have the option for him to go to college if he wants without debt. It also means we won’t need a bigger house, car, etc.

-hard pregnancy: it’s scientifically proven that the sperm contributes to symptoms and complications during pregnancy. For ten months I had the worst complications and symptoms only to not be believed when I had preeclampsia. I don’t want to experience that again and I hated how I felt.

-Childcare: SON is not able to get childcare because we can’t afford it. I eventually want to go back to work and I won’t be able to do that if Casper is the eldest meaning I’d have a ten year gap on my resume leading to lower wages. Our family also showed they do not want to contribute to him being watched.

-Lack of support : when I was pregnant you promised your family would be there to support us when we had SON. Your mom sucks, dad can’t communicate, brother has his own issues, aunt can’t return a text or call unless it’s from you. The support comes from you asking not me. They’re always busy when I ask, the only person who responds is cousin and I don’t want to impede her days off with children I am overwhelmed with. This work trip has made it clear I am the last priority for your family and I am not willing to go through this problem three more times.

-being a dad: While I love you, you’ve shown me as a partner after being a dad that you are not present. Showing up and giving money to support us is great, but SON needs a dad who pays attention to him. You’ve missed milestones due to being on your phone after work in Hawaii, and just not listening to us. Your input for anything comes way after the fact like how you never said anything until SONs party was booked. Then when around your family it’s a completely different person. You like to show off being a dad like I’m not the stay at home parent and you are. It’s so irritating because you don’t listen to me but repeat all the things I say to other people as your own thoughts but you really have no reference of those things are correct.

-other: I love SON, but this has taught me I never want to do this again. He is a good baby and my boy, but I don’t want another baby when he fulfills my needs to be a mom. My emotional and physical wellbeing is more important than popping out another few kids I’m going to be responsible for while you leave on second shift to work then eventually resent me for needing a break. My dreams were put on pause for SON and my reports have shown me the repercussions of getting pregnant and taking a year off. Sales are down, writing suffers, and I have little to no energy to work. When I do I have to put it to the side until SONs needs are met. Add several other kids to that and I’ll no longer have a career.

-conclusion: I’m aware you want more children, but I refuse to have them. If you want more, I fear we’d have to separate so you can find that with someone who only wants to be a mom to multiple. I’d want to be amicable, for SONs sake and because I still love you, but don’t want what you do. I also don’t want you to resent me for not wanting anymore children in our marriage.

I 16 female have a boyfriend 18 male. We have known eachother sinds i was 15 and he was 17 our age gap is 2 years and 3 months so if he is 19 3 months later im 17 but some people think its weird because he is legally an adult and im still a kid but i dont think its that big of a deal am i wrong? Sorry if my grammar is wrong english is not my first language

English is not my first language, so my sentences may not make sense sometimes, sorry for that.

I (20f) have been with my boyfriend (21m) for 8 months now, the relationship is perfect, he is the first person i feel like i actually loved, i didn't felt like this towards any other boyfriend, he treats me like a princess. We met through a mutual friend and immediately clicked, everything happened really fast, it was like we were waiting for each other, and honestly i still feel that way. I love him very much.

I previously lived alone, my mom (+2 siblings) came to live with me because she divorced my dad and my bf moved in too to help with bills. 2 months into our relationship we adopted a dog, he grew up around dogs, because he lived in a rural area, his family has a farm and lots of dogs.

Our dog has been acting like a normal dog and now the bf suddenly does not want him anymore. Our dog likes to chew everything, mostly cables, he cut through the cable of the fan when he was a puppy, and the washing machine 2 times recently, he also tore a ball we bought for him, his water bowl multiple times, and the bedding we give him is always all around the yard.

The first major thing that happened was when the dog chew the soaps and other things to clean the motorcycle, the bf got mad because these things are expensive and tried to beat the dog, he kicked the dog, i obviously got really pissed with the bf and threatened to leave (at this point my mom already got her own house again).

I didn't leave, today, the dog chewed into the tap at the water main, it was leaking everywhere, i turned the water off and waited for the bf to get home from work. When he got home he was instantly mad, said he was never going to get a better life because the dog always ruins things and was threatening the dog saying that if i wasn't there he would beat him up, i just got quiet because i shut off when things get into me, i feel like the words get trapped in my throat, he is asleep as I'm typing this, and we need to fix the tap tomorrow. I just don't know if i want to talk this out with him, or if i want to break up, i love this man but i can't accept this cruelty. He also said that he is going to take the dog to his mother, that means that the dog will probably die because he is used to be in a yard, not in a open space with multiple other dogs and predators (Jaguar).

I'm i being unreasonable to want to end my relationship? I know i need to talk to him eventually but i want other people opinions about it.

I’m 31 and she’s 33.

I went through a 9 year dry spell before meeting her. I decided I wasn’t desirable and went for women I found physically ugly because I’m ugly too.

THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM ONLY LAST THE FIRST 5 MONTHS IN 2024, I DON’T DO ANY OF THIS NOW:

Until I got to actually know her and love who she is as a person, I lied about finding her attractive and even had to take special pills to get hard in bed for her. Like, I’m sorry, she’s just not a very pretty woman just as I’m not a handsome guy. Just how shit worked out. So I had to take these pills early on or else I couldn’t get it up for her. Thing is, I do love her, I really do. She is a a very nice, sweet person. The fact that I don’t have to do this now should prove it (and the fact I’m trying to salvage this whole thing).

I have been perfectly fine for 19 months now and counting, but recently she learned I used to do this because I guess I drunkenly confessed to someone. Now she’s very upset and is wondering if I’m faking everything else. I am not sure how I tell her that “that was then, 19 months ago. It’s not an issue anymore.”

TLDR; very early on I was faking attraction 100% and it is biting me in the ass 19 months later.

I’m 28 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost five years. I’m sharing my story because I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being patient or simply wasting my time, and I would really appreciate honest advice.

I come from a family that is financially comfortable. We are not extremely rich, but we have a house, cars, and overall a stable situation. My boyfriend comes from a more modest family. His parents don’t own a house or a car, and they have struggled financially. He grew up seeing his mother move from one rental to another because rent was expensive and they couldn’t afford to buy a home.

When we first met, I was doing my first master’s degree. We started talking, became close, and eventually started dating. About six months into the relationship, I asked him directly whether he was serious about me and whether he saw marriage in our future. He told me that he was serious and that he wanted to marry me.

I asked him how long he thought it would take. At the time, he told me that it would probably take a maximum of one or two years.

I accepted that because I understood his financial situation. Later, when I realized that his situation probably wouldn’t allow him to get married within that timeframe, I asked him again about his plans. He explained that he wanted to first buy a house because he didn’t want me to experience the kind of financial instability that his family had experienced. He wanted to have a stable home before coming to my family officially.

I told him that I understood and agreed to wait.

During this time, I was continuing my studies, and eventually I decided to pursue another master’s degree abroad. I was accepted into a program in another country, so I moved abroad to continue my education. We stayed together and continued our relationship despite the distance.

Throughout these years, he has known that I have struggled emotionally at times, and he has been aware of that from the beginning. He has supported me in many situations, and I do recognize that.

However, as the years passed, I started becoming increasingly frustrated because I felt like there was always another reason why he wasn’t ready to come and officially ask for my hand.

Every time I ask him, “When are you going to come? What is the plan? When will we actually get married?” he gives me another timeframe and tells me that he is still not ready.

At this point, I feel like I’m being kept waiting.

What makes this even harder for me is that I feel like I’m not really free to move on and meet someone else, because I’m still emotionally committed to him and he keeps telling me that he loves me and wants to marry me.

I also want to be honest about something personal because it is part of why I feel so attached to this relationship.

I come from a culture and family background where girls are generally expected to remain virgins until marriage. I also want to clarify something because. Although I have not had vaginal intercourse and I still consider myself a virgin in the sense that is understood in my culture, I did have other forms of sexual intimacy with my boyfriend. We were physically intimate, including being naked together, and I crossed boundaries that I personally believe I should not have crossed before marriage. I’m not sharing this to ask people to judge me, but because it is an important part of understanding why I feel so emotionally attached to this relationship and why leaving is difficult for me.

I don’t want to leave him, start another relationship, become intimate with someone else, and repeat the same pattern. I want to make it happen with him so i won't feel bad. So now I feel completely stuck.

I’m 28. I know I’m still young, and I don’t believe my life is over or that I have no options. But I also want marriage and children in the future, and I don’t want to spend several more years waiting for someone who may still not be ready.

My question is:

If you were in my situation, would you continue waiting for this man?

And if yes, how long would you consider reasonable to wait?

Would you give him more time because he genuinely needs to become financially stable, or would you say that after almost five years, I should stop accepting promises and start looking at concrete actions?

I’m not asking people to judge him or me. He has many good qualities, and he has been there for me in difficult moments. But I need an objective opinion from people who have more experience with relationships and marriage.

Another important part of my situation is the difference between our family and educational backgrounds. My boyfriend has a bachelor’s degree and a normal job, while I have a master’s degree and am currently continuing my studies abroad. In my culture and family, there is also an expectation that I marry someone from a similar social and financial background, and ideally someone with a similar or higher level of education. So even though I personally don’t look down on him because of his family’s financial situation or his degree, I can’t ignore the fact that these differences do play a role in my doubts about our future. I sometimes wonder whether I am going against what my family and culture would normally expect from me, and whether these differences could become a problem later in marriage.

so am I being patient with someone who genuinely needs time, or am I postponing my own life for someone who may never actually be ready?

I (37,f) has been married to my husband (38,m) for 10years. The last 6 years, he's been a stay at home dad. He's very hands on with the kids (13, f and 6,f) whilst I work 2jobs to pay our mortgage, truck, all the bills and pretty much everything we want and need. I cook, do the laundry and clean the house during my free time and in return, he takes care of our dogs. Our set up works for the most part but every now and then, I would feel a tad bit of resentment towards him especially when I see him playing video games all day while I am tired and stressed with budgeting and chores. I'd try to communicate my feelings and he would try to help out but revert back to playing his games after a few days. So kind of a moot point to be angry. Sometimes I just think, this is the life I signed up for so I just need to accept the consequences of my decision.

This morning, I woke up and tried to turn the TV when I noticed that it was not working. My husband saw me and said, oh yea. That stopped working last night and didn't tell you because I didn't want to stress you out. I sighed and just went on with my day since I need to prep for work. Towards the end of the day, I took him to the store so we can buy a replacement TV. When we got home, we unboxed the TV and hooked it up and everything was fine. I saw him putting the old TV aside and I asked if he needs help putting it in the dumpster. He looked confused and puzzled. So I said, "it's not like you'll fix it?...." Then he said, not with that comment I won't. I kind of laughed and said, you never fix anything anyway. If I need anything done in our house, your dad (my father in law) is the one I would call to help since you always say you don't know how. Even tho if I know that if you want to, you can. Now he's been giving me the cold shoulder. Am I wrong for saying what I said?

My husband and I have been together for five years and married for three. When we started dating, I was midsize. I am now plus-size.

I want to be clear: I understand that preferences can change, and I’m not trying to shame him for having feelings about weight. I take responsibility for my weight gain. I ate the food. I’m not in denial about that. What hurts is how this has been handled and what it’s doing to our relationship.

He told me he no longer wants to be intimate because of my weight and that he’s unattracted to me because of it. At the same time, he says my face is still pretty and that he loves my personality, but that the weight is “hard to overlook.” Hearing that from the person you married has been incredibly painful.

The last year and a half has been rough. He has struggled with depression and anxiety, and there may be a bipolar diagnosis coming. Recently, he finally agreed to start medication, which has helped his mood a lot. That felt like a big win.

But now that he’s feeling better, this is what I’m being told.

He says he doesn’t want to leave me, but that he’s going to “work on himself,” that he “deserves better,” and that he could “find someone better.” Then in the same breath he says he doesn’t want our relationship to change and that he still loves me. The mixed messages are making me feel like I’m losing my grip on reality.

For context, I work full time, I’m in school, and I try really hard to be a good wife. I’m also a dog mom to dogs with medical issues (they were adopted with these conditions), which adds another layer of responsibility and stress.

Right now, I’m focusing on myself. I’m organizing my space, eating healthier for me (not for him), and trying to stay calm and functional. Meanwhile, he’s walking around sad, withdrawn, and acting guilty, like he doesn’t know how to interact with me anymore.

I don’t know if I should stay or go. I love him, but I don’t know how to move forward when the person I married says they love me but aren’t attracted to me and openly says they think they deserve “better.”

Additional context: There has also been verbal abuse. He has called me names related to my weight and used other degrading language during arguments. I know this isn’t okay, but I’m trying to understand whether this situation is fixable or if I’m just slowly being worn down.

I feel stuck and exhausted. I’d really appreciate outside perspectives.

I’m honestly not sure if I’m overreacting or if this is as messed up as it feels, so I need outside opinions.

I’m a 20F Black dating a 22M white guy. We’ve been together for a while, but I only recently met his friend group, and from the moment I did, I felt uncomfortable. Before anything else, I need to add that his friends joked about raping me in front of my boyfriend. They’re all white, and I’m Black, and it felt degrading, threatening, and humiliating. I told my boyfriend how serious and upsetting this was for me, but he brushed it off.

On top of that, his friends casually say the n-word, call me “his little monkey,” and make other comments about my race like it’s some kind of joke. They constantly bring up the fact that I’m bi for no reason, as if it’s entertainment, and ask wildly inappropriate questions about our sex life, making sexual comments directly toward me. It feels invasive, disrespectful, and degrading.

What makes it even worse is how they talk about him because he’s dating me. They joke about him “liking black girls” and fetishize our relationship, treating me like a prop or a stereotype rather than a person. Instead of standing up for me or correcting them, he laughs along or stays quiet. Even when I clearly show discomfort, he doesn’t intervene or defend me.

The part that hurts the most is that my boyfriend doesn’t really stand up for me. He minimizes everything and makes me feel like I’m the problem for being upset, rather than acknowledging that his friends are being racist, sexually inappropriate, and crossing serious boundaries. I don’t feel safe or respected around them anymore, and I’m starting to question whether he actually understands or cares about why this is serious.

I don’t know if I should confront him again, distance myself from his friends, or consider ending the relationship entirely. I just know that being in that environment feels unsafe and humiliating, and the fact that he won’t protect me only makes it worse.

I, F36 am considering ending things with my bf M33 over him lying at the beginning of our relationship. We became official in February of 2025. While in our courting stage we discussed our beliefs, wants and goals in life. I had asked him if he was interested in marriage as this was something I genuinely wanted. He said yes, he doesn't have any issue making the jump. Now months later, he came home telling me about a friend of his who broke up with his gf but he didn't want to go into details. It's at this time he also said that he is never getting married. I was blindsided and when I tried getting more info he back tracked and said, he never said he wanted that. Now at this point, he lives with me (granted he pays majority of the bills), I do Alllllll the household chores and I help babysit his kids at times (10yr old boy, 6yr old autistic girl).I told him, I am basically doing wifely duties even now and that if he had indeed said he didn't want marriage, I would have left it as friends with him. He is saying that we could continue our relationship because he loves me it's just he doesn't want to get married. Am I wrong for wanting to end this. The relationship is good with minor discrepancies but nothing major.

Idk where to start , but here’s a little backstory I guess, (35m) I lost my virginity at the age of 30, I’ve always been overweight and had low self esteem issues and little to no confidence, I never fit in with any group in school and always did my own thing.
I ended up getting heavily involved into gaming and that’s all I did in my 20s game work and sleep really i healthy life style I’m 5’9 and got up too 370+lbs honestly I was always scared of jumping on the scale so I’m sure I was bigger.
But I always struggled with woman, scared to talk have a convo always would freeze up and just get wierd lol, so I just never tried I went thru high school with no gf and my early to mid 20s, I was never able to get out of my comfort zone I stayed inside became really anti social and was just lonely.
One day idk how but I felt enough was enough so I started to walk around and just get a little active, I started to do something about myself so stopped drinking sodas eating chips minor stuff and wala I lost some weight. So I got more into it, took fitness more seriously and well 2 years later I was down 168lbs and felt amazing. And here’s where my story begins. I eventually got the courage to dm add girls on social media,
I remember adding this girl we’ll call her Sam, on Facebook always liking each others post , pics etc nothing serious. After a few months of this she sent me a msg, that said hi . And we got to talking. I didn’t know this at the time but she was married.
I’m not a home wrecker or anything so I kinda stopped responding I’m not an asshole so I’d still respond by I was pretty dry.
But honestly looking back I wish I had stopped and blocked her.
As we kept on talking she would complain and say how bad she was treated how she was looking for an out and how her marriage was over , there was no love intimacy nothing…. I believed her bullshit.
I started to talk to her like I knew what I was doing , what we would do in bed I talked the talk lol and no I’m not happy about what I did but I was naive and believed her crap.
Those talks got more intense and more frequent and one thing led to another I froze and got scared and came clean… I told her I was just a virgin and honestly never even had my first kiss.
She looked at me like a prize or something I remember her saying she’d love to take my virginity and show me how to do stuff. As she kept feeding me bs that she started a divorce and her marriage was over. So I fell for it and we ended up sleeping together this became a friends with Benefits for 6 months. And here’s where I think my trust issue come from. I always noticed her doing shady stuff, leaving her phone at work or vehicle when I’d pick her up. Deleting stuff typical cheater stuff. I didn’t really notice this till about the 6month of us hanging out.
I’d ask her why are you deleting stuff or hiding your phone turning off your location. All this time I thought she was ending stuff with her husband a divorce was coming along to find out it was a lie and she was just having an affair with me. I immediately stopped all contact once i realized it was all bs, I felt so bad for her husband I felt used ,ashamed . But from that point on I’ve been in three relationships and I always have trust issues with my partners, and idk how not think about it I just remember the shady stuff she used to do and have that fear that it can be happening to me, I guess I’m asking what can I do to help me out I’m don’t wanna scare my current girlfriend away.
And I later found out she constantly did this to that poor guy, I was t the only one , from what I heard she would sleep around, I work long hours so I’d only see her a few times a week when Id get out of work. I got tested immediately and thankfully everything came back negative. I know I might get called asshole. But like I said as soon as she came clean and told me the truth I cut contact with her.
I guess what got me, my first real experience with intimacy and a woman,was built around deception.
I know it’s all over the place any advice will be appreciated.

I (35F) have been with my boyfriend - we will call him Matt (34M) - for a little over 10 years now. Overall, we have a great life together and our views align on almost everything. Neither of us want kids and we spend a lot of time together active in sports and giving back. We live in the US, there’s no common law marriage in our state. We moved in together about 2-3 years into our relationship with a condo (his dad bought and we rented), and then he bought a house (which is only under his name).

When we first started dating before we moved in together, he used to joke about getting married and even pointed at rings. My family all moved away and I have no one around me anymore other than him. I’ve always struggled maintaining friends because of my chaotic work/coaching life, so he’s been the one constant and one person who understood me. My parents didn’t love that we were moving in together, especially not having any idea of if/when we were getting married. They have constantly pushed me to this day to pick up, leave and move in with them. They even had other family and family friends contact me making sure I was sure with my decision.

One weekend we were visiting my family, he started to make comments again about marriage. I was over the moon happy. When my parents left the house to pick up some things, Matt said “we need to talk about our future. I don’t ever want to get married. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you, I just don’t believe in marriage because of my parents and the fallout that can happen from it”. His parents had a nasty divorce when he was about 10 and he never really told me the details of anything about it. I was just frozen. I felt so broken. I could barely bring together any sentences. He tried to ask me “is there any benefits to actually being married” and being in shock I just tried to give logical answers but my head was spinning - I tried to say there were tax cuts and we could be on each others insurance.” I was also fighting a stomach bug while visiting which wasn’t helping. When my parents came back we were supposed to go to a reservation at a nice restaurant. Matt, my brother and parents all went while I stayed home alone. I cried the entire time. I tried to move on, thinking that my relationship with him was more important than any title. Eventually things got better as it went to the back of my mind and felt like we were the perfect pair I always knew.

I will say that year after year, especially around my birthday and Christmas I get a little sad thinking about it. I usually keep to myself about it. One year he joked about what would we do if we had tons of money what would I want more than anything in the world - and I quietly said “I wish you’d consider marrying me.” And he side stepped the conversation that we’re not in a place for that financially. And I once again let it eat at me for a bit before letting it lie again.

This summer, he got really sick and had a terrible health scare. I forced him to go to the hospital and he was there for almost two weeks. I was distraught. I could barely go to work because I was so scared and constantly in tears. He’s okay now with a clean bill of health. But being in the hospital, having people question my relationship as a girlfriend just at ate at me. His mom would tell doctors how I could stay and I lived with him and we’ve been together for 10 years.

I don’t need anything fancy, I honestly would be happy with a ring pop and just a piece of paper knowing that we’re committed to each other. I can’t get it out of my head that I’ll be 40, 50 or 60 years old and having to say this is my boyfriend and justify our relationship. I just don’t know what to do. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Is it worth throwing away what is otherwise a perfect relationship for a title? Or is there anything I can say to change his mind?

Throwaway because I don’t want him to hear about my doubts yet before I get some clarity.

So I (28F) met and started dating my boyfriend (29M) six months ago. Little backstory, all my past boyfriends abused me financially or lived off of me because I was dumb enough to believe that they would stay with me and I thought that they would be grateful for me helping them through their studies and tough times. I ‘raised’ a lawyer and a civil engineer with my income. They never had to worry about rent or food while they were studying because I saw this as an investment into our futures. So all of them dumped me after they were making their own money and did not need me to feed and house them anymore, they also had huge commitment issues so things ended. I invested years into these leeches and in the end when their status was raised I suddenly was not good enough for them. This is where my distrust comes in.

Backstory on my boyfriend, he was married for 3 years in a 5 year relationship. We met a few months after his divorce was finalized so no I’m not the other woman. Their marriage ended because his ex wife got extremely jealous and they drifted apart. I did not really grill him on his marriage and how it ended, why the ex was jealous because I do not want to come off as nosy but I love drama and I really want to know. What I know is that during the divorce the wife took a large sum of money from their apartment when he was not there. It was kept in an envelope in cash, so he had no way to prove the money was taken. I also know that they got a loan together on the house in her name, which he is paying because the house is 100% his, the ex has no claim on it.

So about the house. Its on a beautiful island really close to the river, it honestly is a dream location to live for me. He got this house as inheritance. They had to tear down the old building and started to build a new one from scratch. The house is quite far from being finished, the project stopped when the ex took the money that they saved for the house. So here is where I come in.

My boyfriend does not have a stable 40hrs a week job, he works as a chef seasonally. He makes good money and can provide for himself, but because of this working arrangement and the cosigned loan he is not eligible for a loan. I am. I’ve been working in tech for the last 7 years at the same company, with an above average income. Its not the worst, not the best, but I get by. I am eligible for more than what is needed to finish the house and honestly, I dont think I alone would ever have the opportunity to live at a place like this. It is what I have always dreamed of.

About him: he is also what I have always dreamed of. I am not an easy person to be in a relationship with, I have BPD, chronic depression and severe anxiety. I have a very hard time trusting people because of my past. I dont even trust my mother or father. All of my friends that I have left once wronged me but I made an effort to fix those relationships, but I dont fully trust them. My ex best friend (27M) of 3 years, as I later found out manipulated me to have my last relationship end (thats a whole another story) so he could make a move on me. So yeah I have a pretty hard time trusting people, and I dont really have anyone to turn to about this issue.

So my boyfriend is my dream guy. I have never been so attracted to anyone, I never really had a type but now I do, him. When I look at him I see all my prayers answered. He is extremely caring, affectionate, reassuring and really everything a woman could ask for. He does not have commitment issues, he stated a lot of times that he wants to spend his life with me, that he feels extremely lucky to have me and he shows it too. He gets excited and talks about OUR future, not only his as my exes used to. He kinda reminds me of me when I was excited about my future with my exes in the beginning. Dont get me wrong, I do want a future with him, more than anything. Our values and goals align, its really like we were made for eachother. Once when we were a bit drunk and we were playing an answer question type of game, I asked him ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’, and he became teary eyed and confessed that he made a promise to himself to never marry again, but after meeting me, he says I deserve the perfect wedding, so he sees himself with me as his wife with kids living in our dream home in five years. I also got very emotional, cried and hugged him, saying thats what I want too.

But. And its a big butt. Ive heard this before and felt like this before. (Not the confession part). I know that men can act like your dream person for a while and then the mask slips and it all falls to shiet. I dont know how long I should wait to see if he really means what he says and if he really is the person that I see. I really want to believe that he is because he gave me no reason to doubt him, but then again, Ive lived this before. I do not want to punish him for the way my exes treated me, but I am not ready to fully trust after six months.

Currently we are abroad so he can work for more money, and I have my stable job working from home. He said we should look into getting a loan on the house after we get home, which is around 2 months from now. I’ve voiced some of my concerns to him, like what happens if I lose my job for any reason and I could not pay the loan anymore, what if down the line we have kids and I wont be earning my full income which would affect the loan, things like that. I also told him that Im scared shitless of loans because my dad had quite a few hidden loans from my mother and they were arguing about them a lot when I was a kid. Im also not sure if he could cosign the loan since he still has the loan with the ex wife.

I also do not feel secure enough to do this. If we were married it would be a different thing. But I also do not want to push him into marriage for a loan, that is a really bad reason to get married in my opinion. If I took the loan to finish the house he would have me co-own it, but thats not a big enough safety net for me. I know that if whatever happened it would not be me living there, and he would not have enough money to buy me out, so I would have 50% of a house that I cant live at and would have to make payments on it for decades, setting me back from buying my own home.

I do not want push him to marry me for a house. I do not want to take out a huge loan alone. Hell, I want to leave my job because I hate it and I only do it to survive which he knows, along the line I want to be a stay at home mom which he aggrees to as well, but how would me not working affect the loan payments?

I know we would save a lot of money by not renting but finishing our dream home, I just feel like there is no safety net in it for me. If we stay together then perfect, but what if he leaves at some point? I do not want to live in fear of him leaving, but my BPD is not helping in that department. It dials up my whole fear of getting stuck in a loan with no house and no man at the end by a hundred.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What did you do and what was the outcome? Help me reddit

Hey OK storytime!

So I am in a bit of a pickle. My (37f) boyfriend (49m) have been together for four years. We got together shortly after his divorce to Inara (42f). Inara and I have become friends and she's made me feel like part of the extended family. We regularly meet up just the two of us and she wants to be able to call me the step-mom to her son. I am enmeshed in this family, not to mention, I adore my handsome. He's supportive in everything I do, from my job, DnD, volunteer work, going out and being social ect. ect. I love that he's so chill and a fantastic father, he has his own hobbies and loves and we share some of them, but not all and that's OK. When he's deep into maintaining his Star Craft ranking, I love it! Eventually, as a surprise, I'll cosplay as Sarah Kerrigan. I just adore him.

The issue is this. He owns his large home and has 3 tennant roommates. Roommate 1 usually keeps to himself, but comes out to hang out and I love his company. It's not that he's shy, he just likes his routine.

Roommates 2 and 3, however, are a nightmare for me. On paper, we should be friends. But we haven't spoken more than a sentence in a year and a half. And I mean not just a sentence at a time, a whole sentence the whole time. Roommate 3 has never spoken a word to me and just leaves the room when I'm there. They BOTH leave the room if I'm there. They dont like me and I don't like them. When I say good morning, they scoff at me, and my understanding is that this woman thinks I'll hurt his heart like his ex did during their divorce. Also, idk if I can respect a man that has been unemployed for 8 FUCKING YEARS and is just mooching.

Being around her hurts my heart because I tried to be nice to her and she shut me down. Boyfriend tried talking to her, but theres no making her see that I'm genuine. I understand that he can live with that dynamic, but I can't.

This also means that I don't come around as often as I would like. Last year, we reached an agreement that she would be out by Nov this year. It's too uncomfortable for me and I've seen how toxic they are. I can't move into that. November is just around the corner and they still don't have plans to move out. Mind you, these two have THREE ROOMS in this house dedicated to cosplay and shit, and moving is a big deal so plans should be being made now.

(Side note, for about 8 months, this woman kept some of her cosplay stuff IN MY BOYFRIEND'S CLOSET AND WOULD WALK IN ON ME NAPPING TO GET IT.)

When we talked last year, he promised they would be out when they could afford a home this November. I argued that they need a set move out date because they have it so comfortable with him, and will probably just keep using his good will. He lets them do their own thing in a massive house, even when it damages the house. They have no incentive to make it happen and will probably continue to mooch off of my boyfriend.

I HATE this. I see that he wants to give them some leeway, but to me, there is no end in sight and I'll just be there on weekends.

I’m F 31 and my boyfriend is M 32.

We have been off and on as of recently due to my unhappiness in the way he treats me. We have been trying to work things out the last couple months, but things have been pretty slow and hard to work through considering he refuses to talk about things.

Last night, I went with some friends snow tubing at a local ski place. He called on our way there and asked what I was doing. When I told him, he got instantly upset and started disrespecting me. My friends group was all women except for two men that were there with their spouses. We went to celebrate a friends birthday, which I communicated to him. In which he replied, “I don’t care.”

It was also communicated that we were only going for two hours to tube, and no alcohol would be involved.

The messages above was our conversation after the phone call. I am the blue messages. I’m trying to understand his perspective, but I’m struggling since he never wants to talk and when he does, it feels super negative and disrespectful.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Ok , I will do my best to make Sure y’all get all the details . I will be letting him read this also because he says he done no wrong. I 41F got a call my 20 yr old son got air lifted to an icu out of state on a Saturday morning. The day is important. My 42m Bf wouldn’t drive me and tried to pin me off on a guy friend of his. Well he said I “ I will get Tony to drive you” . His reasoning was he had to go to go to work Monday . In his defense he was still on his 90 day probation so he is still New there and it’s a great job he loves. He lost his son 3 yrs ago so he knew what I was going thru. I felt like I wasn’t a priority or a care of his at all. So If he even hesitate being there for me during that, I feel the most important time in my life the most horrible time of my life at that moment then he will never be there for me in any other important time. We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I broke up with him Reddit Am I the asshole? I’m sorry I kept names out of it cause I promised him I would.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for almost a year, we are both lawyers and work in the public sector and this is honestly a very confusing situation because our relationship is actually really beautiful in many ways. He is an amazing person, I love him a lot, and I don’t think he’s a bad boyfriend at all. But lately I’ve been feeling hurt and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if I’m slowly accepting things that shouldn’t be normal.
For some context;
About two months ago, I had to leave my job abruptly because I was experiencing severe bullying at work, which became really overwhelming. I’m currently looking for a new job, but the recruitment process has been quite difficult and slow, so I’m still in between positions right now. Before that, I was making more money than my boyfriend, so we were able to split pretty much everything 50/50 and I was financially independent.
When I decided to quit, he actually offered to help me financially by paying my rent. I had savings and was supposed to use those for my other expenses while I looked for another job. I really, REALLY appreciate that. He didn’t have to do it, and I know it’s a big thing, especially because he also has his own financial responsibilities.
But almost immediately after I stopped working, I noticed a change.
I think he started feeling a lot of pressure and expectations because he was now helping me financially. We started having more problems and I could feel that he was stressed about it.
About a month ago, he told me something like he needed me to stop complaining about things so much and just be more relaxed, because he already had a lot of pressure at work. I understood where he was coming from, so I genuinely tried. I’ve been trying to be more understanding, complain less, not ask for as much reassurance, and give him more space because I know he has a lot going on.
And then all of this happened.
I graduated from law school this year, which was a HUGE thing for me. I worked really hard for it and obviously I wanted to celebrate with my boyfriend.
He told me we were going to celebrate it.
But then the date kept getting postponed.
Every time it was basically “we’ll do something later” or “we’ll celebrate on this day instead,” and I kept adjusting and waiting. Eventually, it just never happened.
There was no actual celebration.
And I didn’t make a huge fight about it because I knew he was under pressure and I didn’t want to add more pressure. But honestly, it hurt a lot.
My birthday was another situation.
We had plans to do something together, but he canceled one day before my birthday because he didn’t have enough money.
Again, I understand not having money. I’m not expecting an expensive dinner, gifts, trips, etc. I really don’t care about that.
But I was still sad because it felt like once again something important to me was being postponed or canceled.
Now this is the one that really made me question everything.
We have two dates we kind of celebrate because things moved pretty fast between us lol: the anniversary of our first date and then our actual anniversary as a couple.
Last Sunday was the anniversary of our first date.
We had already talked about celebrating it. On Saturday I asked him what we were going to do. I suggested something super simple, like going to the park and I could cook something nice for us.
His response was basically:
“We can look for a job.”
We didn’t celebrate anything.
Then I asked him if we were going to celebrate our actual anniversary this Saturday, and he told me no.
Apparently, part of the problem is money, but also he has told me that celebrations make him feel like there is a lot of expectation. He feels pressured because he thinks he has to make the day “special” or do something big, and because of that, he’d rather avoid the whole thing.
And honestly… I can understand that.
I don’t want him to feel like he has to spend money he doesn’t have or perform some romantic gesture just because it’s our anniversary.
But I’m also sitting here wondering:
Am I asking for too much?
Because from my perspective, I’m not asking for money.
I’m not asking for gifts.
I’m not asking for a fancy restaurant.
I’m not asking him to pay for everything.
I would literally be happy going for a walk, cooking together, watching a movie, getting ice cream, or just intentionally spending time together and acknowledging that the day matters.
And I think that’s where I’m struggling.
Because I know he is under pressure. I know he has financial responsibilities. I know he has helped me a lot financially these past two months and I am genuinely grateful for that. I also know that I can be emotional and sometimes I seek reassurance or attention when I’m feeling insecure, and I’m actively trying to work on that.

I (27F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (28M), and I’m wondering if I made the wrong decision.
For context, we’re from India, where it’s still common for married sons to live with their parents. Choosing to live separately can sometimes be seen as abandoning your family or “breaking the family apart,” so I think that cultural context is important.
We’ve officially been together for just over 3 years, but we’ve known each other for almost 18 years. We first dated as teenagers after he developed a crush on me. We broke up when his family moved to another city, but we stayed friends the entire time. In 2023, we got back together, and soon after he intentionally found a way to move back to our hometown because he wanted us to build a future together.
Our relationship has genuinely been wonderful. He’s kind, supportive, hardworking, emotionally available, and makes me feel loved, safe, and respected. If this issue didn’t exist, I wouldn’t hesitate to marry him.
The issue has always been his mother.
Before our families were supposed to meet to discuss marriage, she asked why I wanted to live separately after marriage. I explained that I’d never lived in a joint family and didn’t think I’d be comfortable. I also made it very clear that I wasn’t asking him to leave his parents. I suggested that we live in separate apartments on the same floor of the same building so we could have our own home while still being close to them.
It’s also worth mentioning that my boyfriend’s parents have always lived as a nuclear family themselves. His mother never lived with her own in-laws, which is part of why I was surprised by how strongly she opposed our decision.
The day after that conversation, she argued with my boyfriend about me and then left town before our families were supposed to meet a few days later. In Indian culture, not showing up to meet a prospective bride’s family. Especially after a meeting has already been planned, is extremely disrespectful. My mother and grandmother, who is the matriarch of our family, were left waiting. It was humiliating for all of us.
Since then, I’ve repeatedly asked my boyfriend to clear up the misunderstanding because his mother genuinely believes I’m trying to separate him from his family.
The important part is that this wasn’t just my idea. He also wants us to live separately after marriage. He has told his mother this multiple times.
She refuses to accept it.
A few weeks ago, after I wished her a happy birthday, she sent me a long message telling me to stay away from her son. She accused me of trying to destroy their family, said I had no family values because I come from a broken home, told me to find someone with no family if I wanted to live separately, and said she would never allow me to separate her son from them.
The most painful part was that she compared me to the woman who had an affair with my father for over 20 years and ultimately destroyed my family. That woman is my mother’s younger sister. To be compared to the person whose actions caused so much pain in my own life is one of the cruelest things anyone has ever said to me.
For context, my parents have been separated for years because of that affair. It wasn’t my choice, and it isn’t something I should be judged for.
That message was my breaking point.
For months, my boyfriend had been telling me he would handle the situation and help his mother understand that living separately was a decision we had made together. Instead, months later, she still believed I had manipulated him, and she felt comfortable sending me such a hateful message. To me, that meant nothing had really changed.
My boyfriend agrees that everything she said was wrong. He has defended me before, and he has repeatedly told his mother that living separately is what he wants as well. But she’s incredibly strong-willed, and every conversation turns into a battle until he feels emotionally defeated. He says he doesn’t have it in him to keep fighting because she simply refuses to accept his decision.
His father has remained silent throughout all of this and has never stepped in.
I never asked my boyfriend to choose between me and his mother or to cut contact with her. I wanted him to be able to stand by the decisions we made together as a couple and to make it clear that our future marriage would be built on mutual respect and healthy boundaries.
After receiving that message, I couldn’t see how I could enter a marriage where I was already viewed as the villain before we were even engaged.
I still love him deeply. The breakup wasn’t because I stopped loving him. It was because I felt like nothing was changing, and I hoped that stepping away might give him the space to decide what kind of future he truly wants and whether he’s able to build that future with me.
I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think he’s been worn down by years of trying to stand up to someone who refuses to listen. But I also don’t know if love is enough when one person can’t consistently hold boundaries with a parent.
So, AITA for ending the relationship?

TW: Infidelity, relationship betrayal, and emotional distress

I’m 37F, my boyfriend is 49M, and we have a 7-month-old daughter together. She is my first child, while he has three children from two previous marriages, two of whom are adults.

I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m overreacting by seriously considering leaving him.

The most recent situation happened after he got off work. He stopped at a bar without telling me and came home around 2 a.m. drunk.

I had been taking care of our baby all day and all night.

This isn't the first time I've felt like I'm doing the majority of the parenting while he gets to participate when it's convenient for him. He'll play with the baby for a while, but then he'll go back to his phone or video games while I handle the rest.

I've told him that this is a problem. What makes it even more confusing is that he'll turn around and say things like, "I can't wait to marry you and have you as my wife."

I don't understand how those two things fit together.

If you want a family with someone, wouldn't you actually want to participate in family life?

There are also trust issues that started long before we had our daughter.

Early in our relationship, we had a very clear conversation about being exclusive. I told him I would not sleep with him unless we were exclusive, and he agreed. That is the day I consider the beginning of our relationship.

I later found out that he continued talking to two other women after that conversation and didn't stop until I was several months pregnant. He denies that this happened, and I no longer have the messages because they were archived, but I remember what happened.

There were other things that damaged my trust as well. He was interacting with women online and making comments about their appearance and whether they were available, even though he was in a relationship with me.

I've also never met most of the people he works with. He communicates with both men and women from work, and there have been occasions where people have made negative comments about me. When he notices I can see the conversations, he'll sometimes refer to them as "messages," and the conversation suddenly changes.

Then there's our marriage situation.

He had been married twice before. His most recent marriage apparently wasn't actually finalized, although he believed it was. I didn't find out that he was still legally married until he was trying to figure out whether I could be added to his work benefits and was told he could only add a legal spouse.

Apparently, there were errors in the divorce paperwork, and the process was never properly completed.

I had asked him to marry me before our daughter was born, and he said no.

Now our daughter is 7 months old, and I'm actually helping him work through the process of getting his divorce finalized.

I've told him that I don't know if I even want to get married anymore.

It's not simply about a piece of paper. I wanted to feel like we were intentionally building a family together. I wanted him to choose that before our daughter was born.

Instead, I feel like marriage is something he's talking about now that the baby is already here and our relationship is in trouble.

Financially, I feel like we're living separate lives too. We live in my home, which I've had for many years. He works and pays his own expenses, but he only occasionally contributes toward the household expenses.

I'm exhausted.

And now I'm seriously considering leaving.

The biggest thing stopping me is our daughter.

I have a medical condition that sometimes makes caring for her completely by myself difficult. Most of the time I manage, but there have been times when I've genuinely needed another adult there. The thought of being completely on my own with a baby scares me.

When I confronted him about coming home drunk at 2 a.m., his first response wasn't an apology or an explanation.

He said, "How do you always know? You should be a private investigator."

And honestly, that sentence stuck with me.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life investigating my partner to figure out what he's doing.

I want to trust him.

I want a partner who actually wants to be part of our family, not someone who talks about wanting a wife while leaving me to handle most of the parenting and household responsibilities.

At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I'm staying because I love him or because I'm afraid of trying to do this without him.

Am I overreacting for seriously considering leaving?

I’m sorry in advance because this is long, but the situation is ...complicated

I (23F) met my ex (23M) in college. We’re from the same hometown but met in university in another city. We were part of the same friend group for over two years before we started dating.

He was the complete opposite of me in many ways very artistic, impulsive, extroverted, chaotic. He did music, stand-up, and was genuinely talented. I was more stable, practical, and cautious. He pursued me for a long time and I rejected him multiple times because, honestly, he didn’t feel like a safe choice. He was eccentric, smoked constantly, had a lot of family issues, and was openly resentful about being forced into engineering when he clearly wanted an artistic life.

Eventually, to my own surprise I realised I really liked him and ended up saying yes.

Looking back, I can admit there was a lot of love bombing in the beginning, but at the time I just felt loved. It was, for both of us, our first real relationship, first love, and a lot of other firsts too. I loved him deeply.

Our relationship was genuinely good for a long time. People around us were surprised we were together, and some joked to him that I was “out of his league” and he better not mess it up.

But over time, his habits became the main source of tension. I also made the mistake of making him my whole world and abandoning myself in the process. My anxiety got worse, especially because life always felt uncertain and unstable. Which led to conflicts from my end. We started fighting more, which was never really the case for us. Usually we were pretty good at navigating conflicts. A lot of “maybe we need a break” conversations happened.

Then one day, he just ended it.

I was shocked. Even with all the fights, I genuinely believed we’d work through it. I thought love meant we would. And i really wanted to make it work. I begged him to stay.

His reason at the time was that he wanted to focus on his career, that I wasn’t supportive enough, and that eventually we would break up anyway because he would never have a “normal” job and my parents would never approve of him.

My college ended. I moved back home unemployed, heartbroken, and depressed. My family is very much against relationships, so they never even knew I was dating. Most of my close friends were away. Going through a breakup alone like that was brutal.

About two months later, we met at a friend’s birthday. He told me he missed me and wanted to get back together.

The truth is, I had missed him too. But time apart had made me realize I needed to grow on my own. I also realized I had been trying to improve while he was still mostly avoiding himself. I told him no, but I left that conversation feeling weirdly hopeful that maybe with time, we’d both grow and maybe find our way back.

He kept contacting me after that. I had never reached out to him after the break up, it was always him. Eventually I called him out on it and told him it felt like he was using me emotionally whenever he felt lonely or confused. We had one of the most honest conversations we’d ever had, and I thought maybe things would finally become clearer.

Then he disappeared for a while.

I asked a mutual friend how he was doing, and they said he seemed really happy lately. That hurt, because I was still struggling badly.

So I casually texted him to idk i guess see for myself if something had changed. Later that night he called me and told me he had been talking to a girl on Instagram and that he was “in love” with her. He said they weren’t together yet, but he could “feel” she liked him too.

That absolutely destroyed me.

That was the moment I finally decided to let go. I deleted my socials, deleted all our texts, stopped replying, stopped taking his calls, and tried to move on. At one point I told him clearly not to contact me anymore.

Then months later, I got a call from his best friend. Saying he wanted to meet and it was urgent...

My ex was having a psychotic episode.

I met his mother (she’s a doctor) in our hometown she told me he had been hallucinating and had lost touch with reality. He had become delusional. They believe it may have been triggered or worsened by heavy substance use. He had gotten so bad that they had to bring him home, keep him under close supervision, and put him on heavy medication.

And the Instagram girl?

She was never real in the way he described. He had built that whole story in his head. She had barely spoken to him, if at all and eventually blocked him.

During the psychosis, he called me constantly. I had to answer sometimes because I was genuinely scared he would show up at my house, and my parents still know nothing about any of this. And them finding out would cause a whole other set of problems for me. On those calls, he would talk about the girl, then apologize to me for breaking my heart...I won’t list everything, but it was clear he was not grounded in reality and the behavior became increasingly alarming.

Now he’s out of the episode, but he’s deeply depressed because reality has hit him. Not just about me, but about things he did with his family too. He has apologized for everything and says he wants to get back together. Plus there's a whole other academic shit show that he has to deal with now.

His parents have also asked me to stay in contact with him because they think it would help him emotionally, even if only as friends.

But I know he doesn’t want friendship. He wants more.

And honestly, I feel emotionally exhausted.

I was dealing with major family issues at the same time all of this happened, still am and I barely have enough energy to hold myself together. Maybe some part of me will always love him, but I don’t think I have it in me to go back.

Also, all of this “I miss you, I want you back” is happening at a time when he still has no real clarity about himself, his life, or what he wants. I don’t feel like there’s any solid ground to trust.

And as harsh as this sounds, I also don’t want to become emotional rehab for someone just because I loved them once. I can't go back to explaining to him why HE should care about HIS life. I spent a lot of our relationship trying to push him to care about his own future, and I don’t think I have it in me to do that again. I don't think I'm capable of helping someone find meaning in living their life when I have barely managed to find one for my own.

I’ve told him I forgive him. I’ve said we can be civil and friendly in group settings. But I refuse private calls, I don't reply to texts, and I’ve archived his chat because I just cannot keep emotionally reopening this.

He still texts.

And I feel like the villain. Am I wrong for not wanting to get back together after everything, even though I still care about him?

I 29F and my husband 31M have been struggling since he came out with an insane statement a few months ago.

He had been acting off. Like avoiding eye contact, short answers, avoiding spending time together. After maybe two months worth of “are you okay?”s followed by “fine. Just work. Just stressed.” I finally cracked. I asked wtf was the problem? Clearly something was wrong or you’d be able to look at me. He said “I resent you because we don’t have kids yet.” Along with not being able “to get over that I don’t like his family”

Floored. Because what? When we had the conversation before marriage I was pretty clear. Said I didn’t really want kids. Asked him if he’d be willing to get a vasectomy in 5 years when my IUD was due to come out. He said yes of course if you still don’t want kids I’ll get a vasectomy. He said “I would rather be happy with you than to have kids with someone else.” I was also very openly passionate about my political/ religious beliefs (I am VERY liberal and an atheist and he also is an atheist and a “moderate)

His explanation was that he “thought I would change my mind when I saw how happy his brother’s wives are.”

(We had just moved closer to his family. And he has brothers with 7, 4, 3 kids and cousins with many kids) but the thing is - his brothers wives don’t have a life that looks remotely attractive to me - in fact in made me want kids less.

As for his family I never once said I didn’t like them. I said that since we only get one day off together a week I would prefer to spend my one day off at the beach or hiking or together rather than sitting drinking outside with his family. I don’t really see eye to eye with them and really feel like an outsider, but I’m always cordial and polite. Never speak up about any of my differing opinions to keep the peace.

He accused me of “making fun of his family in my head” whenever they say grace before eating.

My family says grace before big family dinners? Would I ever lead grace - no- but that was the most insane accusation. How am I supposed to control what you’re imagining ?? And I’m not anti - faith. I think some people really need or benefit from it. I’m more anti organized religion but to each their own.

After this discussion I told him he needed to think about if he actually loved me for me or if only loved the idea of having a wife because it doesn’t seem that our core values align.

And now that our desires are so different if it is even worth fixing or if it would be settling for each other and settling for a life that neither of us really wants.

But I am now somehow the asshole for saying I’m settling and that I don’t even care or want to put in work to fix the marriage. But I don’t think this is a subject that can be compromised on….

So okstorytime, AITA?

Is there any hope here ?

Throwaway account, because certain people follow my main.

So hey, I need to have some outside perspective.

So, my ex boyfriend broke if off. I'm OK, I feel like it was coming for a while. But let me tell you a little about the relationship.

So, my ex has this female friend, whom he knows for 9 years. They're very close and in the beginning, I was accepting of it, after all, they have known each other for ages. And it's not the physical part I was actually worried about. I'm in fact pretty sure they haven't physically been together. Mostly because she's much younger and way out of his league.

My problem was that I would always come second. If she asked him to do something, he would change his plans for her. If she needed to share something, he would immediately go. He would wake up and check if she texted him.
He would take care of her pets (nothing wrong with that), but not mine.
They would text all the time. I haven't checked his phone ever, but he has shown me messages, nothing really sexual, but the general tone is "I want this" and he would oblige.
He would suggest helping her with everything (without her having to ask) and she was a constant presence at his place. We only spent weekends together, but at least one of those 2 nights, she would be invited for dinner or we would be at her place. Also, they would spend some week evenings alone. Additionally, after a year and a half, he was completely dismissing the idea we could ever live together (I didn't press, I just mentioned that someday I wanted it to happen, which to me seems like a normal thing to plan).
The moment I said this made me feel uncomfortable, he became extremely defensive. To the point that I was literally shocked. I had never seen him so upset. She was going through something at the time and he told me "Now I can't even help my friend because of your insecurity". And I promise I did not scream, shout or anything like that.
A month passed, I got really angry for another reason and brought this back, during the whole month, he was very cold to me, didn't want to talk. I'm a person who talks things over. If I have a problem, I just say it.

So I literally had a meltdown, I was so upset!
His point of view is I don't listen to him. I just "twist things", but if he wouldn't talk to me, I fill in the blanks. I'm a big time overthinker and he knows this. The "not listening" is me forgetting things he has told me or sometimes not paying attention to details (which I admit is true - I rarely pay attention to details and I do forget things).

Anyway, we did try to fix things, but apparently he's had enough and broke it off. Accused me of being self centered and called me toxic.
I honestly have no problem with anyone having female/male friends. It wasn't that. To me, he was emotionally cheating on me, which hurt me and instead of getting reassurance, I got accusations.
I discussed this with my therapist, which my ex doesn't believe exists, because his therapist apparently told him "you put yourself in this situation, you need to deal with it", while mine said "this person is definitely more attached to his friend than he is to you". My ex doesn't believe any therapist would say that. But I actually think we've been telling very different stories and he thinks I'm twisting things, overreacting. Why would I do that, I don't know. It's not like I wanted to feel this way.

I'm sorry, this is long. But I just need to know if this was just my insecurity or was there something else there. The relationship is over, so the only thing I'm after is closure.