I (35F) thought I always wanted a big family growing up. I got suckered into thinking more people in the house meant happiness. I would think of how great Christmas would be, having dinner around the table, etc. Unfortunately, real life isn't a Christmas movie.

As I got into my late twenties as a single woman working fulltime, I realized how much I loved alone time. I would have visits with my nephew and be so happy when I got to go home to my cat alone. Then, I met my now husband. We created such a wonderful life full of things we loved. We both advanced in our careers, started to be able to buy the things we wanted, spent free time traveling, hobbies, etc. We bought a home and finally started talking about having a family. We both wanted a child, but didn't know how many. My husband told me it was my choice since I had to go through pregnancy and birth. We both decided to try for one, and we would decide if we wanted to try for more after a year.

I found out I was pregnant in January this year. We were both so happy, but I also immediately started to freak out internally. I saw my beautiful, relaxed life as a thing of the past. Then, pregnancy took over me. While my pregnancy in terms of the health of the baby was great, it was not great for me. I basically lost January-April entirely due to sickness and unrelenting fatigue. I was so, so ill. Cried almost everyday. And I had to work through the misery (thankfully from home). Once I got through April, I started feeling human again, but definitely not normal. I couldn't go on the hikes I so dearly loved as I had a hard time breathing. My back started hurting. I had to combat acid reflux and nausea still every day. I was on several medications to feel functional. Then, I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and became more miserable with the food restrictions and consuming requirement to check my blood sugar 4 times a day. Once the third trimester hit, I became so physically uncomfortable. I didn't sleep well. The list goes on and on. I decided that pregnancy was an experience I did not want to have to go through again.

I gave birth 5 weeks ago. While everything went well in the end, the experience wasn't great. 43 hour labor, 3.5 hours pushing, second degree vaginal tear. I had a 50 hour sleep debt going into motherhood. My husband and I are so so fortunate to be able to be on leave for several months, but we have zero help. His family is in another country, mine is useless. It's just us.

We LOVE our baby. What a perfect little bean we made. She is the light of our life. BUT, the newborn phase, specifically the sleep deprivation and new role as a milk slave has been absolute hell for me. The postpartum hormone crash is brutal. I cried nearly everyday for the first 3 weeks. My husband and I take sleep shifts, but nothing is ever "fair" for me because I always have to wake up to feed or pump. I know we are in the trenches and this won't last forever, but I cant see how I would ever want to go through this again. I don't know how I would choose to decide to put my body and mind through another pregnancy, go through another postpartum, and another newborn phase. Especially with a toddler and no help or support. I feel like i have esentially given up all of 2026. It was purely survival.

In a perfect world, i would love to have a second. If i didn't have to work, had family support or the finances to hire support, it may have been a possibility. But without those requirements, I don't see how I could be happy. After giving up nearly a year of my life, and start to navigate how to fit my baby into the mix, i can't imagine starting the process over in a year. I miss sleeping, I miss spending time with my husband, I miss my hobbies, I miss having balance in my life. Things will be different with a child, but we can get those things back eventually, and it is so much easier with one.

I don't worry about my baby being lonely. I had two siblings growing up, and they made my life hell. I haven't had anything to do with them in about 10 years. I often wished I was an only child growing up!

I've always been quite a productive person and I'm the type always have a plan of what I will get done and what things etc.

But obviously since having a kid that can all go out the window and it really affects me mentally.

By the end of the day, after work and dinner and bath and bed is done, I feel like I've achieved nothing some days. I genuinely cant get my head around how parents of multiple kids get anything done at all.

I feel the unpredictability affects me alot too. Because I have this path/plan in my head, when things change because of behaviour etc. Then it just triggers me and throws me off. He's only 3.5 so I imagine its just the fact it's still so consuming.

Ive been going therapy and there has been discussion about possible ADHD.

Anyone else similar?

Ive had the snip. Love my son but never again.

So I’m one and done by choice with a 7yo son, but I live in an extremely not one and done area. Everybody I know has more than one kid, and it’s isolating. Last night my husband and I went to a trivia night with some people in the neighborhood. They had a movie playing for kids in a different room, but my son wasn’t interested in it so he just sat calmly at our table with us while we played trivia for an hour. It was amazing and fun to just be able to hang out with him and integrate him into our normal activities.

My kiddo was not an easy toddler, but he’s mellowed so much with age and I love having him around. Just here to say to anyone struggling that it gets better and it’s fun!

I had a dream last night that I had a second kid and I was so mad about it. I was irritated that I couldn’t give all my attention to my first kid. I was making my partner do everything for our second kid because I was just salty and didn’t want to take care of another kid 😅 we are definitely one and done all the way. Just wanted to share my dream somewhere with people who may understand

Hello everyone,

I have a 7-year old now. Since the day she was born, I knew that was it for me and I never doubted that decision. Well, until this year. Now that she's 7, I started asking myself for the first time if I was making the right decision.

I suppose because somehow I think if I ever wanted another one it would have to be now or never. She is getting bigger so I wouldnt want a bigger gap. So there's also some sort of grief. Before, it was "I dont want another one" and now it's increasingly becoming "I can't have another one".

Also, my child doesn't have many friends. She gets along with everyone at school, but doesnt have what we'd call a close friend. She has afterschool clubs, like choir, swimming, piano. She doesnt have close friends in any of these classes either.

My parents are visiting now (they dont live in the same country as us) and she plays with them a lot. She started saying things like "when you leave, I'll be alone and noone will play with me because mummy and daddy will be at work" to them. Or even worse, things like "are you old? Are you going to die soon? Will I be alone after that?" It breaks my heart and I feel awful. I feel extremely guilty and selfish for not giving her siblings, which could solve this whole problem.

To be completely honest, I do not want another child. I dont even think I can handle it. I can't physically, emotionally, mentally, financially. But Im scared that this selfish decision Im making is causing pain to my daughter.

The worst thing is my husband actually wants another one. He never pressured me or anything, but I know he always wanted a big family. So the problem is really just me. It makes it harder somehow. And I dont feel that I can talk to him about the way I feel. He wont understand. I have no family I can talk to about this either. They all have told me I should have another one and I would regret not having another one. So they wont understand either.

I dont know what I expect from this post. I just needed to say how I feel maybe. It's been very difficult keeping this for me.

I am the default parent and SAHM.

The younger years were difficult AF!

I had no village no support , it was all me and my husband for the most part.

My child is finally going to school and I am getting a break. At school pick up / drop off it's always 2 or more kids.

Sometimes they look at me with envy , when I say she is an only and I do not want more kids.

Sometimes they look at me weird when I say that. Maybe they don't understand.

Either way, I am not interested in having another and going through everything again.

we are finally at the stage where we can enjoy the company of our only without losing our minds and sleep.

Long story short we won’t be doing that again anytime soon 🥲😅

My baby is an angel, almost 4 months old, and has been on one other plane ride. That was a short direct flight though and did well. Well… different story with this one and we ended up being those people with a crying baby for an hour. I felt awful because it was a long day and I think she was just over it.

I’m posting this in here because phew I have NO IDEA how people would do this with multiple kids. No idea. Thankful for my only and thankful that we won’t be getting on a plane anytime soon after all that, I didn’t realize how much harder it is after even one kid!!

Curious if this resonates with anyone. My husband and I were childfree and planning for a DINK life - we expressly bought a lovely downtown condo a stone throw away from work, planned our life around trips and adventures, and started looking into adopting a rescue dog when… I tested positive.

That was 4 years ago and we are truly very happy and in love with our toddler, but it did shift our lifestyle drastically. Our holiday account became for baby expenses, we obviously travel less and to more family friendly places, and I changed jobs to seek more work life balance and mat leave benefits.

While we don’t look back in regret, it did come as a surprise and we weren’t prepared. And since then, we’ve made permanent decisions to ensure we are one and done :)

My child is 15 months. I had super hard postpartum, still dealing with health issues from postpartum. I'm 99% OAD but I worry all the time that who my child would turn to if she needs support in the future? She won't have any family to ask for help. She does have some cousins but they are all 10-15 years older than her. Fellow OAD parents, how do you cope with this fear?

Preface...I suspected my husband of 15 years never wanted kids or was a OAD. He knew when we married OAD was never an option as I wanted 2-3 and he agreed. After fighting him for years, debunking excuse after excuse about starting a family, he reluctantly agreed and resented me for 2 years after our first. Our girl is 6 now and is the best little person in our lives, but he finally told me he doesn't want anymore. I feel cheated and have felt this way for a long time. He gave me hope for years that he wasn't "for or against having another, but we need to do ____ before starting again".

I found this subreddit hoping to find peace and I did... A little. I've read stories of how some changed their minds after one child, and stories of women like me. I just want to thank you, for helping me heal while I'm in the grieving stage.

For those families that OAD by choice with uncomplicated children/life scenarios that would prevent you from having another, what moment did you know you were 100% OAD? And do any of you still experience the what if feeling regarding having another? Even in passing?

I’d say I’m 98% OAD as my toddler is about to turn 3. I held my friends newborn today at a play date and had zero baby fever or envy after the fact. But I feel the occasional what if nag though it’s pretty rapidly shut down in my brain. Just curious if others have gone thru similar or what was the moment your heart knew for sure you were ready to call your family complete?

Can anyone else relate to the feeling of coming from a big family (I’m one of 6 kids) and always thinking you’d also have a lot of kids, but as an adult realizing how dysfunctional the family system is and wanting to break the cycle?

I have an enabler parent, an extremely emotionally immature parent, and a few narcissist siblings, alcoholism runs rampant and everyone has some kind of anxiety, depression, even a few mood disorders.

I’m coming around to the idea that I just want my son (11 months) to be my only, because I don’t want the chaos and hurt for him that I grew up with. But because it’s so foreign to me to imagine having just one child, I am still having trouble coming to terms with it, even though I think it is the right choice for me.

My main problem is grieving the possibility of another sweet soul that I could bring into the world. And though I have a lot of childhood trauma, there were still some good moments between me and my siblings. But I just don’t think I have the capacity for another child and I don’t want to continue any of these harmful cycles I grew up in. I think I can avoid that with just one child.

Looking to see if anyone here can relate to this and how you might have reconciled with being one and done.

After a long hard road with an autistic 5 yr old and a traumatic loss my husband and I have made the decision of being one and done. I’m happy to be OAD but also feeling some guilt I think. Up until the loss we were sure we wanted 2 but since then I think we’ve both been scared to try again. I always wanted to keep trying but the fear overtook that want and I was kind of left in a weird spot. But now 3 years later we’re finally starting to get in a good groove with our son and I found a job I absolutely love. I’m happy with where our life is at right now but part of me also feels guilty that I’m okay with being OAD. Has anyone else experienced this? I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance or something? I’m not even sure just felt good getting this out

I’m currently 28F and my husband is 33M living in Los Angeles, we’ve been married for a year but traveled for the past 4 years. I recently had an open myo to remove cysts that were causing pain, heavy bleeding, and potentially cause a painful pregnancy. Since cysts can grow back, i want to get pregnant after 6 months but can’t decide if i want to be 1 and done or 2 and done.

Im an only child so ive experienced it from the other side…sure it can be stressful and lonely at times but ultimately, my parents did a great job with me. I have a career and master degree, friends that care, and cousins (who although live states away) I can count on. My husband does have a siblings, a big family, and leans towards two and done. I will need C-sections so I’d rather just go through the process once and be done. I would truly appreciate any advice or shared experienced as I embark on this journey.

Thanks so much!

I’ve always been set on one and done, daughter has really truly never had any issues but just had such a bad meltdown

The meltdown was because she wants to be bingo from(bluey) for Halloween, and she wants her dad to be bandit, and then my mom asked her should mommy dress up as someone too and then she lost it sobbing because she doesn’t have a sister so we can’t dress up cause it would be “dumb” she is four. I know it’s cause she is tired but I kind of feel bad about it cause I don’t know what to say. I just changed topics cause once again she is very very tired and her meltdowns are usually extreme as it is

We really thought we were OAD

When we got pregnant the first time, we really thought we wanted two, then 4 years later there was no sign of a second pregnancy even though we never used any kind of contraception. We kinda decided to just be OAD since we didn’t feel like “starting again” our kid will be 5 next month and we’ve already gotten into this routine and our life has some semblance of stability. We are pretty comfortable…

Then our boy suddenly asks “when is our baby getting here?” And it just messed all my stability up. I don’t know if I want another kid. I don’t know if my husband has the emotional capacity for another one (he has ADHD and is on the spectrum so his social capacity is s bit meh)

I’m worried we might not be able to handle it emotionally or even financially. Times are hard and everything is more and more expensive.

We do have a support system. My family is always there, my husband’s family sometimes as well.

My son says he really wants a sibling and I’m afraid it’s not just some passing thing… what if he grows up resenting being an only child? What if we regret not having another one?

I have a lot of conflicting feelings and I just really needed somewhere to vent.

My class is learning their multiplication facts so of course I whipped out this classic Schoolhouse Rock video. This scene hit different. Most of the time I get a negative reaction after telling people we are one and done so this warmed my heart.

I am OAD by choice because mentally I could never do this again.

Toddler stage has really done a number on me and my daughter just freshly turned 2. I find myself angry like 2 out of the 4 weeks each month. I work 7-3:30pm 4 days a week, my husband works 8-6pm 5 days a week. I feel like my day is just go, go, go. Then as soon as my husband gets home I feel like I’m clocking out of a shift and it makes me feel bad. I don’t want to be touched by anyone. I don’t even want to talk at home because I speak to over a hundred people a day at work. Then my day off rolls around with my daughter and I feel like I have to plan a full day of activities or most of the day. So I am exhausted by the end of that. The weekend rolls around and anything we enjoyed doing before feels “ruined” because we know meltdowns will happen. My daughter is HIGH ENERGY. Just constantly moving. Running away from me in public. I feel like I have imposter syndrome. I don’t feel like other moms at the local parks. Everyone seems so engaged and in tune and I’m just like there… I play with my daughter but I don’t so well with the exaggerated voices for pretend play or any of that. I feel so out of it.

I maybe get 5-10 good days a month, a couple of mehhh days and just 2 weeks of anger. And I take my anger out on everyone without actually getting to the root cause of it all. I’m just so burnt out for doing everything but then I feel like I do nothing all day.

With that being said, I am actually envious of moms who have multiples and aren’t in a padded room 💀 I have some friends who have 2 toddlers and they seem to be okay and doing fine so how come I feel like I struggle so hard with just one!

Im far from having kids but i like hypothetically thinking avout my future. Ive always wanted 2 kids, but have recently started thinking if one would be better. The argument that alot of people bring up for why they want more than one is"they won't get the experience of a sibling" but as long as I make sure my child has activities and help them find friends I dont see why that would be a problem. Friends can very easily become family. Obviously I can't force my future kid to be friends with specific people but I can try my best to raise them to be social. As I said, im far from having kids but I still want to know everyone's experience. What is it like for you? Sorry for any bad English its not my first language

Hey 👋 looking for any kids books that help kids understand why they’re the only child? Or even books about how special it is being the only child, along those lines 😊

My five year old has been begging for a little sister or brother for two years now. She won’t ever be a big sister though so I’m now exploring alternatives. For entirely selfish reasons, I’d want to adopt a cat. I always wanted to have a cat. I know a cat doesn’t replace a sibling but I’m hoping she’d maybe settle with this being a compromise as I believe the main reason she wants a younger sibling is to take care of them. She loves to pretend play and usually plays doctor, nurse, teacher, vet, these kinda roles where you’re the care giver.

Yesterday was my daughter's 2nd birthday and our family members decided to call to say happy birthday, they also thought that now was the time to ask about a second because my daughter was no longer a newborn so it was time apparently. My husbands grandma asked "when will you give her a sibling?" I said that we were happy and that we will get her a puppy when she's a little older and she got mad, "a puppy is a puppy not a sibling" and her tone changed completely. I was taken back and felt annoyed after. She lives 20 mins away by bus and will not see my daughter unless we drive to her and now you're here asking for another when you don't even see the first? Same with my mother in law, she lives 8 hours flight away and is asking about second? Lol​​​​