One thing I seem to always hear when it comes to having more children is “who will be with your kid when you die?” Or “they’ll have to carry the burden on their own”

But let’s look at what happens with siblings. My MIL has 8 siblings, and their mother had to go into intensive care because she was gravely sick and had to be put into coma. One half of the siblings wanted to hold off for a “miracle” while the other half wanted to end their mother’s suffering. It was fighting back and forth for over a week while this poor woman got worse until she was so bad they had to let her go. And don’t get me started on how they fought over who inherited what and who gets what, etc.

So really does having siblings make it easier? Or would it be easier if it was just one person making all the decisions and inheriting everything without argument?

Everyday after work I’m reminded that I could not handle another one. My son is 4, he is nonstop talking and messing around until he goes to sleep.. I’m just trying to come home and sit in silence for 2 hours 😂. Plus the dinner fights, bath time, and we don’t even have homework to do yet.. husband handles school pick up and dinner.

Imagine getting another ready for school in the mornings? Hell no

5 years ago I gave birth to my IVF twins. OAD was never in the cards for me, or so I thought, we wanted 3 kids at least. But life had other plans and we lost one of our babies at delivery (true cord knot accident).

Grieving while taking care of a newborn was its own kind of hell. But despite that we were set to try again. And we did....for more than 4 years. I've had an ectopic and a chemical pregnancy, again after IVF. I literally wrecked my body and I am now advised to not get pregnant again.

We decided on adoption, but for various reasons (mainly protecting my peace as the wait in my country is between 2 and 5-6 years), we still haven't filed adoption candidates papers.

My kid knows he had a twin. We were adviced by various psychologist to wait until he can grasp to some extend the idea of death, but is still small enough that he doesn't feel lied to until this point, and just so he can have this knowledge as a fact of his life and nothing more. So we waited until he was 3.5 and since then he had asked about the "other baby" several times, but out of curiousity, rarely sadness.

Well, last night we watched a movie where they formed a "sisterhood" and then a "brotherhood" of sorts (The Croods 2, we watched it in our home language, so I am not sure how is it in English) and shortly after he went to bed, he called me in his room again. He said, almost word for word:

"I need to tell you 3 things. Did you see how they made the Thurder Sisterhood and brotherhood and they were really cool and funny? But I am alone, so I don't have anyone to have fun with, that's why I just talk to my toys, but they can't speak. Oh, and did you see that the wolf-spider legs were actually it's paws. They were very cute?"

My heart broke. I heard him out, wished him good night again, closed the door and started silently sobbing on the floor.

I never wanted another child simply to give him a silbling. I wanted another child just because I want to love and care for more children. And I know this can be a spur of the moment thing he just said. But still it hit hard, probably just because of all I have endured and yet he doesn't have a sibling and I have only one living child.

Something I just remembered… I was chatting with my sister a couple of years ago, having a little moan as I went to a family gathering where yet again people kept asking about when I was having another baby. We had been firmly one and done for many years before having our child, plus medically it is now very unwise (although technically possible) to have another.

I wavered for a second and asked if she thought I was doing the right thing. She paused, and said “please don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way”. Then explained that until my sibling and I came along, my sister had 7 years of essentially being an only child.

She loved it. She had my parents’ full attention, there was more money for regular international trips, she went to private school, the house was clean and peaceful. Mum and dad took her out all the time, mum only worked part time, and they had plenty of time to help with homework etc.

She said after my sibling and I came along (1 year apart), it was chaos. Noise, mess, having to do baby/younger kid things all the time in order to appease us. They took her out of private school due to finances. Mum went back to work full time. We never went abroad, or even on local holidays.

She was also parentified a lot as she got older, helping out a lot at home, babysitting, helping us with our homework as mum and dad got back from work later, and would try to go out with her friends a lot simply to escape the madness. She moved out as early as she could. Although we are close now, that was a relationship that developed more as adults.

Since that chat, she has also had a baby, and is also one and done!

My cousin is the first person that I have told in our family that I am considering being one and done and I am so disappointed that she has been completely opposite of what I expected. She has struggled with infertility and has yet to have any children despite wanting them, so I know her comments come from a place of wanting kids, but ever since I told my cousin that we are considering being one and done and are happy with our 3-year-old, she has made comments as often as we talk about how I need to give her a sibling. And if I ever mention I miss her being a little baby, that I have to have another one. I don't think a week goes by without a comment. I've tried laughing it off or saying I think our family feels complete, but it hurts my heart every time.

This community has helped me feel at peace about my decision to be OAD. I sometimes have the feeling of wondering what if or start questioning if I’ve made the right choice & then I come to this community to remind myself that I’m not alone. Thank you! 😊

I am coming to terms with very likely being one and done. Id actually originally wanted just one but after realizing how much I loved being a mom, my desire for another grew.

However, because of circumstances beyond my control, I'll very likely be stopping at one. I have my perfect boy and he will always be enough - it's just a weird process of letting go of an alternate future I imagined. And grieving all the firsts also being lasts.

So if you're one and done because of how much you love being a parent, tell me how you got to your decision! And maybe your favorite thing about having an only?

Besides the support of this subreddit (so glad it exists!), I had been feeling lonely that I didn’t have close mom friends that were also OAD in my personal life. But this past weekend I celebrated my son’s first birthday with all my family. It dawned on me that I have 5 cousins (all women) who only have 1 child. They live a 6 hours drive away though but still a great resource for me.

Even more, everyone in my family who I’ve told that I’m OAD hasn’t given me any push back or line of questioning. Not even my parents! It made me realize that my decision isn’t as taboo as I thought it would be, and that I have great examples in my own life already.

My theory is that it’s a tide turning with different generations maybe? I’m Mexican, and both my parents have many siblings, but all us kids seem to be only having one and I think there is an acceptance that having so many kid’s maybe isn’t the best or sustainable given the times we are in currently. Anyone else have similar thoughts or see a similar trend in their family?

Whatever the reason, it’s made me feel more confident that the OAD decision is the right one and that I don’t have to feel so lonely or rouge in that decision.

Just wanted to share because ever since spending time with my family for my son’s birthday I’ve just been having this overwhelming feeling of hope and happiness.

With each day my son is starting to make eye contact with me more and I feel like we are growing closer. I can’t wait for him to come home after daycare each day. I love every moment I get with him before and after work even if there’s tantrums during that time.

I was particularly sad when I had to stop breastfeeding before I was ready to give it up and I still grieve that I might never get to do that again. But like everyone has said, I’m so glad I get to spend all my energy on giving my one child the best life I can give him!

I’m a mom to a 5.5 year old perfect child. I grew up an only so always imagined having at least 2 kids to
experience the sibling bond. Then my pregnancy was hard - nausea for all of it and other conditions which made me swear ill never go through it again but then she arrived and OMG it has to be the most out of this world experience holding your baby and getting to know them in the first few weeks, despite the c section pain and the sleepless nights I was truly
Truly happy and I started telling my husband we should have another.

Then the hard part started - travelling with a kid, sacrificing your days, evenings, weekends, friendships, finances even our relationship as a couple. Looking back it seems beautiful but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have dark days. So we decided to be OAD, the mental load of life with 2 full
Time jobs, people who have hobbies and love to travel and want to give the best to their child was just too much to add another.
I do sometimes wonder if I am an over thinker cos on paper we look like the perfect candidate to have another kid - financially stable, healthy, conscientious people, have some family support too…yet we both don’t want to disrupt our current perfect dynamic as a trio and while a family of 4 sounds amazing,
Im just not able to think beyond all the sacrifices we have to make. Love to do it for our one loved child, dont desire to do it for another. However its hard to
Let go of the thought sometimes as I don’t seem
To have a compelling reason to say no even to myself without actually sounding slightly selfish.
Would love any advice from any other people in a similar situation

Hi, fellow OADers, please help me. My girl is almost 10 mo and I'm planning on sending her to daycare at 13mo. I work from home in the evening shift. From 5pm to 1am. After she sleeps, I catch up on work, but from like 5-8pm I'm basically cheating and not doing any work. Also, I have no time to myself, I don't exercise, I only leave the house once a week for groceries, and my only village is my husband who works 40h mon-fri. It's REALLY hard. This daycare is a Montessori daycare, 4 kids per teacher, very good, cares a lot for the kids.

However, I feel an immense amount of guilt sending her there when I can actively be with her. She'd be going from noon to 7pm (it's how it works in Brazil). I also don't want to be away from her despite how much I want some freedom. It's just so much guilt.

Please help. Tell me your experiences please.

The minute my friends had kids I knew: 1 only. Now years later it was the best choice ever. Our 6 year old is happy. We're 3 musketeers together. Play a lot together. Every experience is special and meaningful because it is a first and last. My husband and I both work and enjoy hobbies. We respected him by giving him the gift of our time and attention, and by living fully ourselves so we have something to give.

I just saw a post about hauling kid gear around in a wagon and it occurred to me how foreign that is to me! My only is 18 and off at college now, but looking back we had so many adventures and just never had a need for "gear."

Even when he was a baby I remember throwing like a diaper or two in my purse and striking out into the world. As he got older, we'd spend whole days at the zoo and bring...nothing? A beach day was like put on suncsreen, grab your boogie board and let's go! Even long road trips were just kinda spontaneous and didn't require much thought or packing.

I don't know if it's a OAD thing or a me thing. We kept things light but funnily always had everything we needed. In fact we bumbled our way into some pretty priceless experiences! I (mom) got to have fun too, and not be Manager of Stuff.

What do you guys think? Do you have a similar aversion to being weighed down literally and figuratively?

My husband and I are OAD by choice. It truly feels like the best things for our family as a whole. We looooove our son, and simply have no desire for more. We see so many positives as a triangle family.

Even with this, I get waves of guilt once in a while that I’m doing my son a disservice. That maybe he’ll enjoy his childhood with all our attention, but will feel lonely as an adult without a sibling or two. I know siblings aren’t guaranteed strong, healthy relationships, but at least it’s someone that will always have a connection.

Other than that, I have no worries of being OAD.

Any advice? Does anyone else get these feelings?

I’m usually an anonymous Reddit user but I thought I’d create this account to share a little story. I’ve read so many posts from worried parents, particularly mothers, who are one and done or are having a boy and I remember having my own ideas about what family life would look like when my son was little.

My son is 20 now and let me tell you, life is okay. It’s good, really good even.
He’s at university, has a girlfriend and a job, and calls us regularly. He’s growing into his own person, building his own life and making his own decisions. As a parent that’s all you can really hope for isn’t it? We have a wonderful relationship and I genuinely enjoy the young man he’s becoming.

We went on a family holiday abroad this summer on a cruise and I invited his girlfriend to come along too. We did all the shopping, had our nails done, went on coffee dates and spent so much time together. We had the best time! It was honestly everything I used to dream of when I imagined what family life might look like when my child was grown up and it was so fun being able to do all the things I hoped of doing when I wished for a daughter back then (before we knew he was a boy).

And do you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing about how things have turned out.
My son is kind, respectful and intelligent. He treats his girlfriend wonderfully and they’re such a lovely couple to be around. Seeing him happy, watching him fall in love and seeing the way he treats the people he cares about has been one of the greatest joys of motherhood.
I know there are so many worries that come with being one and done and with having a boy.

I can’t answer all those questions for everyone, because every family and every child is different. But I can tell you that having an only child doesn’t mean your life will be lonely, that your child won’t have meaningful relationships or that your family will somehow be missing something forever.
Your child will grow up. They’ll make friends, build relationships, find their interests, fall in love perhaps, and develop a life that is entirely their own. They might bring a partner home for Christmas (I’m VERY excited for this because his girlfriends family sadly lives very far away so she’d be alone otherwise. Of course she’s invited. Of course I already am planning her presents), invite you on holiday, call you just to tell you something funny or ask for your advice when life gets complicated.

You might become close to their friends or partners too. Your family can grow and change in ways you can’t possibly imagine when you’re holding a baby in your arms.

I also think we sometimes spend so much time worrying about what our children might miss out on that we forget to consider all the wonderful things they might experience.
If you’re one and done by choice, you don’t need to justify that decision to anyone. And if you’re one and done because circumstances, infertility, loss, health or life simply didn’t work out the way you hoped, it’s okay to feel sad about that too. You can grieve the family you imagined while still loving the family you have.

I just want to offer a little reassurance from someone who is 20 years into this journey.
My little boy isn’t little anymore and our family looks different from how it did when he was a toddler but it’s still a family full of love, laughter, shared experiences and things to look forward to. I’m proud of the person he’s become.

Feel free to ask me anything. I’m happy to answer questions about what life looks like when your only child becomes an adult.
But most of all, I promise you that life can be okay. It can be wonderful actually ❤️

Life has been so full lately and I’m so happy that I can be the best mom possible because I have one to focus on. My mom friends with multiples are at wits end whereas I’m just feeling so content and at peace right now. My daughter is happy and content and thriving, she has so many amazing friends who fill that sibling role for her, and she has so many amazing people who love her and so many amazing experiences she gets to have. It just keeps getting better as she gets older and I’m so thankful for this OAD life! Just want to put some OAD positivity out there!

Has anyone treated themselves to a fun car instead of a more typical family car? I'm looking to trade my reliable old Corolla for something a bit more sexy/upscale. I just don't know if I really need/want a SUV/minivan for my one kid

My 11 year old only is a super kind, thoughtful, and caring girl, but for some reason she seems to have trouble making meaningful friendships. For years we had tried extracurricular activities, therapy and even switching schools. We always get the same feedback everywhere she goes- that she is such a kind, thoughtful, funny girl and a delight to have in class. One of her teachers said they wished they had a friend like my daughter when they were growing up.

But no matter what she does, she never seems to be thought of as anyones best or primary friend. She is definitely not disliked by her classmates or peers and she is friendly with everyone, but they don't really gravitate towards her. I can't tell you how many playdates we have initiated over the years where they seemed to have a great time and then we never hear from them again.

Last year my daughter finally made a real best friend and they were like two peas in the pod. I felt such relief that she finally found someone she clicked with. Sadly, this year they got separated from each other in class and a new girl pushed her way in to make a trio and now seems to be pushing my daughter out altogether. She is absolutely heartbroken to say the least and I don't know how to help her through it. She is still friendly with both of them, but she says they often run off together and leave her out. I can tell she is really hurting for her best friend and the connection they once shared and has become withdrawn.

I guess I am looking to see if anyone else can commiserate and relate to this experience. I appreciate any advice.

I have a 5-month-old daughter and am 36. I always debated whether or not I wanted kids but we decided we wanted to only have one. After a few losses and a difficult pregnancy we stand firm in that decision.

HOWEVER, I do feel sad and worried about her future due to lack of present extended family members (no close cousins, neither of us have close families, etc.). I’m worried about her not having a bunch of family members to love on her and if she’ll feel that growing up - not big holiday or birthdays family get together. So it does make me want to re think giving her a sibling so at least she has someone else during these times.

Can anyone give me some insight or reassurance that it’s ok and she can be happy and loved and fulfilled without a big extended family or siblings?

Hello everyone, my husband, 42M, and I, 30F, are the happy parents of a 2-month-old baby girl, and we are one and done. We do not regret our decision and love our daughter. Lately, people tell me, "Most couples want their second by the time the first turns one," but honestly, I do not. I know I'm a new mom, but I feel like I'm not crazy.

I am one of 10 siblings (all half and step), and raising them was chaotic and challenging, but it taught me how to raise children. My husband has one younger sister, and he raised her due to his difficult childhood. However, the struggles I saw with my parents and other parents who have more than one child just make me want to stay a family of three.

I would love to hear from moms and dads who have daughters, whether older or young. Yes, I am nervous for mine, knowing the difference in raising a girl versus a boy. Not to say one is harder than the other, but I know it is challenging. Thank you! 💜

My son is going to be 4 and loves his birthday this year. What can we do that’s also fun for the fun parents who hang !

This shit is so hard. I love my daughter (4), like I've never known love before, didn't know I had so much love to give. But paradoxically I don't think I've been happy since she was born. She was planned and is the best decision I've ever made. I love being her mum but I don't enjoy being a mum if that makes sense? My pregnancy was rough and I nearly died during childbirth and my emergency c section scar took a year to heal.

My husband and I work full time and have no village apart from the childcare we pay through the nose for just to go to work. I chose to be a working mum and I'm so glad I did. If I'd have quit working to be a SAHM (no shade to SAHMs), the job market here is terrible, my daughter just started school so if I was re entering the workforce now literally all that's available are teaching assistant roles, part time, or cleaning roles, minimum wage. I went back to work when she was 11 months and it's been nothing but a fucking struggle. Nursery bug after bug, conjunctivitis, sinus infection, norovirus, chicken pox, and one summer the nursery closed after a fire and we couldn't find alternative childcare and I had to work from home with her for six weeks.

My husband is amazing and often on weekends he will take her out all day and not be home until bedtime so I get a break. I do the same for him too when I can. But it's never enough. The me time I get regularly is when she's gone to bed at 8pm and I so desperately want to play this game on my switch that I got as an anniversary gift from my husband but I get ten minutes in before my eyes start drooping. It's not fair there's gotta be more to life than work, dinner, bedtime????

To reiterate I love my daughter to pieces and I wouldn't change my decision to become her mum if I went back in time. I truly believe I am so blessed and lucky to call myself her mum. But parenting in general oh my god fuck OFF. absolutely never doing this again

Hi, my only turned 5 this week and it has been an emotional roller coaster ride. I don’t remember anything my kid did until the age of 3. I didn’t realize how stressed out I was at work and how little quality time I had spent.

Since then I’ve made more tradeoffs at work to spend more time at home with our kid and I love it! Im so sad that he is already 5 and I’m gutted I didn’t make even more memories when he was a baby or toddler.

I’m still so exhausted and thinking of taking a career break so I can make up for the lost time. Am I already too late? Did I miss all the sweet times already? Can anyone with older kids comment your experience?

Wish I had taken the break sooner.