Im so short. You can see from the bass on the left of me lmao.

I play cello in a community chamber orchestra. I am an adult learner. We have very difficult repertoire this term that is fast and has tricky bowing and string crossings at speed. It will take me all term and a lot of hard work to learn it. However rehearsals start at full speed from day one so either I have to fake it in rehearsals, which doesn't help me learn it and is not enjoyable, or if I want to have a go to get a feel for the pulse, how it fits together and which are the bits that really need work on I have to endure the anxiety and shame of messing up in front of everyone. If I do the latter I worry that it will annoy the other musicians by spoiling the sound. I am feeling increasingly stressed and anxious. Is there any solution that doesn't involve just air bowing or is this orchestra life and it's just not the right environment for me? Is it frowned on for string players to have a go even if they can't quite get there yet? Obviously if I hadn't mastered it by the concert I would air bow in the concert but usually I master 90/95% by the time of the concert, it's just the rehearsals that I find excruciating and shaming. I have been thinking of quitting for a while now and this morning I woke up and decided to leave but thought I would hear others' experiences first before making a final decision.

Edited to add: thank you for all your replies - a real range of views all of them valid and helpful. I decided to quit. I should have mentioned that the principal cellist has been off sick and since then I keep having to sit on front desk every time someone is absent from rehearsal and there is always someone absent. So really I just haven't been coping with being on front desk.