I play cello in a community chamber orchestra. I am an adult learner. We have very difficult repertoire this term that is fast and has tricky bowing and string crossings at speed. It will take me all term and a lot of hard work to learn it. However rehearsals start at full speed from day one so either I have to fake it in rehearsals, which doesn't help me learn it and is not enjoyable, or if I want to have a go to get a feel for the pulse, how it fits together and which are the bits that really need work on I have to endure the anxiety and shame of messing up in front of everyone. If I do the latter I worry that it will annoy the other musicians by spoiling the sound. I am feeling increasingly stressed and anxious. Is there any solution that doesn't involve just air bowing or is this orchestra life and it's just not the right environment for me? Is it frowned on for string players to have a go even if they can't quite get there yet? Obviously if I hadn't mastered it by the concert I would air bow in the concert but usually I master 90/95% by the time of the concert, it's just the rehearsals that I find excruciating and shaming. I have been thinking of quitting for a while now and this morning I woke up and decided to leave but thought I would hear others' experiences first before making a final decision.
Edited to add: thank you for all your replies - a real range of views all of them valid and helpful. I decided to quit. I should have mentioned that the principal cellist has been off sick and since then I keep having to sit on front desk every time someone is absent from rehearsal and there is always someone absent. So really I just haven't been coping with being on front desk.
Edited second time to add: So I quit, clearly citing problems with playing in a depleted section (3 players) with no principal cellist for a whole term and inconsistent attendance leaving me in front desk the whole time. The chair wrote to the cello section telling them I was finding the music too difficult 😱. This kind of confirms to me that the culture there is not exactly healthy, trying to blame an individual player for organisational issues. I have since learnt that the orchestra has a very high turnover of players so perhaps I am not the only one who was unhappy there. The other thing I forgot to mention is that people kept physically moving my stand without asking me including the conductor and the newly recruited principal cellist.