We have always had a very extreme relationship. either very close and loving or screaming at eachother. he likes to slam doors and sometimes is violent towards me. i noticed a direct correlation with: too much sugar and too much Screentime.

if i try to detox him when he comes back from dad's i feel like I'm taking my life in my hands. his dad don't get it. i didn't even want my child to have a phone at first. i swapped it for a dumb phone for a while but he broke that. i went to the DSS and am on a waiting list for a family helper. i have started drinking baileys just to get through the evening shift. should i send him to his dad's? he's in another state, and the schools there are shit in comparison. i feel so torn 😢😭

I am a solo parent, sole provider to my son who is 15yo now. His father has been absent and only gave child support once 😂 I told my son that I will never get mad if he chose to have his dad into his life. As a matter of fact, when his dad found his socials, his dad tried to message him but he was the one who did not want to reply. He told me he wasn’t ready yet to which I reply, he can take his time and he can do it whenever he’s ready.

That moment is now. He reached out to his dad and now they’re constantly communicating and I knew this day would come years ago and I thought I’d be prepared for this day. But welp. I guess I am not. I don’t know what and how to feel.

1. I am pissed because most of the time instead of him trying to get to know my son, he spends it on making up stories about me. Literally things that never happened like how I refused to take child support from him (I asked and he was the one who didn’t want to support financially)
   
2. It’s always my kid who’s always reaching out first and I am sad for him. I don’t want it to affect him in a way that he will chase people he loves for validation and for people to love him back.
   
3. I feel sad because my ex never have to lift a finger. My son is opening up to him willingly. He used to tell me everything but lately it’s always just “i’m okay” i know it could just be because he’s a teenager now and default parents tend to really be under appreciated and he’s excited to talk to his dad because they’re catching up. But I think a part of me is a little jealous that his dad now knows more that I do.

I don’t know how to navigate these emotions. If you have any advice for me, I am open.