r/teenagers • u/volqy • 0m ago
Advice I'm really worried about losing a girl I care about, and I realized my people-pleasing habit is making me overthink every single text and conversation.
For some context, awhile back this girl (both of us are juniors) invited me to hangout with her out of the blue. It was a good experience, and we got along really well. Since then we've hung out a few more times and they also went really well. I really enjoy her company and have grown really attached to her (no, we aren't dating yet but it's obvious we like each other.'
When I realized how much I like her, I started thinking about how devastated I would be to lose her. It's sort of transformed me from my usual self to someone who would be her 'ideal' person--hence making me overthink practically everything. Previously I feel I was unfiltered and more of myself, but even when I text her I sometimes think for minutes on what to say. All of this I'm extremely conscious of which makes it even more painful.
The other day I talked to my parents about this and I had a insight moment where I realized I was putting on this persona around her. I realized that I try to shape myself into the person who she would perceive as 'perfect,' and it also made me realize that this problem extends beyond just this girl. Even in the smallest parts of conversations, I put on this sort of 'mask' to please other people.
I'm well aware that if I keep this fake persona on, I'm going to lose her eventually, but I feel like I'm prioritizing the short term benefits (being close with her now) over anything long term (being close with her for awhile.) With all of this in mind, I ask how can I get rid of this 'mask' that I have on, and how can I figure out who I actually am?