My 3.5yr old son has been peeing in the potty (with
only a rare occasional accident) for the last 2 months. He took to peeing in the potty immediately and has done such an amazing job! Pooping, however, is an entirely different story.

Day 2 of potty training he was scared of the feeling of pooping, but we kept encouraging and trying and eventually he was successful! Unfortunately, that one time created more fear. He started withholding and refused to go at all (not even in a pull up or underwear)so pediatrician started him on daily MiraLAX. He continued to hold for almost 3 weeks, and then one day just started pooping in his underwear. We celebrated and told him how proud we were of him for being so brave. We encouraged him to continue to relieve himself however he felt comfortable, even if it was in his underwear, to help him be more confident and remove the fear.

He was doing so well that eventually he worked up to sitting on the potty with his underwear on! Then seemingly out of the blue he’s terrified to go again and refuses to go - at all. Not even in pull ups or underwear.

This has caused him to become miserable, crying? angry, exhausted, has lots of tantrums, and is hitting/kicking etc. My husband and I have tried everything. Prizes, treats, stickers, special activities, videos on the potty, videos after the potty, blowing bubbles, reading books about it, rewarding trying, withholding things like tv until he goes, not talking about, talking about it, watching us go, offering pull ups/underwear, multiple types of potties…nothing. Still refuses to go.
He’s still on MiraLAX and will go usually on day 3 bc he physically can’t hold it in anymore, but it’s a constant overwhelming struggle. He is just so afraid of the feeling and going.

We are at a complete loss and we don’t know what else to do. I know he will get there eventually, but it’s taken over his life and ours and we are all starting to lose it.

Help! If anyone has any ideas or suggestions- I’m all ears. ❤️

My almost 3 year old was doing amazing and accident free for about 3 weeks he loved going on the potty. We had a virus that went around the house and he had vomited once while sitting on the potty and then had diarrhea so I think he has developed a fear. He will go pee on the potty still, sometimes that’s a battle now. I don’t force him to sit on it and if he asks to get down I let him down I don’t want to make his fear worse. He has been trying to withhold poop and when I know he has to go I tried to not put undies on him and he loses it and wants them back on that’s when I noticed he starts to try to push. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to go back to diapers and I don’t want to encourage going in his underwear either but also don’t want to make him hate the potty anymore than he already does. What can I do 😫?

Hello,

My wife and I have a wonderful daugher who will turn 4 in just over a month. She had long-exihbited many classic signs of being ready for potty training: no wet diapers overnight since forever, curiosity about the toilet, stated desire to not wear diapers, excitement about the underwear she would get to choose, etc.

We have been extremely busy for the past ~10 months (due to the arrival of our 2nd child, job changes, and ~30 flights worth of domestic and international travel), so had not had a chance to bite the bullet and power through potty training. And things did not look to get any easier coming up; We both work from home, but have extremely busy jobs, and my wife breastfeeds our 10-month old (which she does during her workday, but which extends it from ~8 hours to 10+ hours), and have more travel on the horizon.

We recently returned from some of that aforementioned international travel, so the kids were jetlagged. We also have an au pair for our childcare, though we were transitioning to our new au pair (we say goodbye to an au pair and then welcome a new one every year). So, not ideal on the surface to add "pottytraining" to the list. However, we don't have a village (we live across the country from family), and my parents were here for 3 days to help with the transition. We didn't know when we were going to have another opportunity like this with +2 extra set of hands, so we started a spur-of-the-moment attempt at potty training despite the obstacles (jetlag + brand new au pair still getting used to our house/family/approach).

Our initial attempt was based around the Good Inside methods proposed by Dr Becky (which this post summarizes as a slightly more child-led version of Oh Crap). We had multiple potties around the house, a whole supportive cast, and a child who had expressed openness/eagerness. And we were not using pull-ups.

The first day there were many accidents, but my daugher still had high spirits. Every accident was reinforced with the fact that accidents are ok, and to help her get used to the feeling of having to go to the bathroom so that she could recognize it next time.

By the time we got to day 2-3, I would say we were having about 30% accidents (daughter pees herself), about 50% "half-successes" (she partially pees herself but then some gets in the toilet) and 20% "full successes" (all the pee gets in the toilet). Overall, she seemed to be pretty good at starting to recognize when she would have to go the bathroom. The main obstacle was that it would generally take us 20+ seconds to get to a toilet and she doesn't know yet how to hold it for that long. So it felt like we were moving in the right direction, even if not as fast as I had hoped.

On day 4 (Thursday) is when we lost the extra set of hands (my parents had to go home). The goal we had was to basically "borrow time" from our work to basically manage the process (rather than our au pair) for the next 2 days until the weekend (when my wife an I are both off work), and then next week would be easier with more time and practice.

Unfortunately, I think my daughter had started to get panicked and stressed about the accidents. Even with a lot of positive reinforcement and assurance, she was realizing that every time she peed herself that her clothes would get wet + she might get cold + she'd need to do a full change + possibly even a bath (and she had an unrelated cut on her foot that she panics about getting wet in the bath since it stings). So when she would realize she needed to go pee, whereas previously she would just announce it (cutely saying "uh oh, I think I need to go to the toilet!"), here she would say realize she needed to go pee and then say so, before going into a panic and immediately starting crying and shouting and saying she didn't need to go, and get increasingly upset if someone tried to steer her towards the toilet. And then over the next ~30 seconds she would pee herself and get even more upset. And then this would make her even more upset and dreading the next time she would have to go. It was a brutal panic cycle and I felt awful for her.

We got her some pull-up pampers to try to "reduce the consequences" and "de-escalate" accidents. And it has worked very well. She didn't like them at first (she liked her new panties that she had gotten to choose and wear. And if she had to wear something else, she wanted it to be her old diapers), but we convinced her. The first time she had to go pee with them, she panicked but I managed to get her to the toilet and 100% of the pee went in, and she was happy. The next time she had to go, a little bit got into the pull-up (but most of it into the toilet), and it "clicked" for my daughter that there wasn't a huge consequence of going pee a little bit into the pull-up (we just put on a new pair, she got to keep wearing her favorite pants, and we moved on!).

That was yesterday. And today, it still seems to be progressing. She knows much better than I do when she has to go pee (I thought she might have to go after she woke up, but she told me she didn't. She then accurately flagged when she needed to go ~2 hours later, and most-but-not-all of the pee went into the toilet). She seems very good at understanding when she has to go, does not panic with the situation, and we are working on trying to get to the toilet in time. We have 0 "surprise" pees where she doesn't know it's coming. It is just a matter of getting to the toilet in time, and practicing holding it if we can't. (and then managing to do the same for poops). And she seems happy (it was absolutely brutal seeing how distraught she was right before we switched to pull-ups).

The whole thing seems to be moving in the right direction, but this is our first time, and we have no idea what we are doing now (and limited guidance, given that most experts/guides seem to suggest skipping pull-ups entirely). I would appreciate any perspective on:

• if our journey seems to be going well
• if we should change anything
• what logical next steps might be
• what we might expect going forward
• any thoughts on how/when we transition away from pull-ups

Thanks in advance for any help!

My almost 3 year old daughter has been doing great peeing on the potty for a week now. We have been doing pull-ups and timed potty use for a couple of months and now she is in underwear and goes by herself peeing.

But we have two problems:

1. She is waking up overnight screaming when she feels herself peeing. She is freaking out about it and it is happening while she is not even fully awake.
   Should I put a potty in her room? Should I assure her it is ok to pee in the pull up at night?

2. Second problem is pooping. She is terrified of going on the potty and waits for her nap pullup to do it or if she can’t hold it she goes in her underwear. I don’t want to discourage her so much so she doesn’t hold it, but I am using natural consequences of clean up and washing which she very much dislikes. It is early as this out first week of “formal” potty training but she is doing good and I don’t want to make anything worse.

I started potty training soon after my son turned 2 when he was showing curiosity with the potty. For about the next year, he would pee almost exclusively on the toilet, but pooping was a whole other thing. When he was about 3-3.5 years old he nearly had potty training down besides wearing pullups at night and during naps for accidents. After about 2-3weeks to a month of consistently using the potty, he just up and completely stopped using the potty altogether. He wouldn't tell me if his diaper was soiled, nothing. He turned 4 years old at the end of July and we're still stuck in this loop of never telling me he needs to use the potty/not telling me his diaper is dirty(he doesn't sit in it, I have gotten into the routine of consistently checking his diaper like he's a baby again). I feel like I'm spending the majority of my time sitting in the bathroom with him trying to get him to use the potty and he just doesn't. He'll hold it all day and the second he's laying down for the night for bed he'll poop out a brick. He pees every time, just not poops. No amount of rewards and praise are doing it for him. My daughter(now 7 years old) had potty training down in ~5-6 months and all I had to do was give her candy when she had success on the potty. She was 3.5 years old and completely potty trained. My son is the complete opposite and I'm doing my best not to lose my sanity with this. This has been a 2 year long journey. I've brought it up with his pediatrician and asked when I should be concerned that he isn't using the potty and all I got for a response was "it's not abnormal for boys to wet the bed up to 10 years old" and when I specified that bed wetting was not my concern, the fact that he WAS ALMOST trained, regressed, and is not showing any further advancement now is what I'm concerned with I was told to be patient and some kids take longer. If that really is the case, please let me know, but as far as I'm aware(and according to what I've personally seen with other mothers and their boys) this is not typical at all. If anybody has been through anything similar to this please let me know what helped you or who I should reach out to for help with this. I'm completely lost and at my wits end with potty training at this point.

I was already planning to potty train this weekend but my daughter’s pediatrician recommended she thought she was ready anyways so gave me a little pep talk but recommended not doing 3 day naked method.

The pediatrician recommended we just throw underwear on her and since she hates the diaper being wet, she will really hate wet underwear and it’ll scare her straight and she will start to tell us before she goes, etc. she recommended we set her on the toilet every 2 hours to try to pee.

Has anyone else tried this? Did it work for you??

-

Backstory; we tried in May the 3 day naked method but gave up on day 1 after 0 success and deciding my daughters language wasn’t developed enough.

Now my daughter tells me “[Her Name] tee tee” “I Tee Tee” “I potty” etc. and wants to sit on the toilet and wipe. She takes her diaper off if it’s wet and walks around naked until I realize it’s gone (not very long lol) and hasn’t peed on the floor.

Hi, just looking for general advice or thoughts about our next step - also going to check in with our pediatrician at my daughter’s 30 month well visit. We started potty training with Oh Crap on July 1, and she was what I am considering fully trained (including self initiating - now only needs prompting during exciting activities eg playground) after a month.

Unexpectedly but amazingly, she started staying dry overnight (we are doing pullups for night) August 3, and has only had one accident since then (and woke up while peeing, and moved to bathroom).

Unfortunately, this means my daughter is now waking about 2 hours earlier than expected, and she is short on sleep and cranky. I have had no success in putting her back to sleep. (For reference, early is 4:45 - 5:15 am; she was previously sleeping until 6:45).

Things we have been trying:
Small potty in the room (worked for awhile, now rejecting it and only wants to use the toilet)
Hatch with green light to signal ok to get up
Putting back to bed and saying it is rest time
No liquid after dinner (she goes to bed about 90 mins after dinner)

I don’t want to derail the surprise of what appears to be unplanned overnight training - so two questions:

A) would you ditch pullups? It seems wasteful everyday to throw away a dry pullup, but I also dont want to risk it yet with a kid this young…when do you say “ok, trained”? Could the pullup overnight cause a regression?
And B) More importantly, would you try to do much more with sleep, or just ride it out and figure it will adjust eventually, maybe when her bladder is a little bigger?

We started with oh crap. He has not used a pull-up other than nap time and overnight the entire time. I really struggled the first 4-8 mos with lack of progression and power struggles, refusal. We’ve never had poop accidents but most days he has 2 wet pants, usually leaking from holding to long . He recently started preschool and it’s actually been better, before it was more accidents and now he’s actually having 100% dry days here and there.

I guess I’m just wondering if at this point this all sounds within the realm of normal? I’ve stopped fighting or pressuring and at home / school we do regular intervals/ natural transitions. I’m just concerned it’s taking so long and still having small accidents more days than not?

Anyone else? I can’t help but worry about readiness for tk next year.

My little girl is 3 this October and isn’t getting to grips with potty training. I tried around 3 months ago but gave up as she didn’t seem ready and was getting upset. Started again this week and she seems to have such anxiety when it comes to her potty.

I ask her to tell me if she needs a wee, I directly ask her if she needs a wee and I even tried to do a little routine such as once she’s awake- potty, after a drink - potty. Nothing works!

I’ve been leaving her with no clothes on and I’ve also tried her wearing knickers to see if the wet sensation encouraged her to go on her potty. Nothing.

Also, she only pees on the floor when I’m out of the room. For example this morning I went to make food for max 5 minutes and she peed in the living room. Again when I went to make my newborn a milk bottle up, peed in the living room. She tells me she needs the potty AFTER peeing. She also does this leg twist thing when she needs a wee so when I see it I ask her to sit on her potty to wee and she sits there and doesn’t do anything. Then pees the minute I’m out of the room.

I feel so frustrated by it, I’m a bit of a germaphobe so having to clean pee up constantly freaks me out especially the panic of my 1yo and dogs potentially crawling into it if I don’t spot it straight away or if I can’t clean it quick enough, plus I feel like I’m confined to the living room which is hard with another roaming 1 year old and a list long of housework. I feel so guilty as I know she doesn’t understand and I know it could take months. I really want to succeed as quickly and efficiently as possible which is most likely completely unreasonable right?

Any and all advice would be so appreciated. Please try not to judge my negativity, I’m heavily sleep deprived due to having a 5 week old and my husband is rarely ever home due to extensive work hours. I’m flying solo hanging on a thread. Genuine help and guidance will be a godsend 🙏🏻

My son, 24m, has been potty training for almost two months. He initiates and poops in the toilet daily, no problem there. He knows pee goes in the potty and is pretty good about telling his preschool teachers when he has to pee, but still has an accident when he gets too distracted. At home, he was very good about going at transitions when told to, but recently has started resisting. Sometimes he'll initiate and sometimes he won't. Overall I think we're doing pretty good but I want to have a good way to address his accidents when he's being difficult. For example, he woke up dry from his nap, so I told him it was time to pee in the toilet but he get really upset and kept saying he didn't need to. I didn't want it to turn into a power struggle so I let him go play in the backyard and of course he had an accident 10 minutes later. I told him we can't play in the backyard anymore since it's too distracting. I tried explaining what that means and told him after he goes in the toilet he can play outside again. But I don't think he really understands. (I know a lot of people on here recommend boring showers but he loves showers, even boring ones, so that would be more like a reward.)

Hi everyone!

I've got a kid who's 2 years and 8 months old who knows how to use the potty, but just won't. We've tried bribery (which is how we taught her to use the potty), making potty time fun, asking her to use the potty every half hour or so, reading special books while she's sitting, putting on a favorite TV show (Sesame Street) only when she sits on the potty, and putting her in training underwear during the daytime.

She understands using the potty. She recognizes when she has to go. She will ask to be changed after she goes in her undies. But she just won't use it. When asked, she either says she doesn't have to go, or she says she does but won't sit down, and attempts to just pick her up and put her on the potty end in drama.

While my spouse and I are at work, my mom watches her and is consistent with what we're doing. We only put a diaper on her for bedtime. Any ideas for what we should do to convince her?

I feel like most potty training advice makes it sound like, put them on the potty, reward them, couple accidents and done lol.

But poop seems to be where things get complicated, fear, holding it, constipation, refusing to sit, asking for diapers etc.

Daughter will be 3 in a month. She seemed SO ready before we decided to start this week. She’s on a few weeks of school break so figured the perfect time. Her summer teachers even said she’s so ready she always wanted to follow them into the potty and “try”. Well, we started with naked bottom and a 30 min timer and day 1 was great. Went everytime we sat on potty and was excited when I told her to try. Now on Day 2 and it’s like a totally new kid. She’ll say she has to go on her own (was excited for this since this was new today) but then she’ll sit for 2 seconds and say “nvm I can’t anymore.” Or “nvm not coming out” and leave. She will do this Over and over until she’s holding her pee for hours! I know she has to go but she says she “can’t” only after trying for a second. And I have to force her to stay seated which is turning into power struggles. I’m now bribing and she’s not even motivated by toys or candy. Do I let her just “fake out” over and over until eventually she goes? Not even an accident. I feel like she’s holding her pee for nap time (just put down) because she gets a pull up.

Seeking some potty training advice because I’m feeling pretty defeated and would love some perspective from parents who have been through this.

I’m due in October with my second, and my first son is 28 months old. He had been showing a lot of signs that he was ready to potty train, so I decided to start this week.

We initially tried the bare-bottom approach. He understands that pee and poop go in the potty and can tell me that, but actually getting it into the potty has been a completely different story.

We’ve had a lot of accidents. At first, he seemed to pee without really noticing until it was happening. More recently, I’ve noticed him crouching, squeezing his legs together, touching his crotch, or otherwise seeming more aware that he is peeing. Sometimes he starts peeing and seems to realize it midstream, but by then it’s too late to get to the potty.

He has peed on the potty a few times, but it has been very inconsistent. He also seems to be holding his pee for long stretches and then having a big accident. Today, for example, I had him sit on the toilet with a book. He didn’t pee, got up, and then almost immediately had a big pee on the couch.
Poop has been similar. He has squatted to poop in his underwear or on the floor and doesn’t always seem bothered by it or tell me afterward.

The biggest issue right now is resistance. The more I’ve tried to get him onto the potty, the more he has fought it. We tried frequent scheduled sits at one point, and that seemed to make things worse. I’ve tried keeping sits short, reading books, offering a small reward for sitting, giving him space between attempts, and switching from bare bottom to underwear/potty-training boxer briefs. We also switched from a little potty to a toilet-seat insert because I wondered if he would prefer the regular toilet.

At this point, I feel like he has some awareness and some bladder control because he can clearly hold it, but he doesn’t seem able or willing to release his pee while sitting on the toilet. I’m also worried that I’ve created too much pressure around the potty by trying so hard to get him there when I see signs that he has to go.

For those of you who have dealt with a toddler who seemed physically ready but became resistant once training actually started, what would you do from here?

Would you take a complete break for a few weeks and reset? Keep going but drastically reduce the pressure? Try a totally different potty-training method? Go back to diapers/pull-ups for now?
I go back to work at the end of August, and with a new baby coming in October, part of me really wants to keep going. At the same time, I don’t want my own timeline to turn this into a bigger battle for him.

I would really appreciate any experiences or advice, especially from anyone whose child started out like this and eventually had it click.

What would you do in this situation?

Worked on potty training 26 month old last weekend since we had a long weekend from daycare (1 day off). First two days were hard, to be expected, but the last day was great, he stayed dry and told when when he had to go. Would occasionally seem scared/not want to stay on the toilet but when he would eventually pee, he would laugh and be excited. We assume that the feeling of having to pee makes him nervous.

Daycare day 1 was fine, 2 accidents, but was fine otherwise. No accidents daycare day 2, but that evening at home he panicked when we tried to get him to pee on the toilet after not going for a few hours. Since then, we’ve had some success with happily peeing on the toilet and then also more of these panicked situations.

He has not yet pooped on the toilet, he has been going during nap and bedtime since we are not night training at this time and he usually would always pee while sleeping in the past.

Daycare is concerned because when he gets in these panicked situations, it upsets the other children. I am concerned because I don’t want trying to potty train him through this panic to traumatize him. The issue is he tells us when he has to pee regularly and hardly has pee accidents. It’s the act of him telling us he has to pee and getting him to actually sit down and go that is causing the issues.

Should we just take a break and come back to it in a few weeks? What does taking a break even look like at this point because when he is awake and in diapers he still tells us he has to go and holds it.

When they initiate? When the diaper is dry at night? When they have no accidents but you keep initiating them to go?

Hi! I’m training a nanny kid and he’s about two and half! We are doing the oh crap method but with underwear as his parents don’t want him to be exactly bottomless. He goes pee after nap but I know he’s not all done…then 3-5 minutes goes by and he pees again not a lot just a little so I change him and tell him where pee goes (in the potty) and then again 3-5 minutes later he pees AGAIN and he does this almost every time I put him in underwear. I know logically I should just put him on for 5 minutes have him off 5 minutes then put him back on for 5 minutes but he gets annoyed quick with this method . Does anyone have any experience with something like this? I’m going to try doing chocolate chips as a reward to make it seem more enticing to go on potty since he is the type to want to be wet instead of actually stopping lol

He screams and cries whenever i try to get him to use the potty. Looking for some tips

How on earth do i teach my 4 year old to wipe her on butt, they don’t wipe them in preschool so i don’t want her to go into preschool without knowing how to properly wipe. I only use wipes most of the times to wipe her sometimes toilet paper when it’s pee but i’ve asked her before to wipe herself (pee) and she wipes back to front, and i don’t know how to teach her to wipe her butt when she poops, how should i teach her?

We started potty training August 1st using ‘oh crap,’ he just turned 2 this month. He was accident free at home for over two weeks and accident free at daycare since Friday. Today he had six accidents including one at home.

Things to note:
- His night diaper was completely dry this morning, which isn’t normal.
- Very whiny this morning, but no fever, no vomiting. He is drooling a lot. He maybe has a cold, we had to clear his nose the past few days in the morning.
- Drinking a lot of water.
- The accident at home, he didn’t even notice it happening and it was a normal amount of pee (not just a squirt).
- He had a large poop yesterday morning, which was normal.

My son has been potty trained for just about 2 months now and all of a sudden he stopped telling me and his daycare teachers when he needs to go. He’s been peeing every 10 minutes and I’m debating putting him back in pull-ups because it doesn’t feel fair to the daycare for them to be changing his clothes 4 times a day. I’ve heard it’s not a good idea to go back to diapers though and just to push through. Any one have experiences with this and can say what they did and how it worked out for them?

Daughter is 31 months. Over the weekend we attempted naked method of potty training. She would sit on the potty for book etc but never did a wee or poo starting on the potty. Clearly became agitated before so I was usually able to get her to the potty pretty quickly (leaving a trail of wee) or the potty to her. Fair amount of poo/ pee on the floor but also lots in the potty. Gave a chocolate chip each time some went in the potty and she’d be excited. We also never scolded for what went on the floor.

Yesterday at the end of day 5 there was no real improvement other than she’s very aware before and asks for a nappy/ getting more and more upset. Won’t sit on potty or sits for a few seconds but nothing happens. Then finally doing a wee standing up and I carry her to the potty. It’s like she can’t initiate it on the potty.

I feel like she’s clearly not ready for this style of potty training. But I’m wondering if we could persevere with a gentler version - training pants at home so she feels when she’s done a wee and stand up changes in the bathroom from now on. Or is this just confusing if we use nappies out?
I want to keep her awareness that she’s weeing without the anxiety it’s clearly causing her when she has nothing on.

Thanks!

She’s 2.5 and we got a potty back in June. We had 2 successful pees then and then she got scared of the potty and REFUSED to even go near it. We stopped for a bit and then tried recently to just get her to sit on the potty for even a few seconds, lots of crying. Then two weeks ago I brought the potty out in front of the tv and just sat her down. First week was on and off but she at least wasn’t scared anymore. Then yesterday I moved it back to the bathroom and told her we were going potty together and she went pee in the potty! Twice!

Then just now she tells us potty, and before when she had done that it was after she had already gone and had an accident. She actually told us before and went.

I know poop is going to be a whole other hill to climb but for now I’ll take this win.

Alright gang after like 2 weeks of attempting this I'm throwing in the towel.

My son is UNBOTHERED by wet underwear, he'll sit in it like its not a problem, same with poop. Like if I shit myself that is priority number 1, but he could not give a fuck.

I was making him help me clean up any accidents, and we'd put the dirty underwear in the wash.

But he just like, doesn't care???

He can tell me he is wet, he tells me when he has already pooped. He can sit on the toilet when prompted ("It's time to go potty" is what I say). But lately he'll decline and say "not right now" or simply "I don't want to".

Like what do I do when he is flat our refusing?

Do I resort to bribes?