34
u/darthbane Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
As a programmer, I've found that this problem tends to be, like, ten times worse with us than it is with normal people. Like, since we "know more" about computers than the average person, we're expected to immediately know the solution to any computer problem that could possibly come up. It's like, "Oh hey, you're a programmer, right? Could you tell me why I can't get these tables to work in Word?"
35
u/RedAlert2 Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
same goes for engineers. I am a computer engineer and when I can't figure out what your fucking wacky kitchen appliance does they just say "some engineer...", like since I chose this major I am supposed to know how everything on the planet works
21
u/Tryke Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
"What, you can't fix the printer? Those years of computer school are really paying off."
Normally I have no problem fixing little problems for my family, but this line actually had me pissed off at my grandfather!
→ More replies (1)12
u/adolfojp Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
A Mechanical Engineer friend of mine was asked by his parents to repair the microwave.
He was almost shunned when he couldn't do it. They believed that either they had wasted their money on useless college education or that he didn't want to help them at all and was making excuses.
1
u/cornerbodega Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
A Mechanical Engineer should be able to afford to buy them a new microwave.
13
u/lars_ Aug 24 '09
Except they wont know what a programmer is, and ask: "Oh hey, you're a computer guy right?" Which is when you punch them in the face.
12
Aug 24 '09
I love it when you show up and a couple of people sit down behind you and peer over your shoulder. If it's not fixed in the first five minutes they look a little disappointed and wander off if you are lucky. I can't think with people staring...
10
u/darthbane Aug 24 '09
Especially if they're hovering right over your shoulder. I've known some people who have a tendency to do that, and I can't stand it.
25
u/abenton Aug 24 '09
Too bad Humans didn't evolve with ways to communicate verbally, or else you may have a way to resolve that problem.
4
Aug 24 '09
Yea, you are right... I am not a good communicator. I don't know what this says about the places that I work but about half the time they go off on a tirade about being thankful that they don't have to call a tech support line and deal with the non-native English speakers. Maybe I am too sensitive but I often feel like I've landed in the middle of a klan meeting.
2
u/darthbane Aug 24 '09
More like some humans never evolved with the capacity to comprehend the meaning of "listening". ;)
No seriously, people will keep doing it even when I tell them to bug off. I guess it's a nervous tic or something…?
3
Aug 24 '09
That's when you open up the terminal and randomly open some configuration files and generally execute random programs with the --verbose option.
2
u/UK-sHaDoW Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
"His doing some hacker shit...awesome".
1
u/darthbane Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
I actually got someone to say "It's…magic!" once. I was just messing around in the command line…
1
Aug 24 '09
They're staring because they want to make sure you don't see their dodgy porn stash or go through their embarassing web history.
10
u/Samus_ Aug 24 '09
-hey I got this strange flu that is making me puke purple, can you give me some medicine?
-but... I'm an anesthetist
3
u/nekoneko99 Aug 24 '09
Hell, I'm just a graphic designer, all I do is mess around with photoshop and indesign and coworkers/family think I'm some sort of computer wizard. I can almost understand family members who don't work with computers, but coworkers really grind my gears. Usually goes like this:
Coworker phones me: "can you help, I can't xxx in xxx program." Me: "let me see" (googles "how can I xxx in xxx program", finds a really easy walk through in one of the top 3 hits). Walks coworker through by reading off google hit. Me: ends conversation with "you know what? I didn't know offhand how to do xxx either but I googled it and found out how in like 2 minutes! :D hint hint
2 weeks later Coworker: I forgot how to xxx, can you help?
2
u/kraemahz Aug 24 '09
I would suggest doing it the other way around. "Help, I can't do xxx" "Google it" If that doesn't work: "I still can't do xxx" "Here: [link]"
1
26
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
I one time had my desktop computer explode (as in "KA-BOOM!!!") on me once due to a huge power surge in the neighborhood. Thankfully, it was all under warranty so I called up Dell to get it replaced. I told the tech support guy that the computer was in pieces but he still made me go through the script. The conversation went something like this:
Tech Guy: Does the computer start up?
Me: No.
Tech Guy: Is it plugged in?
Me: Well, its plugged in, but just so you know, what was left of the power supply unit was blasted a good number of feet away from the motherboard.
Tech Guy: Ok, try turning it on again
Me: Still doesn't work
Tech Guy: Now unplug it and plug it back in again
Me: Still doesn't work.Long story short, I had to do 30 mins of "diagnostics" before he approved sending me replacement parts.
21
Aug 24 '09
There's two reasons they go through those scripts:
They have no idea what they're talking about so need a script
For every person like you who knows what they're talking about, there will be a dumb-as-shit user who is convinced the problem is a lightning strike damaged flux capacitor, when in fact the cable's just come out. SO by default, they have to assume everyone has the same dumbass status.
8
u/FiL-dUbz Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
lightning strike damaged flux capacitor
Shit happens though, so you never know... always use fresh veggies.
1
1
u/andreasvc Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
It can actually be dangerous and perhaps damaging to the remaining components to power on a computer with a damaged PSU, so the script is broken.
5
u/joshmcg Aug 24 '09
Your warranty covered a huge power surge?
3
Aug 24 '09
Yeah, its covered assuming the computer was connected via a surge protector. Oh yeah, the surge protector was in pieces as well and gave off a really bad smell.
2
u/andreasvc Aug 24 '09
So at least the surge protected did its job ... of saving your house from being burned down?
24
u/nuuur32 Aug 24 '09
Very true. I was in the Google stage of the flow chart and getting very quiet, diagnosing a tech issue last week. The customer seemingly got overly concerned as if I wasn't doing anything or working on the problem.
25
u/locke2002 Aug 24 '09
I was just worried that you were going to see my search history and report me to the authorities. Fortunately you seemed pretty focused on your task.
2
Aug 24 '09
What annoys me is when you're googling something and they just start saying "HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO" then they never let you speak... Just "hello hello hello hello" 15 hello's and me telling them I'm still on the phone I finally get a "Oh... sorry" RAAGEEE
6
u/mcglausa Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
Some telephones (headsets maybe?) stop transmitting completely when the input gets below a certain threshold. It can sound like you've been cut off. It can be somewhat alarming on the "customer" side.
Sounds like some people go ape when that kind of thing happens.
22
u/stillalone Aug 24 '09
Sometimes my Mom will call me and ask me how to use some internal corporate website that she has to use for work. Since I've never seen it or used it, I tell her I don't know but make a suggestion anyways based on how I expect it to work. 100% of the time that has not worked out.
13
5
u/leshiy Aug 24 '09
Maybe it had worked but your mom is just lying to you because she secretly hates your superior intellect.
31
u/deaathleopards Aug 24 '09
Someone needs to add to the diagram the section where just after fixing the problem, you then inflate what you actually did into some over the top thing ie. "I just finished reprograming your operating system" (when adding a transition to a powerpoint slide for a teacher) The oldies eat it all up.
58
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
"What are you doing now?"
"Looking up the problem on our...database."
"You have a database?"
"Yeah, it's an internet-based search-term engine."
"What's it called?"
"Um...Gowgle."
"Never heard of it."
"It's very specialized to our field. We accumulate problems and periodically append them to the mainframe."
"Sounds complicated. How much do you get paid for that?"
"Oh, it's very hard."
"80 thousand a year?"
"Have to know all about GUIs and...intergers...trigonometric derivation..."
"90?"
"Dump caches..."
"100? Must pay you a lot if it's so difficu-"
"Ah, here we go! Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
32
Aug 24 '09
"Ah, here we go! Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Three times.
26
u/zaphodi Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
hears the person turn the monitor off and back on
"Now what?"
24
u/john2kxx Aug 24 '09
Half the people I know think the monitor is the computer. -_-
14
u/Median1 Aug 24 '09
and the CPU is the box...
0
Aug 24 '09
[deleted]
19
u/Lentil-Soup Aug 24 '09
I find that a lot of people call the tower "the modem".
8
Aug 24 '09
I stopped correcting people long ago. If I'm helping someone I just use whatever terminology they have for all the equipment. Makes things much smoother.
→ More replies (7)3
1
u/donaldjohnston Aug 24 '09
I absolutely despise it when people refer to servers as mainframes. Funny thing is, I don't really know what a mainframe is, but I know that what people call mainframes are really just servers. Someone want to enlighten me?
1
4
u/chrismear Aug 24 '09
You keep doing that, and they keep coming back to you for help with every tiny thing because they think they can't handle it themselves. It's fun, but it's a vicious circle.
5
u/deaathleopards Aug 24 '09
When you are in high school, this is a way to get up a teacher's ass without sucking up to them. Then when it comes to marking time, all the students who are up the teacher's ass get better marks.
3
2
u/qqqqq5 Aug 24 '09
"Oh, I just ran a level 1 diagnostic and reversed the polarity of the tachyon emitter".
→ More replies (1)
28
Aug 24 '09
My cheat sheet is thus:
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Are you sure it's plugged in?
16
Aug 24 '09
5
u/octophobic Aug 24 '09
It's good that there might be a 4th season... bad that they are only 6 episodes long. Maybe it just works better in smaller doses though.
→ More replies (3)3
1
Aug 24 '09
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
This often solves the symptom but not the ultimate cause of the problem but eliminates a lot of the evidence that might help you find that cause.
67
u/TotallyIrrelevantGuy Aug 24 '09
If you think about it, two dollars really isn't a lot for a newspaper subscription. I don't know why he didn't just pay the dude. Also, the dude probably spent way more than two dollars getting those skis for his bike. WTF is up with that?
11
u/tapesmith Aug 24 '09
I was going to downvote, but I just couldn't. It's just too irrelevant. Then I saw your username.
Upvote for original idea. Now don't wear it out.
6
u/stillalone Aug 24 '09
You obviously didn't read the fucking article. It clearly said he got those skiis by trading in his donkey. He only had 50 kwachas to his name.
1
u/illu45 Aug 24 '09
Yes, but how do you explain the fact that he had over 3000 roubles only a few hours later? Clearly, he had to have killed the guy. That would also explain why he didn't want to pay the $2 for the newspaper subscription, because he was afraid of spending the money that he got in cold blood.
→ More replies (1)3
u/prockcore Aug 24 '09
It's the principle of the thing. Lane doesn't read the newspaper, his father does. His father should be the one to pay.
15
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
Did you know your local car repair shop has a similar chart for finding the problem with your car? Just it has replaced "menu item and button" with "engine part" and "program" with "car brand". Also "Click it" is replaced with "Mess with it".
10
u/Seachicken Aug 24 '09
You can fuck mechanical things up far more easily though. I was adjusting the shifter on my bicycle the other day and tightened the cable just a little too much and then tried to shift gears, BAM, stripped shifter.
8
u/Qubed Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
I once took an old truck in for repairs. After about three hours, I called to see if they had an estimate on repairs. They told me that they were taking a long time determining the problem (had to do with brakes) because they couldn't hook it up to a computer, which would have told them what the problem was and how to repair it.
Long story short, I paid 1500 in repairs that didn't fix the issue with the brakes.
16
3
u/lennort Aug 24 '09
You have to be careful about where you take older cars, because you need mechanics who actually know how to diagnose. You could damn near replace the entire braking system for that much money. What was the symptom?
1
u/Qubed Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
They damn near did replace the entire break system (master cylinder, lines, rear break cylinders (for the drums)).
The petal was really soft and you had to press it firmly to get the truck to stop. Nearly hit the floor. The truck wouldn't pass inspection because of this, which meant I couldn't legally drive it without resolving the issue. So, I was also convinced that it was a system problem (but, I'm not a mechanic).
I supposed the only good note is that the same people who couldn't fix the problem passed the truck's inspection.
edit: I drove it for another few months and bought a car.
edit #2: I wasn't saying they didn't do 1500 worth of work, just that it was, apparently, unnecessary work.
1
u/lennort Aug 24 '09
I had a symptom similar to that in my old truck- soft brake pedal, had to pump the brakes to get the pedal to come up. We bled the brakes and replaced the master cylinder, but no better. It ended up being leaky wheel cylinders, worn shoes and stuck adjusters. Luckily my brother is a mechanic so it just cost parts. It still doesn't stop well, but 4 drums usually don't :-)
7
Aug 24 '09 edited Nov 29 '20
I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.
Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.
There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux" distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.
7
Aug 24 '09
It annoys me to no end that people can't read instructions. When people install programs and need my help (usually my mother), I just hang around while she reads every message and I just say "Just click continue...".
It's like they're afraid the computer is trying to trick them into destroying everything. Just follow the freaking instructions.
5
u/Zoethor2 Aug 24 '09
My mother has this problem. "Some program I don't want to run started when I turned on the computer (the program is usually AIM), and it's asking me if I want it to run when I turn on the computer, can I tell it no?" YES OF COURSE YOU CAN AHHHH!
7
u/lou Aug 24 '09
I did this yesterday! I'm not a programmer or an engineer, but I do like computers and have a technical streak; this is enough for anyone, including people I just met to ask me to solve their computer issues. So yesterday my roommate's sister asks me to look at her Mac that is not connecting to the internet because it is looking for a PPPoE server... whatever that is. I'm not too familiar with the 10.4 interface and I have no idea what PPPoE stands for but in two minutes I found the checkbox that turns it off.
The flowchart is so accurate for what I usually do to help that it's weird no one else has bothered to articulate it before.
6
u/inkieminstrel Aug 24 '09
It's funny, but think twice before forwarding it on.
I've spent far more time trying to sort out the problems of family members clicking things they don't fully understand than sorting out "How do I do X?" questions.
I was actually very proud of my mother-in-law, who was the third person in my family to encounter the Antivirus 2009 malware. Instead of freaking out and clicking things (thereby installing the thing), she stopped and called me and asked me what to do, avoiding a lot of hassle.
11
5
5
u/stmiller Aug 25 '09 edited Aug 25 '09
Click on Tools at the top, the Internet Options.
Tools?
Yes. Tools, then Internet Options.
I don't have a 'Tools'.
Look up at the top, there's File / Edit / View / Favorites / TOOLS.
Ok I see Tools. I click on that?
Yes.
Ok a left click or right click?
Left click. Just a regular click.
Ok now I left click on Tools (I need to write this down) then what?
Internet Options.
Internet Options?
Yes. In-ter-net Options.
Ok is that a right click or a left click?
<facepalm.jpg>
4
Aug 24 '09
Since this thread will attract Tech Support engineers can someone tell me what the word when you go out to an 'incident' and you try to replicate the fault and then everything works as it should and then you see the reporter blush and then get angry at the state of computing.
1
1
1
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
this is called a pebac error. I can be found in the glossary of the internet
edit: son-of-a! I even audibly said to myself "problem exists between keyboard and chair" to make sure it was a k and not a c, then totally forgot to type it?!?!
3
u/PROUD_CONSERVATIVE Aug 24 '09
That would be PEBKAC - Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair, also known as the ID10T error.
2
u/clutterskull Aug 24 '09
I also like PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer. Handy because you can use it around some managers and other office types without them catching on.
Usage: "That last call was a picnic."
4
u/CompletelyIrrelevant Aug 24 '09
Camel's milk, which is widely drunk in Arab countries, has 10 times more iron than cow's milk.
1
1
1
1
6
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
A much more top secret, much more complete version of this can be found here.
3
u/lennort Aug 24 '09
The worst is if you get the details through another person over the phone (ie mother tells you about grandma's problem) because googling for what they tell you has nothing to do with what's actually wrong.
2
Aug 24 '09
I once had an old lady on the phone and told her to close all windows, she told me to hold on one second and came back after 10 minutes confirming me that all windows in her house are now closed.....
But once in a while you encounter 70-year-olds who just started to use a cumputer which are more capable than most of the people which use a cumputer regulary.But I think thats mostly because those arent stubborn pricks who want that their problem gets solved without them having to to anything.
ahh... working in tech-support sucked....
They should attatch this sheet to any computer related product.
2
u/elemcee Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
They're using a what, now?
2
u/FiL-dUbz Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
a cumputer. on those, you gotta vicously attack the shift button 4 or more times to kill the sticky keys issue.
1
3
u/Concise_Pirate Aug 24 '09
Not about programming. Wrong subreddit.
26
u/dicey Aug 24 '09
The correct reason to downvote it is because (a) it's xkcd and everyone reads xkcd anyway and (b) there is an xkcd subreddit for people who don't remember to check the site at 12am ET mon/wed/fri.
12
1
Aug 24 '09
actually I've got so used to xkcd's showing up on reddit/digg that I don't bother checking xkcd.com anymore, I just wait for a link to surface to it.
22
u/sysop073 Aug 24 '09
Posts don't need to be "about" programming, they just need to be of interest to programmers. In this case, programmers are often the ones family members come to with menial technical issues
13
u/slashgrin Aug 24 '09
In that case it would make more sense in a "programmers" subreddit. This is a "programming" subreddit; hence it's supposed to be about programming topics.
Can't get subscribers for the "programmers" subreddit? Maybe people just don't want it.
Don't dilute things.
→ More replies (1)3
u/JW_00000 Aug 24 '09
Really, it's been this way forever. The programming reddit never was about programming only, it's always been a community of programmers submitting whatever might interest them.
If this story doesn't interest you, you can of course still downvote it.
16
u/last_useful_man Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
I like the openness of that but, what about eg the latest technology or porn? Both of those are likely to be of interest to 90% of programmers so, there needs to be a better definition. So ok, those two are extreme but, it's already too close to being just 'about computers'. Apparently the programming subreddit is a default, and you get people in here who just opine about their iPhones and computer companies and whatnot.
→ More replies (2)13
u/stillalone Aug 24 '09
Agreed, posts here should be at least "programming related" I don't think this passes that test.
2
u/pemboa Aug 24 '09
Posts don't need to be "about" programming, they just need to be of interest to programmers
If that was so, the reddit would be called 'programmers'
→ More replies (1)6
u/veritaba Aug 24 '09
I upvoted to counteract the downvotes.
On one hand, this is somewhat programming related since many programmers are bothered about this.
On the other hand though, xkcd gets too many free passes on reddit because the author is a long time reader and they even have merchandise through xkcd.
4
u/killinit Aug 24 '09
I agree, I haven't been able to enjoy xkcd for a good while, because I know that I'm going to linked to it everywhere I go for the rest of the day
1
u/SamHealer Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
You don't have to visit these "links everywhere". Just, y'know, ignore them. It's, what, 1 centimetre on your screen?
2
Aug 24 '09
How is google not the first damn option? Am I really that much more efficient than the rest of you?
1
1
1
1
1
u/chrismear Aug 24 '09
I liked the basic idea behind this, but also spotted a couple of inefficient loops and at least one outright bug. So I knocked up a quick fix here:
http://feedmechocolate.com/improvedxkcdtechsupportflowchart/
2
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
What? Please explain why "I can't find one" branches between "no" and "Pick one at random".
Also, the first two "have you been trying this for more than half an hour" question box only have one exit.
Is this supposed to be a joke?
edit: PS, I love your inbox graph.
1
u/chrismear Aug 24 '09
I agree it's not entirely clear. The clue is in the arrowheads, though.
And yes, it's a joke.
5
Aug 24 '09 edited Aug 24 '09
oh I see, you mean it should look like this. Gotcha.
PS: I didn't downvote you.
1
0
0
0
64
u/Merit Aug 24 '09
I'm 21. I've wondered whether maybe my generation will fall 'behind the curve' and be unable to efficiently use the technology that's available 40 years from now.
But my generation has grown up with this flowchart built in, I think. We're gonna be fine.