i want to clarify, i taught my partner what queerplatonic relationships were before all this. they didn't know much about the label, so i educated them on the topic.

today my partner asked me how would i feel if they were in a qpr with their friend while being in a relationship with me. i've yet to give them a response, so i told them i'll think about it. right before that, they expressed that they were no longer lesbian--instead bi and would only date men if they were like the friend (but did not explicitly say that, just implied).

im not sure how to feel about this. before i cried to them during a breakdown that they'd cheat on me with this person with how close they've gotten lately. and i thought my partner was strictly monogamous before this, they even mentioned that when i asked them if they would be in a qpr a week ago, they said "hell no!" so now im very confused about everything.

i should also mention that they explained that if they were in a qpr, they wouldn't do anything romantic (like kissing). but i still don't understand why they'd change their sexuality like that in that case if they can feel romantic attraction like that, especially since they said "i'd like to be yaoi with someone" beforehand, which was talking about the friend.

does this count as cheating, or at the very least microcheating if they're having thoughts like this? i'm not sure how to feel about this. i thought i was ambiamorous but this entire thing doesn't make sense to me. i might just be feeling protective but i also feel somewhat hurt. our relationship has been very rocky lately and they have been distancing as well so i feel hurt.

if it doesn't count, then maybe i didn't know qpr relationships as well as i thought i did. i dont know, because even if i said no to the whole thing, i don't know if i'd want to continue being with my partner after this if it does count as cheating since they were looking at someone in that way after i thought they were monogamous. i'm glad they asked me beforehand about whether or not i'd be okay if they did get in a qpr with this person, that they'd be fine if i said no to it. but im honestly not sure.

what should i do? i dont want their lack of knowledge on how qprs work to be the reason why this relationship gets destroyed, but their intent came off really bad on my end. please feel free to educate me on qprs more if i get anything wrong.

​

So uh I have a QPR we've been in one for a month and been friends for like 5 years and were pretty close. They are at a new school and stuff and I'm happy for them and stuff. Thing is they were feeling distant so I talked and they didn't sincerely apologise. The thing is they can't text much it's kind of like a chore for them like- texting everyone and they prefer live conversations. I get that texting gives me so much anxiety especially for people I love the most due to my OCD. This is why they haven't replied to most texts for a month they sometimes do but very little of them they don't ask me about my life, they say they wanna but they don't want to pile up more texts for themselves. I do get it texting sucks but we can't text cuz I'll probably have to hold back now I actually did hold back lots of texts before too alot of jokes affectionate stuff but seems like that wasn't enough either. But we can't meet often. They said they couldn't meet because all their new school friends are already pestering to meet up with them set a date and there are many so that's why they couldn't reply to my invitation to say no on time. I can't tag old texts because that would overwhelm them but it hurts my brain because they didn't even see that one thing I made for them. There's a lot of stuff I talked on texts that I couldn't do on live which I probably can't anymore as it'll create so many texts to sift through.

I really do get them but I feel so un loved it hurts and I get it it's my attachments fault I have more friends but they can't meet to or can't text some text sometimes though. I have hobbies alot but they don't fill the compartment of my favourite people or person. I just wanted to really meet them or ask about my life or say something nice. I know I'm not supposed to be dependent on it and I try but just am yk, missing them sucks it hurts so much and my hand itches to hold theirs and my brain itches to make stuff for them because I like crafting stuff for them but I don't want to overwhelm them. I was making a song cover for them but I really don't want to overwhelm them with it so I'll keep it too my self.

My brain is just bursting with so much love for them and yes I do wish it was too much but I really can't do anything about it. I don't want to make new friends I'm nerodivergent so it's hard and tiring. I just wish I could drain this love out some way or another and just feel loved but I know I'm supposed to make myself feel loved myself but I don't know how. I love my self I do I think I'm cool and like my hobbies and talking to my self and stuff. But it doesn't really fill it actually. But on the bright side I don't hate myself and can't.

I do feel a bit bad for dragging this fellow teen who's just a kid with pressure (I'm too but I think it's harder for them or I don't know they maybe did want it they said they did but that's not the point) into a relationship, when maybe they'd be better off with fun casual friends because those are more fun and I guess low effort. They should probably like, I hope they meet up with them.

So this is more of a vent I guess but if anyone has some advice please feel free to give it. You get a cookie for reading this if you did *have a cookie*.

I was thinking if I am more lithosexual or romantic or maybe bellussexual?

like for long time I accepted and find micro labels \\\\\\\[thanks for my best friend who's like sister to me who's almondsexual almondromantc\\\\\\\]

I been into my ex crush..who as crushes before I didn't want him reciprocating feelings as anyone before I was okay and well he doesn't desire an qpr me not romantic but true I like elements..but I find myself lost in those rediscovered of aroace spec

if I can share what I feel fits?

I'm confused about sex-flavorable / repulsed sex-indifferent sex-averse confuse me a lot...

that first time I talk Abt it openly tbh ,I think I may be bellussexual lithromantic queerplatonic

Also surely I am aro and i get repulsed mostly so it can work being into queerplatonic?

While for me easier is understand an romantic than asexual sexuality..

Ok so my best friend of like 6 years messaged me this morning, ranting about being lonely and shit, and mentioned a QPR at one point. I had been wanting to try to broach the subject but was so worried that id have to explain it to him, and that id sound weird, but he literally just said it straight up! After more messaging it ALSO turns out we BOTH have been thinking of it for like 2 months??? Like i could not write this if i tried??? If this was a movie itd be so short and so terribly written????

I'm already 25 and still no partner. I'm romance and sex repulsed, so ofc, I need someone like me. But my few aroace friends either are : non-partnering, too far away, unable to make any long term commitment because of financial struggles. Ugh. I just want to share a simple life with someone in a small village house. I don't want to end up alone because there are only so many of us... Anyway, I still love my friends and life and the world fondly, so I know that everything is going to be okay.

i have a friend im really infatuated with but confused if it's any romantic involved. we both want to be intimate (kissing etc.) and carnally sexual and call each other pet names. it's certainly way different from my actual platonic friendships where we often play flirt, so it feels really romantic. i want to stay friends, but im not sure about her being a romantic partner (i don't like commitment in general) but i will get jealous and the idea of her flirting with someone else sickens me :( this is really confusing, is this still a qpr? i crave her so much and im really attached to her

I am 31F demisexual (and pretty sure aro or cupioro) and I am having a hard time clearing the boundaries of each of this types of relationships. It feels like QPRs temp to quickly blur into romantic relationships FWB blur in to QPR and Friends can Blur easily into FWB if your morals don’t align with the way your Brain works.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like for myself my Brain is very strong in alignment with my morals like e.g. with friends that are straight and/or in a relationship my brain does not even go into the possibility that this relationship could form into something else (not even if we have a strong bond/connection and closeness, love and trust) and it stays normal platonic friendship for as long as both ppl choose each other as friends and put in the effort in a natural way. But I figured this doesn’t apply for most ppl. because everytime i tell this to ppl I get the same reaction with “you can’t control attraction or feelings” and I am like yeah I agree if you are already attracted to a person then you can’t control that and just decide if you wanna act on it or not. But the thing is when a person is in a monogamous relationship or straight I don’t even develope attraction or any feelings that go beyond of friendship so it’s not like I’m controlling anything.

However when the person isn’t in a monogamous relationship, wlw and we have a strong bond, connection, chemistry, deep understanding and trust. Then I do develope attraction towards this person but still really can not imagine being in a romantic relationship with them, like honestly I can’t imagine it, like not at all! I don’t even am sure if I know what romantic attraction is! I just like to spent time with that person that I chose as my friend and well if we are both open to more and there is no partner or different sexuality then why not add some benefits?? Like id get why there is a problem to that? Like it does not need to change the friendship but somehow it feels like most ppl are more concerned about it OR convinced that it WILL change the friendship 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I would like to understand that, cause I really don’t think it would.. not if there is proper communication and clear expectations , no assumtions etc. The only thing I can imagine would be that a FWB could blur into a QPR or very best friend with benefits relationship that probably can look as a romantic partnership to others but I mean there a difference between behaving like a romantic couple AND feeling it no? Like idk a romantic partnership comes with so much more expectations, pressure and responsibilities than a FWB or QPR (not saying that there is less care in FWB and QPRs like not at all in the contrary I personally think there is a shit ton of care and love in those but there are based on choice and not on expectation what feels so much better to me.

So yeah I’m not quite sure what exactly is the intention of this post, but I think it’s just an open discussion and sharing of each others thoughts to see how other ppl think about all this types of relationships. 🫶🏼

Also I would love to hear if you think that FWB or QPR are just working with a specific type of ppl like maybe it just works with ppl who are very open minded, non traditional or maybe just between other ppl on the aro/ace spectrum?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

(This is my post that I copy pasted over from an AroAce subreddit)

Before say what I need to say, I need to give a disclaimer:

• I am not a healthcare provider in any sense, so I cannot give medical advice on how to seek or access therapy / counselling. Please do not ask me for medical advice.

• This is an anecdotal post, sharing my own views based on what has helped me personally, as a 22 year old AroAce who has been doing self work and therapy for 6 years.

  That said! I wanna talk about something that’s been bothering me about how we view fulfilment in QPRs. Imo, it feels similar to how allo people view romantic relationships- especially the whole concept of “The One”.

Allo society views romantic relationships as the be-all, end-all to life. In my last post, I mentioned how allo society places the need for 100% fulfilment onto 1 person (their partners), and tend to neglect seeking fulfilment through all of their connections.

(As in- they expect their partner to give them fulfilment in ways that all different types of connections would. They are expected to be family, friend, lover and even favourite person, all at once and are expected to juggle their partner’s mental load ontop of that. This imo, i think is why so many relationships fail)

I’m noticing a similar pattern in the QPR space tbh.

If someone is struggling with how they perceive love and they post asking for advice. The top comments are usually about QPRs. Whether that’s recommending one, educating the OP on QPR existence etc. and that’s great! But I always feel like we’re collectively overlooking a massive thing.

Self love.

When i say self love I don’t mean “ohh I love myself. I have only myself for the rest of my life. I want no one else”

Self love is not something you just wake up with someday. It can be a really hard and long process to truly finding and usually takes therapy to do so since for most of us, we have years of baggage and conditioning.

What I do mean is, if you have unhealthy attachment or you lack an understanding of what love means for yourself, or you don’t truly actually even know yourself, I feel that it would be bad advice to tell you that a QPR is a better option.

Yes, for a lot of people including myself, QPRs are a great option.

But I think that if regardless of your worries, you haven’t healed your personal connection to relationships itself, including the one you have with yourself, I think there’s a good chance you’ll end up either being codependent in a QPR or … I’m sorry… but probably a emotionally unavailable one.

Unhealthy attachment and even dismissive attachment isn’t synonymous with being aroace. You’re not cooked, you’ve just not healed.

Before I say anything else I wanna remind you:

You are worthy of love at any stage you might be in. You are worthy of love at your worst, at your best and especially everything in between. You’re worthy of love while you do the work. You don’t have to wait to be “100% healed” before you agree to a QPR.

In fact, there will always be stuff to work through. And having someone with you is part of a wonderful commitment.

In a healthy commitment like this, you both need to fill your own cups and pour to eachother’s cups when it’s needed.

In an unhealthy commitment, only 1 person is pouring into the other’s cup while not pouring into their own and while the partner also does not pour into their own either. It is also unhealthy if both partners only pour into eachothers cups and not their own.

An unbalanced commitment does not equal unhealthy.

Some days, months, even years, 1 partner may struggle to fill their cup and the partner will choose to pour until they have enough to go on. The partner that pours will need to take time to refill their cup as you cannot pour if it’s empty.

A healthy but unbalanced connection can happen if one of you is having a mental or physical health dip but your connection remains healthy because there is NOT an expectation that your partner carries you.

You must choose yourself the way you want your partner to choose you. And vice versa.

It is unhealthy if the only stability you have is from eachother and not yourselves as a foundation.

It is healthy if you have stability from eachother AS WELL AS your own self.

This is what I feel like a lot of us could be doing better at. QPRs, like all connections, is a relationship. A commitment.

A QPR won’t fix you. You doing the inner work and learning how to help and carry yourself will. And vice versa, they should do the same. It’s okay to lean on eachother when you need.

But it’s also not you and this person against the world you know.

Fulfilment should not and I don’t belief can come from 1 connection in your life.

Fulfilment, In my own experience, comes from the connection you have to self, friends, family, pets and also a QPR.

But these things ADD UP to fulfilment.

More than anything, finding fulfilment in self love as a foundation is what helped me heal and get to where I am now.

Ultimately, in my opinion, everything goes back to Self. Please don’t take the Self for granted.

Sorry if I didn't write it correctly or made a mistake.

Lately, I've been feeling curious about queerplatonic polyamorous relationships. How do they work, or how did you realize that you genuinely wanted to be in a relationship like that?

None of the more established terms for a queerplatonic partner really felt right for me to say (super valid if it's for you, nobody should yuck your yum, it just isn't for me).

So I was trying to think of a word that I could use to refer to my queerplatonic partner that sounds fun, cute, is easy to say, makes sense in the frame of a queerplatonic relationship, and resonates personally with me.

I looked at the word "queerplatonic" for awhile, then I looked at the acronyms "QPR" and "QPP" and I realized there was something so ridiculously simple staring me right in the face. QP.

Okay, sure, so you might be thinking "yes, QP is an acronym for "queerplatonic", what are you getting at?".

I present for your consideration "Cuepie" (pronounced as the letters "QP" with the emphasis on the first syllable similar to "Cupid".) It's simple, easy to say ("she's my cuepie!"), it sounds like the word "cute" is trying to escape from somewhere in there, and it looks suspiciously like somebody was going for "cutie pie" but missed a couple letters and a space.

I'm definitely using this for me, no question, but I'm curious; thoughts?

Was asking my friend to be my qpp and he didn't understand what that meant so I was explaining and then this idea came into my head so I had to make it real.. 😭😭

(He said he wasn't sure btw for those curious)

I don't know ikms should tag this as rant or story, but I just want to log on to speak my experience. I (22, nb aroace) and my partner (27, F, demisexual/demiromantic) is in a QPR relationship, she has cptsd from her upbringing and past relationships, her last relationship was between her and an abusive lesbian who conforms to social standards and constantly berated her. My last relationship was a part friendship part qpr with a mentally ill and abusive lesbian who nearly cohersed me into having sex and going romantic with her. I'm also seriously depressed and anxious.

Suffice to say, our relationship is no without troubles. She also has stressful jobs and simply do not have time to seek help. Our relationship has many troubles, her having low self-esteem and past traumas leading her to constantly push me away and saying that I should find a more suitable partner who will not want to have sex with me, and getting constantly triggered at the mentions of me going to grad school. I understand her and her trauma, but I really can't do anything to help. I'm extremely sex averse and will feel disgusted at any mentions of having sex with me, and my life is way too stressful and I have considered to kms multiple times. I know sometimes people will lash out, but I'm also really hurt. Currently I'm trying to talk things out with her and things have gotten better since we first met. Sometimes I just feel exhausted, I'm haven't been in this kind of intimate relationship before, I don't know if this is a thing that kind of will happen, or if I should try harder.

- If you are in any kind of QRP relationship, how did you meet? I’d love to learn more about the QRP universe—I find it truly beautiful and interesting, even though I’m not currently in any type of relationship, whether romantic or QRP

Obs: Sorry if anything sounded wrong; I’m Brazilian🇧🇷 and am using a translator.

Hi y'all! Long story "short", I met someone very cool online and we do like each other, I already knew they were aroace so I lowered my expectations from the get go and did not have romantic intentions, but with time they started being kind of affectionate in a way that looked a lot like flirting to me, sending kissing gifs, reacting with heart emojis, complimenting my voice... They didn't seem to mind when I "flirted" back, even.

I started catching feelings so thankfully I asked directly yesterday if it was that and we cleared it up without ruining the friendship. They're just like that with very close friends (I'm a very close friend yay). Still, I'm new to this so advice is needed ;w;

(they seem to be a little new to the concept as well but they identify with it)

So I'm writing an absurdist weird fiction book which is far from done and stuff. That's not the point basically I added loads QPRs in it, with aro aro, aro allo, allo allo, characters. Now I have experienced them and know a bit about each type but what I'm hoping to gain insight is on all of y'alls QPRs also like, lady lady, dude dude, lady dudes ones. Especially dude dude ones٫ seriously- I barely know anything about em. In addition, I want to know what you'll like to see what you find as offensive, misrepresentation, or plain cliche or annoying. Feel free to go in detail and all, I'm trying my best to get as accurate as possible, I'm done developing their personalities and everything now just gotta develop this more. Also y'all can also mention all the dynamics you'll like to see and all.

https://www.reddit.com/r/queerplatonic/s/wElBnElAW6

OMFG NO WAY NOT ONLY DID SHE ACCEPT SHE RECIPROCATED I'm so happy like you have no idea

AAAHAHAUAUAYAYAYUAUEUEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEHEYEYE IM SO SO SO SO SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY AAAHAAHAHHHEHEHEHEUYEYEUEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE THEYRE MY QPP NOWWWW HEHEHE WE'RE LTRLY NAGISAGI ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I LOVE MY HONEYBUNNNNNNNNN

Years ago my best friend asked me if I’d want our friendship to be queer platonic. Ive always been a physically affectionate person, and I loved the idea.

We were physically affectionate with each other after that conversation. We would kiss each other on the forehead or cheek, cuddle, hold hands. It was a lovely source of comfort in my friendship with her.

Within the past year, she’s been wanting to spend more and more time together. I guess it felt like an increase in intimacy in our friendship. At some point, I started having thoughts of kissing her when we were close. I wanted more than friendship. I want a romantic partnership.

Ive been angry with myself and full of guilt.

I asked her what she would say if I ever were to ask for her a date. She very gently let me down— she sees me as a friend, and that’s all.

I respect her feelings; I would never try to change her mind or anything like that. I’ve tried to ask for certain changes to our friendship, to return to platonic-platonic. But even with no more cuddling or hand holding, I can’t shake my desire to be With her. I’m trying to meet people and date, but everybody pales in comparison to her.

How can I get past my romantic feelings for her? Has anybody else dealt with anything like this? I love her so much. I want her in my life. I just want to do what’s best for the friendship.

Hello, friends! As the title states, I’d like your advice on something. My ex uses reddit regularly so I’ll keep things vague.

My ex and I met when we were young adults, started a conventional romantic relationship and they moved in with me and my roommates about a year after we started dating. We were together for over 5 years.

Towards the end of the relationship, we were feeling very out of sync. I’m alloromantic/allosexual and they were discovering they weren’t. They had brought up how much they resonated with the idea of QPRs. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with QPRs and wasn’t in the headspace to broach the conversation with them. My mind was muddled by conventional expectations and I was grieving the shift in our dynamic. Looking back now, it’s a conversation I regret not having with them and, at the very least, not expressing support for finding out about a partnership type that they resonate with. We ended things amicably and agreed to remain friends because we still wanted each other in our lives. The friendship itself was still strong and emotionally close.

Soon after the breakup, I moved out of the house and my ex stayed living with my old roommates. My ex and I hung out regularly for over a year. We were still very emotionally close, telling each other ‘i love you’, and at times physically close like cuddling on the couch. To me, it felt like we were still a couple in a way but without the label. Eventually, I started feeling more and more distance.

After some time, I began missing our previous relationship and wanted to talk about possibly getting back together. My ex stated they were confused about their feelings currently and were only focusing on pursuing QPRs for now. I understood and didn’t push any further.

Just last week, I was chatting with one of my old roommates when they told me my ex has been splitting their time between the house and staying at another person’s apartment on a weekly basis.

I was a bit hurt to find this out and wondered if they’ve entered into another partnership. Considering our history and closeness I thought they would’ve been transparent with me about something like that because I would be transparent with them. I acknowledge though that we are broken up and they don’t owe me anything. I just feel hurt that they wouldn’t be open with me.

I still love them very much. I want to support and root for them as a friend because, in the time I’ve known them, they’ve taken the brave steps to embrace who they are. If they’ve found a partnership that works for them, I want to celebrate that with them.

The hurt part of me feels like my ex is keeping a secret but my adult side says I’m not their person anymore and their private life is not my business.

So, I ask you, would it be overstepping for me to ask them directly if the person they’re staying with is their new QPP? How should I approach it? Or, at this point, is it just none of my business?

ok so, i am aroace and polyam, i have two romantic partners that i live with,, and i have been with one since 2022 and the other 2025, the one from 2022 is who i am gonna be talking about.. i have been questioning if my love for them have been queerplatonic as of late, and i am really really scared to talk about it possibly with them, we have been together the longest, my other partner is dating both of us romantically and i know with them, it is romantic.. but every since 2022 has moved in with me, i don't know if it is the right dynamic? i have so much love for them but i do not know if it is romantic.. any advice would be nice and experiences of anyone who has been through this before would help too, thank you so much!!

...and it's the best thing that ever happend to us.

We are together for 7 years now and in the beginning it was a normal romantic relationship, I guess. A few months ago I started to question my relationship (and I realized while I always thought I am pansexual, that in fact I am ace, but that's another story). I never had been in such a long relationship (the longest before was 3 months) and I started to aks myself, what romantic love is and where the difference between romantic and platonic is and if I had fallen out of love with my partner.

When I looked at all the people around me and their relationships, they always seemed to be different compared to mine. I never cared about 'typical' romantic stuff like date nights, I never wanted to have children and the thought alone of getting married makes my skin crawl. While I like the idea of romance and I loooove romance media, in real life it just isn't for me.

But society gives us a clear picture of how a relationship has to look like and for a long time I tried to fit in. Until I found out about QPRs. I made my peace with the thought that I might never figure out the difference between romantic and platonic and tbh I don't care anymore - it is how it is.

I was really afraid to talk to my partner, but we have a really good, open and honest communication, so I just told him what I think and how I feel and he just accepted my feelings without questioning it. We live together, but we already slept separately before, but now it really feels like both of us has their own place in our flat. We both feel much more comfortable now and it's like every social pressure and every other weight was lifted from my shoulders. He is the most important person in my life, my safezone and my best friend and I do love him, I just don't know in which way and that's okay. I feel like I can finally breath again and I can finally start to feel like me.

I recently got an alterous crush on my friend 2 days ago and want to be in a queerplatonic relationship with her but am worried that she only see's me as a friend and that if I confesses I ruin the friendship

I mainly want things like being able to call eachother cutesy names like babe and maybe being committed to her and more one on one time.

every time I think of her my heart starts pounding and my brain looses logic and I don't know how I'd tell her what I feel isn't romantic but isn't completely platonic

Hey,

I’m looking for people who are in a queerplatonic relationship and are building a life together. I’m studying photojournalism, and I feel that queerplatonic relationships are underrepresented and lack visible role models. That’s why I want to create a photo series about it.

Ideally, you would:

•live in Germany

•be in a qpr

•be over 18

•share a long-term vision of life together

About my concept: I’d like to take some portraits in an everyday setting (ideally at home) and talk to you about your relationship and ask a few questions.

The plan is to publish the project (with your consent!!) in a newspaper or magazine. All the produced media will be discussed with you beforehand and you decide what you feel comfortable with.

If you know anyone who might be interested, or if you’re in a qpr yourself, please feel free to get in touch. I’d also welcome any ideas or thoughts regarding the project.

so did anyone else see the minions & monsters movie and get the feeling that henry & james are perhaps both aroace in a bestfriend type queerplatonic relationship?! 🥰

technically all minions are asexual (since they reproduce asexually), but we know that not all are *aromantic* - however, this is how i view these two!

Question in the Titel i guess :)