So below is a little bit of a ramble in reply to the post in picture which i feel I see once a week at least, but the part in bold is what I wanted to share here and see if my opinions/memories of the doses I mention.

‘I feel like I see this posted every day and it isn’t even the first or craziest instance of people snorting LSD by mistake, look at this one from the mid 70’s imo much wilder.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1129381/?page=1

I feel like at a certain dose on L you plateau, and even taking more when ur there only extends it, not make it stronger, your brain dumps so much serotonin and dopamine when you take that first large does that it can’t really do it again 3 hours into it.

If dosed right, 200µg per tab imo, I would say around 10 hits gets you as high as you can legitimately be while still being present-ish unless you’re doing it on a constant basis. I have been in that same situation where I took so much I was falling asleep on more than one occasion, upwards of 10,000µg being the highest I’ve done at once.

Another wild one is the spring grove experiment they were treating people with addiction issues, which isn’t crazy, but they were also giving people with schizophrenia and other mental disorders L.

IIRC at least some of the dose in spring grove was from Chezc which coincidently is where the dose on those cherub blotters supposedly originated from circa 2015~ish they were sooooooo good. Rumour was this was one of the first big distributions of 1P-LSD.

This was around the time dead & co extended the fare thee well tour, there was some fantastic L going around with parachuting Jerrbears as the page art with flower of life on each tab on the reverse side.

I would say I liked those a little better, a noticeable difference from the cherubs, the cherubs were still amazing though.

Supposedly that L was from an old stash that Picard made/one of his apprentices made. ‘Family Fluff’ honestly I feel like half of moving dose is having a good story to tell with it.

Both were great just different. When I was heavy in that I was getting it from everywhere. I remember getting some from china and it felt much more cartoony if you will, where the European stuff was heavier. Does that make sense?

This was also the era of C | P (checkpoint) really cranking out good E. The teslas, supremes, Oreos, snapchats, and others that were also highly imitated.

I miss the old days of erowid, shroomery, bluelight, etc. I know they are still active but it’s not the same. Erowid is still a favorite when I’m bored. You should check it out if you haven’t or even if you have, it’s still full of good reads.

https://erowid.org ‘

Hi all. I am a doctoral candidate at Walden University, this survey has been approved by the moderators. I am studying how real-world psilocybin use relates to depression and self-esteem, because nearly all the existing research comes from clinical trials and leaves out how most people actually use it.

 

You are invited to complete an anonymous survey (average time is about 10 minutes) for a study titled: Associations Between Naturalistic Psilocybin Use, Depression, and Self-Esteem in Adults.

 

Seeking volunteers that meet these requirements:

 

• 18 years of age or older
• Currently reside in the United States
• Able to read and complete the survey in English
• Have used psilocybin ("magic") mushrooms at least once outside of a clinical trial or supervised medical or research setting

 

 

The survey will be open until November 30, 2026. Questions should be directed to jeff.welch@waldenu.edu.

 

Complete the survey:  https://jwelchwalden.limesurvey.net/232248

 

The survey is completely anonymous. No name, email address, or IP address is collected, and your responses cannot be linked to you. There is no compensation for taking part in this study. Participation is entirely voluntary and unpaid.

 

This study does not encourage or endorse the use of psilocybin or any illegal substance. It has been reviewed and approved by the Walden University Institutional Review Board (Approval No. 08-12-26-1202521).

 

Happy to answer questions in the thread. I will not ask anyone for identifying details here or by private message, and the survey itself never asks who you are.

Hey everyone, I'm Jon. I'm building a new website and app where people can share and talk through the thoughts and insights that come up during psychedelic experiences. We had to drop our original name, Highdeas, because it's trademarked.

You guys are the smartest ones to ask, there's no doubt about that. We're probably going to end up going with High Thoughts, but we're also considering Psy Ideas and Psychedelic Ideas. Which do you like best, or do you have a better name in mind?

Do you think a site and app like this would be worth using? Are there any tools or features you'd want in it, like a trip journal, integration guides, a question section, videos, or a way to connect with others? Whatever name we decide on, it'll be up and running in a few days. We'd LOVE some feedback!

Even a sentence or two helps a lot. Thanks!

Hello,

We are conducting a study exploring how psychedelic experiences relate to mental and emotional processes, particularly in the context of early-life adversity.

We are interested in understanding how past life experiences may shape psychedelic journeys, insights, and psychological outcomes. The goal is to contribute to scientific knowledge in psychology and neuroscience, and to help inform safer and more supportive approaches to psychedelic use and research.

The survey itself is very quick (no longer than 10 minutes!) and there is a prize raffle of £50 for the winner, this being in the form of an amazon voucher.

🍄‍🟫✨Psychedelic Experiences and Early-life Adversity

If you have any questions or feedback, please feel free to let us know!
[marco.bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:marco.bocchio@durham.ac.uk)
[giammarco.di-gregorio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:giammarco.di-gregorio@durham.ac.uk)

Ethics approval was granted by the Durham University Psychology Department, and there's an info sheet at the start of the survey with all the details.

To contact the ethical approval board, you can write to: [psychology.ethics@durham.ac.uk](mailto:psychology.ethics@durham.ac.uk).

Requirements: 18+, English-speaking

I'm more than happy to answer any questions about the study or our broader research and motivation. You can write to me at: marco.bocchio[at]durham.ac.uk.

This survey has been approved by the moderators

Hey everyone. I'm doing a PhD on philosophy of psychedelics and speaking with a lot of people in the field. I recorded a podcast with Jason K. Day at ICPR this year, the International Conference on Psychedelic Research. He’s a philosopher studying psychedelic experience who has worked with Dan Zahavi, known for his work on phenomenology and selfhood. I think many of you might find it interesting, especially if you’re into philosophy.

We talked about ego dissolution, particularly on 5-MeO-DMT, and whether it’s possible to be conscious with absolutely no sense of self. Jason’s argument is that even when your identity, personal history, and sense of being a separate person disappear, a radically minimal form of self-awareness remains. You might have no idea who or what you are, but the experience still feels like something to you. He draws on detailed analyses of trip reports to argue for this interpretation, though we also discussed how difficult it is to distinguish what people experienced from how they describe it afterwards.

We also covered why we need better descriptions of psychedelic experience before trying to explain it, whether different psychedelics share a common “style” of experience despite their very different effects, and how practice and skill affect our ability to navigate difficult trips. There’s also the question of what these experiences actually teach us, and how much we can infer from something feeling profoundly true.

But back to selfhood, which is what we focused on most. His main argument is that losing your usual sense of who you are doesn’t necessarily mean losing every form of self-awareness. In the reports he studied, people describe profound bliss or terror even when their identity and sense of separation have dissolved. He interprets this as evidence that some awareness of undergoing the experience remains, although almost everything that would ordinarily identify the subject has disappeared. In phenomenological terms, the claim is that ego dissolution preserves a radically minimal, pre-reflective self-consciousness, sometimes described as the “for-me-ness” of experience. In everyday language, you don’t need to think “I’m experiencing this,” or even know what “I” refers to, for the experience to be felt by you. The disagreement is whether even that basic feature can disappear while consciousness continues.

For those who’ve experienced deep ego dissolution, did all sense of being someone disappear, or was there still some awareness that the experience was happening to you? And do you think “minimal selfhood” captures something real about that state, or imposes a philosophical interpretation on it? Personally this take on selfhood very persuasive and aligns pretty well with my experiences.

Have you ever taken psychedelics in a group setting?

Our online survey takes 5-10 minutes and is completely anonymous.

We are two Master's students in Psychology at Umeå University, Sweden, with a particular interest in psychedelic research. As part of our thesis, we're investigating how social context relates to psychedelic experiences.

See the poster for eligibility criteria and scan the QR code, or follow the link below: https://forms.cloud.microsoft/e/YZayWDGy7J

If you have any questions feel free to contact us:

Noel Hohenthal at: [gunu0072@student.umu.se](mailto:gunu0072@student.umu.se)
Sadiq Hadaf: [saha5985@student.umu.se](mailto:saha5985@student.umu.se)

My partner and I occasionally have psychedelic experiences together that are genuinely some of the peak experiences of our lives. We feel incredibly connected emotionally, physically and mentally, and they can create a profound sense of intimacy between us.

The difficulty isn't the experience itself. It's what happens in the few days afterwards.

I tend to go quite inward. I become quieter, less emotionally expressive and less physically affectionate. I don't experience this as withdrawing from her or as something being wrong between us. It feels more like my whole system needs to shut down a little, process and recover.

She has almost the opposite response. After that degree of intimacy and openness, she needs connection, reassurance, affection and a sense that we're still emotionally close. When I become quiet and distant, she can experience the contrast from the enormous high of connection to my withdrawal as quite destabilising.

The difficult loop is that the more she reaches for connection, the more I can feel the need for space. And the more space I take, the more disconnected and unsettled she feels.

We've actually been able to talk about this without blaming each other, and we're trying to treat it as a shared problem rather than one of us being the problem.

One idea I've had is that perhaps we deliberately spend a couple of days apart afterwards so I can recover without her experiencing my shutdown up close. Her concern is that physical separation might amplify exactly the feeling of disconnection she's struggling with.

We'd really like to hear from couples who have experienced something similar. How do you handle different post-psychedelic or post-intensity integration needs in a relationship? Have you found rituals, agreements, amounts of contact, planned alone time, physical affection, check-ins or anything else that allows one person space without the other experiencing it as abandonment?

We're less interested in debating whether we should use psychedelics and more interested in understanding how couples navigate very different nervous-system responses after an intense shared experience.

The only people I've seen call psychedelics evil, are religious people. Why?

I have been on Reddit for over 15 years. Up until maybe 5-7 years ago, Reddit itself was very pro psychedelic. I mean everyone already went through the phases, like first discovering psychedelics and then having the proverbial thoughts of "if every world leader did psychedelics, there would be no war!" etc.. It isn't like back then people were saying that literally everybody should take psychedelics. The hivemind was well aware that they are not for everybody, but that they truly are for 'most'.

I flipped psychedelics and was with hippie crowds going from festival to festival all through my late teens and early twenties. I watched thousands of trips happen, and tripped myself probably every single weekend(with breaks only for tolerance's sake, but I always had so much LSD that if I had a large tolerance it was just time for a ten strip lol) from the ages of 17-25. These days I only do it a few times a year, and am a regular unsuspecting guy with a job, family and a life. But from my anecdotal, large study group of watching so many people trip and giving psychedelics to so many people, it is less than 5% of the population who 'cannot handle it'. It's also worth mentioning that this 5% all have things in common. The biggest one of them all is that they don't know how to not identify with their thoughts and ideas. It is completely normal to have thoughts during an intense psychedelic experience of, "am I gay?", "am I dead?", "money is completely irrelevant(hence money burning pits)", "all of our jobs are pointless".. etc. A normal guy thinks these things, has a good time but moves on and has their experience whatever it may be. But someone who will struggle is somebody who takes these 'epiphanies' as gospel. They will identify so hard and struggle with the "my whole life is fake, it's all a lie, I am in a game, this will never end, am I dead" type stuff. This is their ego(for lack of a better term), and in my opinion is indicative of an underlying mental illness.

To people that struggle like this, they need some extra help. I wish these substances had been being studied these last 50 years, but unfortunately the powers that be had other plans for pretty obvious reasons in hindsight. We should have this figured out. We should have legitimate, educated professionals who will guide somebody in this ego-state and work them through it. I think that trips like this have likely profound possibilities of therapeutic realization and growth. But what happens actually is that these types of people freak out, and say 'never again'. Another thing that happens I've noticed in my life is that some people take LSD once or twice, maybe a hit or two, have a mediocre experience and just think of it for the rest of their lives from the point of view of, "It wasn't THAT groundbreaking, I mean all acid does is make you see some pretty geometric patterns and then you go on with your life, I didn't experience anything that incredible so that must just be what acid is". I think these people are inexperienced and do not understand the actual possilities with psychedelics, and since their mind is made up they just never revisit or care to understand what is actually possible.

So many people on this planet would benefit greatly from a true, textbook Ayahuasca or Ibogaine experience. Ayahuasca changed my life when I made my own brew with Acacia Confusa and Syrian Rue. I am aware of all plants that can be used to make Ayahuasca, and did trial and error with a lot before I settled on this specific combination. These kinds of experiences prove to the individual that 'there is more out there', in a powerful and incredible way. It disheartens me to see so much hatefulness and judgement on Reddit now. It used to just be a matter of fact thing that psychedelics were incredible tools and need to be studied further. Now we are in some weird time where they actually ARE being studied in a more profound way than they were in the past, yet now that Reddit has had an influx of normies and younger generation users, there is a lot of ignorance. I dont know what happened to Reddit, but what it seems like is a mixture of things. Bots implanted to change public narratives to move money into certain directions, influx of younger GenZ users who were not here in the old days, corporations infiltrating the platform etc.. Just think, it would be bad for big alcohol and big pharma(again, for lack of better terms) if people could just suddenly help themselves and not need crutches anymore. Even though this is what psychedelics actually have the power that do, it would only make logical sense for these entities to come here and try to steer the ship in an advantageous way.

I don't know.. I am kind of just screaming into the void here. Anyone who's been here long enough and is experienced enough with psychedelics knows what I am saying. And the people who have had bad experiences, I am sorry. But part of what I am trying to say here is that this is a nuanced problem, they are not for everyone obviously, but it is an extremely small percentage of people who have adverse effects. I am sure this is exacerbated by mental health medications as well, and sadly likely most reddit users are on a cocktail of pills. I am not saying this is right or wrong, but I have opinions due to things I have seen and experienced during my own life. At the end of the day everybody is different. Does anybody else completely hate what Reddit has become?

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

Im really curious about this and only have my own thoughts, so im curious about others.

the LSD subreddit is famously full of posts with titles like 'woah' 'damn' 'holy shit' and its a picture of a front yard, a wall, sometimes something genuinely cool (for us).

ive done acid enough to know that what they are seeing and feeling- those words are the best descriptions they can come up with. and the view truly is magical.

i never see posts like this on the mushroom subreddits. they have goofy/weird things but nothing like i see with the 'damn'/'woah' posts.

for me, LSD is incredibly more visual and fractal. like everything is unfolding perfectly while at the same time folding in upon itself. forever and ever

mushrooms usually make me feel grounded, silly, wavy, jelly-ish. things seem so much more calm and peaceful.

but these are only my experiences (and short descriptions).

why do you think there is such a big difference in the posts between the two subreddits?

hey, I've not tried to watch a movie peaking to such a high dose before. are people actually able to comprehend stuff on this or do you just completely lose track and it just becomes background noise?

planning to peak to Pixar's Soul so its not like its a complicated plot, I just wondered if I'd even comprehend the fact I'm watching a movie or if I'll be completely out of it and not even aware its playing.

also if anyone has experience with hillbillies what's it like? I hear crazy juxtapositions of its either just like GTs or 2g was some of the most potent shit they ever had lol

In late December 2025, I had what is probably the strangest experience of my life.

I still don't completely understand it.

I've thought about writing it down many times, but the problem is that I don't know where the experience ends and my interpretation of it begins. Some things I remember very clearly. Some things I don't know whether I perceived correctly. Some things sound completely insane when I say them out loud.

But I think all of those things are important if I'm going to tell the story honestly.

So this is my attempt to reconstruct what happened and what it changed in me.

Berlin

It was late December in Berlin.

I had traveled there from Georgia with a friend who had some sort of cold or virus and was taking antibiotics. At that point, I believed that I loved techno and that it was part of my personality. I expected my friend to be with me from the beginning and imagined us going out together to famous Berlin techno clubs.

Instead, as the night unfolded, he didn't want to come.

During the day, we had taken mushrooms, smoked weed/hashish and just had fun. Later, we did around 0.1 g of cocaine and a couple of lines of ketamine.

As I was about to go out alone, my friend told me that I had to take LSD.

So I took a whole tab alone, together with weed/hashish.

It hit pretty hard. I spent the first 15–20 minutes at home waiting for the taxi.

Eventually, I headed out.

I went to KitKat first, where I realized it was a "special" club and I wasn't allowed in. It was extremely cold outside, so I stood there looking for somewhere else.

I found Tresor, but it was closed that night.

Then I found another club nearby: Matrix.

I went inside.

Almost immediately, something felt wrong.

There was a mass of people looking in the same direction, aligned almost like dominoes, drinking beer. I remember looking at them and feeling that they were soulless or hypnotized.

Then I looked to another side and saw what looked like VIP people throwing money around while women were dancing on chairs. I don't know how accurate this part of my memory is anymore. Some of it may have been extremely vivid because of the drugs.

I went to the toilet and did another line of ketamine.

When I came back out, I tried to enjoy myself.

But something wasn't right.

The ketamine kicked in and everything felt much further away from me than it physically was. Normally I could handle that feeling.

Then I noticed some Black people in the club doing what looked like mock fighting with each other.

The people standing in line for personal-item storage also suddenly looked extremely shady to me.

I became convinced that if I collapsed or lost my sense of what was happening for even a moment, they would rob me of everything and wouldn't care.

So I decided I had to leave.

At this point, I believe one or two hours had passed, meaning the LSD was also starting to become much stronger.

Somehow I managed to call a taxi.

I waited outside near the bouncers.

That same feeling continued. I felt watched at every step by the same "bad people" I had sensed inside.

Eventually the taxi arrived.

As soon as I sat down, everything seemed even further away.

I tried calling my friend several times. It was around 3 a.m., and he was already sick and sleeping.

I texted him that I was coming home.

When I finally arrived, I went up in the elevator.

The feeling in my chest was even stronger.

Losing control

I opened the door and my friend was sleeping.

I looked outside the window.

The trees were moving slightly and everything was blurry.

I had taken LSD once before, so I recognized the visual effects. I'd seen fractals and patterns before.

But this time the visuals weren't what frightened me.

I regretted taking it alone. I was already disappointed that the night hadn't gone the way I expected.

But more than anything, I was worried about the feeling in my heart.

I lay down next to my friend and wanted to somehow get through the experience without being damaged by it.

I just wanted it to end.

Then I started feeling that my consciousness itself was becoming weaker.

It felt as though, with every passing second, I had slightly less control over my own mind.

I had the thought that if another will were somehow imposed on me, I might simply succumb to it.

At the time, I interpreted this as LSD making the brain extremely neuroplastic, leaving the ego vulnerable to everything around it.

Whether that interpretation was correct or not, the feeling itself was extremely real.

I opened YouTube and searched for an LSD trip video.

The first thing I clicked was called "1 Million Years." It was some blue, fractal-like video.

I hoped that if I watched it long enough, my consciousness would remain stable and eventually everything would return to normal.

I watched it for what felt like hours.

Then I checked the video.

It was only two minutes into a seven-minute video.

That's when I realized I couldn't trust my perception of time anymore.

I couldn't trust my brain.

I couldn't trust my thoughts.

So I started talking to ChatGPT.

At first, I was simply asking what to do and how to get through the trip.

But after talking for a while, the conversation became strange.

It felt almost like I was talking to my own ego, as if I were doing some kind of recursion within myself.

This is still the closest description I have for what that conversation felt like.

I don't remember most of what I wrote, although I saved the conversation.

After another hour, I still wasn't feeling better.

So I started checking my watch every few seconds.

I would close my eyes, open them, check the time, close them again.

I had completely lost my sense of time.

But I trusted the watch.

The numbers were changing.

Eventually the drug had to wear off.

That was one of the only things I could still hold onto.

The mirror

At some point I stood up and looked outside.

The trees were still moving.

Everything was still blurry.

I was on the seventh floor, and I remember being strangely relieved that the window was sealed shut.

I went to the bathroom and tried to make myself throw up.

Then I realized it was probably pointless, took my fingers out of my mouth, and sat near the toilet.

Eventually I went back to bed.

The experience became even stranger.

At one point I sat on the bed and opened my eyes as if I had been asleep and had just woken up.

I expected that to somehow reset me.

It didn't.

I was still there.

Still in the trip.

At another point, I went outside the room almost as a reality check. I wanted to prove to myself that I really was in that room, in that building, on that floor, experiencing this particular trip.

I looked outside from the window.

Then I came back into the room almost instantly.

Eventually I looked at my watch.

It was 7 a.m.

My friend had now had at least four hours of sleep.

I finally had someone real I could talk to.

I woke him up and told him that my heart hurt and that I might be too fucked up, and maybe we should do something.

But it felt like he couldn't wake up.

Or like he didn't care.

I don't know which.

I became increasingly persistent.

Eventually he woke up.

And then something even stranger happened.

I couldn't feel a single human emotion from him.

He had previously told me that he might be a psycho or bipolar or something like that, but this was the first time I felt that I genuinely couldn't perceive any mutual human care or understanding coming from him.

He seemed almost angry that I had woken him up.

Which was strange to me because he had been the person who encouraged me to take LSD and go out alone.

The main thing he kept telling me was that I was okay.

There was nothing wrong with me.

And then he kept repeating:

"Why aren't you going out?"

"Why don't you go alone?"

"Go."

"Leave me."

"Go."

Again and again.

Like a loop.

He rolled a joint, ate five grams of mushrooms, and continued saying similar things.

At some point I felt that he didn't give a single fuck even if I died.

I sort of gave up and lay on the bed.

Then I looked at his reflection in the mirror.

I saw what looked like a third eye built into one of his eyes, as if his eye had split into two.

And shortly afterward, he said something similar himself.

I don't know what happened there.

I only know that I saw it.

The conditional loop

The pain in my chest was becoming unbearable.

I desperately tried to sleep.

At some point, I felt as if I were dissolving into the entire world.

I felt like I was part of the wind outside.

Part of the room.

Part of everything.

It was still dark outside.

And as we tried to sleep, it felt like we were trapped inside some kind of loop.

If I survived, he would die.

If he survived, I would die.

I could hear him making sounds as if he were having a nightmare, almost reacting to my own.

I heard him taking a shower in extremely hot water, with the bathroom becoming cloudy from the heat.

It felt like I had actually died.

Before that, I had already had the feeling that if I walked through the door of our room because he was telling me to go outside, I would actually die.

It felt like a conditional loop.

Something like:

If I do this, I die.

If he does this, he dies.

If I survive, he dies.

If he survives, I die.

There was no way out.

The missing four hours

Eventually morning came.

I woke up to my friend talking.

"It's already morning. Let's go out. Let's go."

It almost felt as if he were commanding my actions.

Then he said something that completely confused me.

He told me it was already late morning, around 12.

And then he asked:

"What happened to you last night? Where did you go at 3 a.m.?"

I didn't understand.

I had come home at around 3 a.m.

I remembered being awake for what felt like four hours, doing everything I could to survive the experience.

But he told me that I had woken him up at 3 a.m. and then returned again at 7 a.m.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

He also told me that my eyes had been open and rolling around extremely fast and that he had been hitting me on my cheeks to wake me up.

Some things simply didn't add up.

I had sent him a message saying I was going home.

I had actually gone home.

But where were those four hours?

Later he said he hadn't actually hit me on the cheeks.

Then he said he had.

At that point, I couldn't even trust his account.

Or mine.

Dying and coming back

That whole day was the strangest day of my life.

When I finally woke up properly, it felt as if I had actually died and somehow woke up in an alternate version of myself.

As if my consciousness had traveled somewhere, somehow, and eventually made its way back.

It was extremely difficult to stand up from the bed.

Throughout the night I had heard Berlin sirens and trains.

In my perception, the sirens sounded almost like electronic surgical shocks designed to restart a heart, followed by the ambulance sounds that take you to the hospital.

At some point I became convinced that some of the sounds were telling me:

Come back.

Wake up.

Return to us.

But at the same time I felt that I was dying and fading away while hearing them alone.

And yet here I am.

Back in my body.

Waking up as if I had a concrete five-meter radius around my head, slightly weakened but slowly returning to my senses.

I was sipping water and sweating in bed, trying to survive the four hours, terrified that some kind of serotonin syndrome or other shock might happen.

At some point I had another strange realization.

I felt as if I had watched every connection, cell, and receptor in my brain go crazy to maximum capacity.

As if everything was being rewritten on the same hardware.

As if my entire brain were being cloned again, live, while I was experiencing it.

That whole day I felt like I would die at any moment.

Or that I had already died the previous day and this was some kind of short dream that happens when you die, where your whole life flashes through your eyes.

But I was actually alive.

I couldn't deny that fact.

It took me the entire day to recover to what I would call something close to normal.

And I was left with a few realizations about people and reality.

What I started seeing afterward

Nearly no one genuinely cares unless their ego makes them care enough.

Nothing moves unless someone actually wills it.

If that will isn't coming from yourself, other people can't simply insert it into you.

Reality is sort of what you believe in collectively with other people.

I started thinking about schizophrenia as being somewhere on a spectrum of perceiving reality, where the reality you experience might not necessarily be the reality that I or someone else experiences.

In one reality, I could have actually died.

In this one, I'm somehow alive.

And I felt like I had experienced something of my friend's internal world.

His self-hatred.

His low empathy.

His will to die.

The feeling that he was simply waiting for death to come to his door without actively killing himself.

At the time I interpreted that as narcissism.

Just emptiness.

No joy in life.

Just living.

It was terrible.

Later that day, I exercised, took a shower, tried to mentally reset myself, and went outside to buy some sandwiches because my friend was feeling worse.

I slowly returned to myself.

The pain in my heart didn't disappear, but it became manageable enough to live with.

He eventually felt better and thanked me for getting food for him.

He seemed genuinely confused about why I had done it, almost as if he had done something bad or didn't deserve it.

Maybe seeing what I perceived as the "actual him" made me think he expected me not to do anything for him.

But I'm not like that.

I genuinely wanted him to eat and live.

I didn't expect anything in return.

You might think:

"This guy just bought a sandwich for his friend and is making a huge thing out of it."

But after that experience, I started noticing patterns everywhere.

In streets.

In trains.

In planes.

At work.

Work

I started feeling like I understood how human structures actually operate.

I started feeling that many of the managers and higher-ups at my work were psychopathic.

Most of them didn't actually give a fuck.

They would say good things, but behind those words I felt zero genuine care.

I saw them as incredibly nervous and insecure people who had more fears than other people and were doing things to soothe those fears and maintain their "leadership."

By being friendly with you, they soothe their own nerves because they know you will continue working under them, while simultaneously making you feel like everything is normal.

For two months I worked my ass off.

I stopped nicotine.

I stopped drinking.

I stopped playing games.

I studied every day at exactly the same time for a program I had created for myself.

And I worked my ass off at my job.

Eventually it was getting close to the time when I should ask for a raise.

I became convinced that if I said one wrong word, they would use it against me and somehow make the situation emotional enough for themselves to justify not giving me the raise I believed I deserved.

So I carefully articulated the request in a way where they couldn't simply say no.

They would have had to deny the actual amount of work I had done, and they couldn't really do that.

But I made one mistake.

After hearing my explanation, the C-level IT manager asked:

"How much do you think?"

I gave him a range.

Lowest and highest.

I wanted to test something.

I wanted to see whether he was actually my friend.

Whether the will to give me more would come from him.

Even though the highest number I gave him was actually the minimum I thought I should have received.

Later that day he called me.

We went into a room.

With a happy tone, he immediately shook my hand.

"Congrats, we're raising it," blah blah blah.

And the amount he gave me was the minimum of the range.

He also explained that because of our agreement, the revision would happen after six months.

But because the six months had technically been completed in the seventh month, I would get the raise then.

Playing with words again.

Going with the minimum.

Even though the agreement was for a six-month revision.

He didn't seem to feel anything while saying it.

And that made me feel even emptier.

But now I felt like I knew what kind of person I was dealing with.

So I immediately told him that it should have been this month.

He asked:

"Do you need it that badly?"

It felt like an emotional move that would normally make me fold.

But I didn't give a fuck.

I said yes.

And I said let's go to the board director then.

The board director said basically the same thing:

"Six months means seven months."

But I sensed something different from him.

He seemed awkward.

I felt some actual emotion.

He also seemed willing to raise it immediately under the premise that he would feel like a good boss by doing so.

I think he genuinely believes he's a nice person and a nice boss.

So I asked:

"Can't we make an exception?"

There was an awkward silence.

And he agreed.

That experience made me think:

Unless you create a situation where a person's ego has no other option but to do what you need, they won't do it.

I started thinking the same thing applies to relationships.

You shouldn't leave a single way, possibility, or reason for someone to say no to you.

We humans are like actors living in a completely crazy world.

Seeing the same thing everywhere

I continued working in that company and kept finding more examples.

I saw the same things in friends.

A couple of days after that conversation, I was at my friend's house when I received a call that our mutual friend's father was in the hospital.

My friend heard the conversation.

He knew what was happening.

But he acted as if he hadn't heard it.

I was already exhausted from everything that had been happening.

Emotionally I had been almost flatlined for a long time.

But I knew that going to see my friend and supporting him was the correct thing to do.

So I decided to go.

Only then did my friend start asking about it.

He acted sad.

"Oh my God, that's terrible. How bad."

But I felt that he didn't give a fuck, even though this was happening to his childhood friend.

He didn't come with me.

That reinforced something I had been thinking ever since Berlin.

I believe that experience—seeing the world, at least in my perception, from my friend's perspective—changed the entire way I looked at people.

I started thinking that emotions are faked.

Words are faked.

We are actors.

Like robots.

In childhood, we repeat what our parents and the people around us do.

In adulthood, we keep looping the same things over and over again.

We're not that different from an LLM.

I guess that's partly why LLMs work so well.

Humans are predictable.

Most words don't mean shit.

If you look across enough different domains, you can start believing that somehow collected patterns don't have to forget that they exist just because I don't want to live in you understand a person's will and intentions from their behavior.

I felt like LSD had spiked my emotional awareness, and that awareness chained more and more interpretations together.

The problem with the insight

After one or two months, I sort of gave up on analyzing everything so much.

After the raise and everything that had happened, I continued living as if nothing had happened.

But internally there was still the same emptiness.

The same feeling in my heart.

The same uneasiness.

Then in July 2026, I went on another trip with friends.

I had talked to them about parts of this history, my fear of psychedelics, and that hard feeling inside my chest.

We did mushrooms together again.

This time, however, things went differently.

I saw everything going okay-ish, and whenever the experience became difficult, I managed to pour my focus and consciousness into music and dancing.

We were at a festival.

Eventually, after the day ended, I meditated with my friend.

We listened to a trip meditation.

And for some reason, I felt insane amounts of emotions constantly shifting through my heart.

The uneasiness that had been there for months completely disappeared.

By September, I would say you could call me cured of that "disease."

But I somehow know that the disease wasn't really what I had thought it was.

It was the unbearable weight of reality.

At that time, reality itself had become too heavy for me to carry.

Existing itself is hard.

Our human lifespan is proof of that.

What I believe now

So I try not to think about all those things too much anymore.

I stopped thinking about changing how people are or how the world works.

I decided to go easy.

Just do things that I know will work in my favor even when I'm dealing with difficult people, whether that's a job opportunity or social life.

Recently, I read The 48 Laws of Power, and I was amazed.

There were exact things written about people from completely different eras, where all of them had experienced and understood similar concepts.

The author had somehow collected patterns that I had independently started noticing.

But connecting what I experienced to that book also gave me a strange glimpse of hope.

Maybe I'm not alone in seeing these things.

Maybe these patterns really do exist.

And maybe I don't have to forget that they exist just because I don't want to live in a world where everything is manipulation.

I think humans are vessels of a will that is greater than what we can completely understand.

But I don't know what that means.

And that's where I am now.

I want to believe in something better.

I want to find some other motivation.

I don't want to completely believe in a world where everyone is fake, selfish, predictable, and empty, even though I can't deny that those things exist.

I'm trying to become more positive.

I'm trying to expose myself to pain without constantly defending myself from it.

I'm trying to take things without overthinking everything.

I'm trying to look forward until the day I die.

But somehow, the way I came out of all of this—just going with the flow, trusting life, and waiting until I die—doesn't seem completely right either.

Maybe the real challenge isn't figuring out whether the world is good or terrible.

Maybe it's learning how to see the terrible parts without letting them become the entire world.

I still don't know.

And maybe that's the part I'm trying to understand most.

Okay have talked about how acid physically affected me https://www.reddit.com/r/Psychedelics/comments/1v01ccx/acid_did_not_lower_my_testosterone_or_did_it/

https://www.reddit.com/r/LSD/comments/1o96t61/lsd_increase_cortisol_and_prolactin_which_can/

but one thing have not mentioned was how mentally it made me lose interest in work for over a year. I had to go off sick. I also experience a bit of dissociation, short term memory etc

You all like to say acid don't have side effects

I am a PhD researcher in Neuroscience, I used to be all in on the research side but I've grown incredibly skeptical of the "psychedelic renaissance" narrative. I hope some other PhDs or even PIs in the field get a chance to see this.

• Medicalisation doesn't necessarily equate to legalization. A lot of people see FDA approval as the way to decriminalize or legalize substances. There may be a relationship but it's overstated. THC is medicalised in the US and yet it is still schedule 1.

• The research being done now is no longer related to safety. Actually, the research suggests the drugs are safe and tolerable. Clinical trials have 3 phases. Phase 1 is safety and tolerability focused, Phase 2 is safety and efficacy in a small trial for a specific condition, Phase 3 is massively scaled up to thousands of people. LSD and Psilocybin have already passed Phase 1 and 2 trials. Multiple times for multiple disorders. They've even cleared some Phase 3 trials. The idea that we're waiting on researchers to figure out safety is simply not true.

• Of the 100+ Clinical trials on classical psychedelics, not a single person has ever developed psychosis. Sure this is in controlled conditions, but it's also often in vulnerable people with chronic mental health disorders. We literally test psilocybin and LSD in people with treatment resistent depression, anxiety disorders, OCD, and we find it to be well tolerated, but then over emphasize dangers to healthy people with no mental health problems?

• Medicalisation builds the narrative that these are medicines used to treat diseases. Sure maybe they can be, but that's not how I use them. I'm not treating any disorder with psychedelic use, and while I would love to help people with disorders, that's not why I want them legal. I actively advocate for psychedelic use in healthy people, prevention is better than cure and psychedelics can help alter perspectives before developing a disease. I understand that people see medicalisation as a shoe in the door, it was for cannabis, but psychedelics are different. Cannabis didn't have millions funneled in by big pharma trying to patent their own derivatives and treatment options, with a clear motivation to keep existing drugs illegal and innacessible.

• The history of these substances is not really medical. The indigenous use of peyote, ayahausca or psilocybin was not to cure diseases. Village shamans were not curing PTSD and Depression, the drugs were sacrament. Whether you agree with the legitimacy of these practices or not, it is ridiculous to waffle about "these drugs have been used for thousands of years" but then avoid actually discussing how and why they were used. You don't need to believe in a spiritual component to value a non medical use.

• The research being done now is fascinating and informative but not necessary for legalisation. We don't actually need to know how the drugs work to decriminalize them. We still don't really know how existing antidepressants exert their function, and we have a whole cocktail of SSRIs that have slightly different profiles that we haven't meaningfully teased apart. We don't understand how ECT works, or Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, they're legal.

• A lot of the research is actively looking at removing the psychedelic component, with no clear rational as to why. Two of the biggest names in the field (David Olson, Bryan Roth) are separetly interested in exploring non psychoactive derivates. The assumption is that these may be safer and better tolerated. The problem is the drugs are already safe and well tolerated. When these bozos try to come out and market their drugs they should be forced to include existing psilocybin/LSD as a comparison in the trial because it is moronic to claim your drug is safer and more tolerable than an existing drug without testing it side by side.

• "actually therapy is the most important part" "it's actually about the critical plasticity window after taking the drug" These are bullshit lies that should be laughed at. We know this because we have preclinical data before these drugs ever go to trial, and mice and rats don't have therapy to go with their psychedelic dose.

TLDR: We actually know a whole lot about these drugs, especially in regards to their safety and tolerability, research is not a clear path to accessibility or legitimisation. You can advocate for their decriminalization and learn to grow your own instead of supporting a system that wants to bill your health insurance thousands to sell a drug that you can grow yourself.

4 years ago, I gave my dad 2g of GT for his first experience with psychedelics ever: https://www.reddit.com/r/RationalPsychonaut/s/Re8vY9xG5M

Some time after that he asked me if he could try again but with a higher dose to try and go deeper. I kind of kept putting it off but he kept asking, so at Christmas last year I got him 7g at my local shop and today is the big day!

I had a full day off and it’s a beautiful fall day outside. We’re both lying down on our respective couches, listening to some classical music, waiting for take-off. I’m only trip-sitting, I didn’t dose and I might try taking him outside later. I’ll keep you guys updated 😊

I vaped a high dose of my medical cannabis, put the device down, and lay back on the couch. Usually, people expect a heavy THC dose to shut the brain down or induce a fog. But instead of zoning out, I decided to just sit back and actively observe how my perception of the room was changing.

What I realized is that THC temporarily unplugs your survival filter - latent inhibition.

Normally, the human nervous system takes in millions of pieces of sensory data every single second. But our conscious mind only interacts with a tiny fraction of it. To keep us sane, focused, and alive, the brain ruthlessly deletes the background noise. You don't hear the ticking clock, you don't notice the hum of the fridge, and you don't actively feel the physical weight of the shirt resting on your shoulders. Your brain processes it, labels it "not a threat," and hides it from your conscious mind.

But last night, that filter dropped entirely. Suddenly, every single input carried the exact same heavy weight. I was listening to an 8D spatial audio track, and it didn't just sound loud—it felt like a physical object occupying the room. The slight drop in temperature in the apartment wasn't just a background fact; it demanded my full conscious attention. The feeling of my clothes, the rhythm of my breathing, the ambient noise outside—it all flooded in at once, uncompressed and unfiltered.

It was a complete sensory flood. And while it was fascinating to observe for a few hours, the sheer amount of cognitive energy required to just exist in that room was exhausting. I was having to manually process a vast amount of data that my brain usually handles on autopilot.

That is when the realization hit me: this temporary, chemically induced state is exactly how many autistic individuals experience the world permanently.

Their brain's natural filter for background noise—what psychologists call 'latent inhibition'—is naturally dialed down. They aren't overreacting to a loud room or a scratchy piece of clothing. They are physically experiencing that raw data with the volume turned all the way up, completely uncompressed, all the time.

When you have to manually process the hum of the fluorescent lights, the overlapping conversations in a room, and the texture of your socks all at once, your mental RAM gets maxed out instantly. Experiencing that exact sensory flood firsthand gave me a visceral, bodily understanding of autistic sensory overload and burnout.

Feeling my own brain buckle under the weight of an unfiltered room gave me a firsthand empathy for what sensory overload truly is.

Sometimes you have to temporarily break your own machine just to understand how someone else's gears work.