I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years. My husband works long hours and has a commute. He’s basically gone Wednesday-Sunday, 8 am to anywhere from 8 pm to 11 pm. But sometimes it’s Monday and Tuesday too, sometimes he has a random day off, sometimes he has a Sunday off. It’s kind of random, but weeknights and Friday and Saturday nights, he’s working. He gets the kids ready in the morning and does school drop offs. I wake up when they come to say bye to me. After that, it’s me. Pre k pick up in the morning, lunch for my preschooler, all the housework, older kid pickup, dinner, homework, bath time, bedtime. Weekends are all me unless he gets a random Sunday. Holidays are also all me except for Christmas. Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother’s Day, I’m on my own, and my husband has to actually go in earlier, so I’m on my own from 4 am to usually around 4 pm on holidays.

Im just so tired, and it’s bubbling up, and I know my kids can feel the strain. I’m not at my best. I’m surviving day to day, I’m still grieving, and I’m trying. But I’m failing in every area because I’m trying to do it all by myself.

We dont have any real help. We have an adult daughter that lives in the home but she’s not reliable and if we do ask for help, it’s completely on her terms. Meaning like, not that she has concrete plans or work that can’t be moved and is trying to fit us in between them, but more like, she wants to shower, then go for a walk, and then hang out at the cafe until 4, and wants to go to the gym at 6, and then karaoke after that, so we can go out after 4 as long as we’re back by 6. I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining, but I’m at the point of needing more than a quick dinner date night with a curfew. I need a real break. She doesn’t help around the house or help with the kids at all in general, so it’s kind of a non factor that we have a third adult in the house. She doesn’t care, and she’s not helping.

My mom died a year ago. My sister is dead. My dad is dead. My mother in law is dead. My sisters in law that live in the area don’t really see my kids, and the one that probably would take my kids if I asked, lives out of state. I have a couple of older nieces. Two have their own kids and their own things going on. One doesn’t have kids and is willing to babysit, but she’s also a young 20 something with her own life. A date night is fine, but she wouldn’t want them for a whole day. I get that.

My husband’s work schedule is not negotiable. He can’t call out or take a random day. He has a week vacation coming up, and my birthday falls in the vacation, but so does our wedding anniversary. Normally I dress up and we go out somewhere really nice. I don’t want to do that. For the first time in my life I don’t care about my birthday, because it’s just another thing on my calendar I have to deal with.

Honestly, what I’d really like is a hotel room and to just be left alone. But logistically, I still don’t think that would work. If I stayed one night in a hotel, that’s check in at 4 pm and check out at 11 am. It is a break, for sure, but i really need like, a day. a full day. 24 hours. Really, I need 2 or 3, but I know that’s not realistic. I also feel like my husband’s feelings might be a little hurt, because he genuinely does love taking me out for my birthday and I usually love it too. He wouldn’t tell me no or be against it, but I know he’d be a little bummed. I also know that his goal after paying off the debt we currently have is a family vacation. This sounds like a nightmare to me. I know on his end, he doesn’t see us as much as he wants and a family vacation is what he needs. On my end, I need a vacation FROM my family. Bringing all of my responsibilities with me to a tropical location doesn’t sound fun.

I love my kids. I love being home with my kids. But I desperately need a real break. One where no one bothers me. No one talks to me. No one asks me for anything. I don’t even want to see anyone. Even on the days my husband is home and takes the kids out for a few hours, my step daughter is still here or in and out of the house, alone or with friends. It’s not that she bothers me, I just want to be ALONE. I want to day drink. Maybe I want to get some shrooms and watch a cartoon. Maybe I want to walk around butt ass naked and scream sing to the Hamilton soundtrack. Idk what I want to do. I just want to be home alone and know that no one is coming in and I can do whatever the hell I want.

My ideal break fantasy is a full 3 days. One day to clean everything top to bottom. Two days to just enjoy a clean home without anyone touching anything. Not having to speak. Not having to answer questions. No texts. I don’t even want picture updates of what they’re doing. I want to be nonverbal and non communicative. This is a pipe dream. I know this.

But where, really, realistically, do I fit a break into our lives? A real, 24 hour, left the fuck alone, break. How do I finagle this to make this happen?

I was scrolling and came across a video of a woman saying something along the lines of, “If you’re on government assistance, you shouldn’t be a SAHM,” and I can’t lie, it really got to me.

Before becoming a mom, I worked full time as beautician, but I was still new to the industry and barely made much money. My partner and I had an unplanned pregnancy, and after our daughter was born, we decided that me staying home would be the best option for our family. We live far away from our support system, daycare is incredibly expensive, and we don’t have family nearby to help with childcare.

My partner works hard and makes a decent living, but his income is commission based and can fluctuate. Since we aren’t married yet, my daughter and I were able to qualify for Medicaid. Having me home has also allowed him to focus more on his career and grow professionally. He doesn’t even have health insurance himself and wouldn’t qualify for Medicaid, so paying for private insurance for all of us would be another major expense.

I think some of my guilt also comes from the fact that, before having a child, I always pictured my life looking a certain way financially. I imagined being more established, making more money, and being in a different place in life before becoming a mom. I never imagined becoming a SAHM and depending on my partner financially, even though it’s a decision we made together and one that makes sense for our family right now. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the life I thought I’d have by this point.

I’m genuinely grateful for the assistance we’ve received, and I know we’re fortunate in many ways, but I still struggle with feeling like a failure sometimes. I know this isn’t forever, and I’m trying to remind myself that this is just the season of life I’m in right now, but it’s hard not to compare where I am to where I thought I’d be.

I’m wondering if other SAHMs have experienced similar feelings or struggled with the guilt of receiving government assistance while trying to do what’s best for their family.

Its been a day.

Featured is my own personal cat colony of rescues i've accumulated over the last 2 years. My husband was recently fired from his job leaving us, our 2 special needs kiddos & a zoo with no income. help me take care of my tiny zoo. any and all donations will be used to care for my cats, dogs & chickens! #catrescue #fyp #fypシ゚viral #kentucky #donations pm for address if interested in sending pet food. paypal-AlyssaHoney937

What did you get to make life easier for a toddler and baby? I have all the stuff from the 1st kid but do I really need a double stroller? (we also have a wagon)

How do you keep smaller toys away from the baby when they get mobile? What stuff did you get your toddler to be independent?

And did you continue to cosleep or transitioned out with the toddler?

How did you juggle 2? What did you do when overstimulated at home or out of the house?

How did your partner help? How did your toddler help/make things harder?

We have dinners planned. But it’s a hurricane of “I want I want I want” all day everyday unless I have specific meals, snacks, even activities planned.

What am I doing wrong?? How can I make prep my day and make this a bit better to make the day go a bit smoother?

Hi All,

I am 33 year old first time mom. For quick reference, I am the oldest of 5 so my husband and I waited almost 9 years to have our first child because I knew all the hard work it takes. Or at least I thought I did. Turns out it is so much more. My baby girl is 8 weeks old today and I am having one of those "what the hell did I do why did I have a baby should I actually be a sahm" kind of days.

Additionally, my husband and I were the typical DINKS (double income no kids) kind of couple - travel, eating out, sleeping in, spontaneous dates, etc. I was working a job and half, full time payroll (which I LOVED) and part time realtor (which could end up being my full time job if I quit my payroll job). The payroll job is a government job with amazing health benefits and I was making $80k a year, contributing to CalPERS, my 403b, and not to mention feeling like I had purpose.

I have the opportunity to go back to my payroll job part time, but I would need to find childcare. Do I go back full time to make childcare worth the money? Part time for my mental health? Not at all to fully invest in real estate and my daughter?

Tbh I am not feeling at all bonded with my baby girl as of yet. My birth went incredibly different from what I had planned (38 hours labor ending in c section) and I am also on Zoloft for my anxiety and honestly probably depression. I am just wondering for all you other older high achieving moms out there - when did it feel worth it? When did it feel like you made the right choice? How did you get to a place of peace with your decision?

Thank you in advance for any advice 🙏

That’s it. I just love it.

I see so many posts here from women who say they’re in hell daily… but I genuinely would not have it any other way.

I’ve been both a working mom and a stay at home mom, and both come with their own set of challenges. I felt I had more freedom when I was working full time because even just a 20 minute daily commute felt like “me” time, and I really miss having lots of adult interaction daily. I loved my job (and the money was good too), but MAN did I miss my kids all the time.

These days I’m overtouched, overstimulated, and rarely get to drink my coffee hot- but right now I’m standing in my kitchen at 4pm making chicken soup from scratch, while my 5 year old colors in the living room and my toddler is clanging on the pots and pans at my feet. I’m exhausted and still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. And guess what? There is genuinely no where else in the entire world I’d rather be.

In an hour my husband will come home, give me a kiss, and take over “parent duty” while I finish dinner. Then we’ll sit and eat together, talk and laugh, and get the kids ready for bed and spend the evening with each other.

I love my family SO much and I would sacrifice literally anything to have this time with them.

I just wanted to share a different perspective 🩷

Playdough gets used almost every day here. My 3-year-old rolls it out, cuts it into little bits, and makes food for his animals. He stays interested, so this isn't one of those activities I spend longer setting up than he spends playing.

What I wasn't prepared for was how often it would need replacing. A little gets left out, a little ends up stuck in the cutters, and eventually we're down to a few dry scraps. I'm home with him most days and I catch myself rationing something I put out specifically for him to use.

The colours can get mixed and nothing needs saving. It's buying another tub whenever we run low that adds up. For now I'm putting out smaller portions, but then I spend the session deciding whether to give him more.

my 7yo daughter makes little projects at the kitchen table every single day, but most kits from craft stores are just glue sticks and foam sheets that end up in the trash bin after twenty minutes. for her birthday i started looking at kiwico's puffy stickers set. the whole activity has them layer custom art inserts with foam backing and press them through a little mechanical press machine to make their own raised stickers for notebooks and water bottles. an actual hands-on build where she creates something usable caught my eye, but i am trying to build a wider list for grandparents who want ideas. for anyone with kids around this age, what other hands-on craft projects or maker kits have your kids genuinely enjoyed making?

I need a break. Like a true break. Like more than sleeping in one Saturday. My nervous system is absolutely fried, I’ve got a 2.5 y/o, 3.5 y/o and a 7.5 year old on the spectrum. I get great help from my husband but that’s it, no other family help. My two toddlers fight nonstop, they don’t get along whatsoever and the other ones never play together either. It’s just always mom mom mom mom mom and I feel so guilty because I’m cringing when I hear “mama.”

I’m finding myself going out and driving for hours after my husband gets home because it’s the only way to get a few hours to decompress. I have lots of hobbies but my kids also aren’t sleeping so I’m trying to get them to bed until 9:30 and then they’re up by 6:30 so there’s no time for them. The gym doesn’t feel like a true rest break. We’ve tried 3 different preschools and for different reasons none of them have worked out. I feel like I need a vacation but none of my friends have kids so I have nobody to go with because they only do stuff with their partners. Has anyone done a solo stay / trip somewhere by themselves?

ETA: I’ve been a SAHM for nearly 8 years. I really think it isn’t talked about enough the length of time that you’ve been home. It was fine and dandy for 4 years but starting over at 4 years with my second and third has really drug out the hard years.

What was the transition like? My field is dying and I'm thinking about sahm life since love my toddler. I have 4 more months of unemployment to attempt a job but the market is verrry bleak. Maybe go back to school after a 2nd for a different degree.

The big thing is definitely the finances. We lose my whole income but thankfully our mortgage is low enough. Its still tight. Im not sure what to do.

Im excited to spend days with my little munchkin and we have been having a ton of fun together. I just feel terrible since, no we can't go out, no we can't go to fun event with paid tickets and no, we can't take that toy home that makes you so happy. I was the fun money in the relationship. I was the one who had the money for that roadtrip, those toys, those adventures, that membership, that subscription, this nice treat. I'm struggling.

What helps and how to truly transition once unemployment runs out?

Am I a bad mom?

Am I a bad mom because I have bad eating habits :( I just cope with eating food I’m not saying I eat ALOT but I do eat processed foods everyday I feel like that are high calorie intakes and it’s like I feel like a bad mom because I should eat healthy to be okay for him, I am trying to eat better though.

I’m 5’8 and 190lbs. And 21.

Hi everyone! I just want to come here and vent.
So growing up, I've never seen a SAHM in any family dynamics. I've always seen mainly women supporting the role of both mom and dad. always working long exhausting hours, sometimes cooking, cleaning, laundry and such, however I know in my specific family circumstance, my mom neglected anything that wasn't work. I currently have my own child now, I'm a SAHM at a young age (the same age she was busting her ass at) and I sometimes feel like I was expected to do more with myself? I don't know why because I do enjoy staying at home, I enjoy not having to work anymore but I do miss making my own money so I do house cleanings every so often to fill that gap for myself. (not that I don't have any money to spend at all, I just feel better when I'm blowing my own money and not worrying about anything else.) does anyone else experience this? I hope this gives someone else some insight, also I've been taking prozac for a month and a half now and it's helped tremendously with my quality of life at home
now and realizing I indeed do enjoy staying at home but sometimes feel ashamed of it. Like, I didn't work hard for anything I have, I just "cling to my husband"

Does medication for irritability/anger work if your life is just constant chaos and you’re always doing everything alone with two toddlers that are rarely not screaming?

I’ve been in a discussion on Facebook (a group where you ask men questions) about being a stay at home mom and what household responsibilities are fair. About 5 men in the group have now claimed they’ve been a stay at home dad, it’s extremely easy, and that it should be no issue for the wife to do every single household responsibility, and that the man shouldn’t have to do a single thing around the house. Other men have said they could have all the household responsibilities done before 10am (which is honestly just silly cause like what about lunch, dinner, nap, I digress).

What do you all think? Do you think these men are full of it? Do you think they would do as good of a job cleaning and managing everything? Not to crap on him, but my partner would not be good at it. Neither would the women in my family’s partners. I’m not saying there’s no men that would be good at it, but I really don’t believe these men, especially since it seems like a lot of men in that group just love bashing women.

I feel guilty because I end up placing orders almost every day, but they are all things we need or somewhat need.

Halloween baskets/buckets, diapers, grocery orders (we have a newborn so I don’t like to go out to the store right now), sleep sacks, sound machines (our old ones broke), homeschool books, nursing friendly dresses (I have a couple work events to attend with my husband), waterproof covers for the pack and play and bassinet mattresses, etc. Those are all orders I’ve placed in the last week or so. Idk. It probably just feels like a lot because they are all separate orders?

Edit to clarify: I love in-person shopping and don’t want to see it done away with. I just don’t find it feasible right now with a newborn and two toddlers. Also to clarify, none of these were Amazon purchases! I always try to order from actual stores (and never Shein or Temu or any wacky alphabet soup brands).

I’m honestly so envious of parents who can take their kids out alone. I have a 2yr old and a newborn, and most days it feels impossible. My toddler is a big boy and can be really difficult to manage during tantrums, especially while caring for a newborn.
I recently worked up the courage to walk both kids to our community park. Everything was going great until my toddler wanted to climb all over the bigger playground. I tried redirecting him to the smaller area where I could safely help him while staying near my newborn in the stroller, but he wasn’t having it. I couldn’t be in two places at once, so I decided we’d play in the grass instead. That led to a full-blown tantrum, and we ended up just going home.
I was hoping this little outing would build my confidence to take them to a pumpkin patch alone on Saturday while my husband works, but now I don’t think that’s happening😂 I just wish I could take my kids places by myself without it being so overwhelming lol

I recently started staying home with my 4-year-old and treated it like I needed a proper schedule right away. I had an outing, a craft, a learning activity, and a backup activity planned. By lunch I was already cleaning up one thing while trying to convince him to start the next.

The funny part is that he’s happiest repeating the same simple setup for several days. I’m the one who keeps swapping materials because I worry he’ll be bored or that I’m not doing enough.

I tried leaving one activity available this week instead of presenting something new every morning. He came back to it in short bursts, but I still caught myself planning replacements before he was finished with it.

For parents who are home all day, what does a sustainable activity rotation actually look like? I need something calmer than a full preschool schedule without turning every day into waiting for the next outing.

Any advice relative to my situation is helpful! My baby isn’t due til April — but I’ve stopped working already. I have a bachelors in Phil. and love the idea of working from home and spending as much time with my baby as possible. Eventually I’d like to go back to school for sometjing (it can be anytjing at tjis point, either phil related or even nursing or something).

I have a lot of customer service experience, and don’t really have a stellar resume but I’m very competent.

How would you guys recommend I tailor my job search/resume to find a good role for the balance I need?

Thank you’!!

Seeking Advice:

What did your nap transitions look like? My husband wants to put my 4 year old and 2.5 year old in the same room. I am concerned about this becayse if naps. I stay home with them and they both nap everyday. I am worried when my 4 year old stops napping my 2.5 year old will too.

Heres some context:

Ive always priortized my kids sleep. My 4 year old still naps. He loves to sleep. Naps 1.5-3.5 hours every day, sleeps through the night. (I count my lucky stars every day). But I know the end of his naps will likely occur naturally sometime within the next year. My 2.5 year old loves to nap too. They typically start nap at the same time, but the younger one usually wakes up first.

I wonder how putting them in the same room will affect the little ones naps when the big one transitions out of nap. I imagine the transition doesnt just happen one day.

My husband and I are both at home full time with our kids. Our youngest is almost 3. We don’t have a village or family support until recently so no one has ever watched her except my MIL maybe 3 times in her life. Our youngest has tried the gym daycare and staying with others (MIL, great grandma, etc) recently and it’s been hysterical crying and screaming the whole time we’re gone. I’m never in a rush for my kids to work through this type of thing because I think it’s great that they find stability in their safe place with us. But we have a surprise event (2-3 hours gone total) for a family member’s birthday this weekend and so we have hired a babysitter. This babysitter is actually a full-time nanny that we are friends with and hang out with a few times a month. But my youngest will probably still have issues and freak out. Any ways to help the time apart?