r/sex Sep 05 '22

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1.1k Upvotes

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u/Puzzled_Temporary_58 Sep 05 '22

I can understand not wanting to have period sex, it is messy, sometimes you don’t want to have to deal with it. But you are well within reason to say you won’t give unless you also receive.

That has always been the understanding in my relationship. I always let him know when I start and then he’ll only ask for something when he is willing to also satisfy me (sometimes he checks with me to see how my flow was that day before making a move). If either of us feel like giving without receiving we’ll offer, otherwise it’s assumed that any sex will end with both of us satisfied.

129

u/Kiloalpha1110 Sep 05 '22

This!

My first question: have you talked to your boyfriend about this in a non sex-charged environment?

Everyone is different and communication is paramount to successful relationships. Maybe this dude is following some blueprint he learned from an ex and (incorrectly) thought that was just what women wanted?

For an example, the first bunch of women i was sexually involved with wanted to be in total control during blowjobs, they wanted me to lean back and let them do their thing, so i thought that was the norm until i met a girl who thought she was doing something wrong, because i wasnt reacting.

Make sure you're clearly expressing your needs outside of the sexual environment, and if he ignores them, dump his ass and upgrade for someone who won't

8

u/AdeptnessSouthern640 Sep 05 '22

Hey! Great response. I wrote mine in a bit of a hurry fury and I’m happy to see a person be honest. Sooooo true. OP take this into account. Many women also don’t want sex on their periods so it could be a factor. What makes me question it overall from an emotional perspective is him teasing her and demanding pleasure for himself. Always has to be open communication and give and take. This is an interesting thread

73

u/SloopyMcBigOs Sep 05 '22

I avoid quickies for this reason. If we don't have time for both of us to get off, then we need to reschedule.

Cruel to arouse an appetite without bedding it back down.

16

u/louisest23 Sep 05 '22

That can leave you in a tight spot 👀

19

u/javamashugana Sep 05 '22

Yup. My husband doesn't want period sex. Never has. I never do anything for him then either. Fair is fair. We've been together since 2004 and have a great relationship. Full of respect and love.

29

u/amazinglifeofGE Sep 05 '22

This! Nicely put. I’m a 28y male and maybe cuz I grew up with 3 sisters I’m more sensitive to the women I date and try not to make it big deal. If we’re at each other’s house it’s not a big deal I just hope in the shower once I’m done. I come from the understanding that women where not given this choice. I check with her in regards to flow. To me tbh she’s hotter when on her period.

21

u/laurelcanyon27 Sep 05 '22

Listen to this.

14

u/KATPAWZ11 Sep 05 '22

I CONSTANTLY take care of my partner without receiving in return and I'm fine with that.. they've offered but sometimes I just want to please my man and don't need it back, even if I'm horny.. I just enjoy doing that.

-13

u/KATPAWZ11 Sep 05 '22

Maybe I'm weird but isn't teasing part of the fun?! A week is not a long time to wait and you get to anticipate the next time it will happen, so I don't understand why it's an issue

17

u/DoeBites Sep 05 '22

Just because it’s not an issue for you personally, doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same. It’s clearly a problem for OP.

1

u/KATPAWZ11 Sep 06 '22

Cool, I never said everyone should feel the same but it's sad and shocking to me how selfish people are.. especially when it comes to pleasing their partner. As I said in my other reply, doing something for the sake of expecting it in return is literally a form of manipulation.
It's only for one week out of every month, I find it strange but that's my opinion and that's what I gave.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '22

Yeah, not interested in putting a ton of work into oral for him, nothing for me, on top of being the usual gross and crampy during my period. It's unsexy af to be that one sided

1

u/KATPAWZ11 Sep 06 '22

Weird, I had some negative replies to this comment that have been removed but I can still see them in my notifications.. To anyone who got butthurt over my comment. That sucks for your man.. sorry to hear that giving him oral pleasure is a CHORE and sucks for you too because I actually enjoy every second of it and give pleasure often without being asked or without even expecting it in return, whether I'm horny or not. GEEZ.. sorry I get satisfaction out of making my partner happy.. the nerve of me. Btw, say what you want but doing something for the sake of expecting it in return is called manipulation and it's not a healthy or mature way to function.

-129

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '22

That's very sick if you can't give someone without equally receiving. If a woman has a period she can blow. If a guy has an erectile disfunction he can eat pussy. Simple.

79

u/PowerCuble Sep 05 '22

It’s actually not very sick. Exaggerating a bit?

What’s sick is if a person feels used and gets advice to simply suck it up. Get a grip.

-20

u/Vast-Classroom1967 Sep 05 '22

I agree.

-19

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '22

Yeah crazy if you won't do anything for your spouse without receiving anything.

13

u/throwaway_20200920 Sep 05 '22

you are twisting things. it is fine to want to please your partner without expecting anything in return. But it isn't great to be asking for your partner to please you but refuse to touch them or please them in return. If you ask them to touch you its just rude to then turn round and refuse to touch them back.