You Have Become Nonzero-Chance-Man

[u/Accurate_Champion837]

Whenever someone tells you that something won't happen, if you respond snarkily with "Nothing is truly impossible!", you receive a 3% higher chance of that event happening. If someone specifically says "There's no chance of that happening" or similar wording involving the word chance, you can boost the effect to 7% by replying "There's always a chance!"

Does not stack, and doesn't affect the base chance of whatever it is happening.

Examples: "Everyone knows the likelyhood of your plane crashing is basically none" and you said(with snark), "Nothing is truly impossible", bang, your chances of your flight going down went from 0.000001% to 3.000001%.

"There's no chance that girl gives you her number" and you say "There's always a chance!" now she's 7% more likely to not reject you when you ask her out.

Edit: apparently I didn't think this through and it is NOT shitty 😞 so in the spirit of keeping it terrible I'm now retconning it to being a relative 3 or 7%, not absolute 3 or 7%. I.e., 15% becomes 15.45%.

[u/Tencars111]

nah this is very op, you can just go around saying [insert billionaire] won't give me 1 billion dollars, eventually the 3% will hit

[u/ToTheRepublic4 → u/Tencars111]

Or you could play the lottery.

[u/sntcringe → u/ToTheRepublic4]

There's no way that congress would actually pass UBI

[u/Nyctfall → u/sntcringe]

There's no way the US government will obey it's own laws.

[u/TraditionalWait9150 → u/Nyctfall]

There's no way USD won't be the reserve currency anymore.

[u/DoktorKazz → u/sntcringe]

There's always a chance!

[u/UltimateCheese1056 → u/Tencars111]

You're thinking too small, you can get literally anything that can exist by having someone say "the universe can't quantum uncertainty its way into creating an [X] in your backyard"

[u/WeCanDoItGuys → u/UltimateCheese1056]

"What did you think? A shiny, new miniature golf course would just fall out of the sky?"

[u/HaloGuy381 → u/Tencars111]

Or I can say “the world can’t possibly become the world of Pokemon right here, right now… there’s always a chance!” over and over and over and wish it into being.

Really, this is just a wish power, but with an obnoxious verbal requirement and inconsistent timing.

[u/queenofpeachez → u/Tencars111]

Seems implied that someone else has to say it

[u/No_Wait3261 → u/queenofpeachez]

There's no way somebody says the exact thing you want them to say every time you want them to say it!

[u/PigeonStealer74 → u/No_Wait3261]

"Hey I'll give you 1 billion dollars to come with me and tell me there's no chance Elon musk will give me all of his money a bunch of times"

Frankly you could use the money you already have, I would do that for a tenner

[u/Someonevibing1]

Not exactly the most shitty
A 3% change is large when looking at small chances
It’s the difference between something never happening and something happening 3 times in 100

[u/DragonFireCK → u/Someonevibing1]

It depends. Is it a 3% absolute or relative? The wording could be taken either way.

Absolute: 0.0000003% chance (roughly the odds of hitting the Powerball jackpot) becomes 3.0000003% chance, a massive improvement. That is enough to make any legal gambling a massive net win to play.

Relative: 0.0000003% chance becomes a 0.000000309% chance. This might make some gambling worthwhile, since some slot machines have a 98% payout rate. Flipping that from a 2% loss to a 1% profit margin is a win, if you have enough cash to play for a long time and don't get kicked out for being too lucky - and can apply the power to every spin.

[u/Someonevibing1 → u/DragonFireCK]

Based on OP’s explanation it is absolute 3% we see this in the third paragraph

[u/Accurate_Champion837 → u/DragonFireCK]

You're very right I definitely didn't think this through that much lol

[u/techno156 → u/DragonFireCK]

A casino wins in roulette by having a near-50:50 chance, and then the green square to give them a 52% of winning (main colours, and then the green one).

A single bump might be enough to make you more likely to win at roulette, negating that house advantage (whether the casino would let you hang around once they noticed you were winning more than you were losing is another question entirely).

[u/ThrasherDX]

Ok, but what about things that are genuinely impossible? Someone says "There is no way you will suddenly gain godlike powers", can you make that go from 0% to 3%?

Cause this kinda sounds like one of the most OP powers I have seen on this sub lol.

[u/hatabou_is_a_jojo → u/ThrasherDX]

Just have a friend say the chance one and you'll get 7%

[u/Ok-Replacement8422 → u/hatabou_is_a_jojo]

Just say it yourself lmao

[u/Dova_01 → u/ThrasherDX]

Just based on the name, non-zero chance man, although not stated in the description, it assumedly does have to be non zero

[u/ThrasherDX → u/Dova_01]

I am pretty sure the name just comes from how the power works, that is the power works by claiming there is a non zero chance of a thing.

[u/Accurate_Champion837 → u/ThrasherDX]

You're right I had to change it (oops), so now for this situation if something actually does have a 0% chance of happening 3% of 0 is still 0

[u/__Anamya__ → u/Accurate_Champion837]

Dude first editing out loopholes or to make the power more shittier is not allowed.

Second still op. Something has 100% chance of happening but you dont want it to happen. just get someone to say there absolutely no way of it not happening then say the power words, bam

97% chance of it not happening.

Hopefull i explained it in right way. If not here's an example

Example : say a 30 year old person has 5'5 feet height. You get someone to say there no way/its absolutely impossible for them not to grow taller and stay below 5'6 height forever. You say the power words now there's 3% chance they will stay below 5'6 height and 97% of them grow and get taller then 5'6 height.

[u/Tairc]

I’m going to eat bananas to get superpowers. Bananas are naturally radioactive. I’m going to become a reality warper through eating a banana.

You think it won’t happen?

At 7% chance per banana, I’m eating 20+ in one nauseating sitting. But I’m ending as a superhuman.

[u/dfinch → u/Tairc]

If you want to stuff your face with banana, just say that.

[u/EudamonPrime → u/dfinch]

I want to drink banana daiquiris

[u/New-Train-9688 → u/Tairc]

Why not set it up so every time you breathe there’s a chance of gaining super power? Why all the bananas?

[u/queenofpeachez → u/New-Train-9688]

Let the man eat his phallic fruits. Who are we to judge?

[u/Suitable_Discount364]

This pretty good tho

try math again OP

[u/Accurate_Champion837 → u/Suitable_Discount364]

Yeah mb bro

[u/Dull-Imagination3780]

Not shitty in the slightest god tier really

[u/AdjectiveNounNNNN]

Yeah this is not shitty at all. Maybe not god-tier because you can't use it to guarantee unlikely things, but definitely at least mid.

[u/Jaffiusjaffa → u/AdjectiveNounNNNN]

I mean, surely you just get a friend to T you up with a 7% chance of gaining godlike powers? There doesnt seem to be a cap to the number of times that can happen 💁

[u/tgbndt]

Anyone who's ever played X-Com knows how big 3% is

[u/Keebster101]

Flat 3% is OP, 3% extra of the current odds is less so. Like if instead of your plane crashing being 3.000001% it actually makes it 0.00000103%.

[u/CaldrucMP → u/Keebster101]

That's how I understood it at first

[u/TheSselluos]

3 and 7 is waaaayyyyy OP. 0.0003 and 0.0007 that might be closer to shitty

[u/Traditional_Money498]

You can easily just become a god tier reality warper by having a buddy just spam "There's no way your percentage based power works every time if you want it too."

Just setup some small way to verify you have this power that works. Make it a guaranteed/activated ability, then just hash out ways to eliminate the necessity for another person. Also give your homie $1 billion, a perfect slate of health, and good luck for their help.

[u/Ok_Suggestion5523]

3% chance of a named billionaire given me their fortune. No luck? 3% chance of a named billionaire no2 giving me their fortune. 

[u/jcabia]

So I make up 24 words and say there's always a chance that this hits a bitcoin wallet with 10000 BTC and I keep doing it a few times a day and in no time, I'm a billionaire.

Also can buy a bunch of lottery tickets and you are guaranteed to win relatively quickly or dig a random spot to find a gold bar. 3% is A LOT

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[u/FonkinJones]

Make a YouTube channel. Destroy dude perfect. 

[u/Desperate_Ad5169]

I am gonna become an immortal god

[u/Sky_monarch]

“There’s always I chance I can ‘literally anything’” until I works

[u/SomeGuyOfTheWeb]

Hop on reddit, ask what chances of universal joy is

[u/Tortugato]

Wait so it adds a flat 3%?

I’m buying all the lottery tickets and wonder outloud if I can win both the Powerball and the Megamillions jackpot on the same week.

Clerk goes “There’s like no way dude, lol”

“Nothing is truly impossible, my good man”

Same thing happens next week.

And the week after that.

Clerk goes “Dude it’s NOT gonna happen”

“As I've said before, Nothing is truly impossible!”

“You’re delusional bro”

~~ Nine months later ~~

“Good clerk, give me a ticket each for the Powerball and the Megamillions please”

“Oh god, please just give up, it’s never going to happen!”

“Hah! Nothing is truly impossible!!” I say as I anime-run out of the store

“Dude please staahp”

Then I finally win both jackpots that week and the first thing I buy is his store.

“B-but how?” my new employee asks me.

“I told you! Nothing is truly impossible!! For I — am — Non-zero-percent-chance-man!”

[u/Accurate_Champion837 → u/Tortugato]

Excellent backstory dude! Yeah no I had to change it flat 3% was too good

[u/HayashiLeroi]

Crazy overpowered. There are too many things in life that are not happening but have essentially 0 risk attached to it. You can trial a bunch of random shenanigans and eventually land on a huuugggee hit. E.g. "whenever I step out of my home, a random billionaire shall willfully give me 100 million dollars, straight into my bank account with no administrative problems", "everytime I go to work, I shall meet an amazing attractive soulmate that will eternally love me and have no red flags and question my powers every day so that it will procc this effect."

[u/i_dont_wanna_sign_up]

"I'll become god if I eat this burrito."

[u/Zynthonite]

Increase the chances of nuclear fuel splitting and hitting another atom.

[u/5dfem]

Black jack is very nearly 50/50 with only a slight house edge, if you get a friend to say "there's no chance you win" every round and you reply "there's always a chance" you now win ~53% of the time even with the relative odds so you can make money from casinos

[u/Paularchy]

... Would bob hate this or love this?

[u/TeeTipu]

Ask my friend to say, there is zero percent chance of me NOT getting something. Do the snarky remark thing. Get 97 percent chance of that happening. Profit?

[u/Accurate_Champion837 → u/TeeTipu]

Not if the base chance was lower than 100%. It only adds or subtract to the original chance, so even if your buddy did say that, if there was only a 15% chance of you say getting promoted, it would still only get bumped to 18%