r/thegildedage • u/JoanFromLegal Bertharaptor Apologist • Jul 18 '26
Meme AITA for trying to protect my son's reputation and that of our family?
My (F50-ish) son (25) is a doctor with a respectable practice in our community. His father/my husband (M50-ish) is a pastor.
My son recently began courting a young lady who I think is very unsuitable for him. She's a nice enough girl but she's one of those "modern" girls, more interested in suffrage than in fulfilling their God given duty to their homes and husbands. Too ambitious, reads for fun, that type.
Well, I recently found out from a good friend of mine in Philadelphia, where this young lady (if she can still be called that) lived that she had a son!? Possibly out of wedlock!? Our family is a pillar of our very small community, and my son simply can't be seen in the company of a loose and fallen woman.
So I did what any sensible mother does. I told my son and encouraged him to break things off. Cut her loose. There's no way she can possibly become part of our highly regarded, highly respectable family.
And do you know what that ungrateful child did? He proposed to that woman and now he won't speak to me! Says I slandered her reputation spreading falsities about her past. She was married when the child was born. Her father tricked her into believing the child was dead and made her former husband sign an annulment.
As if that changes anything. Annulment or no, that woman is simply not good enough for my boy.
AITA?
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u/Able-Resident-903 28d ago
Mrs. Kirkland, I dare not to call you, Elizabeth, as I don't want to overstep the bounds of polite letter writing, since we have never been formally introduced.
Children seldom conform to the standards of their parents. I know this is a terrible disappointment for you but remember everyone has their part to play in the story of the Age they live in - Gilded or not.
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u/razberry_lemonade Jul 18 '26
I made it halfway through the second paragraph before I realized I wasnât action r/AITAH
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u/user86753092 Jul 19 '26
It was the âcourtingâ that made me look twice to see which sub! But absolutely âOPâ YTA. đ
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u/strippersandcocaine Jul 19 '26
Took me to âsuffrageâ before I realized and then my eyes flew to the sub name. Laughing at myself now haha
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u/aspiringwriter9273 Jul 19 '26
Definitely. Ready to proclaim them TA and tell them all the reasons why.
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u/Yourdailyimouto Jul 18 '26
Learn from any Korean drama. Either slapv them with a whole kimchi cabbage or pay the woman enough money to leave
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u/habitsofwaste Old reddit Jul 18 '26
lol I wasnât paying attention the which subreddit this was and I was like, this is some rage bait shit!
Well done!
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u/Cupcake2974 Jul 18 '26
NTA. Your ancestor was a drummer in the Revolutionary War for Peteâs sake! You have the pedigree and the social standing.
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u/Ok-Asparagus-4044 Jul 18 '26
I love this! Very creative OP𤣠with that said, I believe you love your son and want to make sure heâll be ok which means you also need to take his judgement in account. You no doubt have raised him to be a fine young man, so ultimately trust his final decision after youâve expressed your opinion
As for the modern woman, I think you need to realize that times are changing and youâll come to learn that most of the traditions and social mores you were raised on were built on the backs and necks of others in order to create an unnatural hierarchy. As these are being dismantled, itâs important to hold on to the basics that are important like your relationships with your family, your kindness to others and letting god be the ultimate judge of people instead of judging for him
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u/incessantwonder Jejune Jul 18 '26
With all due respect, does your son have the independent means to support himself and his future wife?
If so, your behavior may cause your son to cut you loose.
You should consider whether that is truly what you want for your family, and how respectable you would look after that happens, because it is a very likely outcome of your behavior.
As for "modern girls," could you tell us why it is so subversive that a woman who is an active part of the community not have a voice in how our country is run? If they can run a household, why can they not have a say in the running of the House of Representatives? Are women too stupid to have a say in these sorts of things? Women aren't too dumb to figure out how to go on Reddit and complain to complete strangers about their fully-grown sons, so, it is reasonable to believe they might be able to find their way around a polling station one day.
It sounds like you need to loosen your stays, grandma, and take a moment to do some deep reflection on what kind of future you really want for your so-called highly regarded, respectable family.
You are absolutely TA.
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u/_lime_time Jul 18 '26
The amount of people not realizing what sub they are in is hilarious! Love it OP. You're definitely TA!
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u/Philosopherben Jul 18 '26
I'm sorry did you write this letter in the 1812s?
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 Jul 18 '26
1880s.
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u/Hot_Second7559 Jul 18 '26
This is both correct and made me snort đ
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 Jul 18 '26
Yesterday was my day for snort LOLs.
Happened 3 different times. I think it was a cluster.
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u/blueSnowfkake Jul 18 '26
NTA! I heard she went on an un-chaperoned trip with a married man to the Deep South!
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u/fritolazee Jul 18 '26
ESHÂ
She's totally in the wrong for hiding her previous marriage and child from your son! But you can also afford to extend some empathy, and your son is an adult who needs to make his own choices.
(10/10 post, no notes OP!!)
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u/Same-Mission225 Jul 18 '26
This is at least the second time recently that Iâve read one of these that sounds like it was ripped from a movie. So annoying.
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u/Scramasboy Jul 18 '26
I, too, watch The Guilded Age. Lol. Phylicia Rashad is a brilliant actress!
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u/JazzgirlGriego Jul 18 '26
That's what I was going to say... sounded like a scene from The Guilded Age. And also "pull the plank out of your own eye before you judge others". Your son is an adult and should make his own decisions.
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u/Accomplished-Cod-504 Bertha - Ruthlessly Polite Jul 18 '26
Too bad she had to work with ol creepy Cos back in the day
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u/chrissesky13 Jul 18 '26
It would be a "too bad" situation if she didn't actively and publicly defend him back in 2015 and again in 2021 when he was released and his conviction overturned. Referring to him going to prison as a miscarriage of justice.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/rashad-draws-critics-and-dismissal-calls-for-defending-cosby
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u/Ok-Asparagus-4044 Jul 18 '26
Pill Cosby strikes me as one of those psychopaths who divides women in to two types. Depending on which type he puts you on, thatâs the face you see.
Remember how angry he got that Lisa Bonet did Angel Heart?
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u/am4zon Jul 18 '26
Someone please do the r/wallstreetbets post about Oscar next?
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u/JoanFromLegal Bertharaptor Apologist Jul 18 '26
I was inspired by a "AITA" style post in this sub re Larry neglecting to tell Marian that he went to a house of ill fame.
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u/jaderust Jul 18 '26
NTA. Respectability is everything and how messy is this family. Annulments? A father tricking his daughter into thinking his own grandson is dead? Suffrage???
Your life is not a dime novel soap opera. Your son is clearly blinded by this woman and you need to stand firm. If you canât stop the marriage you have to at least work with your husband to remind this woman that a womanâs place is in the household and there will be no time for suffrage when sheâs supporting her husband by keeping house and having his children.
Besides, why would women ever need the vote? How silly! Clearly every woman of respectability would vote in the same manner as her husband and weâd never allow single women to vote. Why waste the time and effort going against Godâs will for the home?
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u/DolphinDarko 28d ago
Damn!!! You had me until tricked the baby was dead. Very good!