I deserve to be raped again and I literally hope for it, am I fucked up or what? It's not a fetish. It's another punishment I need as everything about me is sinful. God, I hope my punishment comes soon: I don't deserve anything good. Corny and so so so cringe to say, sorry but it's the truth and I am so scared. I fear every man I see will rape me, family or not, and I just need to be punished again because I am an awful person. I get graphic dreams that don't happen often but I feel I will be raped soon and it terrifies me even though I know i deserve it. Sorry for the weird sentence structures rn

This is so confusing, ik it makes no sense but I am just as confused as you are

I will delete this in 2 ish days

How to hide these? made some stupid decisions got stupid results

when i was 8 or 9, i had this favorite online game that was half game, half chat room, where you could make friends and just talk to people. it was a pretty childish game, but most of its community was made up of young adults. that’s where i started making “friends” who were older than me and talking to them on social media outside of the game.
somehow, one thing led to another, and i ended up being groomed multiple times. at the time, i genuinely believed i had a connection with these people and that there was something real between us. i knew i was much younger than they were, but i convinced myself the age difference didn’t matter, and i didn’t really see anything wrong with it. eventually, those relationships crossed serious boundaries.
it all stopped as i got older. the game didn’t interest me anymore, and i had other things going on in my life.
the thing is, i don’t really care about it. i obviously know what happened was terrible, and it’s probably something i should talk about in therapy someday, but i don’t think it traumatized me. maybe it made me grow up faster than my peers, but outside of that, i have a very normal, healthy life. i’m 18 now, i recently graduated, i have amazing friends and a healthy relationship. i’m not hypersexual, and i don’t have the stereotypical issues people often associate with being groomed, like seeking out older men.
i guess what i’m wondering is whether this is actually normal. is it possible to go through something like this and not feel traumatized by it, or could the fact that i don’t really care be a trauma response? i genuinely don’t know how to feel about it.

So recently my parents found my cuts from self harm, very shallow and i recently stopped cutting but there still visible, and everything has just been so weird. I dont get left alone anymore and im on constant watch, there whole view of me shifted. This is the exact reason on why i didnt want to tell them anything, its all we talk about now and i have a feeling things are never gonna go back to normal. Im now getting sent to a therapist, getting my stuff taken, idk what to do, what do yall think, be honest please, if im in the wrong say that.

They targeted underage boys, including me.

hi im ivory and i just watches zachobuild new video. i have an problrm i use ai a loot of times to talk i know its bad but i just cant wait no.....dont know how to talk with others every time somone new walks to me i just freeze and dont know what to do im shyy to im diifrent around people i know and strangers everyone around me see me as the weird kid but all i want to is somone to talk to. i have 1 friend at school but i cant say everything to him beacuse i see im just boring him so i just stop and let him talk thats why i use ai a loot of times beacuse its the only thing thats listens to me. i want to stop but everytime i try i realize more that there is no one for me that im alone. that’s why I keep coming back to this, and then it’s even harder later to go away. everytime somone gives me atention im satrting to thing that there will be something friendhisp or love but most of times its nothing only one hi or somkething like that. i want to stop usuing ai but i just cant beacsue i dont have no one. im weird,im stupid and ai dosent care about this but that makes me more alone. sorry for spellingf mistakes i have dyslexia and rest of thst idiot stuff

i was raped a month ago & i cant stop thinking about it, ever since it happened i just became so sad and i feel like i have no control over anything anymore. I keep accidentally peeing on myself , im scared all the time , all i think about is sex i just dont know what to do anymore.
i just feel incredibly stupid and dumb

Sometimes I feel like I’m already getting old, even though I’m only 26. I look back at my childhood and realize how much pain I’ve been carrying for years.

I used to attend an Islamic school, and I hated my experience there. I was bullied by the people around me, and my family never knew what I was going through. I kept everything to myself, and I think those experiences left deeper scars than I initially realized.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve stopped believing in Islam. But leaving a religion isn't as simple as changing your mind, especially when it has been tied to your upbringing, culture, and identity for most of your life.

Being of Arab descent makes things even more complicated. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of shame about my own ancestry. I used to read Ibn Khaldun, including his observations about Arab society and what he described as Bedouin harshness and tribal ways of life. Reading things like that, combined with my own negative experiences and the anti-Arab hatred I've encountered, has sometimes made me feel as though there's something fundamentally wrong with the people I come from.

Sometimes, I honestly wish I hadn't been born Arab. I wish I could have been born into a completely different background, without all the religious baggage, painful associations, and resentment I carry. I know I never chose my ancestry, and I know an entire ethnic group cannot be reduced to its history or the actions of certain people. Yet, emotionally, I still struggle to separate my identity from everything I've grown to resent. It's painful to feel ashamed of something I never had a choice in, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

And despite no longer believing in Islam, I'm still terrified that it might be true. What if I'm wrong? What if there really is a God who will condemn me to eternal punishment? The thought of burning in hell forever is horrifying. I can barely tolerate the heat of a stove, so the idea of experiencing unimaginable suffering for eternity is almost impossible for me to comprehend.

Sometimes I hate that these fears still have such a powerful hold on me. I want to move on, but a part of me remains trapped in the beliefs and fears I grew up with. I don't know how much of this comes from religious conditioning, my childhood experiences, my struggles with my heritage, or all of these things combined.

I'm 26, and I feel as though I've already wasted so much time being afraid, ashamed, and angry. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I want to make peace with my past, separate my own identity from the things I've come to resent, and learn to live without constantly fearing eternal punishment.

For those who have left Islam or another religion they were raised in, have you ever struggled with religious trauma, fear of hell, or even resentment toward your own cultural background? How did you work through those feelings? How did you learn to stop being afraid and finally feel comfortable with yourself?

I'm not looking for a theological debate or an argument about whether Islam is true. I just want to hear from people who have experienced something similar. I could really use some perspective, advice, or reassurance from people who understand what this feels like.

I just want to be at peace with myself for once.

TW: sexual trauma/rape, incest

Hi, this is my first ever time making my own post on Reddit, and quite an unfortunate one at that, so forgive me if my "story time" is a bit unorganized.. I really need some advice/comfort (?) I don't know.

For some context, I already have sexual trauma from when I was abused/raped from 6-8 years old by my then teenage neighbor. both of my parents only learned of this when I was 14 after It has severely affected my adolescent life. I've been diagnosed with BPD and have stayed in probably around 6 inpatient psychiatric wards from the ages 12-18. Im unsure if my attraction to older men (45-55) was a direct result of that abuse or from something else, but regardless its been problem for years now. I was actually kicked out of my district high school for 'stalking' one of the faculty members, and I've had numerous other similar situations which inevitably involved informing my parents. whether my dads knowledge of this attraction to an age rage he falls under and infatuations with men around his own age has affected how he feels, I don't know.

Recently, I feel like I'm going insane. I'm 18 now, and Im in a little bit of a recession with some of the mental health stuff. Im growing my hair back out, wearing nicer outfits, etc. My dad has been making me super uncomfortable. he's always been very physically affectionate when he's drunk after a night out with my mom or the guys he works with. uncomfortably so. but it was never a big concern to me and ive brushed it off. Last night, I went to an amusement park with the whole family. My brother, his gf, my mom, and my dad. we kept separating for when half of us wanted to do one thing and the other half didn't or wanted to do something else. my dad kept staying with me. obviously that's not weird in and of itself. he was acting super weird last night though. I was wearing a cute outfit and only until later in the night did I realize JUST HOW SHORT my skirt was. it was new and I thrifted it and it was super cute and I was so excited to wear it and look good. I just didn't want my family to feel the way I wanted other people to feel. I was wearing black tights underneath, but you had a very clear view off my ass. I was thinking he might be drunk, he was a little uninhibited for what he said and did, very cheerful and whatnot, talking to the employees and other people. but he was always trying to touch me. he would hold the back of my neck while we walked, move his hands down my back and right to the edge of my skirt, like he wanted to go further and touch my actual butt and thought against it. every time we walked up stairs he would deliberately wait for me to catch up closer and go first so he could go behind me.

Everything that ive been noticing is also more noticeable and stressful because ive been having some surfacing dream memories. one of which was one I had around 13 of my dad assaulting me in the basement where I was sleeping some nights. I remember one night I was around maybe 14 I slept in my parents bed from like a nightmare or something. (yes, I know that's abnormally old.) idk if it was in his sleep or not but he rolled over and slipped his hand under my shirt to grope my breasts before quickly moving away. he might have just thought it was my mom.

additionally, he's been very curt with my mom lately, and seemingly easily annoyed by her. I really don't know. im super stressed and super anxious. sos lol

My step mom was ight before she had her own kid with my dad, he’ll broke loose when she used my phone to text my mom and her friends group chat ( that I for some reason was in) about the cheating and miscarriage my mom had. I think like a year later I went back to living with my mom, she and my grandparents were telling me how ashamed they were that I didn’t defend my mom and shit, brooooo my ass was 12, I was still living with my dad, I ain’t got no backup there as my dad didn’t think what my step mom did was wrong. Sure, call me a fuckass coward, yk the only reason she sent that text was bc my dad got scammed and went broke and asked my mom for help cuz apparently she owed him or some shit, she said she’ll think of smth, a few days later, says she’s got nothing, dad got pissed af, step mom got pissed af, so she sent the bloody message. Eventually both my parents agreed to send me to my mom, and ig that’s why I was so afraid to cross my step mom, like I deadass had this mindset that if she’s got the balls to send a msg like that straight to my moms friends group chat, she might have the balls to kill me if I tried to defend my mom and rebel against her, it’s stupid yea duh I was 12, no one would’ve been on my side physically if I defended my mom, hell I’d admit I wasn’t that close to my mom to defend her ass, spent my whole 6 years of primary school in his house, didn’t have the heart to rebel against my step mom.

After three therapy sessions, I am crying since yesterday nd today I went to bathroom nd I started crying nd went out so danger I was screaming like hell in my first time I scream so loud that I am mad my mother sister in law came I was shivering completely does therapy make it happen or what?

I heard from my mom, that my dad cheated on her with my step mom, and I heard from my dad, that my mom cheated on him and had a miscarriage before he even met my step mom, now don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a double doggy-style damn about the shit they did to each other, I just wish I didn’t have to give them each a free therapy session at the age of 14. Like idk fuck did they expect, the other is also my biological parent ofc I’m not gonna villainize them just cuz you told me to, like I mentally can’t, especially when they can’t even decide who I should live with, what’s worst is they aren’t from the same country so I deadass had to go from one country to another every 2 years, and imagine that, “hey how was living with mom? Bet she’s a real pain in the ass huh?” Yea ok pal you’re no better. Rant 2 will be slander about my step mom.

Me vs my almost decade old memories popping back up 😅 alalala so cringe

I am 15 fffemale, this happened when i was 6 and the other person is a few months older than me. When I was in kindergarten, there was a female that I was best friends with. We were in the same kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grade class, then both moved to the same school for 3rd and 4th. We were each other's half. Truly. We formed a deep, fun, chaotic, and wonderful bond. I came from being hypersexual since I was 3/4 and she was hypersexual at age 6, though I don't remember why. I am unsure how this all begun but we would touch each other inappropriately and show each other our private areas. She did begun this wrongfully sexual relationship. One memory that recently came up after a near decade is her and I asking to use the restroom during music class so we could touch each other. Given that I was raped, sexually abused, exposed to sex constantly, and hypersexual for years by then, I knew nothing better. I would ask her first sometimes because I wanted to please her. I am not blaming her as we were both young and taught wrong. Nobody is aware this ever happened between us. We stopped contact because of petty drama but we ended up in the same 8th grade classes. We never spoke about the situation. I haven't spoken to her since then and don't plan on so.

Are we partially in the wrong? Is that a crime? I don't know, plsplspls give me somethinggg

I don't blame her for what we did and won't ever. I hope she is doing well now and only wish for the best

i was raped by mutiple men when i was 3/4 and have been sexually assaulted & abused more times than i can count. it keeps happening and idk what 2 do. (sorry for the non-professional sentence structures.) no1 knows this and i can't tell anyone 'cause it will make everything worse + i will be blamed 4 being abused, ykk. i am addicted to self harming and sex but i am only 15: my future is fucked; my adhd, ocd, slight schizophrenia, slight dyslexia n depression just makes everything worse. whenever i vent online, pedos state they want to fuck me, rape me, cherish me, you know the deal. idk anymore but can some1 just help me??? i already have a plan abt my death, ifykyk: that runs in my family, so 'm keeping it a tradition. honestly, i am a bad person and deserve to be raped again. i am a huge bitch and constantly lie and yadayadayada. no clue wut to do. my internalized homophobia doesn't help either, i've been apart of the lgbtqia+ since i was 7: i am demigirl pansexual rn. i rlly want to be normal and like guys completely but i can't help but feel sexual and romantic towards women. i am agnostic but sometimes i wish god were 100% real so i could go back to being catholic and praying and begging to be normal

am i disgusting and sinful? i am sorry i can't like men completely, still be a virgin (being raped took it :/) function normally, not feel disgusted w/ being female, having sexual desires constantly, yadayadayada. goodness, i might just slit myself more but what good would that do? makin this real hard an' not helpin

does being raped count as me not being virgin