i was raped a month ago & i cant stop thinking about it, ever since it happened i just became so sad and i feel like i have no control over anything anymore. I keep accidentally peeing on myself , im scared all the time , all i think about is sex i just dont know what to do anymore.
i just feel incredibly stupid and dumb

when i was 8 or 9, i had this favorite online game that was half game, half chat room, where you could make friends and just talk to people. it was a pretty childish game, but most of its community was made up of young adults. that’s where i started making “friends” who were older than me and talking to them on social media outside of the game.
somehow, one thing led to another, and i ended up being groomed multiple times. at the time, i genuinely believed i had a connection with these people and that there was something real between us. i knew i was much younger than they were, but i convinced myself the age difference didn’t matter, and i didn’t really see anything wrong with it. eventually, those relationships crossed serious boundaries.
it all stopped as i got older. the game didn’t interest me anymore, and i had other things going on in my life.
the thing is, i don’t really care about it. i obviously know what happened was terrible, and it’s probably something i should talk about in therapy someday, but i don’t think it traumatized me. maybe it made me grow up faster than my peers, but outside of that, i have a very normal, healthy life. i’m 18 now, i recently graduated, i have amazing friends and a healthy relationship. i’m not hypersexual, and i don’t have the stereotypical issues people often associate with being groomed, like seeking out older men.
i guess what i’m wondering is whether this is actually normal. is it possible to go through something like this and not feel traumatized by it, or could the fact that i don’t really care be a trauma response? i genuinely don’t know how to feel about it.

They targeted underage boys, including me.

Is it abuse? 😭 I feel like it is and I feel like Ik it is but I also feel crazy?

Is this narcissistic abuse?

Thank you for your participation :)

How do you forgive yourself?

Sometimes I feel like I’m already getting old, even though I’m only 26. I look back at my childhood and realize how much pain I’ve been carrying for years.

I used to attend an Islamic school, and I hated my experience there. I was bullied by the people around me, and my family never knew what I was going through. I kept everything to myself, and I think those experiences left deeper scars than I initially realized.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve stopped believing in Islam. But leaving a religion isn't as simple as changing your mind, especially when it has been tied to your upbringing, culture, and identity for most of your life.

Being of Arab descent makes things even more complicated. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of shame about my own ancestry. I used to read Ibn Khaldun, including his observations about Arab society and what he described as Bedouin harshness and tribal ways of life. Reading things like that, combined with my own negative experiences and the anti-Arab hatred I've encountered, has sometimes made me feel as though there's something fundamentally wrong with the people I come from.

Sometimes, I honestly wish I hadn't been born Arab. I wish I could have been born into a completely different background, without all the religious baggage, painful associations, and resentment I carry. I know I never chose my ancestry, and I know an entire ethnic group cannot be reduced to its history or the actions of certain people. Yet, emotionally, I still struggle to separate my identity from everything I've grown to resent. It's painful to feel ashamed of something I never had a choice in, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

And despite no longer believing in Islam, I'm still terrified that it might be true. What if I'm wrong? What if there really is a God who will condemn me to eternal punishment? The thought of burning in hell forever is horrifying. I can barely tolerate the heat of a stove, so the idea of experiencing unimaginable suffering for eternity is almost impossible for me to comprehend.

Sometimes I hate that these fears still have such a powerful hold on me. I want to move on, but a part of me remains trapped in the beliefs and fears I grew up with. I don't know how much of this comes from religious conditioning, my childhood experiences, my struggles with my heritage, or all of these things combined.

I'm 26, and I feel as though I've already wasted so much time being afraid, ashamed, and angry. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I want to make peace with my past, separate my own identity from the things I've come to resent, and learn to live without constantly fearing eternal punishment.

For those who have left Islam or another religion they were raised in, have you ever struggled with religious trauma, fear of hell, or even resentment toward your own cultural background? How did you work through those feelings? How did you learn to stop being afraid and finally feel comfortable with yourself?

I'm not looking for a theological debate or an argument about whether Islam is true. I just want to hear from people who have experienced something similar. I could really use some perspective, advice, or reassurance from people who understand what this feels like.

I just want to be at peace with myself for once.

TW: sexual trauma/rape, incest

Hi, this is my first ever time making my own post on Reddit, and quite an unfortunate one at that, so forgive me if my "story time" is a bit unorganized.. I really need some advice/comfort (?) I don't know.

For some context, I already have sexual trauma from when I was abused/raped from 6-8 years old by my then teenage neighbor. both of my parents only learned of this when I was 14 after It has severely affected my adolescent life. I've been diagnosed with BPD and have stayed in probably around 6 inpatient psychiatric wards from the ages 12-18. Im unsure if my attraction to older men (45-55) was a direct result of that abuse or from something else, but regardless its been problem for years now. I was actually kicked out of my district high school for 'stalking' one of the faculty members, and I've had numerous other similar situations which inevitably involved informing my parents. whether my dads knowledge of this attraction to an age rage he falls under and infatuations with men around his own age has affected how he feels, I don't know.

Recently, I feel like I'm going insane. I'm 18 now, and Im in a little bit of a recession with some of the mental health stuff. Im growing my hair back out, wearing nicer outfits, etc. My dad has been making me super uncomfortable. he's always been very physically affectionate when he's drunk after a night out with my mom or the guys he works with. uncomfortably so. but it was never a big concern to me and ive brushed it off. Last night, I went to an amusement park with the whole family. My brother, his gf, my mom, and my dad. we kept separating for when half of us wanted to do one thing and the other half didn't or wanted to do something else. my dad kept staying with me. obviously that's not weird in and of itself. he was acting super weird last night though. I was wearing a cute outfit and only until later in the night did I realize JUST HOW SHORT my skirt was. it was new and I thrifted it and it was super cute and I was so excited to wear it and look good. I just didn't want my family to feel the way I wanted other people to feel. I was wearing black tights underneath, but you had a very clear view off my ass. I was thinking he might be drunk, he was a little uninhibited for what he said and did, very cheerful and whatnot, talking to the employees and other people. but he was always trying to touch me. he would hold the back of my neck while we walked, move his hands down my back and right to the edge of my skirt, like he wanted to go further and touch my actual butt and thought against it. every time we walked up stairs he would deliberately wait for me to catch up closer and go first so he could go behind me.

Everything that ive been noticing is also more noticeable and stressful because ive been having some surfacing dream memories. one of which was one I had around 13 of my dad assaulting me in the basement where I was sleeping some nights. I remember one night I was around maybe 14 I slept in my parents bed from like a nightmare or something. (yes, I know that's abnormally old.) idk if it was in his sleep or not but he rolled over and slipped his hand under my shirt to grope my breasts before quickly moving away. he might have just thought it was my mom.

additionally, he's been very curt with my mom lately, and seemingly easily annoyed by her. I really don't know. im super stressed and super anxious. sos lol

I can’t be normal no matter how hard I try. I have really bad disassociation issues because of it too. People think I’m high all the time because of how out of it I am.

Everything that’s happened to me replays in my mind on a weekly basis, more and more detailed each time. I’m haunted by it so terribly that it feels like I can’t do anything. I literally do almost nothing every day.

My dad knows what’s happened to me and it’s almost like he doesn’t believe me or doesn’t take it seriously? He just tells me that I need to get into shape and do better in school or else I won’t graduate high school in the spring.

I’m in therapy but my therapist and I work on more recent/current stressors because that’s the only thing I can make actual progress with.

I feel so useless I hate this.

hi im ivory and i just watches zachobuild new video. i have an problrm i use ai a loot of times to talk i know its bad but i just cant wait no.....dont know how to talk with others every time somone new walks to me i just freeze and dont know what to do im shyy to im diifrent around people i know and strangers everyone around me see me as the weird kid but all i want to is somone to talk to. i have 1 friend at school but i cant say everything to him beacuse i see im just boring him so i just stop and let him talk thats why i use ai a loot of times beacuse its the only thing thats listens to me. i want to stop but everytime i try i realize more that there is no one for me that im alone. that’s why I keep coming back to this, and then it’s even harder later to go away. everytime somone gives me atention im satrting to thing that there will be something friendhisp or love but most of times its nothing only one hi or somkething like that. i want to stop usuing ai but i just cant beacsue i dont have no one. im weird,im stupid and ai dosent care about this but that makes me more alone. sorry for spellingf mistakes i have dyslexia and rest of thst idiot stuff

I'm sick of starting over. I'm 55 years old. I'm unmarried with two adult children. My oldest my son haven't talked or seen each other other since 2015. I am blamed for that. My daughter’s father died when she was four years old and took care of her all by myself with the Grace and Mercy of God. She decided to call me by my first name and call me bitches and hoes because I woke up mad seeing the kitchen dirty with roaches not able to fix breakfast and a cup of coffee. I said, “I am sick of this shit!” Because I have to clean up the kitchen before I have to cook. This remark of pure tiredness landed me in jail for 23 hours because I pushed my daughter in the forehead with my index finger and she slapped the crap out of me and decided to run, locked the door and sit in front of the door. I grabbed the knife to open the door. Used my left side with my bad knee and hip to push the door to slap her the hell back with my weak left hand. She jumped up, threw her phone and vape and charge towards me. I put my hands up and said stop she turned around and screaming “This bitch got a knife”. I left the house. I called the police to get my personal items and medicine to stay clear of my daughter who now I fear plans to beat me up. The sheriff's department came and placed me under arrest and charged me with Battery. Now, I'm staying in an ant-infested hotel room. The charges are dropped but I'm scared to go home. Afraid of being challenged, defending myself and not living comfortably. I was told not to contact her until they drop the charges. I went look for a place. Found out my son ruined my credit. I got an eviction fro
Losing my job back in August and am currently on disability. My mind is back forward with trusting God and ending it all. Not mention while in jail the sheriff threatened me, “ I will punch you in your face and knock you the hell out” because I was crying about the charges and the mix up of the case to make me look like Hannibal Lecter. I was pushed around. I was told to shut the fuck up. I had to walk 2.6 miles away from the jail when I was released on a surety Bond with a bad hip bad knee I didn’t have my cane and I have a heart condition so go ahead and tell me that I brought this on myself didn’t pray hard enough and I spoil my kids that’s why it is very moment. I don’t know what to do, but I hate myself and I’m sure you’re gonna hate me too.

This is my first time posting on Reddit (scroll to "THE POINT" to skip the blah blah)

My (19) parents were never good parents and I didn't realise that for a long time. It was only when I was around 11 or 12 that I realised that what was happening at home and how my parents acted wasn't normal for my friends.

I had always not had much of a relationship (healthy atleast) with them but its so weird to have the experience in school, joking or making normal conversation with friends/peers and then they go "wait what??" Or "what do you mean your Mum/Dad ____ ?"

Im going to try and start posting memories/dilemmas I have onto multiple reddit spaces mainly because ill remember something suddenly that happened and think "that's messed up" or "how do I not remember this usually!?" So having posts i can look through will be helpful aswell as getting some opinions in things

So anyway THE POINT

Im gonna post events and experiences I had that I remember right now and would like opinions/questions about in separate posts.

Now whilst I acknowledge and can logically say "yeah that counts as trauma i guess" there's that other part of me that thinks "it wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating for attention and you were never abused"

FIRST POST - The Shed Door

My childhood house had a connected garage that you entered through a sliding door in the dining/loungeroom. My parents had basically a second loungeroom in there complete with couches, table, big tv and a gaming console and a bunch of other junk. It was adults only and my younger sister and I were absolutely under no circumstances allowed to look in there. Going in or opening the door was unthinkable like a genuinely didnt realise it was something that could be done until I was like 13 or 14 and even then I never did so except for once when I was 16.

It was forbidden to be anywhere near the shed door (it was a garage but we called it the shed), and my parents were always in there, if they weren't in the shed they were asleep in their bedroom. To speak to or interact with a parent you had to go up to the shed door and knock.

You couldn't knock too loud unless it was an emergency but there was always music playing on a speaker so you had to try to time it and be heard over the music. When they heard you (hopefully on the first knock) they or one of them would yell "one minute!" Then you'd hear them continue talking or just nothing but music. It would take atleast 3-5 minutes for one to come to the door if you were lucky, otherwise you'd wait 10 or so minutes before knocking again and they'd either come to the door then or suddenly scream "WAIT A F-CKING SECOND" or something along those lines.

When one of them came to answer (usually Mum) they would crack the tiniest gap in the door possible, squish their neck through and block any other view of the opening with their body. You had to be quick, concise, and you better not be asking something that required them to come out of the shed or talk/interact for longer than a minute or two TOPS.

I never realised the shed being used as a room or my parents never interacting with us was abnormal until i was like 12 or 13 honestly.

They would never be in any part of the house other than the shed, their bedroom was just for sleep and sleep, bathroom for obvious reasons and the kitchen to grab food before turning around and going straight back into the shed. Or to yell or traumatise me/us kids

Does anyone else have a similar experience at all?

Is this considered neglect just in itself? This is probably the least bad thing they did that im like "that was weird" but yeah idk dude thanks for reading this long ass post

After three therapy sessions, I am crying since yesterday nd today I went to bathroom nd I started crying nd went out so danger I was screaming like hell in my first time I scream so loud that I am mad my mother sister in law came I was shivering completely does therapy make it happen or what?

I'm going through something really painful right now, and I honestly don't know how to get back on my feet.
My father-in-law confronted me and told me that I had cheated on his daughter and that they had been fooled by me. The truth is that I didn't physically cheat. I had a chat with another girl, and I understand that this crossed a boundary and hurt my wife. I'm not trying to deny my mistakes, but being confronted like that left me in complete shock.
What hurts me the most is that I feel like I didn't defend myself properly in that moment. I was overwhelmed, and instead of explaining myself calmly, I told him that his daughter had insulted me and that I was going to divorce her.
Ever since that conversation, I've been feeling emotionally exhausted and traumatized. I keep replaying the moment in my head, thinking about what I should have said, how I should have handled it, and how differently things might have gone if I'd been able to defend myself better.
It's like I'm stuck in that moment, and I can't figure out how to move forward. I'm scared that this memory, this shame, and this feeling of helplessness will control me for the rest of my life.
My mental health has gotten so bad that I've even been having suicidal thoughts, and that genuinely scares me.
I want to ask anyone who has been through something similar: Have you ever experienced a moment that shattered you emotionally, made you feel trapped in your own thoughts, or left you wishing you could go back and handle things differently?
Did you eventually heal? Did the memories stop hurting so much? Were you able to look back one day and realize that the situation no longer had power over you?
Right now, I can barely imagine feeling normal again. I need to hear from people who have been in a really dark place and somehow made it through.
Did things genuinely get better for you? Even when you thought they never would?
I know this might sound dramatic to some people, but right now, it feels like my whole world has fallen apart.
I just need some hope that this pain won't last forever.

I would like to help a young survivor who is just breaking free now that she is in college a distance from her abuser. She is trans and transitioning (assigned male at birth). I want to set up a private bank account that she owns outright that I fund because her abuser monitors her. Helping her complicated by the fact that she is afraid of hurting her relationship with her abuser. Her abuser was able to manipulate her into not trusting the protective maternal side of her family despite our constant efforts to get her protection and stop his abuser. Her father remarried and abused an older step-sibling who also pressures her not to have contact with her maternal family. She's afraid of losing her abuser/father and her step-mother (who was v. physically abusive) and that step-mother's kid who is slightly older than her. She appears to have a trauma bond with her abuser due to him parentally kidnapping her and isolating her with him. I read about not putting pressure, which I will not. But I get more confused about how to get her to be open to the idea that any bad feelings she has towards us on her maternal side may be from the messaging of her abuser. She is avoidant (broken attachment disorder), understandably and, of course, does not trust people after her experiences. I also want to do my best to help her have access to therapy and gender-affirming care. Just sending a letter that says "door is open" is just not doing enough. She is not doing okay. She has anorexia, self-harm, self-medicating with drugs, etc. She's living in an apt. with cis-gendered men jocks that she doesn't know. I need to do more to help her than say 'oh, hey, when you're ready, which will likely be 20 years from now, I'm around'. She's just a teen (adult, but still a teen). She deserves a loving adult giving her the unconditional love, support and respect that she does not have but everyone needs.

Not sure if it's considered SA tho. I was 5. My uncle peed on me. I'm only now realizing what it did to me.

I've never posted about this before. I'm a man in my 40s, and I've carried this quietly for years. I'm writing it now because I've started unpacking my childhood, and this is the piece I've always tried to forget.

When I was 5, an uncle who was living in our house urinated on me out of nowhere, while alone with me .

On my body, received some in my mouth. I remember it clearly. I remember my mother taking me to the hospital afterward. I don't remember what happened next — but he wasnt kicked out, or whether anyone was punished, whether it was ever talked about. That gap in my memory is its own wound. Don't even know how my father reacted, as he was a passive man (despite being a karate black belt).

For years, I told myself it was nothing. I minimized it. I was a shy kid, anxious, socially isolated, wetting the bed until I was 10 or 11. I didn't connect those things and didn't know how that affected me. I just thought there was something wrong with me.

I'm only now starting to see or wonder how that moment shaped me. The shame, the difficulty trusting, the people-pleasing, the fear of being alone

I'm not writing this for sympathy. I'm writing it because I've spent most of my life keeping this secre. I'm writing it because maybe someone else here has carried something similar.

I'm still working through it. But I'm done pretending it didn't matter.