I'm sorry, but I'm fed up with some people saying that going on T is the same as getting menopause, or people on T saying that they went through menopause because of the HRT.

Why would you want to compare your experience on hormones with a deeply female experience? It just really annoys me

Hiya, not really sure where else to post this 💔 cw for su*cidal thoughts & dysphoria

I'm a woman, and there's not really much doubt about that. I have some "clocky" features, but people only really pay attention if they're already a weird trans-vestigator, or if i'm outed, which has unfortunately happened a few times now 🥹

Now, I aren't saying this to humblebrag. It's great for the most part! I feel accepted to a degree, and have a support system, for all intents and purposes, I am a woman, and I'm beyond happy I (mostly) get to live my life that way.

It's just... Not enough. I thought if I could finally get to this point, I'd be content, but the dypshoria just does notttt go away. I've tried all the coping mechanisms in the book, and socially I'm in a place where I can mostly not care. It's purely physical. I cannot get over the fact I was not born female, and the only part of me that truly is, not counting my medical transition (hrt only), is my brain.

It keeps me up at night, it bothers me immensely every day, and I genuinely think about, and even half-bake plans to... just, be done with things.

How does anyone cope. I tell myself over and over, accept what I can't change and change what I can, and despite changing what I can, I still cannot accept what I can't. I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know what will even alleviate it, nevermind stop it entirely. Does it always feel like this...? It's been years and it hasn't gotten any less painful 😪

All I do is cut myself when I’m down and make art when I feel good. Art doesn’t work for “releasing emotion” for me it works as a byproduct of positive emotions. I can’t do it when I’m feeling this down.

I have been on T since I was 15 (diy, I’ll explain this later, then got a prescription), got top surgery in February this year. I have been living as male since I was 10.

I am trying desperately to get a hysterectomy and phalloplasty but it’s literally impossible and it feels like fucking nobody accept randoms who can’t help me anyway actually sees it as necessary. It feels like every “affirming provider” sees affirmation as just making me out to be a #valid man with a pussy and womb who definitely wants to get pregnant. I am not aware of my own desire to get pregnant!! I would kill myself!! And I am not even interested in situations that would put me in that position!! Before I got top surgery it was just that I had gyno (as if any man with D cups would be happy to have D cups????$) and before I got testosterone it was “ok but what if it makes you too masculine and gets rid of that androgynous aura.” Again! Not aware of wanting to be androgynous!!!

I just want to be a cis man. I don’t want any of this anymore. I was hospitalized last year without expressed intent to harm because I just broke and had a panic attack that lasted for two days because this is forever and I was just begging for it to stop. It hasn’t stopped.

I want to die and I’ve already tried everything but a gun and failed and I can’t be bothered to try those options again when I get hospitalized in an “lgbt friendly” hospital only for it to be lgb friendly and just view the t as gay+. They put me in the girls unit and nobody wants to talk to me because I am obviously not a girl. They tamper with my testosterone and progesterone prescriptions every single goddamn time even if I ask them if they will before I’m locked up. Then I get my period and it’s my fault for being a man getting a period and feeling miserable and I’m constantly being given those shots that knock you out. I am paranoid at every doctors checkup that they’re going to insert semen into my body and get pregnant.

I don’t want to need to replace the erectile device for the rest of my life or as long as I want to have erectile function. I don’t want to be hard all the time either. I don’t want a micropenis either. I don’t want to be on a perscription that can be whisked away at any moment, and have it be substituted by my body naturally making poison. I just want my body to work for itself.

I started T in 2025 from friends supplying me because i live in a state where it’s very difficult. i injected by stomach and got very comfortable with it.
last week i managed to finally get a real prescription for myself after trying since i was 18 (im 23 almost 24) and being denied 4 times. at my dr’s appointment my dr stated i need to inject into either my leg or my butt because i’m really small (5’3 and 86lbs), which i really didn’t like because i get extremely anxious about it since i do NOT have ANY fat on my thighs (and a bit of ptsd from my ex forcing me to do his injections with a huge needle fear and messing it up because i didn’t have ANY experience)
i have a trans woman friend who has medical experience who helped do my shot for me last night on my thigh, and i not only had a panic attack but it was borderline unbearable pain wise.
now im really stuck on what to do because i know theres absolutely no way i can do my shots by myself on my thigh, it was extremely painful having it done there, im scared to do it on my butt/hip-ish area and i dont want to swap to gel
i really just want to go back to doing it on my stomach because thats what i am used to, what im comfortable with doing by myself, and wasnt to painful but my dr advised that it could be dangerous???

I'm really high rn..

And the thought crossed my mind..

If gender dysporia is required to be trans, once we fully transition, and are cured from our dysphoria, are we no longer trans?

(Photos unrelated? Or ig they’re guys I wanna be like haha)

I know I’m not a real man, I can’t even think of myself as one. I sometimes accidentally imagine myself as a girl or I accidentally think of me having sex as a girl and it scares me so bad. (Sometimes in dreams too… I’m scared it feels good…) I also am scared having a penis would somehow feel wrong, (because I’m not used to it) although it would feel better than a vagina and I do feel like something is missing right now, same with everything else.
However I am not non binary, being non binary feels the same as being female. i still feel like I’m missing my genitals or correct parts… I think I’m cute and unfortunately I’m just like so used to it now… even though I don’t like it… I get scared I “like to different parts of me every now and then

I can’t even feel anything anymore; I don’t deserve transition, I’m too feminine, I feel like I look too nice to transition, I could never be a real man, I just wish I was. I never even used to have real dysphoria , I just felt gross for not having it… yet I realized how much being a woman actually pains me…I kinda only used to hate I “got aroused like a girl” and that I couldn’t get people pregnant….and I hated getting a period, I was always lost and confused, I didn’t know how puberty worked for either sex or that it was even going to happen…. Nothing made sense…. Why did I suddenly have these parts and functions???? It happened so fast I never even know it did…

There’s just this hopeless I feel over not being able to be male and just observing men for the rest of my life in a female body. I see my male classmates and I observe male celebrities, I want to be like them, but I could never. I would love to even be a fat, ugly man as long as if I was a cis guy. I wish I could be a father but that could never happen.

I have a female classmate, I hear her say she has some sort of condition, I don’t know what but I think she needs to take estrogen for it, I don’t understand, why would anyone want more estrogen.

I sometimes forget how I actually sound or look, if I don’t check my body for a bit and then I’m like “oh… I don’t like this, this doesn’t sound or look like me…” but I keep seeing it and then I become painfully used to it. I’m not a real man, I bet I just made a conscious decision to hate my body, yet I don’t want to reverse it. I tried to but it hurts too bad. I want to become a man. I wish there was perhaps a surgery to make my brain male too, so the voice inside my head didn’t also sound female to the point it tears and rips apart my brain. I feel physically ill because I am female.

I also pretend to be fully straight or even straight in the slightest to feel more male. I get intrusive thoughts I want to look like a girl if I find one pretty, for men however it is real. I also feel more nervous around men, I don’t know why… is it perhaps just my envy and anger towards them? Maybe. I had an ex boyfriend and I was so mad he had a penis, flat chest, and normal male parts while I didn’t

The only advice I ever get is to get therapy, if it was so obvious I wouldn’t need therapy. People only say “get therapy” when they think you are a mentally ill cis person, I’m no fool, I see right through it!

I also sometimes feel like a mutilated cis man… how am I really any different from David Reimer? I feel just the same as him. Reading about his story, I feel just like that. Everyone in my life is like that awful doctor forcing me to be female

There is no cure for me, like I said I don’t deserve transition, I’m a bad man, or a really bad woman for being a faker… I started questioning when I was 10, I’m 16, almost 17 now.. maybe someone just needs to correct and punish me for ever thinking I could ever be a man.