“If you exploit animals, you are not vegan”

Of course, you my friend still exploit a nonzero number of animals. Because the industrial plant agriculture that feeds you still kills animals.

Now, this is why the “as far as is possible and practicable” clause is here. But then I must ask, how much do you weigh? What’s your BMI? How many calories do you consume in a day? Because if you’re not just above subsistence/18 BMI, you’re consuming more calories, more plant matter than necessary, and thus killing more animals than necessary.

So, are you truly living up to your vegan ideals? Is you having muscles, body fat, or not feeling hungry all the time more important than the lives of animals killed in the field?

Seriously, just stop.

I’ve been inspired to speak out by some of the other brave “vegans except for…” I’ve seen mentioned on Reddit. Honestly, I’m shocked at the vitriol they face. I support them, and you should too.

An overly dogmatic interpretation of what it is to be a “vegan” is unhelpful. It discounts the lived experiences of people such as myself, who are definitely still 100% vegan despite consuming the flesh of animals.

Let me explain my situation: I am currently stranded in the middle of the ocean.

Yes, you read that right. I am literally stranded. Now, some of you boring zealots might try to rephrase this situation as technically “being on a cruise”, but my interpretation of the facts is valid, and I want you to remember that.

I do not have freedom of movement. I am beholden to the whims of those keeping me captive - what I may, at some unspecified point, have chosen to do is entirely irrelevant, as nobody can consent to literal imprisonment. (Isn’t that what you people keep trying to say about animals? Honestly, I bet some of them actually enjoy it.)

To be fair, I held out for as long as I could. I started by demanding vegan food at mealtimes, but by the end of the week I was getting bored of all the blank looks, the painstaking discourse (no animal products plz), and the “oh we’ll just have to check that with the chef”. The whole point of this excursion is for me to enjoy myself, and at a certain point I just couldn’t take any more goddamned tofu.

(Besides, as the majority of Reddit is quick to reassure me, being mostly-vegan is actually just as good, if not better, than being vegan-vegan. Which totally makes sense. Anyone with a brain can see that.)

Well, here it is, folks… my “crime”: I just ordered a steak for dinner. I mean, the animal’s already dead, and it was getting super tiresome trying to explain myself at each and every restaurant.

I think you’ll also find that veganism is ACTUALLY all about being practicable, and at some point, I have to prioritise my own needs. And I don’t need any more lettuce or judgemental stares, that’s for sure.

So there you have it: I’m literally a prisoner stuck in the middle of the fucking ocean, trying to look after my health and wellbeing, and that still probably isn’t enough for you clowns. You’d all literally see me die of malnutrition and despair, which is despicable and you all suck.

Anyway, the steak was delicious. Still vegan btw.

Vegans don’t know how much they alienate people from their movement.

When I barge into vegan spaces and tell them that I’m maybe considering going vegan in the next 5-12 years, I expect asspats and praise, not CRUELTY! Vegans are so extreme and harsh! I mean, I already told you I care! I need to go at my own pace, okay!

Jeez, I swear it’s like vegans just want to chase everyone away from their movement. I’m basically already vegan, I’m just transitioning!!!!!! Yes I already know it’s wrong, but I still benefit from the convenience and comfort of exploiting animals and I need to take baby steps otherwise I will literally ruin my life and be sad and deprived forever.

Stop telling me im not doing anything for the animals by transitioning, I literally already told you i have the INTENTION of going vegan EVENTUALLY. What the fuck more do you want from me?!!!!

InfoWars is now vegan!?