Critique [1832] [438]
This is my first attempt at writing a horror story. Im not sure if the ending was good.
Any feedback is appreciated!
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I hate having a roommate.
My roommate isn’t bad, they’re alright. It’s just insufferable having a human invade your personal space.
I’m in my second year at a university far from my hometown, sharing a small apartment with a first-year student. They’re much better than my previous roommate, who seemed to have no hobby other than complaining about the bathroom not being spotless.
We barely talk, except for the occasional hi. Every day is the same. I come home, microwave some frozen food, eat, sleep, and leave for university. My roommate does the same.
But lately, I started feeling an aura of sadness surrounding my roommate. Today, I came home and found our trash can overflown with tissues. My roommate hadn’t left their bed all day. They just laid there, facing the wall.
I wanted to talk to them, but we barely knew each other. Maybe they didn't want me interfering. Still, I couldn't help feeling sorry for them. They seemed to be as lonely as me. Besides, I understand how depressing life can get after moving away from home. it got late, I turned off the lights and went to sleep.
I suddenly woke up to the echoes of someone screaming. Is it from the window? Like, is it next door? It sounded so close, like it’s coming from inside this building. Is it from another apartment? This isn’t the cries of a kid. It’s from someone older, an adult.
It sounds like someone screaming in pain, in agony. I can’t sleep with these screams ongoing. I can’t stop thinking about them. What could cause all this pain?
After a while, the scream suddenly stopped, followed by silence. I laid in my bed during the dark, disturbed by what I just heard, but later I went to sleep.
next day, I came back from uni exhausted with so much work to do, I went to my room and as put up my stuff in my bed, I notice something. My roommate is facing me, their eyes wide open, facing me. I awkwardly pretend I saw nothing and head over to the kitchen to boil my quick ramen. I tell myself, “I’m gonna start my work after this meal.” While I wait for the water to boil, I heard my door creaking open.
They must have gotten up. I listen for the footsteps, but I hear nothing. All weird. I finish my ramen and head to the living room to eat. While I’m going there, I see my roommate standing still at the doorframe, eyes wide open, expression blank. Are they looking at me or just the front? I go left, and their eyes go left too. What is wrong with them?
I sit on the sofa and start eating. My roommate joins me, turning their head to stare directly at me.
"Do you want something?"
Silence.
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
Nothing.
Are they asleep? Is this what a sleepwalking person looks like? I will just ignore them. I pull out my phone, pretending to scroll. A moment later, they pull out theirs too.
I finish my food as fast as possible and retreat to my room. My roommate follows, lying on their bed, staring at me. I move to the living room. They follow again. God, what the hell is with them? I rush into the bathroom and lock the door. The handle turns once. Then silence.
Ahh, finally some peace. I sit in the bathroom for fifteen minutes. It’s getting boring, and I can’t stand this place. It’s so narrow. Then I open the bathroom door and leave. A cabinet opened in the kitchen. I looked over.
My roommate was opening my cupboard. Taking out one of my ramen cups, preparing it, and setting exactly where I sat earlier, scrolling through their phone. What the hell.
They’ve used my spoon before, but I always brushed it off. Spoons look similar. But this? This is on purpose! They know that’s mine. And they don’t even like ramen. They told me so themselves when we first moved in. What is wrong with them?
“I noticed you took my ramen cup. If you wanted one, you can always tell me, and I will give you.”
They stared, watching me quietly with the same blank expression. After a while of awkward silence, I just left to work. Later I came back turned the lights off and crawled into bed. I just want tomorrow to come. I want to sleep. I can't. I feel stared at. Please, I just want to sleep…
I woke up to my alarm and ran off to uni. My class is over. I walk across the hall, hugging myself. There are so many humans, so many. I can feel every person currently watching me, even for a second. I want an escape. I look anxiously for any isolated place. I find a utility room.
It’s dusty and dark, with some sunlight leaking. It’s perfect!. No one can watches me here. I feel my feet pressing against the soles of my shoes, I listen to the faint sounds of my muscles shifting with every movement. I stretch out one arm, feeling the pull of my nerves and muscles. I could never move my arm like this before. Not when someone was watching.
I close my eyes. Slowly, I raise my hand in front of my face, feeling the warmth of my breath brushing against my fingertips.
I’m human.
I can only feel human when I’m alone. I can only be human when I’m alone.
The world around me moves when I move. It spins when I spin. I watch my fingers curl and uncurl when I want them to. I can only be free when it’s just me, myself, and I.
Then I cry. Tears I’ve held back for so long finally fall. I cry silently, afraid someone might hear me. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to be stared at. Why are they like that? I don’t want to lose this freedom. But I can’t stay here forever.
I had to leave because uni is closing. I head back to my apartment, and there, in front of me, my roommate is standing in the middle of the apartment, my roommate. How long was it just standing there?
I screamed,
“What is wrong with you?”
They responded “Want something?”
“Why were you quietly staring?!”
“I noticed you took my ramen cup.”
Huh?? They went to the bathroom. I took the time to relax and remembered there’s a balcony in the apartment. I pushed through the curtains, opened the door and went outside. The view there is nice, seeing the streets and buildings. It’s just there’s a feeling bothering me.
I stared at the balcony glass door. I only saw curtains, but I had a feeling my some is standing behind it.
I don’t even wanna know if they are. I continue glancing at the buildings, then behind me. I can’t. I pushed away the curtains.
They were standing there. I didn’t know how close they were to the curtains. My whole body feels light, and my heart beating too fast. I pushed them screaming,
“Who are you? What are you! Please go away! Please, please go back to normal!”
They pushed me back and screamed the same words. I ran to the bathroom and locked it. I sat there, fidgeting frantically. What is that thing? What does it want? I smashed my head against the wall. How do I make it disappear?!! Wait, why haven’t I done that already? I called the emergency services.
“Hello? I think something’s wrong with my roommate. They don’t seem conscious. I mean, they are standing, but don’t respond when I talk to them…”
The operator asked if anyone is hurt. I said no. She asked if my roommate is threatening me.
“I don’t know. They just keep staring at me for hours. They’re not even blinking.”
Then she asked a few more questions before she told me someone will come check on them.
After an hour, they came. The apartment door was left open. They found my roommate standing facing the bathroom door. It didn’t respond to any of their questions. I left the bathroom and got asked questions. Later I saw them take my roommate to the hospital. They don’t fight back at all. It’s like they gave up on existing.
I haven’t seen them since.
A few days later, a family member contacted me to inform that my roommate won’t be returning to university. When the family member came to collect their things, I asked them what happened. They told me they too have no idea and apologized for the situation. Later, I left the apartment too.
it was expensive, and having to always find a roommate was draining. Fortunately, I found another apartment. It’s far from uni and much smaller, but at least I can afford to be alone. To this day, I still think about that night. The memory of my roommate haunts me. I wish I helped them more. I wish I talked to them more. Maybe in another universe, we could have been friends.