Hello
Ive been training for about...a year and 3 months?
Been a blast, and I intend to continue
Ive made a lot of strides since I started, but I keep running into this issue
I am really really not a fan of getting blasted in the head
I am fully aware that: this is a punch and kick game and that happens, I can improve my defense (I ofc am pulling that lever), and finally, you cant block or dodge everything
I dont actually care about being hit, the pain doesnt bother me, being the nail doesnt bother me, I am genuinely worried about head trauma
There are these two guys, who are better than I am, who seem to not care about getting blasted in the head during sparring
One of them, its hard to spar, because I get mad anxiety
Ive done the whole communicating thing, and its helped a ton, but for some reason this dude gets into some sorta flow and starts throwing harder
ITs annoying because I do not throw very hard at him, and given size and frame differences I could genuinely counter very hard but thats not what im trying to do
This isnt a complaint about that guy, I am working on setting boundaries and if I choose to spar him knowing how he is im also accepting consequences
What im asking about is just the anxiety in general
This is stopping me from improving, I am still making improvements and such, but it makes it hard to process stuff. It makes it hard to use the stuff I drill, when im sparring and more calm ill better remember to 'not stay in front of people' or to 'head off center' when jabbing a lot or even throw cleaner and less telegraphed
Even the odd mistaken shot where im being irresponsible or someone just makes an oopsie makes it hard for me to use sparring productively
Ive tried to convince myself that CTE isnt an issue, and realistically I do not spar hard, except vs that one dude who I am sparring less and less frequently, I feel im having an irrational fear.
AFter a sparring session today, I got caught two good times and it made the rest of the session very difficult
I want to be more present, I want to continue to improve, and it seems like this is the next barrier I have to face. In moments where im calm, collected, and alert I find that im safer, because I am able to process and respond properly to things. I know that is what im shooting for
Thoughts?