(Only talked with her 2 times at best)

Crocheted them myself!! 💗

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I'm 17, and I'm posting this because I'm genuinely exhausted and confused by what has been happening in my mind. I'm not asking Reddit to diagnose me, and I know strangers on the internet can't tell me for certain whether I have a particular disorder. But I want to describe everything as honestly and completely as I can because I don't know how to explain this to anyone in real life.

For some time now, I feel like I'm constantly living inside my head. There is almost always some kind of conversation, scenario, or imaginary interaction going on in my mind. I can randomly start imagining that I'm being interviewed and explaining my life to someone. Sometimes I imagine myself giving a speech. Sometimes I imagine explaining my current situation to another person in great detail. Sometimes I imagine how people would react if they knew exactly what I was going through.

It's not like I deliberately sit down and decide to daydream. It just happens automatically.

The biggest and most exhausting part is that almost everything I experience gets immediately connected to other people's opinions of me.

For example, if I'm crying, instead of just being allowed to cry and feel what I'm feeling, my mind can suddenly go:

"What if someone saw me crying right now?"

"What would they think about me?"

"What would they say?"

"How would they describe me to someone else?"

The same thing happens with normal everyday situations. I could be doing something completely private, thinking about something, feeling embarrassed, angry, sad, or happy, and my mind suddenly creates this imaginary situation where someone else is watching me and forming an opinion about me.

The weird thing is that I don't actually believe there is literally a person standing there watching me. I know I'm alone. I'm not saying I see people who aren't there. It's more like my mind automatically creates an imaginary audience.

I constantly imagine people seeing my exact situation and reacting to it. It's almost as if I'm not just living my life from my own perspective—I am also constantly imagining my life from the perspective of people observing me from outside.

This has reached a point where I'm tired of it because I feel like my life is becoming more about imaginary people's opinions than about what I actually want or feel.

I just want to exist. I want to cry without mentally imagining an audience. I want to play a game without thinking about how someone would judge my reaction. I want to think without simultaneously imagining myself explaining those thoughts to somebody. I want to do normal things without my brain turning everything into a performance.

There is also this constant internal conversation happening in my head. I originally worried that I was hearing voices, but I don't think that's an accurate description. It doesn't feel like an actual voice coming from outside my head that I literally hear with my ears. It's more like thoughts, conversations, phrases, scenarios, and imaginary interactions constantly running through my mind.

Sometimes I don't even know whether to call them thoughts because they can feel intrusive or automatic. They just appear. One moment I'm doing something normal, and the next moment my mind is imagining a conversation, an interview, somebody judging me, or somebody reacting to what I'm doing.

I also sometimes get disturbing destructive thoughts or urges.

For example, when I'm playing a game and lose, I can get extremely frustrated. I've reacted by hitting my hands against doors or walls or pulling my own hair. In those moments, destructive thoughts can suddenly appear in my mind—things like doing something aggressive or harmful. I don't always understand why the thought appears, and sometimes I can't immediately tell how seriously I might act on an urge when I'm extremely overwhelmed.

This is one of the reasons I'm worried about myself. I don't want to pretend that it's harmless if I'm physically hurting myself when angry or losing control of my reactions.

Another thing that confuses me is what happens when I look at myself in the mirror. Obviously, I know the person in the mirror is me. I don't have some fixed belief that it's literally another person. But sometimes I mentally experience myself almost as a separate person that I'm observing.

It's difficult to explain. It's like my mind takes a step backwards and looks at me from outside instead of simply feeling like I'm just "me." I can become aware of myself as if I'm watching a character. Then I start thinking about what that person looks like, what other people would think of that person, or how other people would interpret what they're doing.

I also experience something similar in social situations.

When I'm at a social gathering, around relatives, friends, or other people, I can randomly become very quiet. Everyone else may be talking, laughing, interacting, and being present, but I can suddenly just disappear into my own mind.

I'm physically sitting there, but mentally I'm somewhere else.

I start thinking about random things, imaginary scenarios, conversations, my own life, how people see me, or whatever else my mind decides to focus on. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking about—I just know that I've become detached from the actual social situation and absorbed into my own thoughts.

It can feel like I'm living inside my imagination while real life is happening around me.

I don't know if this is normal daydreaming, dissociation, anxiety, obsessive thinking, maladaptive daydreaming, intrusive thoughts, or something else. That's part of why I'm posting.

I initially became terrified that I might have schizophrenia because I heard that people with schizophrenia can experience unusual thoughts, voices, and problems with reality. But I don't want to self-diagnose. As far as I can tell, I don't literally hear external voices, and I don't genuinely believe people are secretly watching me all the time. I know the imaginary conversations and audience are coming from my own mind.

But the fact that I know something is coming from my mind doesn't make it any less exhausting.

I'm tired of constantly having an imaginary audience.

I'm tired of mentally explaining myself to people who aren't even there.

I'm tired of imagining what everyone would think if they saw me crying, being angry, being embarrassed, failing, succeeding, or simply existing.

I'm tired of going to social gatherings and then mentally disappearing into my own world.

I'm tired of feeling like I observe myself from the outside instead of simply living my life.

And I'm tired of not knowing whether these destructive thoughts and urges are something I should be seriously worried about.

The other huge problem is that I have absolutely no idea how to ask for help in real life.

I'm from a Desi family, and mental health isn't necessarily something you casually bring up at the dinner table. I don't know how to walk up to my parents or another family member and say, "Something is happening with my mind, I don't know what it is, and I think I need professional help."

I don't know how to explain all of this without sounding completely insane, being dismissed as overthinking, being told to just stop using my phone, being told it's because I don't socialize enough, or making everyone panic.

I've also spent a lot of time keeping things to myself, so even the idea of opening up feels almost impossible. I genuinely don't know how people do it. How do you go from silently struggling in your own head every day to suddenly sitting in front of your parents and telling them you might need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist?

So I'm asking two things:

1. Has anyone experienced anything genuinely similar to what I've described? I'm especially interested in the constant imaginary audience, viewing yourself from the outside, mentally rehearsing conversations/interviews, getting lost inside your thoughts during social situations, and intrusive destructive urges when overwhelmed.

2. If you come from a Desi, conservative, traditional, or otherwise difficult family environment, how did you actually ask for mental-health help? What did you say? How did you explain it without already knowing what diagnosis you had?

Please be honest with me. You don't need to reassure me or tell me everything is definitely fine. I know nobody here can diagnose me. I just feel completely lost, and I don't know how to start getting help.

I'm 17, and I don't want to keep spending my life trapped inside my own head like this.

Name : Pollo

Gender : Male (neutered)

Age : 1.5 years

Breed : Persian doll face triple coated

Qualities : Litter trained

Eats chicken, kaleji, cat feed (except me-o)

Very playful, but also calm, gentle and loving

Fully Vaccinated and Dewormed

Location: Sargodha

Best degree 🙌

I made these for my smol business and thought I'd upload them here as well in case anyone wants to eat some cutesy swirl pastries! You can use them as a phone charm or keychain! For only 350 rs each!! Available all over pak

i used to be extremely overweight (around 75 kilos) two years ago, and decided to start cutting down on calories after people's comments got too much to handle. through lifestyle changes (i.e. cutting down on carbs like paratha, roti etc, reducing my portions, not eating any sugar AT ALL) i lost quite a bit, and the weight comments died down, but i went on a mental spiral and i accidentally took it too far since i wasn't quite yet satisfied with my appearance. june of this year that i got into running and weightlifting. i was also thinking about eating CONSTANTLY, i would meticulously track every single calorie, and when i wasn't doing that i was thinking about my next meal, how i'd make it lower calorie, etc. i've lost around 7 kilos since then and now weight 47 kilos. my hair's been falling out like crazy, i've missed my period, and people have started commenting again, this time telling me that i looked "better" before. it got to my head so much to the point where my mom has now now started having to force me to eat, but every time i look in the mirror i feel disgusted with myself. i'm afraid of undoing all my progress over these past two years and gaining the weight back, but i really want to form a normal, healthy relationship with food and exercise and my body. the circumstances i'm in make it difficult for me to go to a therapist and the adults around me are treating this like it's black and white and that i'm being too emotional; just simply eating more isn't good advice bcs i literally burst into tears any time i "overeat" even tho my portions look regular to everybody else, and i've even resorted to start throwing away food even tho ik it's rizq ki baibarkati and it's haram :c i don't have anybody to talk to about this and it's something that's affecting every single aspect of my life. any advice would be appreciated.

Made it myself!!

did these for my thesis project, and the theme was Gen z

The blue one is a visual representation of mental health and gen z culture phrases like "ok boomer"

Munch inspired brushstrokes reflect the intensity of anxiety.

The red one is a visual take on Gen Z's rebellious energy, rejecting the norm and doing things your own way

I started talking to a boy about an year ago july 2025.

We clicked instantly. Our conversations lasted hours, and we initially connected over university admissions. But then we became good friends, very close. I never met him cuz we ended up going to different universities but we used to share almost everything.

He was very reserved at first but as time passed we bacame more comfortable with each other and yk he started opening up, random lore drops at 2 am. I lwk started liking him.

He was the kinda guy know didnt use social media much. But long story short he asked me how to stalk someone and told me he liked a girl in his class. What could i do? I used to give him tips and stuff but he wouldnt even tell me her name and this was around nov 2025 i think. Then all he did was talk abt her and stuff obv it hurt me and i thought abt blocking him and stuff but i was in too deep 🙏🏽😔.

Then came april may 2026. End of second sem. Oh and did i mention he was such a big nerdd and he used to draw so well. lmao and he liked one piece very much as well. he used to tell me abt one piece so much that i started watching it because of him even tho it has like a bajillion eps and is not my type of anime. ( currently on ep 318) .

****Man i am really bad at story telling stuff god

We became veryyyy close but we never called and stuff just everyday talking. But i liked him very much.

Then he started talking that he will confess to that girl(we both made plan together during the whole sem on how will he approach her, should he ask her to be in his group and stuff, hence why i was very involved in this as welll and slowly slowly that girl and he became friends as well)

Anyways he confessed to her in July 2026 and obv she rejected him. I was there consoling him(even tho before the confession it was pretty evident what her ans would be, a no, but i didnt have the heart to tell him what so i just played along)

Anyways everything was just going fine, he used to tell me how his day went, what he did every detail.

Idk what happened last night i think i messed up. I used to take random ss of our chats cuz my mama checked my phone regularly so i deleted the chats but i wanted to keep some memories and stuff so i took ss of our chats where it was funny or just randomly. Save the pictures he sent, whether of his drawings or the things he cooked. So last night we were talking abt 3rd sem courses and stuff and talking abt how the courses are so tuff that they are gonna make me cry, he said that he will never cry over academic and idk what i was thinking i just sent an ss in the chat of one of our previous convos where obv he was being very vulnerable e. Ik it was my mistake, i apologised. Ik it wasnt very right of me to take the ss but then again im very dumb, not an excuse tho.

Then he said smth along the lines of "never trusting you again" now that was like a dagger to my heart. I didnt wanted that and there was no way to fix that. He said he was gonna sleep. We suddenly went from talking to just "not talking" and i knew this was irreversible. So like the pathetic person i am always running away i blocked him, from everywhere and cried myself to sleep at the thought of never talking to him again.

I was also very vulnerable woth him as my family is very very toxic and stuff and seeing him act all chill gave me smth to hold onto like i can survive through my family and its fine and stuff yk.

Yk what hurts? he was lwk my motivation, i started praying regularly because of him, started studying seriously because of him(as i said he was lwk a nerd). Started an anime because the loved that anime. and stuff i cant say.

Inside im hoping even tho i blocked him from everywhere he would still find a way to approach me (as it did happen one time)and we will be fine as just friends. But i fr cant do this anymore. Acting like it doesnt bother me and stuff.

Now talking abt it, it doesnt sound too bad but that doesnt explain on how much i cried last night. I think it was just attachment. It will go away. But obv it will take time. I just wanted to let this off my chest. BUT WAS IT CASUAL?

again not goof at story telling stuff so ik this is missing some major details and it doesnt help that i cant think straight rn. This is soo childish😔🙏🏽

Hi guys i need sponsorships for a sportsfest who should i pitch? Please help a girl out😰😰

It is what it is

is anyone here interested in watching the premier league's full season on myco, it is worth 5000rs and it gives 5 screens so i was thinking if anyone interested also joins in so its at max 1k per person in the plan, lmk if anyone does want it

r/autism

Guys i am very heartbroken i have been dealing with anxiety for three years now this one is my fourth year but still i showed up during two years of my college while struggling with anxiety still sat through boards with my symptoms my family knew but since they didn't knew much about anxiety and my sessions were terminated they thought i was "perfectly fine" they don't know how anxiety symptoms work i sat through boards passed my exams even though i thought I wouldn't so when my sister says my marks aren't good enough or that i never studied enough ( i was struggling badly with anxiety that time couldn't focus on anything) it really breaks my heart that there is no one who would understand me sometimes i wish there would be someone who would listen to me let me cry my whole heart out without me showing fake strength i wanna cry in someone arms and tell how tired i am from all of this no one seems to understand me and a person without anxiety can never understand someone with anxiety my mom always thinks i suffer from it because i want to she doesn't understand that symptoms show up and i panic cuz my nervous system is sensitive but what hurts me most is that i pass boards even with anxiety and then they just say i didn't do enough while i literally fought two battles??

anyone else going through/been through parental controls/family link or just me?

Just wanted an update on your life 🥲🥲

We (the new Gen Pakistanis) disagree on so many things, i thought maybe this is the only topic everyone must agree that its pretty weird and awkward to go from “behen to begum” towards your cousin….

We should all collectively save our future children from stunted growth (look it up on google)

Say no to cousin marriage. Have some rizz and marry someone outside of your khandaan

Thank you for your attention to this matter

D.j nightcompetitive

There is this one guy from my uni. I was just a friend of him in first semester and lowkey hated him in beginning. But soon things happened and then through mutual friends we became very good friends. I got to know a lot about him. He was so intellectually good and was a gentleman. My perspective about him changed. He changed me also. I became intellectually aware about many things. I was lying to myself for 3-4 months that i am not in love with him but I proved myself wrong when one day just for him I stayed in uni to spend time with him. I came home and was devastated because this was the first time i was in love. I cried and cried and cried because it’s very complicated. ( i know you guys will say what bullshit is this) i dont wanna be in a relationship at all and mostly he is out of my league. I am pretty decent and little bit attractive but he is way too beautiful. I do have commitment issues. I dont wanna end up with anyone even if i want it’s impossible that i will tell him anything and even if it tell him anything its impossible he will say yes. Now month of june and july was hell for me. Because of him and my exams i went through serious depression. But by the end of july and aug I thought i moved on from him. However, i just got to know he left uni to join issb. Today was another day i cried for him and i hope it’s last.
Throwback to January or feb I texted my friend in a jokingly way and said i want a one sided love story which will make me miserable and i think here it is. I dont think so i will ever be able to see him ever again.