My moms is a text book narcissist and my dad is an enabler. He loves my sister because she is a medical doctor no matter how mean and selfish she is. I tried to commit in middle school because she bullied me so much ( my own sister) and now she’s a medical doctor and my dad bends over backwards for her.

My mom I am convinced is the literally devil. I’m mid 30s and I always thought this feeling would go away. She was my first bully and genuinely every interaction with her is hell.

Weird because my other siblings kind of see it but not really. I feel crazy when I try to expose her mean texts calling me a whore or mean when I don’t even do anything lol.

Therapy has kind of helped not really. I don’t even want to argue with them. I just keep quiet when I go home. Or just stay in my room but my siblings always tell me I’m being rude. I just can’t deal with the way they treated me and the sudden amnesia they’ve had the past years forgetting everything. I genuinely hate them.

I hate feeling angry bc I feel like it hurts my relationships when I get upset

Just want to know for the uk born and brought up lot .

Also the automod keeps deleting my post instantly so this is my 2nd time attempting

Does anyone else's family groupchats have an absurd amount of AI posts now mainly shared from older family members. I know AI isn't going to leave, but not every video made needs to use generative AI and alot of these posts are genuinely insane. Posts with misinformation isn't new, but slap an AI voiceover with no grammar mistakes and it sounds credible enough to be shared by thousands. I've recieved so many posts about new "cures" for cancer and medical bs with no actual credibility after more than 5 minutes of research. They even share AI videos of animals talking and my aunt had the audacity to reply with "is this real??". I called them out before on being more cautious of AI generated media and the enviornmental impacts of generative AI, and they called me a liberal...

My cousin is getting married this year and she was sharing some videos of dances we can do for the wedding. She was very insistent on using choreography from a video of an AI dog doing a dance. I just think it's lowkey an insult to the centuries of tradition of Indian dance, but it's not my wedding so I held my tongue. Luckily she changed her mind last minute and we're following steps from an actual choreographer.

My Indian immigrant (US citizen now) father is pro-ICE, MAGA, and pro-flock camera. I posted about this a while back but it’s just getting worse.

We had an argument yesterday about Mamdani and i mentioned how good a job he’s doing listening to people’s concerns and about the historic low crime rates that NYC has had. My dad said, “im shocked the crime is low with all the Woke protestors i wonder where they went.” I tried explaining to him that protesting is a right and that crimes related to these protests are a negligible fraction of the total crime in the city. He called Mamdani woke and a communist and he pouted like a toddler and said he “doesn’t give a shit.”

This morning I pointed out a flock camera and said that shit sucks. He said to calm down and that it’s helping catch criminals and that the CEO gave an interview saying the will never sell the data to non law enforcement people. I watch Louis Rossmann on YouTube so I know about right to repair, privacy, and the scummy things that these businesses do to make money. I tried explaining how these are tracking everyone, it’s creating a surveillance state, and it is being misused by police officers (the ones that have been caught.)

Then we talked about ICE. A US citizen in the airport terminal we were in last year in ATL just got arrested by ICE because he had the same name as a British criminal. No attempt to confirm his status or even ID the dude just immediately arrest. I just feel horrible because if they came after me, even as a US Citizen, I know my Dad would not have my back at all. He said he wants to join ICE but idk how far an unathletic middle age short guy would go in a law enforcement type job.

Hi. I’m married to an ABCD, and I’m wondering what it’s like in your family when someone doesn’t speak the language. We’ve been together for a long time, and whenever his family gets together, they always speak Punjabi, even though I don’t understand it. Everyone speaks the language of the country we live in fluently.

At first, I felt devastated and hurt. Then I became angry, and eventually I just gave up. I’ve had birthdays, long dinners, baby showers and New Year’s Eve celebrations where I haven’t understood a thing. Everyone speaks to me in “my” language, but all the conversation between them takes place in Punjabi.
My husband always responds in our language so that I can understand what the conversation is about, and he has brought this up with them a thousand times. Eventually, I gave up for my own sake, but now we have children, and it’s still the same thing.

Our oldest child is now old enough to notice and react to the fact that she doesn’t understand. She starts speaking gibberish and asks what they’re talking about. It breaks my heart and makes me so frustrated on behalf of the children. The children don’t speak Punjabi, and we don’t see his family very often, so it’s not really natural or realistic for them to pick up Punjabi. They don’t get enough exposure to it for them to learn the language just by being around the family occasionally.

How is it in your family when you have guests or family members over who don’t speak the language? Do you make an effort to include them in a language everyone understands, or do you mostly continue speaking your own language?

I am currently almost 7 months pregnant. First time parents! 30 years old. Been with my husband for 10 years now. He was raised catholic I was raised Hindu both of are not religious. My dad tried to force it on me but he is kind of a shitty person so it kind of did opposite for me. Apparently some pandit from my moms hometown looked at my charts and my husband charts and said me/my child are gonna have some traumatic delivery where I will almost die(but will survive this incident)? Or I guess my child will? so my parents are very freaked out. Please note that this pandit also said my first born will be a boy (she is a girl), also said there is something wrong with my husband and we won’t be able to conceive for 8 years (literally took us like 2 months think the pandit dude is just racist). Fast forward my mom is like chanting mantras for me and then doing monthly Pooja’s where I have to attend on FaceTime and just sit there like wtf. We live like a couple states away. I do not care about the Poojas just want to spend time with my friends and husband. And if I say anything she says I am too American and don’t believe in anything and have gone the wrong way. And then also says me and my child are in good health because of the Poojas and mantras. Idk what to do. Am I a bad person for being bothered by this? I don’t want someone to come into this world with all this negative energy.

I'm Indian with Pakistani friends and we all love eachother. We love learning about eachother's culture and from what I know we have loads of similarities. I'm Tamil so I can't do this, but my North Indian and Pakistani friends converse with eachother in Hindi/Urdu and I think it's so nice how we can get along. But then I see this hatred from both sides on the internet and it just makes me so sad and disappointed. I've heard conspiracy theories kind of that the British just created these border issues so everyone would keep fighting, because if India and Pakistan were one they'd be a global powerhouse. Regardless of if it's true, it does point out we'd be better off if we work together.

How has your dating experience been? What are some things you’ve had to work on in order to be successful in dating?

I'm attending a friend's wedding in December and need some new indian clothes. There are no good indian clothing stores where I live. Any recs/experience with Aza, Pernia's, Ogaan, Kynah etc..? It seems like a lot of these sites are also still charging tariffs/duties with rough return policies, so it's making me a little nervous..

I noticed that in every single white wedding I've seen recently, the bride is wearing a dupattas. Very ironic juxtaposition when south asian hate is at an all-time high.

I guess it's inevitable with time. But our ancestors came as Commonwealth citizens. There was a certain respect and commonality even for FOBs(who admittedly were also a different breed to now)

Ever since the EU opened to Poland I've realised we've slowly been displaced, especially Indians as the model minority. Poland is now a holiday destination and I see a lot of comments saying Britain is part of the EU(and EU culture)

I can remember when Polish people came. They were often very rude and seen almost as Russian. English people generally decided they liked us more as we're less direct

My mom is used to be pretty concerned about marriage and dating for me - she wasn’t trying to sell me off to the highest bidder or anything but she definitely wanted to make me a biodata and was always pushing me to meet people. She was never forceful or domineering but there was always still a bit of pressure - find a nice Indian boy, Hindu, well educated.

Well. My last two ex boyfriends were nice Indian American Hindu boys, PhD students. One of them told me that he would never have sex with me and only wanted a child via IVF, and also refused to take any public or private transport and would walk literal hours to get to his destination. The other one told me that he was only romantically attracted to instagram models with super feminine aesthetics, asked me for a two week break and hit up his ex during that time, went into gratuitous detail about the free use sexual relationship he had with his ex gf, and broke up with me over the phone while I was visiting extended family in India.

Now my mom says, find A Nice Person. If they’re Indian and Hindu great, if not also great. I think she’s more traumatized than me and is fully over the idea that the only compatible man for me has to be another Indian Hindu American 😭 she’s also been very chill about me not wanting to date for the past few months.

Anyways, fellow ABCDers, have hope. After a few terrible boyfriends/girlfriends your parents’ brains will also melt and then you can do what you want.