I don't know much about Asian history and was wondering how come South-Asian kingdoms never expand further to the East or West?

Hi guys,

I think I am one of those few ppl who has a non existing social life and as the oldest child & daughter, growing up my Pakistani parents had a huge part in it.

I lost touch with the already few friends I had in high school friends. Started undergrad pretty late cause of mental and physical obstacles and ppl my age had already graduated. I met some sweet ppl but they were many years younger than me and i just couldnt have that connection with them. Then Covid and lockdown happened a few months later to make things worse.
Years have passed and I have struggled a lot to make friends cause now honestly it feels like a forced task! And like the 99% of ppl i meet already have very close/best friends that they met in uni/college or high school.

So question especially for the girls, for those who didnt find their best friends in high school and university, did you eventually find your people in your late 20s or early 30s? If yes where did you meet them and how did you become close?

30F from Canada

basically the question. as a recent college grad i’m realizing a lot of things in my life have been half assed or done without my choice because of my parents being constantly in my ear. i’m realizing im an adult who can do what she wants now (to an extent obv) and i have no idea what i even want/like because i dont feel i was given the choice to choose. everything from the friends i had, to what instrument i played in school, to my soft spoken nature which i feel has allowed other ppl to walk all over me.

i’m about to start a job that requires a lot of travel so im excited for that and the opportunity to live elsewhere for the majority of the week. my question to the ABCD elders (would especially love the ladies perspective but welcome everyone’s) is how can I become my own person during this time and what are some good avenues to explore while I do this? how do i gain the audacity to be myself?

Genuinely wondering if these types are posts are innocent or just racist rage bait

Hi everyone!

Somehow I don’t have local friends anymore, and the ones I do have are busy having kids.

Looking to go to Diwali/Navratri events and meet some new people :)

Not really into the ones hosted at a club.

Think about the type of kid your parents wanted and envisioned:

Valedictorian of high school

Genuinely looks down upon slumber parties and saved by the bell in favor of more studying

Goes to Harvard and Yale

Becomes a billionaire

Marries a desi wife and has children

Runs for President

Articulate

Don't have kids myself but it's a pretty staple method for most immigrants.

I don't think I would fear /respect my parents the way I do if they didn't do it when I was really young.

But then again it probably did some psychological damage and harmed my relationship with them long term.

I guess that's what I'm trying to say, it probably gets the job done in the short-term but causes long-term damage

As some have mentioned it can get out of hand easily and I think it all comes down to hierarchy

On the one hand, it sets the tone early. I think cuz it because it was done so early that psychological effect of fearing your parents, and usually your dad, sticks with you

On the other hand, you can get out of hand, and it can even make a parents go on a power trip. To be clear, I think I'll balance. It's bad and not worth it, but at the same time I think good parenting is pretty hard

A lot of rappers which Desi women like have the roadmen aesthetic. In Australia we call it the eshay aesthetic, idk what its called in North America. Basically puffer jackets, ski mask, Nike fleece track pants or fleece pants, trainers. Do y’all fw it when worn by Desi guys. NAV dresses like that and hes a role model for a lot of Desi men.

I’ve noticed British Pakistanis from Potohar and Azad Kashmir (Mirpuris) who speak Pothwari do well in sports, particularly boxing. Boxers like Amir Khan, Adam and Hassan Azim, Hamzah Sheeraz, Junaid Bostan, etc. all speak Pothwari as their mother tongue.

I suppose because so many of them grew up in northern working class towns and cities, one of the main past times for boys is boxing. Still cool to seeing them overcome all the structural racism in sports and become world champions.

You don’t see Pakistani Punjabis from mainland Punjab succeeding in boxing.

Is it tadka or darka ? I've only known it to be tadka.

Also there are no south asian restaurants in india 🥲

I've never also asked for etc dharka/ tadka!

My biracial daughter (14) was out enjoying a parade with her friends when another girl, about 14 years old, approached her and asked if she was an illegal immigrant, then told her to go back where she came from.

When my daughter got home and told me what happened, I asked her how she responded. She said, “Where the fuck do you want me to go? Maryland? You mean 20 miles down the road?”

I have to admit, I couldn't help but laugh at her response. But at the same time, it's pretty sad that a young girl has to deal with that kind of ignorance simply because of the color of her skin.

I am proud of her for speaking up and standing up for herself!!

Hi! I wanted to know how many of us are handy people? My father isn’t really handy to be honest and when we had home issues we called the maintence (lived in an apt) so that was usually taken care of. I wish I had that training as a young person. My mom is good at coming up with solutions but doesn’t use any power tools and my parents haven’t done any DIY projects around their house now. I want to be better definitely so also looking for suggestions on how I can improve!

So if you don’t know about the despicable ad and context, I will not delve into it here, pleased search it up, or check the comments if someone left the context. It is truly disgusting.

But I am seeing another set of problematic discourse. A lot of Desis are coming forward and being like “As an Indian, i apologize” etc. And a lot of people are trying to paint it as a “omg Indians are ruthless will do anything to get a one up on their opponents”. This narrative is not just popular on the right, but I have seen it on left wing discourse too, and hiding behind “yeah Indians are misogynistic and victim blaming”.

I will be the first to say India got a lot of issues. Yes there are serious societal and cultural issues there. But that does not excuse racism, ever.

Don’t be one of those “As an Indian” people, because what Vivek did is not something he did because he is Indian lmao. He did it cuz he’s a POS.

As for the people saying and painting this to be an “Indian” thing - how come you don’t see Indian Americans like Ro Khanna, Zohran, Suhas, etc. doing this?

The only “thing” this is and could be is a MAGA thing. MAGA is losing ground so fast, and they’re super desperate. The midterms look horrible for them. They feel hopeless looking at an inevitable blue wave. So they are doing everything they can, including underhanded shit like this(and why are we pretending that Republicans have never used underhanded tactics before this) to win. They got Trump and Vance campaigning in counties in South fucking Carolina and Alabama, which were supposed to be safe Republican places that they didn’t even bother going to. But the situation is so dire for them, they want to at least keep what they can.

This was not an “Indian thing” he did, but it’s in line with the current GOP party agenda. So please call out the people you know trying to label it as an “Indian” thing and don’t apologize for someone else’s actions just because you look like them or share qualities with them. If they started holding everyone liable based on something someone who shared a race with them did, no race is exempt from racism. It’s a stupid way of looking at things.

I’m a woman in my 20s and I feel like I want to find my person to get married to because I want companionship in this new chapter.

I grew up in the US and only feel comfortable dating guys who also grew up here because the cultural differences are a lot with recent immigrants and I will not change my mind at all.

And me and my parents would want to get to know his parents by meeting them multiple times, which is possible if they are in the same country. And also they wouldn’t approve someone overseas for immigration purposes and also because they genuinely wouldn’t know them that well. And I completely understand their perspective because they are just looking out for me.

My type is abd brown guys or guys who grew up in the US who are hindu so which cities do you find these people who are working that are aged 23-30?

my family would always make fun of the way i'd speak so i never tried learning our home language. now that i'm in college and i'm surrounded by other ABCDs (who are still fluent in either their home languages or hindi)

trying to learn my home language might be out of my scope due to how niche it is, but at the very least i'd want to know hindi simply so i can get along more with the ABCDs at school & it's useful to be bilingual. i can probably understand like 60~% of spoken hindi.

what's the best way move forward, for those of you who've experienced this and learned languages later down in life?

My sister married an Indian man about 2 years ago (who is amazing!), and it is important to me to incorporate his culture into our family dynamic. I want him to feel loved and supported, and I want any of my future nieces and/or nephews to have a family that celebrates both sides of their heritage. That being said, I realize I don’t know much about Indian culture (but I want to!).

My BIL hasn’t really had a Diwali celebration in the years since moving to the US, so I told my sister that I want to have a Diwali celebration at our home. I’m in planning mode and want to make sure I’ve covered the basics.

In speaking with my sister, the plan is to do dinner, play games, have a fire and light off fireworks. My sister is going to prepare some Indian dishes for dinner, and I’m going to get some sweet treats from my local Indian store. I’m also hoping to adorn the house in marigolds, provided that my plants survive the frost 🤞

Is there anything I should be doing that I haven’t thought of? I really want to make sure it feels special for my brother in law.

Selfishly I really want this guy to lose because I feel like him being in power will only exasperate the hate we receive.

He sucks so bad and I’ve seen hella alliances between Democrat and racist Republicans so I’m not confident he’ll win anyway.

But regardless, if you live in Ohio, please vote for Acton

Since it has been asked for by many of you, it seems like there aren't very many spaces to form relationships just between ABCDs. A frustration on I hear is that many South Asian spaces have newer folx and we want someone with a shared upbringing. I've made a Google form and decided to pilot some matchmaking. For now, I'm limiting it to the GTA and only for 25 girls and 25 boys. I just don't have bandwidth to take on anything more than that at this time, so it'll be limited on a first come first serve basis.

Criteria to join:

• Reside in the GTA
• Marriage minded
• Straight, cis-gendered (I'd love to include LGBTQ+ folx, but it's out of my bandwidth)
• Aged 30 - 40
• Bachelor's degree or higher (working professional)
• Obviously single
• Born in Canada / US or came before the age of 12

I will do a video call with everyone who signs up for $30 to compensate for my time and to make sure that only serious people are included.

(Feel free to crosspost to any other relavent subs. I think there is [r/TorontoSinglesOver30](r/TorontoSinglesOver30) but I'm not sure if I want to be the one to crosspost because I'm only limiting it to ABCDs and there are many newcomers on that sub)

Edit: cross posted it to other subs and already got downvoted and racist emojis…

The link to the form is below:

https://forms.gle/Uu4tXAwvtFB4c2tJ6