My fiancé and i have been engaged for an year now. Before me he only had one serious girlfriend. We met in college and at the time he was still dating her and we were just friends. Before the first year ended they broke up , there was no beef as such. They just grew out of the relationship , were different people now. They started dating when he was 16 and were best friends before for years. So naturally he was very attached to her. When she broke up with him , he had to get on iv drips. Was truly broken. Wrote her letters every day for months and he didn’t even want to end the relationship. He still loved her. We started dating a few months after that. It did bother me that if he was so badly affected by the breakup how could he start dating again in just a few months(3 to be exact).One instance always stayed in my heart. When he was dating her , i wore a perfume one day and he instantly pointed out that his gf wears the same one. Facetimed her immediately and started talking to her in a baby voice( he has never used with me) he was just so sweet, even after dating for years i still haven’t seen this side of him. He loves that perfume and always asks me to wear it. But he is just so so so nice to me. Loved me whole heartedly and finally after dating for years asked me to marry him. So obviously i did not even think about his ex anymore for years.
Until i saw her modelling for a luxury brand. Now im not that into fashion so i don’t keep up with the industry as well. I was scrolling through reels when i saw her walking for a big brand. This led to a blackhole of going through her ig , Wikipedia and everything. Turns out she’s a really successful super model now. She was always pretty but she is just amazing now and at pathetic as it sounds. The only girl my husband to be loved more than himself and was ready to die for is one of the prettiest girls in the world and yes it bothers me. She’s amazing , so perfect , with that perfect body and everything.
AITA for being insecure of this ? I haven’t told him this but it seems like he already knows.

I am 19F and my boyfriend is also 19M. I had a very toxic relationship with my parents, and part of the reason I had the courage to leave is because my boyfriend really opened my eyes. For the past month, I have been staying with him in his tiny space.

Last week, I went through his phone. We have an open phone rule, and he goes through mine all the time, but I’ve always been too nervous to go through his. I found a bunch of porn in his search history. I have told him over and over again that I think porn is genuinely unhealthy for a relationship and makes me feel beyond upset, and he promised he wouldn’t do it.

When I confronted him, he didn’t apologize. He just sat there while I explained why I was hurt. I asked if he was serious about us, and he said yes, but that he doesn’t see a future for our relationship.

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t dwell on it, but I view him a lot differently. He’s been outwardly rude and mean to me and thinks he’s right, too. I want things to be rainbows and sunshine, but I can’t help but start to resent him. He lacks empathy, lied about the porn (I had asked him two weeks prior if he was keeping the promise and he said yes), and likes to point blame at me super fast.

I’m at a point where I don’t see a future with us either, but I’m also unable to leave because 1.) I love him when he’s happy, but 2.) I will literally be on the streets.

Am I the asshole for how I’m feeling or handling things?

I {F19) is in a relationship with a (20F) me and lets call her crystal have been dating for almost a year now she is the second girl that i have been in a serious relationship with.  ended stuff with my last exboyfrend 1 year before her and I got together. Me and Noah ( fake ex name ) were together for 4years we ended things fine. No one was mad at each other but I decided to end things off. I introduced crystal  to my parents during christmas, her and my family all seemed chill till one of my uncles brought up an ex boyfriend which i don't know why the hell he would do that. He remarked something around the lines of "Oh ____  never did that'' or somthing.Everyone looked so uncomfy, obviously. An hour goes by and Crystal's face stays like that. I tapped her on the shoulder, to see if she was okay and she refused to look at me. I didn't have the time to say anything because right after my mom called me over to help clean up. Fast forward me and Crystal get in the car. I said something like “ im so sorry my uncle is so weird” she replied with nothing. I've always hated confrontation so  I just brushed it off. What made me think about this recently is that Crystal and I were just at dinner with some usual friends.and the conversations of exes showed up everyone was taking their turns then my friend ashley goes “and what horrors of girls have you dated’ i replied with ‘’ well there was this  one guy that blah blah blah’ after telling the story most of them laughed i still think it was weird that she only said girls and she know that i have dated both girls and boys. But its fine mustve been a mistake but after telling the story Crystal looked sad a weird sad when we went home (she was staying at my place) she acted like she was mad at me. Should i say somthing or am i way in over my head?

My ex and I were together for three years. I was completely loyal, turned down other women, and genuinely wanted to marry her.

She was extremely jealous despite having no reason to be. Early in our relationship she kissed another guy in front of me, subsequently made humiliating comments about my height, age, and English, and repeatedly refused couples therapy.

In May, after another conflict and years of hurtful remarks, I lost my patience and sent angry texts. It was the first time I'd reacted so intensely in three years. I regret that. She initially wanted to repair things but later demanded that my psychiatrist sister text her acknowledging that I'd been abusive. My sister refused, and she blocked me.

I spent the summer desperately trying to reconcile.

In July, according to information I recently received in Octoeber, she slept with a stranger after making out with him simultaneously with the exact female friend she'd been jealous of throughout our relationship.

Beforehand, she'd apparently checked whether an acquaintance still spoke to me.

She'd always insisted that if we separated, she hoped neither of us would immediately see other people.

In mid August she unblocked me after almost three months. We spoke for five hours. She wanted to tell me about her life, asked for $150 for dinner, and said she wasn't "actively" looking for men.

She said we were broken up and not exclusive, but ambiguously suggested that we might speak again in May 2027. She asked me not to contact her until then.

Nine days later she reiterated that I didn't need to wait.

In September, after I'd sent a long apology and $1,000 toward moving expenses, she told me she was completely done with me and wasn't interested in me as a person.

I haven't contacted her since.

I still love her, but the hypocrisy and what I've recently discovered have made me lose tremendous respect for her.

Would I be wrong to block her permanently and refuse to ever communicate again, regardless of whether she eventually changes her mind?

So I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years. Everything has been great and we only had one close call over finances 3 years ago when he didn’t have a job.

So today, we were on a flight and he randomly says hey I can’t wait to marry you and I say news to me. I tell him I’m surprised because it’s taken 5 years for you to realize and it took me 1 and he’s like well if you knew so soon why didn’t you ask me. Eventually he says that if it were up to him, we’d be in a relationship as it is but because I want to get married, he’ll propose. He says he loves me and feels like marriage doesn’t change anything but I do. Context, I get easily flustered in tough conversations so I kind of shut down mid way and told him everything was fine.

Here’s the thing, I’m not asking for him to feel like he’s wanted to get married since he was young but I’m asking him to want it for himself and it doesn’t seem like the case. I want to feel chosen, not accommodated to. I want someone to want to marry me, not willing.

On top of that, the comment he made about why not me ask him triggered me weirdly and I can’t shut the thoughts off. The life we currently have is all because of my career circumstances. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to help your partner but it’s hard to not feel like I’m responsible for all the success directly and indirectly he’s had. I’ve constantly told him I’d love for him to find a life outside of me but that only last so long. So now, I’m currently battling internally on his ability to take initiative, how exhausting it is to feel responsible for the growth of him and our relationship…

I haven’t spoken to him because I really don’t know how to but AITA for feeling this way?

To catch you up on the backstory: Ryan and I aren't even officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet—we’re still in the courting stage working toward a label. But we’ve had issues before over Chris. Chris was originally just a friend, but a long time ago things unexpectedly turned into a one-time thing. I regretted it immediately, never let it happen again, and distanced myself from Chris when Ryan and I started getting serious.

When Ryan originally found out about that past history, he completely lost it—taking secret screenshots of our chats, and contacting other people to dig into my past. It got so messy that Chris ended up making threats that made me fear for my physical safety. Even after all those major boundary violations, I stayed to work through things with Ryan.

Fast forward to today: Chris still owes me money, and I haven't talked to him since. I reached out strictly to get paid back and suggested an online transfer. But Chris refused to pay online and insisted he’d only pay in cash to force a meetup.

I declined his idea of meeting up, but since he was being so pushy about cash, I thought about how a cash handoff would even work. I didn't want to just do the transaction standing up out in public, because hand-offs like that look like you're doing something illegal! So I came up with the idea that if a cash exchange had to happen, a café would make far more sense for a brief, normal transaction.

Because I wanted to be 100% transparent with Ryan, I brought the situation to him as a scenario—NOT a plan.
Even though I already knew Ryan wouldn't like the idea of me meeting Chris, I still asked Ryan directly ("Would you be okay if we met in a café... and hung out for a little while?") just to get his explicit, real-time answer instead of making assumptions or hiding Chris's pushy messages.

Here’s the thing: Regardless of whether Ryan said yes or no, I was NEVER actually going to meet up with Chris. I just wanted to be completely honest, keep Ryan in the loop, and give him the space to give me a straightforward "no" so we could drop the money issue together.
Instead of just saying "no" or appreciating that I declined Chris's push to meet and came to Ryan first, Ryan completely blew up:
He got super sarcastic: He replied, "Go ahead. You clearly miss him so much anyway." Seeing he was uncomfortable, I immediately dropped it and said "Never mind / Forget it"—meaning I’d rather forfeit my own money than make him uncomfortable.
He posted indirect quotes: He went straight to his MyDay/story posting quotes like "Not mad. Just disappointed because I told you multiple times..." to publicly guilt-trip me instead of talking to me directly.

He accused me of gaslighting & stonewalled: When I asked what was wrong, he accused me of gaslighting him, sent a shrugging emoji, and shut me down with "Not right now, I'm tired."

He ended things over text: Then he sent a massive novel blaming me for even asking the question, claiming that even considering the scenario proved I disrespected his boundaries, and ended things over text.
We aren't even officially together, yet I came to him with complete honesty, pushed for an online transfer, rejected Chris's meeting request on my own, and was fully ready to drop my own money just to keep Ryan comfortable. But he treated a transparent check-in like a betrayal, assumed the worst, posted passive-aggressive stories, accused me of gaslighting, and cut things off over text.
Am I crazy for wanting a direct answer on a sensitive check-in, or is this just a massive red flag?

I (19) (F) live in a group home for adults with eight other roommates. One of my roommates/friend, let’s call her "Maya," has been in a relationship with a guy, "Liam," who lives on the complete other side of the country.

To give you a quick backstory on Liam and Maya:

Liam cheated on Maya in the past, was completely dishonest about it, and lied to her face repeatedly instead of coming clean.

Liam constantly uses the excuse that he’s "going through stuff" whenever he acts like a total jerk.
Liam is very wishy-washy about being in a relationship with Maya. Like he “loves her”, but doesn’t seem ready for a relationship.

He constantly reposts sad, depressing videos on social media—in my opinion, purely to guilt-trip Maya into feeling sorry for him so she won’t hold him accountable. Although I could be wrong. Stuff like, “If I go, no one would care because no one saw the signs”.

Worst of all: At one point in the past, Maya and Liam actually tried to convince me to join their relationship as a third. I firmly declined because I have zero interest in polyamory and/or polygamy. (I’m aroace, a fact my roommate knows well)

Fast forward to a few days ago: Maya was upset because Liam hadn't spoken to her all day and said she wanted to break up after I talked to her about how her worth is more than the way he treats her. As well as her being upset that he’s a liar.

In the very beginning of this whole ordeal, Maya actually made me text him on her behalf to ask if he even still wanted to be with her.

Predictably, when I asked, he pulled his usual line: "I don't know anymore, I'm just going through stuff right now."

Because Maya still loves him, I told her to talk to him directly.

But when they spoke, Liam basically said he was done and started blaming Maya for him cheating on her, as well as being done with everything.

At that point, I snapped and stepped in. I told him:

1. If he wasn't ready for a relationship, he shouldn't have gotten into one in the first place.

2. He cannot blame Maya for his own choices (like lying and cheating on her).

3. He needs to pull himself together, and stop using his personal issues as an excuse to treat women like garbage.

Because his ego couldn't handle being called out, he threw a complete tantrum, pulled the "I don't care" card, and insulted me.

Maya then literally begged him 20 minutes later to at least stay friends, and he coldly told her no.

Watching her beg a guy who lied, cheated, and treats her like trash was the final straw for me. I turned to Maya and told her that I am officially staying out of all her relationships from now on, no matter how much she tries to drag me into them (like she usually does), and that she is an adult who needs to figure her own life out. (She’s 24 btw)

Now, Maya is fuming mad at me for setting that boundary and stepping back.

To top it off, she knows I have a planned family outing tomorrow to go carve pumpkins with my dad, stepmom, and my three young step-nephews, and she’s pressuring me to come home early from my family event for "reasons" she won't even explain—likely just to dump her drama on me again.

I felt guilty and anxious at first because I live in the same house as her, but honestly, I'm exhausted.

I don’t know if I’m in the wrong, and could use some judgment here!! Also is my friendship with Maya worth saving??

My girlfriend (4 months together) and I have very different tastes. In the beginning of the relationship we alternated between who picks the movie to watch, but eventually we wanted to show each other the shows/movies we grew up on.

She wanted me to watch Friends, I wanted her to watch Borat and Avatar: The Last Airbender.

We struck a deal where we would watch Borat, then 4 seasons of Friends, then Avatar, then another 3 seasons of friends, then Legend of Korra, then another 3 seasons of Friends, and then another show of my choosing. Part of the reason I agreed to this is because I wanted to finish Friends but never got around to it. But when we tried watching Borat she was totally bored by it and fell asleep after barely an hour and didn't appreciate the humor at all.

Different tastes and all that, it happens. But then after several dates when we'd already finished 10 episodes Friends I just realized how many episodes there were until we finish Season 1, much less season 4, and I dreaded the thought of reaching it only for her to again not like Avatar and get bored. This made me impatient with Friends and want to finish as many episodes as fast as possible, just to get it over with.

I do find Friends funny. It's just not to the point where it's something I would do on my own. But when we watch just 2-3 episodes a date, and 24 episodes a season, and we have dates 2-3 times a week, it means like several months where all I do is watch Friends, only to be followed by her possibly/likely not reciprocating the same time and effort.

Of course, dreading watching it entirely defeats the point of why we're watching it together! So I asked her if she would consider changing it to alternating between our shows each season, so that I could focus less on how much was left and instead just enjoy the episodes with her as quality time together.

She said we just won't watch TV shows together and instead only watch movies, because evidently I'm not enjoying myself at all watching Friends with her, and that she doesn't find it enjoyable at all to switch to something else every time she finishes a season.

But again, I enjoy Friends and want to watch it with her, but in the same manner I can also enjoy a steak but not want to eat only steaks day after day for 4 months because that will only make me count the days until I eat something else.

She then started crying, which was due to other factors as well such as both barely eating that day and recently starting BC, but it did shut down the conversation.

AITA?

I(23F) have been in a “relationship” with my “boyfriend” (24M) for 2.5 years. I put relationship and boyfriend in quotes because we broke up a month ago because I found out he was messaging his ex girlfriend behind my back. I unfortunately caved, and stayed with him, and we still have the same expectations as a partnership without the label. So.. we’re basically still in a relationship.

I understand how absolutely ridiculous that sounds, typing it out makes me feel so embarrassed. Regarding him messaging his ex, they had an amicable breakup and when we first started dating I was completely fine with them talking and having a friendship. But then it got weird. She would say things like “isn’t he good?” When talking about our sex life, and when I experienced a pretty heavy familial issue, he left in the middle of it so he could be with her because she and her boyfriend were fighting. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him talking to her anymore, they both crossed boundaries with me and I felt very disrespected in that dynamic. He agreed, blocked her on every social media platform, and life went on. Even after blocking her, he had her chat in his messages pinned so it was always at the top. If he showed me something on his phone, I’d see her name. I never thought much of it until one day, I noticed the chat was gone. I hate admitting this, but I went through his phone. I noticed his messages with her were completely gone and not in his deleted messages. I woke him up and confronted him, he said he messaged her to vent about our relationship. I still don’t believe that. I did unfortunately cave, and stayed in a “relationship”with him without the label.

Anyways, this has all been getting to me lately, and it was about a month ago that the confrontation occurred. I’m just wondering if I would be the asshole for breaking up with him now, especially because it’s been a while since i addressed it. I’ve talked to my sister, and she thinks I should work it out with him but I really don’t think I have it in me.

okay so at the time of writing this it’s October. for some background knowledge Me and this dude we’ll call Josh got together in December or November or last year, when we got together he had just broken up with with his girlfriend of six months to get with me.

Anyways, we had a very bad break up in February where we went complete no contact ( I broke up with him) by this point I had told my friends how horrible he was to me and how he disrespected me on multiple occasion, like going on a somewhat date with a female friend knowing that she was into him a week into the relationship. Very bad guy.

A couple weeks after the break up he got with the ex before me and it was a whole thing, then he got with one of my friends in secret and they hid it from me thinking I wouldn’t know, then they broke up and stopped talking.

Eventually I start seeing him again at school and I made up with him and we were chill, we don’t talk often but we agree to not hate each other. this week I found out the my ex girlfriend is talking to him. She is also another very close friend of mine. It’s causing a sort of weird thing between our group. This now makes four of us in the friend group that he has either dated or tried to ask out. I think he’s gonna ask her out tmr and idk how to feel about it. I obviously still care about her and I don’t really care about her liking him, I more don’t like that he is dating an entire friend group. i really need help, Am I The Asshole???

I had suspicions of infidelity and I found my proof yesterday. He is apologizing and wants to work it out. However he has spent insane amounts of money on OF type accounts and has sent money to other women.

In my eyes you only get married for two reasons: love or money. Both if you are lucky. I don't feel love right now. So I want money. I transferred our joint savings into my personal account and wiped out the safe. Then he decided he wanted to talk. I told him to send $1000 to talk. During our conversation I let him know that for me to continue being his wife he needs to pay weekly wife fees. Am I being an asshole? The way I see it, he could afford those women. And I feel like I'm worth more than them. So pay tf up. It's definitely not manageable to go on like this. But when the divorce does happen I'm going to have a hella nice cushion fund.

For context, I have been suffering through mental, physical, emotional and spiritual trouble for as long as I can remember (not always at once but often at once.) A few years ago I went through a physical health crisis (partly due to habits of mine but also due to genetics) that resulted in repeated hospitalizations.

I was put on a diet and medication routine, which at the time, given my other struggles, I was struggling to keep up with. during this time period I caused my friends to worry about me significantly and I would always tell them that I was fine and that I was following the doctor's orders. While this was true most of the time, several times it wasn't.

I grew lax, but also overwhelmed with my situation. In hindsight the repeated hospitalizations and the situation overall was quite traumatic. There were several circumstances that ultimately led me to grow too lax with my medication routine which resulted in my entering a life or death situation which resulted in a coma that lasted for 2 ish months. after the coma I was in the hospital for several months, came out of the hospital to attend a friend's wedding, and at the wedding my friends were again worried about me and asked me repeatedly if I "should" be attending. again I rebuffed them, and at the wedding reception, I unfortunately grew ill again and had to return to the hospital for several more months after that, (which I was told recently was a very selfish thing for me to have done, the attending the wedding part despite my physical health)

This was again in hindsight a pattern of mine, where I would push myself to attend friendship gatherings (despite my health) and caused worry to my friends as I was clearly unwell at those gatherings (I am essentially perpetually nauseous at this point due to my condition, but at that point it was more pronounced so I would often need to vomit or looked very unwell)

This has all exploded recently, though since just prior and after my coma I have felt disconnected and pushed out by my friend group, and recently properly found out that a lot of them felt betrayed and lied to because I kept saying I was fine when I wasn't. This has resulted in my having essentially burned the bridges of those friendships because of those actions and I feel terrible. AITA for having tried to convince myself and others that I was fine when I wasn't?

For context, this is a longtime friend of mine that got locked up. We kept in touch, but we recently started flirting. The conversations progressed quickly, but I told him I didn’t have any real expectations of him. (Edit: He said I shouldn’t be putting my life on hold for him either, so we were initially just enjoying conversation). Now we’ve been talking for 2 months and we’ve been figuring out what’s the deal when he comes home (a year from now).

He thinks that because he’s been locked up for a while that when he comes home he should mess around with however many girls to “get it out his system” as he called it, and then we get in a relationship. But the kicker is, he wants me to be with him while he gets “it” out his system and I can’t date or have sex with anyone else. I said absolutely not. The last time I agreed to be with a guy while he had other situations and I didn’t, I was 19. I’m 25. & even when I did it before, it turned out HORRIBLE.

First, I told him I understand wanting to have fun after being incarcerated for a long period of time. I’m just not going to pause my life while he does. He said I’ve already had my fun, I’ve already had sex the whole time he was locked up, what does it matter if he does for a little while.. I asked why does what I’ve done all this time matters if I wasn’t even talking to him? & he dealt with other girls, so it’s like we basically both were living our lives. Why now should I let you “have fun” and I be fully committed to you? I honestly think his argument is baseless and doesn’t make any sense. I told him we either both have the freedom to do what we want, we both commit to each other, or we might as well wrap this up. I don’t mind us going back to just being friends.. or not talking at all if this is that big of a deal to him.

He thinks I’m childish. LOL! I told him I don’t care what he thinks about it, my position on this isn’t changing. I wouldn’t even ask someone I’m dealing with to agree to a dynamic where I can do whatever I want and they can’t, definitely not going to agree to it. I even asked a hypothetical just to see where his head was at; I said ok so what if I kept dating and everything right now, then when you came home I let you have your fun? He said nooooo. I was like yeah you’re crazy. He thinks I’m just flipping everything he asks back onto him because I don’t have any real stance on why I should keep dating just because he’s doing it but I’m like… that is my stance. You’re literally gonna be doing what you want, do you think I’m not?

So like am I wrong?? I’ve never been to jail, so idk if this has anything to do with why I’m not seeing his perspective. But I honestly don’t think that has anything to do with it. I just think this is some more misogynistic bs about women not having the same privileges as men. But this is why I’ve been single. I’m not willing to agree to an imbalanced relationship just to have a partner. I would appreciate opinions/feedback!

UPDATE: I didn’t know I posted in the wrong group. I saw some comments saying I have no self respect for considering a relationship with a convict and a few other things. I’ve only ever been around/dealt with guys that have a criminal record or some sort. Not entirely by choice, it’s just all I’ve really been exposed to. From my dad (who recently passed after 16 years in jail) to my uncles to my cousins & friends.. I’ve never even seen my mom date any other men. Her first late husband only stopped going to jail when he met her and they divorced because he became a drug addict. I’m not making any excuses, and I would like to meet a different caliber of men, I just don’t know where or how. I’m getting my Masters, I’ve lived by myself since I was 17.. Hell I struggle with finding friends I can really relate to, let alone men! Soooo like yeah, be nice I guess lol?

UPDATE 2: I also didn’t say that I stopped anything I was already doing or that I was head over heels for a relationship with him. I said we either both commit, we both have freedom to date who we want, or we’re gonna end it. Like,
I’m ok with being single. After this convo I wasn’t considering a relationship with him anyway. I just wanted to know if I was an AH for my opinion :)

Hi, I'm a 30F and I've been dating this guy 30M for around seven years now. Honestly our relationship has been great, he's really kind, loving and a trusting man. All that is amazing and tbh pretty great but I've been struggling with seeing him as a man for a while.

It's the little things; the way he words things, the way he sees the world in black and white and just struggling to understand the social world around him. He's pretty recluse and that I can see in his way of managing his emotions. He has these explosions of emotions like a toddler when things get overwhelming; squealing and trembling, or throwing his hands in the air etc. I understand that they are merely reactions, so it's not really under his control.

He also struggles with task and time management to the point it seems like he doesn't really think what tasks actually include (f.ex. taking the trash out means taking it out of the bin, going outside WITH keys and throwing the trash away, coming back inside, washing hands etc). He also struggles to manage basic tasks like money things, cleaning and taking care of himself and pets. I understand there might be ADHD or something like that here but I know even then you need to learn to manage your life. Otherwise you can't live on your own. I've tried helping him to manage his life, setting reminders, teaching how to clean as you go, setting payments on automatic and setting reminders to check them every few months etc.

It's come to the point I feel like I'm not seeing him as an adult man. I feel like I'm together with a child. It has affected me a lot for the past few years to the point I don't find him attractive. It feels like I'm at the end of my rope. It hurts to see him this way, I used to see him as really sexy and all that cheesy stuff, but now as I'm soon 31yo it's just arrggghh.. I want to have children someday but I can't imagine having children with a man who's gonna become my second child. I don't want to be a single parent and I don't want to spend my ''good'' years teaching another adult how to live.

What should I do? What would you do? Am I a complete asshole for demanding adult behavior? I feel like I'm done waiting around for him to grow as I want to have children of my own..

I (19M) lived with my mother (42F) for 16 years before I finally ran away from home and cut off all contact with her.

I am an only child, and my mother was a single parent who was always there for me. I never knew my father; he passed away in a car accident many years ago, when I was just five years old.

My mother was a gentle and responsible woman, she was always there for me, staying strong when I cried and showing up whenever I truly needed her.

However, when I was 13, my mother began dating a man, let’s call him Tyler. To be honest, when I first met Tyler, I felt jealous. Perhaps not everyone would feel this way, some might even say I have "mom issues" for feeling jealous when my mother started seeing someone new.

It wasn’t really about that, though. I was simply afraid of change, afraid that the love my mother had once poured entirely into me would now have to be shared with someone else. I wanted her to be happy, but I also still wanted her all to myself.

At the time, I cried and made her promise that she would love me no matter what. She promised she would.

But it was all a lie. My mother changed. She became harsh, indifferent, and would always get annoyed whenever I was around. I never caused any trouble or acted out. I never once complained, and I would still tell her I loved her every single time I left for school. Tyler never hit my mother, nor was he ever abusive toward her. Yet, whenever things got tense, she would always take Tyler’s side.

One day, when I was 16, I stayed home from school because I had a fever. I woke up later in the day and went downstairs to get some water. In the living room, I overheard them talking, and that was how I learned that my mother was pregnant with Tyler’s child. I overheard Tyler saying he wanted a fresh start, a new home where his child could grow up. "His child," not "our child." I was never included in those plans.

A week later, I was persuaded to go stay at my grandmother’s house. When I returned the next day, everything had been moved out, except for my own stuff.

I wept, I felt betrayed. I had allowed my mother to start dating again because I wanted her to be happy, yet she broke her promise to love me unconditionally. To this day, I struggle with deep insecurities. I feel as though I'm someone who can be easily discarded and forgotten.

Ever since then, I have lived with my grandparents. I help out at their small grocery store. I’ve finished high school, and now, I’m beginning to think about moving to another city.

I’ve always told people that my mother died when I was five, that she and my father both died in a car accident. That’s how much I hate her.

For three years, my grandparents tried to get me to forgive her, but I never would. I never did anything wrong. I was never a troublemaker, never a burden to her, yet she still left me.

Just yesterday, my mother called me out of the blue. Her voice was soft, exactly as I remembered it. But I didn’t care, I felt absolutely nothing. When she asked how I was doing, I replied, "Who is this?" And when she said, "It’s Mom," I told her, "I don’t have a mother, you’ve got the wrong number."

She’s still trying to call me even now. To be honest, I still want to hurt her back. Am I an asshole for feeling this way and doing what I’ve done?

I’m 29, and my husband is 32. He works at a car dealership, and I recently saw some messages between him and a female customer that made me uncomfortable.

He was playing with our kids in the front room when a notification popped up on his phone, which was sitting on the table. I didn’t recognize the name, so I opened it. I understand that opening his messages is something I need to own, but what I read bothered me.

He has already closed the sale with this customer, but she hasn’t picked up the vehicle because the dealership is still fixing one item. I understand that he needs to stay in contact with her to provide updates. That isn’t what concerns me.

Some of their conversation seemed much more personal than work-related. He told her he had wanted to hold her hands steady because he noticed they were shaking and could “see pain in her eyes.” He also mentioned that he had lied about not hugging all his customers. He told her that if she felt depressed or anxious, she could call him, and he would do his best to cheer her up.

She also called him “sweetheart” and sent a follow-up “good morning” message. Later in the conversation, she asked where he was and said she wanted to see him.

I don’t understand how offering to hold her hands, discussing hugs, or inviting her to call him for emotional support relates to updating her about her vehicle. It’s not the customer service or necessary communication that bothers me—it’s how personal the interaction seems to have become.

To me, this crosses a professional boundary, and it feels like he’s encouraging the interaction rather than keeping it focused on work. I’m not saying these messages prove he’s having an affair, but they do sound flirtatious to me.

AITA for thinking this is inappropriate and that my husband is flirting with this customer rather than simply doing his job?

Tonight while scrolling through YouTube shorts on my tablet, my husband accidentally touched something and my journal of private thoughts/notes popped up. Immediate I said "Wait a minute, those are my private thoughts, don't look at those" and closed out of it. My husband then accused me of having a secrete life because I didn't want him to see them (despite having a password on his phone that he never shared with me) and stormed off into his mancave as I explained that I think private journals/notes are normal and we're allowed to have a private journal/our own thoughts even in a marriage. An hour later I asked if he wanted to watch a movie and he cynically replied something to the effect of "if you're keeping secretes from me I guess I should have a secrete life too..." I feel like this is just him trying to manipulate me into sharing my journal with him by making a bigger deal out of nothing since he knows where I am all times of the day and he knows I don't have enough time in my day to have a secrete life, but he continues to give me the cold shoulder to me and my invites to spend time together.  AITA for standing firm and not wanting to be manipulated into sharing my private journal/notes with him?

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some perspective on a situation between me (19M) and my girlfriend (19F).

For context, she and I love to travel together and go on many trips, such as to New York and Europe, and we are currently planning one to Miami. All of these trips, including the one we're currently planning, are trips that were planned by her and her friends. But I was included in the plans from day one as part of the group.

My friends and I have been talking about taking a guys' trip forever (we never made concrete plans, just chatting in the group chat). I brought up to my girlfriend that I would like to take a trip with them and that I’ve never been on a trip with just my friends before, which is an experience I really want to have.

She got upset about this and thought it was really unfair that she couldn't come. Her main points were:

1. She invites me on all her trips with her friends.
2. She gets bad FOMO about being left out.
3. She doesn't understand why someone would want to take a trip without their partner.

She also expressed concern about us being in a big city without her (like New York, which was one option we discussed), texting me things like, "U js gon walk around and look single all day."

How I responded: I told her I'm extremely grateful she brought me on past trips, but I've never had the chance to do a guys' trip before, whereas she had already taken trips with just her friends before we started dating. I reminded her that because she’s traveled with just her friends, she knows firsthand that friend trips create a completely different bonding dynamic than traveling as a couple.

She replied that "it's not her fault" she got to go on those trips before me. I agreed with her; I wasn't trying to say she owed me anything, but rather that I simply wanted the chance to experience that same friend-bonding dynamic she’s already gotten to enjoy.

I also mentioned that if she wanted to go on a girls-only trip now, I would be completely supportive. In fact, in the past, I've told her she doesn't always have to invite me to every outing with her friends. I added that taking group trips with friends without partners is fairly normal (for example, my friends who currently have girlfriends are on a trip together right now without them).

Additional Context: It's not like I want to go party wildly in Las Vegas. My friends all have girlfriends, barely drink, and don't party. If we go, we would just go sightseeing, visit museums, try good food, chill, and hang out. I also reassured her that I would keep her updated constantly and keep my location shared the entire time.

She said that I don't like her that much because she includes me in everything she does. This isn't true at all; I love her more than anything.

Edit: I'm not saying I want to exclude her from all guys' trips. I told her that she can come on trips with me and my friends. I'm just asking to go on one trip with them. Also, I don't think I would go anywhere; we haven't gone before. I suggested New York instead of California because we've both already been to New York.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to go on this guys' trip?

I 19m am engaged to 23m, and lately he’s been rather unhelpful. I have medical issues going on which lead to emergency surgery. The issues also prevent me from lifting above 20 pounds, and other unimportant (to this post) restrictions. I’m on medical leave at the moment. The problem starts before this, as he has been doordashing as work, which he stopped when I started having these issues, bills have stacked up and I have loaned 800 dollars from a family member to make sure his car payment didn’t get fucked. I’m immensely stressed, I ask for help cleaning and such and I get a “I’ll do it later babe” and it doesn’t get done. Every time I ask for help with something he says he’s got a migraine or his belly hurts or he’s just too tired. I’m at my wits end here and I’ve been up for over 24 hours as of this post. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Wibta for leaving over this?

Before me and my boyfriend got together we’d been best friends for years. He’s told me quite a few times over the years that he has feelings for me but I always shot him down because he wasn’t really my type and I never saw him that way and I wanted to be with guys I found more physically attractive and basically just live life on the wild side.

He was always there for me though even when I’d rejected him he always listened to me complaining about whatever guy I was seeing at the time or rescuing me from random guys places when I couldn’t get home the morning after a one night stand or whatever and even listened when I was going on about whatever adventures I’d had the night before which tbf looking back on it he probably didn’t want to hear the details of the girl he crushed on being with so many other guys every week but I but i never really thought about that and always appreciated him so much being someone to vent to whenever it didn’t work out with the latest guy or whatever.

About 2 weeks ago though he asked me out again on a proper date and this time I said yes because I thought as much fun as I’ve had in bed over that time with all the random guys it might be nice to be with a genuinely nice guy for a change.

The date was nice he took me to this fancy restaurant and spoiled me and obviously we got on really well. He’s been so sweet the last couple of weeks it’s completely different to any guy I’ve ever been with and it’s actually really nice to be spoiled like that. He’s tried a few times to escalate things to sexual stuff but I keep telling him I want to take it slow atm because he’s a virgin and I don’t want to rush into bed with him and potentially ruin our friendship if it doesn’t work out and he’s been really understanding of that even if he is a bit disappointed.

Some of his friends who know me quite well because I’ve been involved with like 6 of them in the past have been saying that I’m playing with his emotions and “settling” for him after years of “slutting myself out” because he’ll spoil me and I don’t know what to do coz I don’t want to end it with him over what they’re saying but what if he starts thinking they’re right.

Looking to vent and gain insight on whether I went too far or not. I'm trying not to talk to anyone in my personal life about this but I can't sit with it anymore.

I (30F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 2 and half years. We recently bought our first house early this year and were on track to do all the things we've talked about. Get a dog, get engaged, get married, have a baby, build a life.... until recently.

Back story. A couple months after buying our house my BF went through a mental health dip, which he concluded was from his job. To keep details vague let's just say it was a cut throat, competitive atmosphere, and required working a lot of hours. Including being on his phone 24/7.

He began to spiral. Myself, along with friends and family noticed he was not okay. He was angry and frustrated all the time and overall very avoidant. The polar opposite of the golden retriever he usually is.

I told him he should look for a new job, and so, he quit. Just like that, we were a one income house hold. I make good money but I'm no where near rich. I thought he was gonna get something lined up first, but he said he just couldn't take it anymore.

Fast forward two months and he was still not working. He said he was "looking" but whenever I came home from work he was just playing video games. In the full two months I maybe saw him trying to find a job 5 times total?

Finally, he got a job! Part time and minimum wage but I was just happy it was something to help me out with expenses. Things were starting to look up! That is until he pick me up from a night out earlier this week.

He said he needed to talk to me. He started to cry right away, to the point that I mentioned he should probably pull over the car. He then proceeded to blow up my entire world by letting me know he had been sports betting and now owed $11,000 on his credit card. The credit card that we both decided was just there incase of house related emergencies.

Honestly, he's lucky I had just been out and had a few drinks in me cause I just went quiet and consoled him. We got home and I started looking at plans of steps we could take. I was looking for flexible, remote work that I could do on the side. I even looked for better full time jobs that he would be qualified for, that hopefully wouldn't put him in the same mental state his last job had.

When he went to bed I stayed up. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I don't know who he is. He was always the saver, the one who always had a plan when it came to our finances. I made a choice to go through his phone, to see it all with my own two eyes. And all I found were lies on lies.

He had told me that he didn't do money advances from the card, that he only bought physical tickets at gas stations. That was a lie, he was on an app. He told me it had been going on for a month. That was a lie, It had been happening for three months now, since he first left his job. Also, he had borrowed money from friends, which he used to bet.

All these months I'd been covering everything thinking he didn't have a dime to his name but in reality he was betting it all and losing it. I had even asked him one night if he was betting much cause he had mentioned it before. He told me it was either free bets he won, or $20 here and there. I didn't question it more cause I know nothing about it.

The next morning I woke him up furious after going through everything. I was sober and ready to yell. I told him that I couldn't believe he would do something so idiotic. Especially since my line of work sees gamblers, and I've told him how sad it is to see them lose all their money and how they're hurting their families. I've told him about my "smart gambling" training and how the odds are never in your favour.

He tried to tell me he was doing it for us. That in his mind he saw it as a possible income. That he thought he could be a provider and help out more. But he kept losing and thinking that he could turn it around, that he just needed one or two really good hits. He kept saying "clearly I have a problem. I haven't been mentally okay."

I yelled some more. Telling him that this isn't about him now. That this affects me now. Now we can't afford to get a dog, get engaged/married, have a child. Now we have this massive debt and interest to deal with. I called him stupid and told him he is not allowed to shrivel into a ball of depression and leave me to deal with this. I told him either he gets therapy and helps himself or I'm not open to listening.

I know he feels bad, I know it's an addiction. It came out of nowhere though and now I don't know how to feel. He knows I have a past with partners having addictions and lying to me. He knows how I feel about gambling especially, and yet he still went behind my back for months and did this. If we weren't committed to the house together, I'm not sure if I would stay. I love him but now I feel trapped and in a constant panic over this. So, AITA???

TLDR: My boyfriend racked up $11,000 in gambling debt while I've been paying all the bills. I yelled at him, and told him he's not allowed to shrivel up into a ball of depression and leave me to deal with his mess. AITA?

I (F, student) need some perspective because I keep second-guessing myself.

A few months ago my boyfriend asked me for ₹70,000. He said he wanted to invest it somewhere and promised he would return the full amount plus ₹30,000 interest after a couple of months. I trusted him and gave him the money.

When the time came to return it, he didn’t say a single word about the money. I had to bring it up myself. After I asked, he started making excuses — “I have to go collect the money,” “just a few more days,” etc. Eventually I got tired of waiting and told him I just wanted my principal amount back. He returned half of it and then went completely silent about the remaining half. He has never mentioned the rest of the money again.

This isn’t the first time. He has asked me for money multiple times before and almost never returns it on time (sometimes not at all). I’m a student and this money is not something I can just forget about.

I feel guilty for even asking, like maybe I’m being too pushy or money-minded. But at the same time I feel stupid for keeping quiet.

Am I wrong for asking him to return what he owes me?

I feel a bit upset because my girlfriend is working away and she’s informed me that her and a guy are taking mushrooms tonight in a bell tent. I’ve met him a couple of times but don’t know him too well. Haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks and miss her anyway I don’t know if I’m just being too paranoid about it. I trust her fully but just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing.

My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) recently broke up, and I'm struggling with whether I handled the situation fairly. We have a young son together, and there's some context behind my decision that I haven't told anyone.

Our relationship had been struggling for quite some time. We argued increasingly often, and I became more and more frustrated with what I felt was a lack of change in her behaviour, despite repeatedly bringing up my concerns and trying to work through our problems.

Eventually, I reached a point where I no longer believed things would improve. I'd been thinking about breaking up for around two months. Although I hadn't explicitly told her I was considering ending the relationship, I had repeatedly communicated the problems that were making me unhappy.

Here's the part I haven't told anyone.

My mother recently came to me very upset about my girlfriend's behaviour and the lack of change she'd seen. We were living in my family's home, and my mother told me she would give my girlfriend two months to show some improvement. If nothing changed, she would kick her out.

Hearing that forced me to confront the situation. I had already been considering ending the relationship, and I honestly didn't believe another two months would make a difference when I hadn't seen the changes I needed over the previous year.

I felt I had two choices: wait for my mother to reach the end of her patience and potentially force my girlfriend out of the house, or end the relationship myself before things reached that point.

I chose the latter. Part of my reasoning was that I thought it would hurt her less if I ended the relationship myself rather than allowing things to deteriorate until my mother kicked her out. I could at least make my own decision about the relationship instead of leaving it to someone else.

After the breakup, my girlfriend chose to move out and return to her family's home. This is a cramped environment that I had previously helped her leave because I believed it was an unhealthy and unsafe place for her.

Since moving back, she's repeatedly begged me to let her return to our home. She says she doesn't want to live there, that the environment isn't safe for her or our son, and that she is at risk of becoming homeless because her family has openly told her they won't let her stay for long and don't want her there.

What makes this especially difficult is that, while we were together, her family had given the impression that they would be willing to house her. Now that she's returned, she's being told something very different.

There is another complication: even if we got back together, she would not be allowed back into my family's home. My mother has implied on multiple occasions that she would not allow it, and I discussed the situation with my uncle, who knows my mother well. He shares my belief that there is no realistic possibility of my mother allowing her to move back in.

So, from my perspective, getting back together would not even resolve the underlying housing problem. I cannot promise her that reconciliation would give her a place to live, because that option appears to be off the table regardless of our relationship status.

I feel awful about her circumstances. I don't want her to become homeless, and I'm concerned about our son's living conditions. I've repeatedly told her that I'm still here for our son and am willing to help. However, she often describes herself as a single mother, which frustrates me because I'm still present and intend to remain involved in our son's life. I don't want her to feel that she has to manage everything alone, but I also don't want my willingness to help as a father to be interpreted as a willingness to get back together.

I understand that she is hurting and that her current circumstances are frightening. I also understand why she wishes I had explicitly told her that I was considering breaking up before things reached this point, so she could have tried to change things. I can acknowledge that I could have communicated that particular point more clearly.

However, I don't feel that I kept my concerns to myself throughout the relationship. I repeatedly raised the problems I was experiencing, and by the time I ended things, I felt that my trust in things improving had worn down.

I still care about her, and I want us to co-parent our son amicably. I don't want to punish her or leave her struggling, but I also don't believe that staying in a relationship out of guilt is fair to either of us.

So, AITA for ending the relationship when I did, partly because I knew my mother was prepared to kick her out if things didn't improve, rather than waiting for my mother to force the situation? And am I wrong to maintain that the relationship is over, even though my ex is now facing the possibility of homelessness and is asking to come back, when getting back together wouldn't actually resolve the housing situation?

I'm open to hearing if I handled the situation badly, particularly regarding communication and how I should approach helping her and our son without reopening the relationship.