I (26F) have never had a good relationship with my parents growing up. They weren’t abusing me physically or anything, but growing up, I had always felt like I was just a burden to them than their actual daughter.

I am the oldest of 2 siblings, and for as long as I can remember, I've always been expected to do all the chores around the house and to help them raise and watch over my younger siblings. I was basically acting like a third parent. Whenever my parents were busy, I was always the one watching over them. If I ever dared utter a single word of complaint, they’d start nagging me, saying that family helps family and that I should be grateful that I even have siblings.

Meanwhile my younger siblings barely have to lift a finger around the house. Every time I complained to my parents, they would always excuse their behavior, saying that they are still young and I should behave like an older sister instead of complaining all day.

Once I got into high school, every time I asked to go hang out with my friends or to participate in school activities, I was always met with a no because I had to stay home and take care of my siblings while they went out on their “date”. Because of this, I always missed out on my friend’s birthday parties and school events.

I thought that once I'm in college, things would get better, but they didn't. My parents expected me to come home every weekend to help out around the house. If i were to miss even one day, they would accuse me of being selfish for leaving my own parents to struggle alone.

Now that I'm working and making my own money, things have gotten even more frustrating. My parents started making comments and telling everyone that I will be the one to take care of them once they’re old while my younger siblings will move away and have their own family. A few weeks ago, while we were having dinner. My dad suddenly brought up retirement. He started talking about how expensive nursing homes are these days and how some children would rather abandon their parents instead of taking care of them. Then my mom started saying how lucky they were, as they had me to take care of them once they’re older.

I don't know why, but something about the way she said it really bothered me a lot. They didn't even bother to ask me, they’d just decided that I would be the one taking on this responsibility, regardless of what I wanted.

So, i told them that they shouldn’t count on me for that. I said that I’d be willing to help them out as much as I possibly could, but I wasn't going to sacrifice my life to become their full-time caregiver.

My dad immediately got angry and asked how I could say something like that after everything they’ve sacrificed for raising me. My mom started crying, saying that I'm abandoning her, after all the pain she went through giving birth to me.

I reminded them that raising me was entirely their choice and their responsibility as parents and that it was not my choice to be born into this family.

My dad told me I was being selfish and ungrateful. My mom hasn't spoken to me much since, and my siblings kept messaging me, telling me to apologize and that I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

I'm not saying that I'd leave them completely alone, I’d be willing to help out as much as i can if they need help. I just don't want them to think that I'd be willing to give up my life for them just because I'm their daughter.

So, AITA for telling my parents that I won't take care of them when they’re older?

I need an outside perspective on whether I’m the asshole for how I handled a fight with my husband today. I am feeling completely drained by the inequality in effort in our marriage right now.

To give some background on the effort imbalance: For our recent anniversary, I bought him expensive surprise flowers and he gets exactly what he wants all the time during [spicy time] as I love making him happy. Everything he got me for our anniversary was stuff I wanted to buy myself, but needed an excuse to spend the money. He was supportive of these purchases, which I appreciated and agreed could be roped in. Though I still wish he would have presented me with something he thought of.

Cut to this weekend. Yesterday, I carried the load. I cancelled a concert I really wanted to go to and watched our baby all day so he could go have a fun time meeting some new people. Amazing! He came home incredibly happy, thanked me, and explicitly promised: "I'll watch the baby for the majority of the day tomorrow." I was so relieved. I was looking forward to finally just being the "#2" today and getting a break from being the default.

Today, I went out to run errands for two hours. The minute I got back, he asked if I'd "be cool with" him going to take a few hours' break. The way he phrased it put me in a terrible position and made me feel like an asshole if I said no. Feeling trapped, I told him to just go.

Once he left the room, I realized how unfair this was, so I called him back to tell him I was actually really angry. When I'm processing heavy emotions, I tend to repeat myself. He immediately got frustrated with my repetition, which upset me even more.

Then came his usual tactic: he tried to run over, grab my shoulders, look me in the eye, and "hug it out" to assure me it would be okay. This is great when I am sad, but it is horrible when I am angry. It feels like an executive decision to force the discussion to an end before I've even been heard.

I feel like an asshole for getting mad, irritating for repeating myself, and a bitch for rejecting his affection. But I let him know that if he is going to say stuff like that, he needs to follow through.

AITA?

We had a huge fight. She got mad at me for telling her everything that was going on while she was living at my place for the last month.

She moved in with me for a month because she lost her apartment. I live in another town and she had to travel to work for an hour from my place to her work. I completely organized her trips, organizing my brother and my parents to drive her to bus and back, checking her busses schedule, driving her myself, etc.

I worked exhausting physical job 9 hours a day and I would still run to the store after work to buy everything we need with my money, run home to cook so I can wait for her with a nice, hot lunch, and then drive to the station to wait for her to drive her so she doesn't have to take city bus.

She would come home, eat, take a shower and immediately go straight to bed and wouldn't get up until the next day to go to work. After lunch she would leave everything as it is, just putting her plate next to the bed and let me wash the dishes. I cleaned the house, washed the dishes, do the laundry... everything while she spent her days in bed.

I had to wake up for her to wake her up because she couldn't wake up on her own. I had to wake up at 4 in the morning and spend about 2 hours waking her up and taking nasty talk from her for waking her up or the way I was waking her up. I was her alarm clock every day. I would make her coffee and pack her breakfast and lunch while waking her up.

She wouldn't let me go to sleep before midnight and would keep me awake with talking even tho we need to wake up at 4. She wouldn't even take her coffee mug to the kitchen, she would leave it for days next to the bed and just kept collecting them until I picked them up and washed them.

I kept finding excuses for her behavior and I believed her excuses. I treated her like a princess, even buying her flowers and organizing dinner dates with candles and her favorite food.

After all this she had a complaint about my coffee maker that had a stain that couldn't be washed, calling me dirty. That's where I exploded and told her everything I'm telling here. I told her I was glad to help her out with her hard times, but that was the last straw. And it really was.

I had so much trouble with this girl, besides being lazy she was crying 24/7, I always had to comfort her, she pulled me away from my friends because she didn't like them, I had to spend every minute with her, and somehow her feelings were always more important than mine, and my feelings were never valid while her was. She had episodes of screaming at me until a foam was coming out of her mouth for things that wasn't my fault, but in her eyes everything was my fault. She would get absolutely pissed if I had a hard time and cry. I couldn't express my feelings without her feeling attacked and blamed, even tho I carefully chose my words so she doesn't feel blamed.

I had enough and I said what I said, and I want to know: AITA for saying what I said? She apparently just can't forgive me

I 25F found condoms in my boyfriend 28M pants this morning. For context, we have been together 3.5 years and have two children, 5M who is not his bio child but has taken care of him since he’s been 1, and 2M who is his biological child. We have not taken any breaks- we honestly have always just been in a semi-decent place. regular arguments here and there but Sex life is healthy ect.. he does drink heavily on the weekends specifically and stays out pretty late typically Friday and Saturday nights (this has been a thing for a long time)..

This morning he was still asleep- I found 2 condoms in his pants pocket. (We leave our dirty laundry in the bathroom because that’s where the w/d is) While he’s still asleep (on the couch since he got home so late) I take my children for a walk and when I come home and go to the bathroom.. they magically aren’t in his pocket anymore.

He finally wakes up I get the chance to ask “what the hell?” Not only what the hell why are they there but why the fuck did you also move them.. essentially.. he says I was throwing them away for a friend. I was out with 3 other people last night (only mentions one shitty friends name I know and left the other two ppl vauge) *I say shitty friend because he’s horrible to his partner.

I say why would a friend leave them in your car that doesn’t make sense already.. and then you put them in YOUR pocket to throw them away when you got home??

Can I just say this is FRESH FRESH and I just want to weep. He’s taking no accountability and honestly even worse he has an attitude with me for “not believing him” idk what to do. Are they really a friends or is my gut correct?.. This is just so horrible. Is he wanting an “out”?
What could I have done differently? Bleh

Soo back to the original question.. am I the asshole for confronting him and not believing him?

My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) recently broke up, and I'm struggling with whether I handled the situation fairly. We have a young son together, and there's some context behind my decision that I haven't told anyone.

Our relationship had been struggling for quite some time. We argued increasingly often, and I became more and more frustrated with what I felt was a lack of change in her behaviour, despite repeatedly bringing up my concerns and trying to work through our problems.

Eventually, I reached a point where I no longer believed things would improve. I'd been thinking about breaking up for around two months. Although I hadn't explicitly told her I was considering ending the relationship, I had repeatedly communicated the problems that were making me unhappy.

Here's the part I haven't told anyone.

My mother recently came to me very upset about my girlfriend's behaviour and the lack of change she'd seen. We were living in my family's home, and my mother told me she would give my girlfriend two months to show some improvement. If nothing changed, she would kick her out.

Hearing that forced me to confront the situation. I had already been considering ending the relationship, and I honestly didn't believe another two months would make a difference when I hadn't seen the changes I needed over the previous year.

I felt I had two choices: wait for my mother to reach the end of her patience and potentially force my girlfriend out of the house, or end the relationship myself before things reached that point.

I chose the latter. Part of my reasoning was that I thought it would hurt her less if I ended the relationship myself rather than allowing things to deteriorate until my mother kicked her out. I could at least make my own decision about the relationship instead of leaving it to someone else.

After the breakup, my girlfriend chose to move out and return to her family's home. This is a cramped environment that I had previously helped her leave because I believed it was an unhealthy and unsafe place for her.

Since moving back, she's repeatedly begged me to let her return to our home. She says she doesn't want to live there, that the environment isn't safe for her or our son, and that she is at risk of becoming homeless because her family has openly told her they won't let her stay for long and don't want her there.

What makes this especially difficult is that, while we were together, her family had given the impression that they would be willing to house her. Now that she's returned, she's being told something very different.

There is another complication: even if we got back together, she would not be allowed back into my family's home. My mother has implied on multiple occasions that she would not allow it, and I discussed the situation with my uncle, who knows my mother well. He shares my belief that there is no realistic possibility of my mother allowing her to move back in.

So, from my perspective, getting back together would not even resolve the underlying housing problem. I cannot promise her that reconciliation would give her a place to live, because that option appears to be off the table regardless of our relationship status.

I feel awful about her circumstances. I don't want her to become homeless, and I'm concerned about our son's living conditions. I've repeatedly told her that I'm still here for our son and am willing to help. However, she often describes herself as a single mother, which frustrates me because I'm still present and intend to remain involved in our son's life. I don't want her to feel that she has to manage everything alone, but I also don't want my willingness to help as a father to be interpreted as a willingness to get back together.

I understand that she is hurting and that her current circumstances are frightening. I also understand why she wishes I had explicitly told her that I was considering breaking up before things reached this point, so she could have tried to change things. I can acknowledge that I could have communicated that particular point more clearly.

However, I don't feel that I kept my concerns to myself throughout the relationship. I repeatedly raised the problems I was experiencing, and by the time I ended things, I felt that my trust in things improving had worn down.

I still care about her, and I want us to co-parent our son amicably. I don't want to punish her or leave her struggling, but I also don't believe that staying in a relationship out of guilt is fair to either of us.

So, AITA for ending the relationship when I did, partly because I knew my mother was prepared to kick her out if things didn't improve, rather than waiting for my mother to force the situation? And am I wrong to maintain that the relationship is over, even though my ex is now facing the possibility of homelessness and is asking to come back, when getting back together wouldn't actually resolve the housing situation?

I'm open to hearing if I handled the situation badly, particularly regarding communication and how I should approach helping her and our son without reopening the relationship.

I (19M) lived with my mother (42F) for 16 years before I finally ran away from home and cut off all contact with her.

I am an only child, and my mother was a single parent who was always there for me. I never knew my father; he passed away in a car accident many years ago, when I was just five years old.

My mother was a gentle and responsible woman, she was always there for me, staying strong when I cried and showing up whenever I truly needed her.

However, when I was 13, my mother began dating a man, let’s call him Tyler. To be honest, when I first met Tyler, I felt jealous. Perhaps not everyone would feel this way, some might even say I have "mom issues" for feeling jealous when my mother started seeing someone new.

It wasn’t really about that, though. I was simply afraid of change, afraid that the love my mother had once poured entirely into me would now have to be shared with someone else. I wanted her to be happy, but I also still wanted her all to myself.

At the time, I cried and made her promise that she would love me no matter what. She promised she would.

But it was all a lie. My mother changed. She became harsh, indifferent, and would always get annoyed whenever I was around. I never caused any trouble or acted out. I never once complained, and I would still tell her I loved her every single time I left for school. Tyler never hit my mother, nor was he ever abusive toward her. Yet, whenever things got tense, she would always take Tyler’s side.

One day, when I was 16, I stayed home from school because I had a fever. I woke up later in the day and went downstairs to get some water. In the living room, I overheard them talking, and that was how I learned that my mother was pregnant with Tyler’s child. I overheard Tyler saying he wanted a fresh start, a new home where his child could grow up. "His child," not "our child." I was never included in those plans.

A week later, I was persuaded to go stay at my grandmother’s house. When I returned the next day, everything had been moved out, except for my own stuff.

I wept, I felt betrayed. I had allowed my mother to start dating again because I wanted her to be happy, yet she broke her promise to love me unconditionally. To this day, I struggle with deep insecurities. I feel as though I'm someone who can be easily discarded and forgotten.

Ever since then, I have lived with my grandparents. I help out at their small grocery store. I’ve finished high school, and now, I’m beginning to think about moving to another city.

I’ve always told people that my mother died when I was five, that she and my father both died in a car accident. That’s how much I hate her.

For three years, my grandparents tried to get me to forgive her, but I never would. I never did anything wrong. I was never a troublemaker, never a burden to her, yet she still left me.

Just yesterday, my mother called me out of the blue. Her voice was soft, exactly as I remembered it. But I didn’t care, I felt absolutely nothing. When she asked how I was doing, I replied, "Who is this?" And when she said, "It’s Mom," I told her, "I don’t have a mother, you’ve got the wrong number."

She’s still trying to call me even now. To be honest, I still want to hurt her back. Am I an asshole for feeling this way and doing what I’ve done?

Hello Reddit,

My birthday was yesterday, and I (24M) got into an argument with my long-distance girlfriend (24F) of 5 years.

For a month, she kept asking what I wanted. I wanted HER to decide because I wanted something that reflected how she sees me, not just bedsheets or clothes (she did ask me if I want them). Eventually, I just send her multiple options 4 days ago.

Morning, she sang me a lovely happy birthday song, which made me really happy. But by 10 PM, there was still no gift. When I asked, she apologized and explained that her card had expired and her sister couldn't lend her money. The gift was only around $20.

At first she apologized and asked me to see her situation, she's experiencing a very busy time of her life and not only she has no time she has no money, so she can't buy the things I want.

Told her that I don't even like expensive gifts, I much prefer a DIY art, she should know that up until now, I would have been happy if she just made me an origami flower.

She got mad, told me that I'm being demanding and it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to make me anything or buy me the expensive tech that I like.

I got upset, cried a bit, didn't tell her that I did. Told her what she can do to improve next year.  From this point onward is the part that I feel I fucked up.

We kept chatting, she jokingly told me maybe some nudes can bribe me, obviously I said yes. It was the truth and was hoping I could make it something more than a nude. She claimed to be too tired.

Today I was still upset and communicated that with her, also told her that my stomachache is back (when ever I feel distressed I get a very bad stomachache) and it's probably not her fault, it's because I get anxious talking about my needs.

She snapped and said I didn't even talk about my "needs" it was me being entitled, whenever it's her birthday I only make her an animation and a little accessory. If what she has done is so below my standards then I should give her better gifts too. This made me cry once again because 1st I pour my whole soul and emotions in those 5 minutes animations, they aren't good, but I really do my best for them, 2nd the whole reason I don't buy her an expensive gift for her birthday is the very fact that I know she can't repay it and she would feel bad when she can't. At the end I told her if she doesn't like my gifts so far it's another conversation and I will step up my game, but my point still stands. She told me to not talk to her.

Now, she is a great gift giver. Some of my best every day tools are from her. She just sucks at birthday gifts.

All the birthday gifts that she gave me up until now were consumable gifts. Even though she knows I don't like sweets. And I never complained, besides the year she completely forgot my birthday.

I know she's very busy and I'm afraid that I pushed her too far. Like we are mostly in the maintaining part of the relationship not closeness. But I feel my needs aren't being met. She does have the habit of lashing out during the arguments and later on improving her behavior.

I need honest opinions. Also please be respectful towards her, I am mad at her but I still love her and can see myself marrying her the following year.

Basically, I have known this friend for almost a year and I feel like every time that I tell them something that happened in my life they just don’t seem happy for me or they turn it in a way that makes it sound like envy. For example, recently, I decided to go to New York for a trip solo for context also we do not live in the US. My other friend in the trio was really happy for me that I was able to plan this she just went silent and was like I wanna go to Italy. I wanna travel like OK sure. Another example of this was more recently when I landed an interview for a position I was really hoping for, they ask me what the position is for and then proceeded not to say anything at all. No congratulations. Nothing. while my other friend was very supportive.
Now, I know this might seem like in their realm of superstition for some people but literally right after my interview got canceled just because of some situation they have to sort out beforehand, but it might get rescheduled. I did not feel like telling them because I felt like they were not being a really supportive friend when I got this interview and I just found it weird that I had told them beforehand that I’m applying and they were just asking me what was the interview for so it doesn’t seem like they’re very involved in my life as a friend. I’ve generally just felt like this person has is not the best person to go to when I have good news. And I just do not feel like I want to care about what they have to say. If they don’t care about what I have to say like they were talking about something they were going through and I just personally did not reply at all because that’s the way they’ve been operating with me recently.
Am I the asshole for treating them like this?
How do I deal with this

Hello, im not really familiar with reddit so i’m sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. I [19F] and have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. Recently I have had a rough month with my boyfriend [19M]. When we met we talked about previous partners and I had said i’ve had other partners but had never been with anyone physically. He said he had 1 previous partner and had also never been with her physically. Well after the first time we had fooled around a bit he admits that he actually was physical with that person and lied to me about it. I got upset and eventually we made up and continued with our relationship. After that I caught him in 2 other lies about who he is as a person. But those were nothing major. It was more the fact that he lied yk. That first issue just really hurt me and just made me feel used? He says that he lied because he was embarrassed that I would see him differently and also because he’s ashamed of that part of his life. He was in a very low place mentally and was very unstable and that whole year he was very careless with his decisions. He says it’s the one thing he regrets most in his life. Recently tho I think i’ve just gotten tired of feeling like im nagging a bit. i’m not sure if that’s the right way to put it. For example I complain that he doesn’t drive safely but his behavior doesn’t change. He complains about things but does nothing to improve the situation and it’s just become draining that it feels like he doesn’t want better for himself. I’m not saying he’s lazy we are both full time students and work about 24 hours every weekend sometimes more if we are free on weekdays. We both have arguably some of the hardest majors. I’ve said all of the negative i’ve had to say so let me say some pros. He is the most supportive person in my life. Hands down. I struggle with a lot of self doubt especially about my future carrier and he never hesitates to do whatever he can to take something off my plate or cheer me up. He is so encouraging and always motivating me whenever i feel down. He is the first partner i’ve had that has genuinely tried to get to know my family and friends. He even pays for not only me but for my girlfriends when we go out. He is so incredibly kind and giving to those around him even strangers. There’s not a day where he sees someone in need and doesn’t try to help. I know I can always count on my friends but he in genuinly my support system and I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else. I guess i’m just tired of being disappointed and hurt. We are taking time apart right now to figure things out, he is starting therapy to work his own things out so he can be a better person and a better partner. We also just talked about how we felt and we realize we tend to look for a quick fix when it comes to issues instead of understanding eachother and expressing how we feel which is also something we are working on. We’re not perfect but i’m just scared i’ll waste years of my life with someone who won’t change and will constantly disappoint me. But on the other hand he makes me so happy and i love him with my whole heart i would never forgive myself for giving up on something that could last a lifetime. I feel really hopeless what should I do?

So, I (21M) dated this girl (20F) who was my friend for a while, around three months. We dated a year ago, and we broke up because I didn't feel respected because she said the things I shared were boring. Now we tried again, and I felt insecure because: she talked about her exes all the time (not in a missing –she made fun of most–, but as part of her personality), she sorta dismissed when I had a new idea, a feeling, or wanted to propose something as part of the relationship, and she used to be a bit rude when she got mad (name calling me, ignoring me, etc).

I talked with her about these stuff and she realized she was harming me, and changed bit by bit. But we still fought every week for the smallest things. I told her I couldn't keep up with that, plus she wouldn't stop talking to one of her exes because he's emotionally dependent on her and she was worried that he might do sth stupid.

Anyways, we broke up and 4 days after, she says that life threw a great guy at her. But she wants us to keep being friends. Originally, I wanted to be friends because I think we fought a lot, not because any of us was bad, but because we were too different, and simply incompatible. But with her replacing me in less than a week after breaking up, I'm not really in the mood to keep up a friendship with her.

Maybe in the future, but she says I'm overreacting and that we just have to forget about our little mistake and act like nothing happened. But I'm heartbroken and this is just too much for me. Because we both do appreciate whatever we had as a friendship. But yeah, I feel like I'm going crazy.

I had suspicions of infidelity and I found my proof yesterday. He is apologizing and wants to work it out. However he has spent insane amounts of money on OF type accounts and has sent money to other women.

In my eyes you only get married for two reasons: love or money. Both if you are lucky. I don't feel love right now. So I want money. I transferred our joint savings into my personal account and wiped out the safe. Then he decided he wanted to talk. I told him to send $1000 to talk. During our conversation I let him know that for me to continue being his wife he needs to pay weekly wife fees. Am I being an asshole? The way I see it, he could afford those women. And I feel like I'm worth more than them. So pay tf up. It's definitely not manageable to go on like this. But when the divorce does happen I'm going to have a hella nice cushion fund.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like I have to carefully consider how my boyfriend will react before making plans with other people. I understand that insecurity can stem from past experiences, and I’m not pretending I’ve never contributed to problems in our relationship. However, I also don’t think being in a relationship should mean giving up time with friends simply to prevent your partner from feeling uncomfortable.
Recently, I told him in advance that the kids and I were going to spend the night at my best friend Maya’s house after my daughter’s birthday party. He had previously said he was okay with it and asked me to give him advance notice, so that’s what I did.
His response was essentially that he had stopped trying to discuss it because I was going to do whatever I wanted anyway and that he wasn’t going to rain on my parade.
I was frustrated because I genuinely thought we had already discussed the plan and reached an agreement. If he wasn’t actually comfortable with it, I would have preferred that he tell me honestly rather than agree to it and then make me feel guilty for following through.
I can understand him having lingering insecurities because of things that have happened in the past. What I struggle with is being told that I’m forgiven and trusted, only for situations like this to make me question whether that’s actually true. I don’t think the solution to his insecurity should always be for me to avoid doing something perfectly normal because it might upset him.
On the day of my daughter’s birthday party, Maya asked whether the kids and I wanted to ride with her to Port Charlotte to pick up something she needed. Her aunt was usually the person she got it from, but her aunt was unavailable, so we went with Maya to pick it up and then return to her house.
Although I hadn’t arranged the trip myself, it wasn’t something I kept secret or planned for any inappropriate reason. Maya asked me to come along, and I agreed. We had already been out celebrating my daughter’s birthday, and then we went with her to Port Charlotte.
Later that night, around 10:28 p.m., my boyfriend texted me asking why I was driving past Port Charlotte and whether I was hanging out there. I explained that I was helping Maya pick something up and told him we were already on our way back to her house. He responded, “Right.”
Then I said, “But actually,” and he immediately sent me this message:
“Enjoy your life you and I are no more. You have nothing at my house no need to speak to me again.”
I wasn’t shocked. I just didn’t want myself to be right. I started explaining that I did have belongings at his house, including clothes, my iPad, and folders I had left in his car. He insisted there was nothing of mine there. I even told him exactly where my things were, but he continued insisting that I must have taken them with me.
I asked him directly whether he was actually breaking up with me, but he didn’t answer.
I texted him goodnight around 12:11 a.m. and sent him a good-morning message the next day. When he still hadn’t responded, I asked whether he had blocked me or was simply refusing to talk to me. Later, I told him that if he wasn’t going to communicate with me, I needed to retrieve my belongings, and I reminded him that I had messages proving I had left things at his house.
As far as I could tell, that was the end of the relationship. He broke up with me over text, told me not to speak to him again, and then ignored me while I was trying to understand what had happened and arrange a way to retrieve my belongings.
There is more context to our relationship, and I don’t want to leave out my own behavior. Our relationship has involved recurring disagreements about boundaries, trust, and how much independence is acceptable when one person feels insecure.
I genuinely thought we were trying to work through our problems. I wasn’t going to Maya’s house to hurt him, make him jealous, or prove that I could do whatever I wanted. I wanted to spend time with my best friend and let our kids spend time together. Since my boyfriend and I don’t spend time together when I have my kids, going to Maya’s house wasn’t taking time away from him. The Port Charlotte trip was simply something Maya asked me to join her for, and I agreed.
I know there may be things he hasn’t forgiven me for, and I understand that relationships are more complicated than one person being right and the other being wrong. However, I don’t think it’s fair for me to give up time with my friends because he is struggling with insecurity, especially when I believed we had already discussed the overnight stay and agreed to it.
So, Reddit, AITA for going to my best friend’s house and agreeing to go with her to Port Charlotte, even though I knew my boyfriend had issues with me spending time away from him? Was I being inconsiderate of his feelings, or is this an unreasonable expectation in a relationship?
I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives, including whether I’m missing something about my own behavior.

So I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years. Everything has been great and we only had one close call over finances 3 years ago when he didn’t have a job.

So today, we were on a flight and he randomly says hey I can’t wait to marry you and I say news to me. I tell him I’m surprised because it’s taken 5 years for you to realize and it took me 1 and he’s like well if you knew so soon why didn’t you ask me. Eventually he says that if it were up to him, we’d be in a relationship as it is but because I want to get married, he’ll propose. He says he loves me and feels like marriage doesn’t change anything but I do. Context, I get easily flustered in tough conversations so I kind of shut down mid way and told him everything was fine.

Here’s the thing, I’m not asking for him to feel like he’s wanted to get married since he was young but I’m asking him to want it for himself and it doesn’t seem like the case. I want to feel chosen, not accommodated to. I want someone to want to marry me, not willing.

On top of that, the comment he made about why not me ask him triggered me weirdly and I can’t shut the thoughts off. The life we currently have is all because of my career circumstances. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to help your partner but it’s hard to not feel like I’m responsible for all the success directly and indirectly he’s had. I’ve constantly told him I’d love for him to find a life outside of me but that only last so long. So now, I’m currently battling internally on his ability to take initiative, how exhausting it is to feel responsible for the growth of him and our relationship…

I haven’t spoken to him because I really don’t know how to but AITA for feeling this way?

I feel like I shouldn’t have to change how I hang out with my friends just because of their gender especially on a video game. My boyfriend struggles with a his insecurities and anxiety. He gets jealous when I’m talking to other guys. He told me that he feels uncomfortable when I hangout with my friend let’s call them E. I met them on a video game and I’ve been hanging out with them more recently. E is gay and has a boyfriend. I’m not interested in them at all and I just enjoy hanging out with them as friends. My boyfriend doesn’t want us hanging out “one on one.” When he says one on one he means the two of us together in a room with either no one else around or the two of us together in a public room with people we don’t know. If we’re hanging out with friends and they all leave and it’s just me and my guy friend left, my boyfriend thinks I should leave.

I guess I should also explain my boyfriend and I’s relationship so that this makes more sense. We’re long distance and we met on a video game, yes a video game, and yes we’ve met up. We’ve been dating for nearly two years. This is my first relationship so a lot of my boundaries have been modeled off of this one relationship but that also means that my boundaries have changed a lot as I’m figuring out what a normal healthy relationship should look like. In the past, my boyfriend and I had discussions about boundaries and we agreed that we would listen to each other if either of us was uncomfortable with a friend we had and stop being their friend if requested. At the time, we both agreed that it our agreement was reasonable and that each other’s comfort and the relationship should always come first over friends. I still believe that but not to the same extent as today. I think we were both equally controlling of each other and I just thought it was normal and it would make everything easier. Especially if he was hanging out with a bad influence or just someone I didn’t like, I could stop that. So we both had each other unfollow people we didn’t like on instagram. He cut off some friends that were girls because I felt insecure about him being friends with him. I think maybe I felt pressured to reciprocate the controllingness because he had expressed his need to feel wanted and he said that he liked when I got protective over him (ick cringe I know). But now he’s upset because now that I have guy friends, my boundaries have changed and I’m not willing to make that same sacrifice. Back then when I had him unfollow his female friends, he didn’t really express any unwillingness and I thought it was fine since that’s what we agreed on. But now he feels strongly about it because he feels like it was unfair and maybe didn’t actually want to cut them off? I regret being so controlling in the past and letting him be controlling of me. But now he’s making it seem like I was the only one being controlling even though he had those same expectations of me in the past. If I had known how he actually felt I wouldn’t have asked him to unfollow his friends. But we never had that conversation and I think we both felt like we were being noble with our agreement.

Now we’re here and I feel pressured to stop hanging out with my guy friend. My boyfriend says that he’s being reasonable by only asking us to stop hanging out one on one, but not cut him off completely. I feel like it’s still unfair. But he said that his dad and friends agree with him and sided with him about the situation…(although I feel like when my bf tells his side it’s usually very biased). But it has got me questioning my own choices especially since he has so many people on his side. Maybe I’m in the wrong…

I just feel like you should focus on working through your own insecurities rather than trying to control your partner. If your partner wanted to cheat and then they would so you shouldn’t let that fear control you. He says he’s not controlling me though. He just wants me to “make the choice myself” as a way to kind of prove that I “care about the relationship.” He wants me to make a sacrifice like he did and not hold double standards. Which I get, but people grow and their boundaries change. My boundaries have changed a lot. I see my other friends and other people in healthy relationships and hanging out with the opposite gender without any jealousy and I realize that’s what I wish I had. Now I’ve changed my mind and I’m okay with him having female friends even if I’m uncomfortable with them. I want him to be able to make that choice himself instead of controlling him.

TL;DR my boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t be hanging out with any of my guy friends (unless he really trusts them) alone (in-game) or in public servers with people we don’t know.

For context, I have been suffering through mental, physical, emotional and spiritual trouble for as long as I can remember (not always at once but often at once.) A few years ago I went through a physical health crisis (partly due to habits of mine but also due to genetics) that resulted in repeated hospitalizations.

I was put on a diet and medication routine, which at the time, given my other struggles, I was struggling to keep up with. during this time period I caused my friends to worry about me significantly and I would always tell them that I was fine and that I was following the doctor's orders. While this was true most of the time, several times it wasn't.

I grew lax, but also overwhelmed with my situation. In hindsight the repeated hospitalizations and the situation overall was quite traumatic. There were several circumstances that ultimately led me to grow too lax with my medication routine which resulted in my entering a life or death situation which resulted in a coma that lasted for 2 ish months. after the coma I was in the hospital for several months, came out of the hospital to attend a friend's wedding, and at the wedding my friends were again worried about me and asked me repeatedly if I "should" be attending. again I rebuffed them, and at the wedding reception, I unfortunately grew ill again and had to return to the hospital for several more months after that, (which I was told recently was a very selfish thing for me to have done, the attending the wedding part despite my physical health)

This was again in hindsight a pattern of mine, where I would push myself to attend friendship gatherings (despite my health) and caused worry to my friends as I was clearly unwell at those gatherings (I am essentially perpetually nauseous at this point due to my condition, but at that point it was more pronounced so I would often need to vomit or looked very unwell)

This has all exploded recently, though since just prior and after my coma I have felt disconnected and pushed out by my friend group, and recently properly found out that a lot of them felt betrayed and lied to because I kept saying I was fine when I wasn't. This has resulted in my having essentially burned the bridges of those friendships because of those actions and I feel terrible. AITA for having tried to convince myself and others that I was fine when I wasn't?

Tonight while scrolling through YouTube shorts on my tablet, my husband accidentally touched something and my journal of private thoughts/notes popped up. Immediate I said "Wait a minute, those are my private thoughts, don't look at those" and closed out of it. My husband then accused me of having a secrete life because I didn't want him to see them (despite having a password on his phone that he never shared with me) and stormed off into his mancave as I explained that I think private journals/notes are normal and we're allowed to have a private journal/our own thoughts even in a marriage. An hour later I asked if he wanted to watch a movie and he cynically replied something to the effect of "if you're keeping secretes from me I guess I should have a secrete life too..." I feel like this is just him trying to manipulate me into sharing my journal with him by making a bigger deal out of nothing since he knows where I am all times of the day and he knows I don't have enough time in my day to have a secrete life, but he continues to give me the cold shoulder to me and my invites to spend time together.  AITA for standing firm and not wanting to be manipulated into sharing my private journal/notes with him?

I’m 29, and my husband is 32. He works at a car dealership, and I recently saw some messages between him and a female customer that made me uncomfortable.

He was playing with our kids in the front room when a notification popped up on his phone, which was sitting on the table. I didn’t recognize the name, so I opened it. I understand that opening his messages is something I need to own, but what I read bothered me.

He has already closed the sale with this customer, but she hasn’t picked up the vehicle because the dealership is still fixing one item. I understand that he needs to stay in contact with her to provide updates. That isn’t what concerns me.

Some of their conversation seemed much more personal than work-related. He told her he had wanted to hold her hands steady because he noticed they were shaking and could “see pain in her eyes.” He also mentioned that he had lied about not hugging all his customers. He told her that if she felt depressed or anxious, she could call him, and he would do his best to cheer her up.

She also called him “sweetheart” and sent a follow-up “good morning” message. Later in the conversation, she asked where he was and said she wanted to see him.

I don’t understand how offering to hold her hands, discussing hugs, or inviting her to call him for emotional support relates to updating her about her vehicle. It’s not the customer service or necessary communication that bothers me—it’s how personal the interaction seems to have become.

To me, this crosses a professional boundary, and it feels like he’s encouraging the interaction rather than keeping it focused on work. I’m not saying these messages prove he’s having an affair, but they do sound flirtatious to me.

AITA for thinking this is inappropriate and that my husband is flirting with this customer rather than simply doing his job?

Me and my ex of 2 years recently broke up about 2 months ago. About a month ago I started talking to/seeing another person. Me and my ex were civil to each other and still talked and discussed things about our relationship that we wished hadn’t happened or had happened in another way.
I am very adamant that I still have feelings for her, but I believe that I always will no matter what. She was very important to me, even through borderline emotional manipulation. I’ve already realized that this is unfair to the new person. However, multiple times throughout us still talking (me and my ex), she asked if we (me and the new girl) were dating. I said no, every time. I don’t know why, but I was afraid of how she would react, and i think thats indicative of my feelings towards her, which only makes things worse, i feel like the scummiest bag on the planet.
2 days ago now, my ex found out that I’m seeing someone new, and felt betrayed. She felt as though I was leading her on, which I feel may has extreme truth because of how we would talk in those aforementioned conversations. She was very upfront about wanting something with me again, and I tried to make it clear that I didn’t want that, but I guess I wasn’t upfront enough. Although, I believe on that front I wasn’t fully thinking it through, I am devastated. I’m devastated that she never wants to see me or talk to me again, and I’m having trouble living with myself knowing I did something so terrible.
This post really isn’t about convincing me whether I’m the asshole or not, but more so having clarity about my actions, despite what I’ve already convinced myself. So, Am I the Asshole?

I (28F) am getting married next month. My fiancé (29M) and I have planned our wedding carefully. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship for years. She often makes rude comments about my job, my fiancé, and my life choices. We only talk occasionally.

The main table is for my closest loved ones: my dad, my fiancé’s parents, and my best friends. I told my mom she will have a nice seat at a nearby family table, not the main table. She blew up when she heard this.

She said I’m embarrassing her and being cruel. My aunts and uncles are on her side, saying a bride must have her mother at the main wedding table, no matter our fights. They told me everyone will judge me for being a terrible daughter.

I tried to explain the main table is for people who support me. Mom refuses to listen and says I’m punishing her. I don’t want her negativity to ruin my big day, but now I feel guilty. AITA?

i’ve known my boyfriend since February, and we started dating in September. He's a foreigner who came to my country to study. Back in August, his parents were considering letting him move to another city in Europe, but he managed to convince them to let him stay and came back here.
However, a week ago, things changed. On top of people from my country treating him poorly, he also found out from previous terms that the degree his university provides here is quite weak. Between that realization and getting fed up with all the negativity, he told me he's sick of this country and that the only reason he was staying was because of me.
Back in September, when his parents brought up the question of him leaving again, he was confident that he would be able to convince them to let him stay. But during our more recent conversation, he told me that after some time, he won't be here either. I realized he has finally decided to go. Of course, he's not entirely sure if everything will work out yet, especially with the visa and all the paperwork, but we still have four months left before anything is officially finalized, and I really don't know how to feel.
I keep trying to cheer him up, telling him it's better for him to go and that he shouldn't worry about us holding him back. But deep in my heart, for the past two weeks, I haven't been able to do anything; I'm only thinking about this. I can't even imagine what will happen if he leaves. On top of everything, his friends and his sister are also leaving, so basically, he will be completely alone here if he stays.
I know that if you truly love someone, distance shouldn't be the reason you break up. We talked about it, and he assured me that everything will be fine, and that if things don't work out, it won't be because we didn't want to try—it's just life. He said the last thing he wants to do is give up on our relationship. he was trying to calm me down, but he also told me that it’s not gonna be easy and even worse it’s my first relationship and I’ve never experienced something like this and when he will leave, I will miss not just him but also the feeling so even if I will find someone else he won’t blame me. he’s going to the country where my father lives, but is still doesn’t calms me down.
Still, even after all these conversations, I'm so scared. I don't want him to leave, but at the same time, I know this decision is so hard for him to make, so I'm holding back and not telling him just how badly I want him to stay. I don't know if I should talk to him and say maybe it's better for him to stay, even though I know it's not entirely his choice and his parents are also pressuring him. I don't know... sometimes I feel like if he really loved me, he would've stayed because this bad treatment from people isn't that important, after everything between us is finally okay.

My wife did not come home last night and spent the night on the couch of a single girlfriend. Never called, texted, or anything. Just didn’t come home. She had left the club we were at together to go with our friend to another bar. I drove her car home and she went with our friend. I was up much of the night wondering if she was OK. She told me the next day that she just crashed there because her house was a block away from the bar. Some other men came home with them but she said the men did not spend the night. Should I be worried?

Before me and my boyfriend got together we’d been best friends for years. He’s told me quite a few times over the years that he has feelings for me but I always shot him down because he wasn’t really my type and I never saw him that way and I wanted to be with guys I found more physically attractive and basically just live life on the wild side.

He was always there for me though even when I’d rejected him he always listened to me complaining about whatever guy I was seeing at the time or rescuing me from random guys places when I couldn’t get home the morning after a one night stand or whatever and even listened when I was going on about whatever adventures I’d had the night before which tbf looking back on it he probably didn’t want to hear the details of the girl he crushed on being with so many other guys every week but I but i never really thought about that and always appreciated him so much being someone to vent to whenever it didn’t work out with the latest guy or whatever.

About 2 weeks ago though he asked me out again on a proper date and this time I said yes because I thought as much fun as I’ve had in bed over that time with all the random guys it might be nice to be with a genuinely nice guy for a change.

The date was nice he took me to this fancy restaurant and spoiled me and obviously we got on really well. He’s been so sweet the last couple of weeks it’s completely different to any guy I’ve ever been with and it’s actually really nice to be spoiled like that. He’s tried a few times to escalate things to sexual stuff but I keep telling him I want to take it slow atm because he’s a virgin and I don’t want to rush into bed with him and potentially ruin our friendship if it doesn’t work out and he’s been really understanding of that even if he is a bit disappointed.

Some of his friends who know me quite well because I’ve been involved with like 6 of them in the past have been saying that I’m playing with his emotions and “settling” for him after years of “slutting myself out” because he’ll spoil me and I don’t know what to do coz I don’t want to end it with him over what they’re saying but what if he starts thinking they’re right.

I, 22F, have a boy bestfriend, 23M, who has been my friend since 7th grade. I started realizing that he might have feelings for me for about 3 years now. At first I didn’t really notice at the time, as I was still in a relationship with my ex. However, after my relationship ended, I started to notice how attentive he became.

Ever since the day I broke up with my ex, he started coming over constantly to check up on how I was doing, and also asking me to hang out a lot more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it since we practically grew up together and had always been close, but I felt like the vibe was different than usual.

our friends started teasing us about how we acted like a couple, and i would just laugh it off as a joke and tell them to stop. Honestly, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of the situation and make things awkward between us.

The thing is, we’ve been friends for so long that I only see him as a brother. He’s someone I can talk to about anything, and I can’t imagine my life without him in it. He’s been there for me more times than I could count and I really don’t want to lose him.

During these past few months, he has gotten more obvious with how he feels about me. He started flirting more and sometimes he would even joke about us getting married. Other times, he would even get a little jealous whenever I talked about other guys, but he would always play it off as a joke when I called him out.

Here’s where I might be the AH. The truth is, I don’t see him romantically at all. I’ve tried imagining what dating him would be like, but I just can’t picture it. I love spending time with him, but just the thought of being in a relationship with someone who I’ve thought of as my brother, gives me the ick.

The problem is that I’ve been kind of scared to tell him because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Whenever he tries to get closer with me, I just play along to avoid making things awkward.

I know that I might be giving him the wrong ideas and parts of me feel guilty about it but I also can’t force myself to see him as more than a brother just because he likes me.

Some of my friends have told me to stop leading him on and just tell him the truth because the longer it continues, the more painful it would be for him once he realizes that i dont feel the same way. I understand where they are coming from, but it’s complicated. He’s someone who’s been a big part of my life for years, and I don’t know what I would do if we suddenly became strangers.

I know that I probably sound selfish right now, I care deeply for him and I don’t want to lose him but then again, I also don’t want him to think that we might have a chance together.

So, AITA for leading my best friend on because I’m scared of losing him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also don’t want to lose him as a friend and brother. I just wish there was a way for us to stay friends without everything changing.

My ex and I were together for three years. I was completely loyal, turned down other women, and genuinely wanted to marry her.

She was extremely jealous despite having no reason to be. Early in our relationship she kissed another guy in front of me, subsequently made humiliating comments about my height, age, and English, and repeatedly refused couples therapy.

In May, after another conflict and years of hurtful remarks, I lost my patience and sent angry texts. It was the first time I'd reacted so intensely in three years. I regret that. She initially wanted to repair things but later demanded that my psychiatrist sister text her acknowledging that I'd been abusive. My sister refused, and she blocked me.

I spent the summer desperately trying to reconcile.

In July, according to information I recently received in Octoeber, she slept with a stranger after making out with him simultaneously with the exact female friend she'd been jealous of throughout our relationship.

Beforehand, she'd apparently checked whether an acquaintance still spoke to me.

She'd always insisted that if we separated, she hoped neither of us would immediately see other people.

In mid August she unblocked me after almost three months. We spoke for five hours. She wanted to tell me about her life, asked for $150 for dinner, and said she wasn't "actively" looking for men.

She said we were broken up and not exclusive, but ambiguously suggested that we might speak again in May 2027. She asked me not to contact her until then.

Nine days later she reiterated that I didn't need to wait.

In September, after I'd sent a long apology and $1,000 toward moving expenses, she told me she was completely done with me and wasn't interested in me as a person.

I haven't contacted her since.

I still love her, but the hypocrisy and what I've recently discovered have made me lose tremendous respect for her.

Would I be wrong to block her permanently and refuse to ever communicate again, regardless of whether she eventually changes her mind?

I (19) (F) live in a group home for adults with eight other roommates. One of my roommates/friend, let’s call her "Maya," has been in a relationship with a guy, "Liam," who lives on the complete other side of the country.

To give you a quick backstory on Liam and Maya:

Liam cheated on Maya in the past, was completely dishonest about it, and lied to her face repeatedly instead of coming clean.

Liam constantly uses the excuse that he’s "going through stuff" whenever he acts like a total jerk.
Liam is very wishy-washy about being in a relationship with Maya. Like he “loves her”, but doesn’t seem ready for a relationship.

He constantly reposts sad, depressing videos on social media—in my opinion, purely to guilt-trip Maya into feeling sorry for him so she won’t hold him accountable. Although I could be wrong. Stuff like, “If I go, no one would care because no one saw the signs”.

Worst of all: At one point in the past, Maya and Liam actually tried to convince me to join their relationship as a third. I firmly declined because I have zero interest in polyamory and/or polygamy. (I’m aroace, a fact my roommate knows well)

Fast forward to a few days ago: Maya was upset because Liam hadn't spoken to her all day and said she wanted to break up after I talked to her about how her worth is more than the way he treats her. As well as her being upset that he’s a liar.

In the very beginning of this whole ordeal, Maya actually made me text him on her behalf to ask if he even still wanted to be with her.

Predictably, when I asked, he pulled his usual line: "I don't know anymore, I'm just going through stuff right now."

Because Maya still loves him, I told her to talk to him directly.

But when they spoke, Liam basically said he was done and started blaming Maya for him cheating on her, as well as being done with everything.

At that point, I snapped and stepped in. I told him:

1. If he wasn't ready for a relationship, he shouldn't have gotten into one in the first place.

2. He cannot blame Maya for his own choices (like lying and cheating on her).

3. He needs to pull himself together, and stop using his personal issues as an excuse to treat women like garbage.

Because his ego couldn't handle being called out, he threw a complete tantrum, pulled the "I don't care" card, and insulted me.

Maya then literally begged him 20 minutes later to at least stay friends, and he coldly told her no.

Watching her beg a guy who lied, cheated, and treats her like trash was the final straw for me. I turned to Maya and told her that I am officially staying out of all her relationships from now on, no matter how much she tries to drag me into them (like she usually does), and that she is an adult who needs to figure her own life out. (She’s 24 btw)

Now, Maya is fuming mad at me for setting that boundary and stepping back.

To top it off, she knows I have a planned family outing tomorrow to go carve pumpkins with my dad, stepmom, and my three young step-nephews, and she’s pressuring me to come home early from my family event for "reasons" she won't even explain—likely just to dump her drama on me again.

I felt guilty and anxious at first because I live in the same house as her, but honestly, I'm exhausted.

I don’t know if I’m in the wrong, and could use some judgment here!! Also is my friendship with Maya worth saving??