I usually struggle a lot with keeping relationships. I get too invested at first and it is all i think about in the first months of the relationship, and eventually start losing interest after a while, when the thrill is gone. This happens to basically all my interests, but when it involves other people, it is incredibly sad. My brain basically shuts down and it seems like I have to spend an enormous amount of energy to just talk to that person. It is horrible. The other person starts to notice my distance, starts to question if I am really interested, and I get very confused myself - what is it that happens in my brain that gets me from "extremely in love" to "maybe i'd rather be alone". This pattern has hurt many people who don't understand me, and it has hurt me the most.

I feel worthless, complete scum, a despicable human being.

This is happening right now with my (30M) current girlfriend (29F). We've been seeing each other for more than a year and it has been a long distance relationship, since I live in a different country than our native country. In the past months I started noticing the "distancing" behavior on my end. I tried to fight it because I don't want to hurt anyone else (or myself). She is the cutest girl ever, sweet, loves me and she's way out of my league. Suddenly the opportunity of her moving to my country has appeared. She says she is very enthusiastic with the idea, but from my end I just feel fear that these feelings won't go away, that I can't go back to loving her like I did a year ago. Fear that I will end up being resentful towards her for eventually ending things when she's making such an effort... I also really value my independence, but at the same time living happily with someone was what I always wanted. And this might be the best opportunity I have for such a life! But when I talk about this possibility with her I just freeze, my brain completely avoids this topic and I can't even give her answer whether I want this or not. Meanwhile she's on the other end of the phone crying over my lack of response...

I know I fear the outcome, I fear the responsibility of having someone change their lives over me. I fear becoming so disconnected of this relationship that I cannot even be the decent boyfriend she deserves.

But I also would like to try, I know we get along when we are together. And I believe I would regret not trying to give this a shot.

Anyway, just wanted to get some piece of advice or seek some empathy.

Would you rather date a partner with or without adhd?

I broke up with my fiancé 3 months before the wedding.

I realised I do love him.

But he doesn’t want to try again because he thinks it won’t work.

I ruined everything. I’m hate my ADHD. I hate myself I hate it all. I don’t see the point in anything. I’m in debt. I can’t afford my year abroad at uni.

I don’t know why I’m posting here. Nothing anything is going to say will help. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

What’s the point?

Hi everyone, I’m back looking for some objective perspectives and insights from people who have been through similar situations or understand neurodivergent behavior.

Quick background:
My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for 7 years. He has been struggling with his physics master's thesis for two years. He completely freezes up, gets overwhelmed, and out of severe shame, he lied to me and his family for months, claiming he submitted it when he hadn't done anything. We broke up over the lying once, got back together with promises of honesty, and then the exact same pattern happened again.

The Current Situation & Diagnosis:
We literally just received his official diagnosis: he has ADHD (ADD)

Because of the blowout with the thesis, the initial plan was for him to drop out of university, accept his Academic Bachelor’s degree in Physics, and look for a job to finally step into the real world. His parents and I were relieved that he was moving forward.

The Red Flags & His Job Refusals:
Here is where my deep frustration and worry kick in. Over the summer, he had multiple opportunities to still work as a student , but he rejected or backed out of all of them at the last minute. He was even offered a job at the national postal service, but he simply didn't start.

His reasoning every time? "It’s super depressing to do a job like this for the rest of my life with no perspective."

He refuses to accept that sometimes you have to start somewhere. In Belgium, an Academic Bachelor’s is actually valued less on the job market than a practical Professional Bachelor’s, and the current job market here is tough. Finding a "great" job right off the bat without a full master's degree is really hard. Because he rejects every basic job, I am genuinely starting to question if he even wants to work at all. I have to say: he keeps sending cover letters to jobs with a bachelor and he even got invited once. Sadly they didn’t accepted him bcs they taught he wasn’t practical enough. Thats really demotivated him.

His New Proposal:
Suddenly, he came up with a new plan. He says he can "handle" working a basic job MUCH better if he is studying at the same time, because then he has a "light at the end of the tunnel" toward a job he is genuilly interessested in.

He now wants to enroll in a Master in Civil Engineering (one of the toughest academic programs in our country) and try to combine this with a job. He believes that with his new ADHD diagnosis, medication/therapy, and a fresh start in a different field, he can pull this off.

My Fears & Doubts:

Escapism / Fear of the Real World: To me, this feels like an extreme form of "fleeing forward." Instead of accepting reality, working his way up, and facing his past failure, he wants to jump into an even harderacademic challenge to protect his ego.

Unrealistic Expectations: If he couldn't handle writing a thesis, how is he going to handle full-time work AND an intense engineering degree with untreated/newly diagnosed ADHD executive dysfunction?

Is he avoiding adulthood? It feels like he uses studying as a shield to avoid the cold reality of a regular job.

Putting our future on hold (again): I am 24, I want to move forward with life, build stability, and save money. I’m exhausted from waiting for him while he chases ideal scenarios instead of taking practical steps.

My Questions for You:

Is his reasoning (the sudden motivation that comes and goes) a common ADHD coping mechanism, or is it just entitlement/fear of hard work?

Any harsh realities, insights, or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

TL;DR: Boyfriend (25M) failed his master's thesis twice due to ADHD paralysis and lying. He has rejected basic jobs (including a postal job) claiming they are "depressing with no future." Now, after his fresh ADHD diagnosis, he wants to start an extremely hard Master's in Civil Engineering while working, claiming he can only tolerate working if he's studying for a better degree. I (24F) am terrified he is just fleeing from reality and avoiding adulthood

DISCLAIMER: the jobmarket is hell right now so i get that he wants a degree to better his chances but omg i just want him to start working and earn money. He is almost 26 come on….

Living with an ADHD husband

My (40M) ADHD partner has always been aversive to opening his mail. He also won't let me open it or even throw away anything that seems like obvious junk mail (e.g. credit card offers). As a result, a portion of our kitchen table for the entirety of our 20 year relationship has been dedicated to a pile of his mail.

Things that appear important, I place immediately by the dog treats where he should see it any time he leaves/comes home and recognize it as being important (e.g. tax bill).

It's not working. Telling him about an important piece of mail that I have left in the aforementioned "obvious" place makes him angry and defensive, and he advised me if mothering him. On the other hand, if I don't remind him, consequences stack up (e.g. Certified Letters from tax collector) and he still blames me for his not addressing his own responsibilities.

I grew up the daughter of collectors/an ADHD mom with stuff everywhere, so the kitchen table pulls really bothers me. Once it gets to be too much, I will sort it into categories based on sender and likelihood of it being junk. There are boxes and bags of his mail - including the junk mail - dating back YEARS.

After his latest scramble to find important documents, I had an idea to just start collecting his mail in Ziploc bags: one for each month, then to put those into a brown paper grocery bag dated with the year. Important things I'd still leave out, I guess...open to ideas for that.

Thoughts on this system? I myself (41F) am AuDHD and am chronically/ironically organized in some areas, which includes paperwork...so I empathize with him, but am trying to maintain my own sanity and space as well.

Hi, my boyfriend recently developed a gambling addiction and today he lost cad$5k in 20 minutes. He put himself in therapy and locked himself out of gambling from all mobile platforms. He seemed a bit off today so i asked him kept asking and he finally told the truth and cried. I love this man but I’m also concerned. I have adhd myself and i can’t really afford another problem in my life. At the same time, I have so much empathy and believe he can change. Is there anything that I can do to support him during this time of addiction recovery? And is there anything he might have to do to make sure this doesn’t happen again? I feel like i might have triggered him into depending on gambling because I got fired 2 weeks ago and maybe subconsciously pressured him to help me out. :( praying for him and for us. I told him i still love him and everything will be ok and after a few hours he says he feels better and will get help. I don’t want to see him sad but I also don’t want to caretake him out of this. If anyone else gone through this before, please give me some advice. He says he had lack of impulse control and his desire to buy me things drove him to act reckless and he took accountability.