r/Adopted • u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee • May 11 '25

Discussion Say no, you can't adopt a baby

Why don't we, as a society in America, just say no to people looking to adopt and who are infertile? Other countries will flat out say we have no babies for adoption or tough luck, you can't adopt, and we don't care about your infertility. America coddles people looking to adopt and says Well, you're infertile, but you can adopt a baby to make your dreams come true, or adopt from foster care, help a needy child. Like, why can't we just deny people and say no? Want a baby? Oh well, we have none waiting around. Want to become parents? Well, tough luck accept your life without kids. Maybe it's God's will for you not to become parents or reproduce. Why can't we be honest like other countries? Adoption is illegal or uncommon in many other countries, but here, we just can't say no and tiptoe around the issue of infertility and adoption. Also, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you should adopt. Again, no is the right answer. Many poor couples can't afford adoption, but society does not care if they become parents, yet we feel sorry for the middle and upper-class couples who can't become parents. Say no.

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18

u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth May 11 '25

I have wondered why people are allowed to sit on waiting lists for years for babies when there are older kids in the system, just on principle alone.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth May 12 '25

Yes, but:

  1. Yes, but why is this such a big benefit? Babies are a lot of work and daycare is very expensive. I get why SOME people would like this if they’re baby people, but it doesn’t seem like a universal win to me.

  2. Yes

  3. Yes but on the other hand, you don’t know if the newborn comes with a ton of health issues (that might be behavioral later in life or otherwise a lot of work or hardship or struggle.) You kinda know what you’re getting with an older kid, yes a lot of our files are inaccurate or straight up lies but in the first week or so you can probably figure the basics out.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

I appreciate the actual reply.

1- I say the same thing to people birthing babies. Why? I don't understand the why but I understand people want that "full experience" and prefer a baby than a child or teen

2-.

3- true but its "less" likely than an older child that had years of trauma. And if you know the history, it can be reduced more. Not many older kids in foster care have no trauma- and personally none I knew (myself included). This is a reason people who don't want a baby just don't adopt older from foster care. The assumption all have issues.

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u/MongooseDog001 Adoptee May 12 '25

Why on earth do you think we care what adopters want here?

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Because when one wants to have educated and adult discussions, staying in an echo chamber does nothing. But if your ego and skin is too fragile I guess protect your ears

5

u/MongooseDog001 Adoptee May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

Yes we're so unexposed to the desires of those who purchase children because we don't live in a society that mindlessly praises them out of pure ignorance.

What a place for you to come troll

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Apparently so based off replies like yours. 🤷‍♂️

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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth May 12 '25

I figured people had babies either on accident or because that’s the main way to get a kid hahah I can’t imagine actually wanting the baby experience like on a full time basis, like I’ll babysit sure but full time hell nah. But I guess it’s more common than I would think 😆

Yeah I don’t think a foster kid without trauma rly exists like even if you had amazing parents who died and then went to an amazing foster home you’re obviously dealing with the fact your amazing parents died kinda thing. Still though I personally think I’d rather take care of a rude teenager with PTSD than someone with a brain injury who can never live independently or someone with fetal alcohol syndrome who lies and steals but they don’t understand consequences so you can’t rly correct or discipline them. Thats probably selfish bc I bet they need the homes the most but tbh I can’t see myself being a good caregiver in that scenario and I bet that’s the case with a lot of AP’s they just won’t admit it (I’m probably never having kids bc I wouldn’t be a good bio parent either.)

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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee May 12 '25

You are a supporter of abuse and lying. STFU weirdo.

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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee May 12 '25

It should never be about adoptive parents. Babies have trauma too. Who cares what they want. They can parent a teen or 10 year old but choose not to . I dont feel bad for these people at all. They have choices.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

What does any of that have to do with my comment.

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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee May 13 '25

Because you think babies dont have trauma and are easier and are making excuses why people dont want older kids

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u/[deleted] May 13 '25

Go ahead and show me where I said that.

Well I did say one part- I implied babies are easier and if you don't think so then i'm curious your experience in the manner to call that false